Episode 37
"Please sit down. What would you like to eat?"
"casual."
"There is no such thing as 'casual' here."
"You're still as humorous as ever. By the way, what brings you here to see me?"
"Let me be frank, I came to see you because of Benjamin."
"......"
The atmosphere instantly became awkward. He knew that Sasin would never mention Benjamin's twenties or thirties to outsiders. It might seem like a happy ending, but anyone who's broken up once knows that getting back together doesn't guarantee a lasting relationship. He knew Benjamin better than anyone, including Sasin. He'd probably come to him to discuss Benjamin's current state of mind. In the past, he might have enjoyed breaking up couples, but he'd regretted it since that day, after all...
"Benjamin?"
"Um."
"His mental health issues are nothing to me, or what he's doing right now is none of my business."
"?"
"Everyone suffered considerable psychological trauma from this war, him and me alike. In the end, neither of us wanted to talk about it, and we became suspicious of each other. I think you know a lot about me from Benjamin, so you should know better than I do what kind of person Benjamin was?"
"I know."
"So, what's the purpose of your visit?"
He said he was scared.
"Afraid? Afraid of what?"
“He didn’t say it, but I could guess. However, what I was worried about wasn’t what he was afraid of gaining, but what he was afraid of losing. But that’s understandable, because Benjamin had experienced too many wars. And he hadn’t protected the people he wanted to protect, so he felt that the gains were far less than the losses. Over time, he developed a mental illness.”
"......"
“You understand better than anyone else, because I heard Benjamin say that he saved you from the brink of death, and you also had serious fractures, with two broken ribs. For him, losing half his life is nothing, but for you, losing half your life or even two broken ribs is equivalent to losing two of his ribs.”
“Benjamin, what is he afraid of? I have a similar view of his situation to yours. Now that I think about it, what I’m most afraid of is actually his original state.”
"Why?"
"When he saved me, it was as if those people had hit a nerve. He was expressionless, but I felt like I could read his mind. More importantly, when his mother was scolding him so harshly, I didn't see him say a single word in response. He's my girlfriend, but I don't even know him."
"I can help you."
"How can you help me?"
"You want to know about his past, right? If you want to know, I can tell you now, but we'll have to talk for hours, and you can't tell him. I'm not afraid he'll yell at me, hit me, or distance himself from me; I'm afraid he'll lose control of his emotions and mind after knowing these things. He doesn't want to show his worst side to anyone."
"Okay, I promise you."
"Okay, then I'll begin."
Sasin knew about the stories he told, but he only knew part of them. Later, when Sasin directly mentioned that he had feelings for Benjamin, Sasin was not surprised. Sasin also considered himself and Sasin to be mortal enemies, and he had held a grudge about it for a long time.
"Why?"
"Why what?"
Why aren't you with Benjamin?
"He's just making things difficult for himself."
"......"
"But I don't regret it, at least we're still good friends now."
"I think he must like you, but he just hasn't confessed yet."
"What?"
“He would tell me every few days that someone liked him, but he only mentioned that the person was working in the IT industry. For a while, he asked the IT guy if he could ask him for help if he needed anything. Later, he said yes. I thought I should thank that person, but I didn’t know who that person was, and I’m still looking for that person.”
"He just hides his feelings, whether it's towards you or me. Of course, his joining the army will naturally keep some people away from him, but his personality speaks for itself. If that's the case, people who want to be with him either can't be together or have a bad impression of him."
"We're lucky to have run into you."
“We all know what kind of person he is. If you still say that, then my impression of him is probably still from the years we spent together in high school.”
"good."
"But this is good, the misunderstanding between you has been cleared up, and the misunderstanding between us has also been resolved."
"You're such a soft-hearted person..."
"......"
He said those things to Sasin because he felt that it was a bit tiring for such a good person to associate with Benjamin. Sasin, like himself, liked to give, nothing more. Once the matter was out in the open, his lingering resentment turned from a loose knot into a tight one.
"You..."
"By the way, could you please give this to him for me?"
"This is......"
He handed Sassin something—a hard drive. Although there were no other media to prove its functionality, the drive's performance was sufficient for Benjamin's daily needs because...
"He asked me to help him make software using a hard drive, so I spent some time making it specifically for him. I originally wanted him to come and pick up the hard drive, but after thinking about it, we haven't seen each other for quite a while, so I'm giving the hard drive to you. Please give it to him for me."
"good."
Benjamin thought that after speaking his mind, they had nothing to regret, but he soon realized that their relationship was drifting further and further apart. He felt like he was being treated coldly despite his efforts to win them back; in his eyes, Sasin's behavior after their reconciliation was completely different from when they first fell in love.
"Didn't he suffer a brain injury?"
"No."
"......"
"What's wrong?"
"Mom, I don't think you should put so many ideas into him."
Did you two have a fight?
"No, we didn't argue this time."
"Is that something else?"
"More or less."
During his vacation, Benjamin returned to his former battlefield and saw his mother. Even his former quirks, his provocative nature, and his constant chatter had vanished in just one week. He couldn't understand why. His mother would naturally help him through any path he chose, yet Benjamin even seemed intent on dismantling that path.
"Benjamin!"
"Book!"
"Sir!"
"Thanks for your hard work!"
—Two minutes later—
When Benjamin saw his mother come out of the ward, he didn't know what to say, but his mother didn't seem to think that way. Someone had died, and they couldn't be saved; she was clearly exhausted. However, she'd heard about this so many times that she was numb to it. After finishing the rescue of the person in front of her that day, she asked for leave from everyone else because...
“You are all doctors who can stand on your own now. Also, I can’t teach you much more because I need to go and check on Benjamin.”
"Then who should we contact?"
"Please come in."
"This teacher will temporarily act as your surgical instructor and teach you some basic surgical knowledge. He will teach you in more detail than I have. If you have any questions, you can go to him. I will be back in a few days, and this surgical instructor will not be leaving. I'm leaving now. Goodbye."
"......"
But when he saw his mother change her clothes, he realized that he hadn't been paying attention to what his mother was wearing.
"?"
"Your dad bought it. Haven't you ever seen me wear this?"
"I only remember you wearing a doctor's coat, every time I saw you."
"That's true."
Where to?
"bar."
"There's a newly opened bar nearby, and not many people know about it. Let's go get some drinks, anything is fine."
—An hour after arriving at the bar—
"What feels off?"
"Since I got back together with Sasin, life has been completely different from when we first started living together. He seems like a completely different person. Back then, Sasin couldn't even exchange ten sentences with me. It was very awkward, extremely awkward."
"......"
“I know what he’s thinking. And he did everything I wanted to do. It should have been a good thing, because we could go back to how we were before, but for some reason, that feeling makes me unhappy.”
"......"
"I think even if we get back together, things can never be as good as they were before."
“I think I understand why you feel that no one should be involved in this matter?”
"I love him, but it's not so much love as shame..."
"So, do you still think that it's best for him to stop having anything to do with you?"
"I guess so."
After a moment's thought, Benjamin's mother believed she had covered her tracks perfectly, but the next second she realized her mistake. The damaged hard drive also made Benjamin's mother realize that her son had gone to see the boy who had pursued him but ultimately nothing came of it.
"You saw him?"
"Yeah, it's been a long time since we last contacted each other."
How is he doing these days?
"Not bad, at least he's doing some technical support now. I even asked him to help me with some software a few days ago."
"Are you done?"
"All that's left is the testing."
"How long has it been since you last met?"
"It's been five or six years, hasn't it?"
"It's been so long!"
"Yes, I never expected it to take so long, but it's fine this way."
"Besides the people you've met, has he met with anyone else?"
“He also met with Sasin. Yesterday, he entrusted Sasin to give me this disk. The next second, I took a car directly from the city where that prestigious university is located to Dongguo and went to find you without stopping.”
"I see. But did you tell him?"
"Well, but he didn't answer. He just nodded and acknowledged it."
"......"
"Since we were discussing the same things, I didn't ask Sasin too many questions. Besides, continuing to ask would only breed suspicion, and we didn't want that kind of instability to exist, therefore..."
"Then you can remind him, at least it won't be so embarrassing."
"......"
"Or is it that you can't say it?"
"......"
“I know you want to mediate, but I really don’t want to do that anymore. I really don’t want to torture him like this anymore. You don’t understand, Sasin was acting strange that day. Remember? That day when we were discussing my father and his father in the hospital room.”
"Hmm, so what's the problem?"
"Actually, he woke up at that time."
"......"
Surprised?
Benjamin and Sassin were both well aware that the relationship between the two was effectively over, and maintaining their acquaintance was no longer realistic. However, neither of them dared to say it out loud. If it weren't for the help of this middleman, they would have truly believed that they understood each other.
"If it weren't for him, I really wouldn't have known that what I did was actually hurting him."
"I really can't judge his situation, but I won't tell Rena what your final outcome will be. Letting things take their course is the best approach."
"......"
—That evening—
"You didn't drink?"
"No, I didn't drink. My stomach is in terrible shape from all the attacks by those terrorists. The military doctor told me not to drink alcohol and that I could only eat liquids."
"You're so pathetic."
"......"
“Sasin, there’s something I need to tell you.”
“I know, and I would have called you even if you hadn’t made this call.”
"Then I'll hang up."
Goodbye, or perhaps, never to be seen again.
—The second day after Benjamin arrived in the East—
"Hey Ben, do you need any technical support?"
"What's wrong?"
"I want to go."
"Sure, but not on the battlefield. The work location is a nearby hotel."
"......"
"I regret to inform you that it's impossible for you to go to the front lines! However, you can tell us what you want, and we might be able to meet your request."
"Too......"
Whether you come or not is up to you.
"Come! You absolutely have to come! Why wouldn't you come!"
—Benjamin's fourth day in the East—
"Excuse me, is Commander Benjamin here?"
"May I ask who you are...?"
"I came here to apply for a job. I came here after Commander Benjamin posted a recruitment notice on the computer website."
"Hiring on a computer website? Oh, I remember now, you're here to apply for a technical support position, right?"
"right."
"Okay, please wait here for me for a moment, I'll go and call him over."
Thank you.
"No thanks."
——Ten minutes later——
Benjamin met his classmate ten minutes later, but he looked disheveled and haggard. Upon seeing his classmate who had been waiting for him, he simply gave him his key card and room number, telling him to go in first and he would follow. However…
"What's wrong?"
"fine."
"Stomach upset?"
"......"
"fine."
"Book!"
"Go quickly!"
“”
Benjamin kept insisting he was fine, but after getting to know him, his classmates realized he was never telling the truth, not even a few days ago. The technical support staff there understood he was hiding something, but he was too embarrassed to confront him. Meanwhile, Benjamin's mother, seeing Lena so busy, went to help. During her help, she learned about the unusual nature of the injured and became suspicious.
"Major bleeding?"
"It's not just a simple case of massive bleeding."
"?"
"Look at this wound."
"Just how badly have they tortured them?"
"Also, look at his wound; it doesn't seem to be a simple penetrating wound."
"It looks like we have to operate on him to save his life."
"Although the bullet didn't remain inside the body, there is severe bleeding, and more importantly, it's in the left abdomen, a location quite close to the kidney. Is the operating room ready?"
"No."
When Benjamin's mother saw the mercenary's heart rate drop to 0, she started to rush him to the operating room, but no matter how experienced she was, she couldn't save him due to massive bleeding.
"Next."
"That's it, there's no next one, this is the last one."
"?"
"The cases of the previous patients have all been treated well, and their conditions are under good control."
"......"
"Where's Benjamin? Is everything alright over there?"
"Don't worry, he'll handle these little things himself."
"But......"
In fact, Benjamin and his mother had been keeping something from Lena: Sasin hadn't been to school for the past few days, and no one had been able to find any trace of him.
——Ten minutes later——
Who is it?
The moment the tech support opened the door and saw Benjamin's haggard appearance, he immediately asked Benjamin what had happened to make him like this. Few people or things could have driven him to this point. After much thought, he remembered Sassin. But they had broken up amicably, and it didn't seem like his Feng brother. The only person he could think of was already ruled out. Who else could it be? Who else could have made Benjamin like this?
Are you tired?
"Um."
Did you bring your medicine?
"Yes, I brought it. I just took my medicine."
"Are you feeling any better now?"
"I feel much better."
"I'll take you to bed."
Benjamin can go to bed by himself, whether he's alone or with others around. It's not about saving face; it's about proving to everyone that he's fine whether anyone's around or not. He's always been like this; it's a habit. This time, he let Benjamin off the hook because before Benjamin came, he asked Sassin if something had happened and why he hadn't been to school for the past few days. He was worried, but he was afraid Benjamin wouldn't tell the truth, so the only way was to test whether Benjamin was truly unaware of the situation.
"Nothing's wrong, what's wrong?"
"It's nothing, I was just asking."
"That's good, it's good that nothing happened."
Benjamin, an hour after taking his medication—
An hour after taking his stomach medicine, Benjamin instantly transformed from a haggard-looking man back to a normal person. Sure enough, his old ailment had flared up again. The next second, his classmate understood why Benjamin had looked so haggard: the terrorists had been active again these past few days. To prevent attacks, he and the other mercenaries were on guard duty at the gate. While the other mercenaries took turns resting, he remained vigilant and didn't sleep. He would patrol while almost falling asleep.
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