Chapter 70 Thank you: I want a hug.
The early summer breeze already carried a hint of warmth, making one's back feel slightly sticky. Along with the news that Cheng Shujun, Lu Fang, and others were going to the palace examination, and with the arrival of June, which was the transition from summer to spring, the Yao and Lin families finally finished exchanging the formalities of marriage.
According to the betrothal gifts listed in the betrothal book, an auspicious day was chosen to send the gifts to the bride's family.
Interestingly, the Lin family and the Yao family were separated by only one wall.
To show the solemnity, Lin Zhu opened his front door and carefully tied the prepared gold, silver, jewels, silks, land deeds, and carriages with red silk. He also hired a band of musicians, and the suonas and gongs played loudly and enthusiastically. The betrothal gifts were carried out of the Lin family's gate and circled around in a grand procession. The chests wrapped in red silk and the boxes tied with colorful ribbons were very eye-catching in the sunlight. The neighbors all stood by the door, smiling and watching. Little Stone, Jasmine, and Little Song, curious, chased after them to the outside of the alley and even ran back with the procession.
After making a grand entrance, they slowly turned back into the alley and were finally carried into the Yao family's courtyard.
This makes it seem that the marriage arrangement was not so casual.
According to the Book of Han, the betrothal gifts must include "jade, silk, horses, and geese." Therefore, as Lin Wen'an insisted, the pile of gold and jade and silks that the Lin family sent as betrothal gifts included even the white horse with big red silk flowers tied to it, which was brought to the Yao family.
At the time, Yao Ruyi was unaware of this. Later, after the ceremony, she couldn't resist secretly opening and looking through the gift book, only to discover that the horse was properly registered as "a nag, named Chezi, one horse".
Yao Ruyi: "..."
After a long pause, he finally burst out laughing.
The Book of Rites also states: "The betrothal gifts are the gifts given as a wedding present; 'zheng' means 'to complete'." Once the betrothal gifts are given, the marriage is considered formally settled. The next step is to have a feng shui master select an auspicious day, discuss the wedding date with the bride's family, write a "wedding date notice," and then have it delivered by a matchmaker.
After that, all that was left was to wait for the wedding day.
These formalities were entirely beyond the control of Yao Ruyi and Lin Wen'an, the two parties involved. They were handled and discussed by Yao's grandfather and Lin Zhu, the two elders, along with the young and capable matchmaker, Ning.
Many times, Yao Ruyi had to avoid suspicion. Even if she asked out of curiosity, her grandfather would chase her away, saying it was against the rules.
Grandpa Yao handled her marriage with utmost care and attention. During this time, Zhixingzhai was closed for renovations, and he devoted himself entirely to Yao Ruyi's marriage. He even personally wrote the betrothal and engagement letters that Yao Ruyi had to exchange with the Lin family under the lamp.
Just like the first time he wrote the opening sign for Yao Ruyi's convenience store, he wrote each character very carefully and wrote it many times before finally choosing the one with the neatest and most satisfactory handwriting.
The Yao family had few relatives in the capital, only Yao Ji. To ensure that Yao Ruyi's maternal uncles and aunts from Tanzhou would have time to send people to the capital to "support" her, the wedding date was set before the Mid-Autumn Festival. At this time, the custom of "respecting the maternal uncle and kin" and "the banquet wouldn't begin until the maternal uncle arrived" already existed. Furthermore, the maternal uncle had to sit in the "most important seat," and no one else could start eating before the maternal uncle; otherwise, it would be considered disrespectful to the bride's family.
The original owner's uncle from Tanzhou had not been seen for many years, and only a few fragments of memory remained. Yao Ruyi searched through the original owner's memories for a long time before recalling something that happened when she was a child at her maternal grandparents' house. She couldn't say how old she was, and she had forgotten what he looked like, but she remembered that it was her most mischievous uncle who had secretly taken her up the mountain to catch rabbits. As a result, she accidentally rolled down the hillside and cried loudly.
The hillside was quite steep, and the uncle, who was still a young man at the time, jumped down without hesitation, carried her on his back, and gritted his teeth as he climbed up. After climbing a few steps, he would slip and fall, and after several attempts, he was finally exhausted.
After tumbling down several times, the two of them were covered in mud and finally had to give up. The uncle had no choice but to whistle and send his familiar horse back to report the news. Then, he took the very young original owner in his arms, both of them covered in mud, and lay down on the meadow on the hillside to teach her to identify the stars that would light up early in the evening.
How could a good-for-nothing teenager teach anything serious like "Tian Shu Bei Dou" (the Big Dipper)? He just spouts nonsense like he's coaxing a child: "That's the Big Dog Star, doesn't it look like a dog? That's the Big Steamed Bun Star, sigh, I'm hungry..."
The wind swept across the meadow beneath him, and the starry river in the mountains was reflected deep within the original owner's memory.
This is also very rare; among the dark and lonely memories left to Yao Ruyi by the original owner, it is a memory that she did not want to forget, that she cherished and repeatedly touched.
It seems that she had a pretty good time in Tanzhou.
Leaving aside the past connection of living and being raised by others, those uncles and relatives still in Tanzhou should also come according to custom. Yao Qizhao wrote very formal letters to invite them, making sure the invitations arrived regardless of whether they wanted to come from so far away.
However, after writing the letter, he locked himself in his room and didn't come out for a long time.
Yao Ruyi was supervising the construction at Zhixingzhai that day.
The addition of a second floor, which took quite a long time, is finally nearing completion.
But there was no other way; building a two-story house was much more difficult than building a regular single-story house. Later, Zhou Jumu didn't dare to carry the main beams himself and found several familiar carpenters to help him.
That day also happened to be the day for hoisting the beam, which was a big and difficult task. Before hoisting the beam, Zhou Jumu and the other carpenters set up an incense table, devoutly burned incense and offered prayers to Lu Gong, before daring to start working.
A towering frame made of fir poles was topped with wooden planks. Zhou Jumu and his apprentices stood on it, with pulleys attached to thick hemp ropes creaking beside them. Holes were drilled at both ends of the beams, through which thick, wax-impregnated hemp ropes were threaded. Those below shouted commands as they vigorously cranked the winch. Those above tightened the ropes, carefully pulling the heavy, massive timbers up little by little, afraid to deviate even slightly.
Yao Ruyi looked up, her hands unconsciously gripping the hem of her clothes, holding her breath until her face turned red. Only when the beam was firmly embedded in the groove of the eaves pillar and the wooden wedge was driven in did she finally let out a long sigh of relief.
Seeing that everything was going smoothly, Yao Ruyi returned to the courtyard, intending to stew a large pot of mutton soup for the carpenters and soak some steamed buns for them to nourish themselves. She had just started stewing the mutton and the dough was ready and resting when she wiped her hands on her apron and came out, closed her eyes, stretched her back, and immersed her face in the increasingly intense sunlight.
She loves summer; although it's hot and humid, it gives her a vibrant, alive feeling.
Now that the Beginning of Summer has passed, the summer heat has quietly gathered. It is still a bit cool in the mornings and evenings, but the midday has a real summer feel. Recently, the tea soup in Yao Ruyi's general store has been changed to mint water and mung bean soup.
The sun was blazing today, and the carpenters working must be sweltering. She thought of taking a bucket of the mung bean soup she'd just finished making to Zhixingzhai, but as she turned around, she noticed her grandfather's door was still tightly shut. Yao Ruyi paused, somewhat puzzled.
You locked yourself in your room to write a letter this morning, and it's still not finished?
After thinking for a moment, he first ladled out a large bucket of mung bean soup and called Sancunding and Congxin to help deliver it to Zhixingzhai. He also ladled out several more bowls, two of which were taken from the side gate to Yueyue and Linzhu.
The father and daughter were also inside writing wedding invitations. Lin Wen'an was getting married, and needless to say, all the Lin clan members still in the capital had to be invited, as well as close relatives in Fuzhou. They were writing down each name from the family genealogy. Yueyue was helping to cut red paper; the invitations had to be written on red paper. Seeing the small stack of finished red invitations already piled on the table, Yao Ruyi's face showed a rare hint of shyness. She put down her bowl and hurriedly prepared to leave.
This made Yueyue sit there and chuckle.
Yao Ruyi was not about to be outdone in front of her friend. Hearing the laughter, she immediately turned around, made a face at Yueyue, and teased loudly, "The courier is carrying a sack into the alley again today. It must be another letter from the Wen family in Fuzhou."
Yueyue's laughter stopped abruptly.
Yueyue's husband, being a military officer, was not allowed to leave his post without orders from his superiors. His wife had run away, and he couldn't chase after her. He was anxious but helpless. He could only pour out his grievances, longing, and pleas for forgiveness in letters to her. But he wrote so frequently, as if he wanted to write down every little detail of the barracks, even the saltiness or blandness of the food. Fuzhou and Bianjing were far apart; sometimes a letter would be delayed for several days at the canal wharves along the route, while the next letter would arrive just in time.
Just a few days after the Dragon Boat Festival on the fifth day of the fifth lunar month, for the first time, a courier carried a large basket into the alley and delivered it directly to the Yao family's door. But the basket was full of letters for Yueyue!
Hearing the noise, Yueyue came out and stared at the basket, her eyes fixed on it, speechless for a long time. The postman also looked puzzled, glancing at the basket, then at Yueyue, scratching his head, completely bewildered. Yao Ruyi was grooming Yao Deshui and Wangwang under the eaves when she saw this scene from afar, and almost fell off the bench laughing.
From then on, the letters never stopped.
Yueyue was too lazy to reply to so many letters, only writing one when she remembered. But every twenty days or so, she would receive a thick stack, often more than ten. The letters were invariably about: When will my wife return? A new cook has arrived at the camp; his cooking is terribly salty; I twisted my back during yesterday's drills, it hurts so much…
She talks incessantly, acts coquettishly, and is quite fussy.
Even worse, sometimes when you open a letter, the paper is crumpled and the ink has been smudged by water, making it blurry and unclear. The whole letter is filled with longing.
Yueyue picked up the corner of the letter, wrinkled her nose, and shook it with disgust: "Look at this, I don't know if it's snot or tears again! A grown man, always crying in front of me, what kind of behavior is this!" She even pretended to throw it into the brazier, but after raising her wrist, she couldn't bring herself to do it. She just flattened the letter with a paperweight, put it back in its envelope, and tossed it onto the corner of the table. Whenever this happened, Yao Ruyi would give her a meaningful look and laugh at her.
When I returned from the Lin family's house, the door to Grandpa Yao's room was still closed.
Yao Ruyi then brought over some mung bean soup and knocked lightly twice. Unexpectedly, the door was not closed tightly, and the hinges creaked open a crack by themselves.
The room was dark, the window sash was not open, and the curtains hung down, a corner of which was lifted by the wind, letting in a little light.
She pushed open the door and went in. She saw Grandpa Yao sitting alone at his desk, his back hunched and his head slightly bowed. A pile of letters lay scattered around him, stained with ink and somewhat messy.
"Grandpa?" Ruyi called softly, walked over, first placed the soup on the table, then easily opened the wooden window covered with cotton paper, and rolled up the curtain, letting in a burst of light that illuminated the mess of paper and pens on the table.
She turned around and asked, "Why don't you open the window when you're writing? It's so dark, you'll hurt your eyes."
Grandpa Yao seemed to wake up from a deep dream, slowly raising his head and forcing a weak smile: "I was so engrossed in writing that I forgot."
His gaze fell back on the letter he had written on the desk. His hands trembled slightly as he slowly folded the letter and placed it in the plain white envelope. He read it for a while before his voice, low and heavy with unspoken melancholy, said, "I still remember that year when I brought you from Tanzhou to Bianjing. You cried so hard, insisting on going back to find your grandmother… Later, your grandfather took you out to play every day, buying you sugar figurines and watching acrobatics, and only then would you finally smile. Time… flies so fast."
He paused, gazing out the window. The early summer breeze rustled the elm leaves in the alley. He said softly, "In the blink of an eye, you're nineteen. Now that you're really getting married, your grandfather is quite reluctant to let you go."
The room had been dimly lit, and Yao Ruyi hadn't noticed before. But now, turning around, she saw that Grandpa Yao's eyes and nose were red, and her heart ached. She walked a few steps to the table, squatted down, looked up at Grandpa Yao, and deliberately comforted him in a half-joking manner, "Grandpa, that's not fair. I'm getting married, but don't you think about how close I am to your new home? Other people have to travel by carriage and boat for dozens of days to go back to their parents' home, but me? I just walk a little, and oh dear, I'm back here!"
Yao Qizhao, who was feeling sad, was made to laugh by her.
"Who knows? If this courtyard wall is really torn down in the future, we'll still live in the same courtyard!" Ruyi took her grandfather's rough, warm hand and joked with a smile, "At that time, I'm afraid you'll find me nagging and annoying again."
Yao Qizhao nodded: "That little girl is quite annoying."
"Grandpa!"
The early summer breeze suddenly filled the room with warmth, fluttering the hem of the grandfather and grandson's clothes.
Yao Qizhao smiled, lowered his eyes, and gently rubbed Ruyi's head with his large, calloused hand. Then he sighed, "Time really flies..."
Yao Ruyi nodded in agreement. Yes, that's how life is. You don't realize how many days go by, but before you know it, a year has passed.
The grandfather and granddaughter chatted for a few more minutes when they suddenly heard a series of muffled knocking sounds coming from the Zhixingzhai restaurant next door. This reminded Yao Ruyi of the mutton stew she was making. Seeing that her grandfather was alright, she quickly got up to get to work.
"Grandpa, I'm going to get busy now. If you're tired of writing, take a rest and have some mung bean soup. For lunch, let's have mutton stew with bread!"
Yao Qizhao nodded: "Go, go."
"You rest, I'll call you when it's ready." She said, turning around and stepping lightly across the threshold. Her foot had barely touched the ground when a soft, hesitant voice called from behind, "Ruyi."
Yao Ruyi turned around.
Yao Qizhao raised his aged, deeply lined face and stared intently at her.
In the bright light, his cloudy eyes seemed to hold a thousand words, yet they remained stuck in his throat. His lips moved a few times before he managed to squeeze out the words, his voice soft and hoarse: "You were doing just fine in Tanzhou. It was your father who thought you couldn't always stay at your maternal home, so he insisted on bringing you to Bianjing, which led to all those unpleasant things happening to you. If you hadn't come, perhaps... you would be more at ease..." He avoided Yao Ruyi's gaze, his fingers unconsciously twisting the edge of a letter on the table, his voice even softer: "Do you... blame your father? Do you... hate your father?"
Yao Ruyi paused, recalling how much the original owner cherished Tanzhou, but she still shook her head firmly. Memories of the past always seem more beautiful with the passage of time, and besides… she smiled and said to Grandpa Yao:
“Grandpa, although my name is Ruyi, I also know that life is full of disappointments. If you always think about ‘what if’ and always feel that the path you didn’t choose is the best one, how can you live your life? In fact, no matter what you choose, you will have regrets in your life. What path is without thorns? Eyes are born in front of you to teach you to look forward.”
She knew this was probably Grandpa Yao's unresolved issue, so she told him firmly, "Grandpa, I don't blame you at all. I should thank you! Thank you for not being like other elders who only care about their own family's reputation and dignity, and don't care about the lives of the women in their families. It was you who were so brave and so firm in breaking off that engagement for me and protecting me. Otherwise, how would I have met Lin Wen'an today? How would I be living such a relaxed and carefree life now? I'm doing very well now."
"I'm fine, Grandpa."
Sunlight streamed through the window, and she smiled in the sunlight.
Yao Qizhao's eyes instantly reddened again. He remained silent for a long time before finally saying, "Ni'er... thank you."
When Yao Ruyi heard Grandpa Yao call her "Ni'er," she vaguely sensed something was wrong. Seeing his smiling face but seemingly sad eyes, her nose tingled, but she still tried to hide it by sighing, "Are you confused again? Why are you thanking me?"
Yao Qizhao indeed fell silent, as if he had suddenly become confused again. He stiffly and slowly turned his face away, leaving Ruyi with only a silent profile.
"Then I'll go cook. You can rest for a while." Yao Ruyi had no choice but to give her another word of advice before turning and leaving.
Her footsteps faded into the distance under the eaves. Only then did Yao Qizhao slowly turn around, his gaze following the figure that disappeared outside the courtyard gate. Lowering his head again, a tear fell.
He wasn't confused just now.
While writing a letter to his relatives in Tanzhou, he suddenly remembered what had happened that day.
He was so angry at the students' muddled homework that his face turned red. When he returned from his shift at the school, the room was dark and Ruyi was sitting alone in the room, weeping.
Ever since returning from Yao Ji's house, the child had been depressed and often cried alone. He tried everything to cheer her up, but to no avail. That day, he was also troubled, so he only offered a few harsh words of comfort before turning around and going into the kitchen to boil some water and hastily cook two bowls of soup noodles for a quick meal.
The soup dumplings were cooked, and he called her to eat, but she didn't appear for a long time. Yao Qizhao carried the bowl into her room, and just as he handed it to her, Ruyi, who suddenly became agitated and seemed to collapse, waved her hand and knocked the bowl over.
The earthenware bowl shattered, and scalding hot soup splashed all over the floor.
She suddenly raised her tear-filled eyes, her voice hoarse, filled with a desperate madness: "Grandpa! Why did you bring me from Tanzhou in the first place?! If only I hadn't come to Bianjing! If only you hadn't bothered with me! At least... at least I wouldn't have encountered all this! I wouldn't have been gossiped about, called promiscuous, adulterous, and shameless! I wouldn't have experienced such disgusting and filthy things!"
"Why did you take care of me in the first place? Why did you bring me back?"
"Why did you arrange this marriage for me? Why the Deng family? Why me of all people? Why do I have to suffer like this? Why! Why?!"
His only granddaughter, unlike her usual quiet and shy self, cried out, questioned, and resented him like a madwoman... Every word she uttered was like countless swords and axes hurled at him.
Yao Qizhao was struck dumb, frozen in place as if by lightning.
Ruyi trembled with excitement, seemingly not wanting to see her grandfather anymore. She screamed, pushed him out the door, and slammed the door shut.
Yao Qizhao was distraught and looked around blankly, not knowing where to go. In a daze, he wandered back to the schoolhouse. The students had just been scolded by him, and their reading voices were filled with a guilty conscience, but he did not notice. His mind was filled with Ruyi's shrill and desperate cries and accusations.
It hurt so much. His chest suddenly ached terribly, and his heart felt like it was being ripped apart by those words. Suddenly, he felt a heat in his head, as if something had snapped off, and his vision went black. He then suffered a stroke and collapsed.
He didn't know how long he had been unconscious, but when he woke up, he had been lying in the clinic for several days. It was Mrs. Wu and several students who felt guilty who were taking care of him. He harbored selfish motives, and no matter who asked, he always said the same thing: that he had suffered a stroke because he was too quick-tempered and got angry.
He didn't blame his granddaughter. He thought back on it countless times later and realized that at that time, she was helpless on her own. She was depressed and had reached the point of being terminally ill, but he hadn't realized it.
Just assume that's just her nature, and that she'll get better eventually.
During his convalescence at the clinic, Ruyi was occasionally sent by Madam Wu to deliver meals. She always kept her head down, and after putting down the food, she would run away without daring to look at him. Until that day... He had been moved home from the clinic to recuperate for a long time. His mind was clear, but his body was unresponsive; his legs were limp, and his mouth was crooked.
Ruyi silently brought over the charcoal stove, carefully closed the doors and windows, knelt before him, and sobbed repeatedly and incoherently, "Grandpa, I didn't mean to upset you that day, I'm so sorry, so sorry..."
Yao Qizhao already knew what she was going to do. He watched her silently for a long time, watching her resolute expression as she blocked the doors and windows, watching her eyes show no trace of lingering affection even though she was crying.
He then understood.
He didn't say anything, but struggled to raise his still-functioning hand, trying to wipe away the tears streaming down her face.
She didn't want to stay in this filthy world, so he was willing to go with her.
Anyway, his old bones are useless anyway. It was his failing eyesight that led him to make such a mistake in arranging the marriage, which has brought his granddaughter to this state.
The fault was all his. This regret gnawed at him day and night, making it impossible for him to sleep. It's better that he's gone; it's all over now, saving him from all this trouble, and his family can be reunited.
But... at the last moment, Ruyi used all her strength to push him to the window, opening a tiny crack for him, while she herself huddled beside the stove where the charcoal smoke was thickest... Later, she gradually fell silent, her face flushed red, then turned slightly blue...
Yao Qizhao, however, is still alive.
He struggled desperately, trying to crawl to his granddaughter's side... The charcoal gas suddenly became more intense. He closed his eyes and waited patiently... But not long after, a faint, painful yet desperate struggle to survive began to penetrate his ears...
Unable to recall any further, Yao Qizhao abruptly turned around, walked to a corner of the room where no one could see him, faced the wall, and silently wept. That year, he had been sometimes confused and sometimes lucid, and in his lucid moments, he genuinely considered this vibrant and lively girl before him his ideal. He lived such a comfortable and fulfilling life.
The good days I've dreamed of countless times are nothing more than this.
So he said, thank you. Thank you for still living on for her.
His poor Ruyi has gone to the place she wanted to go, where she will no longer suffer.
But because of her, he could still watch his Ruyi live a lively life, watch her get married, watch her laugh and play, and know that she would live a good life in the future. Even when he was old and turned to dust, she would be able to stand on her own two feet, have someone to love and accompany her, and live a good life.
That's enough.
***
After more than half an hour, Yao Ruyi delivered the freshly cooked mutton soup to Zhixingzhai, and her steps became somewhat sluggish when she came out. She did not go home, but sat down on the stone threshold outside the door.
Afternoon is the time for rest, and the carpenters of Zhixingzhai are curled up in their chairs and sleeping. There is no one coming and going in the alley, and it is quiet except for a few cicada chirps that are not loud enough, and occasionally one will sound.
The threshold was cold and covered in dust, but she didn't care. She simply bent her knees, rested her chin on her knees, cupped her face in her hands, and stared blankly at the jagged branches of the old elm tree behind the Imperial College.
She also noticed Grandpa's "thank you" earlier.
That was said to her.
She was filled with mixed feelings—a mix of emotion: gratitude, sadness, and regret.
She was so moved that Grandpa Yao accepted her without treating her as some kind of evil spirit or monster, and without blaming her for taking over the original owner's body. On the contrary, he thanked her. How could there be someone like Grandpa Yao in this world?
Despite a lifetime of hardship, he still held onto the light.
Was she sad...? She had secretly hoped that, besides herself, there would be someone else in this world who remembered the original Ruyi. But after thinking it over, perhaps only Grandpa Yao, who had regained his senses, would remember?
Thinking about it this way, I feel sorry for Grandpa Yao—if he remembers, he will surely continue to think about his lost granddaughter alone in the long days to come.
Perhaps it's better not to remember.
The remaining sigh is... in the end, Grandpa Yao still remembers.
His illness must be cured by now, right? That's a good thing.
Yao Ruyi sat there, her mind a jumble of thoughts, swirling between others and herself. Suddenly, she thought of her grandmother again, and her nose stung with tears. She hurriedly lowered her head, buried her face in her arms, and rubbed her nose with her sleeve.
She didn't know how much time had passed when a warm breeze swept through the alley, carrying a hint of coolness. Suddenly, the light dimmed slightly, and a shadow loomed over her. Then came the rustling of fabric as the person crouched down.
"What's wrong?" The voice was gentle and soft.
Without even looking up, the faint, bitter smell of medicine wafted over before the sound could be heard, allowing her to know who it was the moment Lin Wen'an approached. And his seemingly ordinary question instantly unleashed a torrent of emotions within her, emotions she had suppressed for so long, into a raging torrent.
It made my throat feel tight and my nasal cavity feel sore and hot.
I didn't want to cry, but it always seems like this. If no one cares, it's nothing, and I can hold it in for a while. But if someone I love suddenly asks about it, I feel extremely wronged and can't hold it in at all.
Yao Ruyi sniffed, wiped her face haphazardly, raised her head, and opened her arms to him.
"I want a hug."
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Can you smell the signs that it's ending? [Cat emoji]
Barring any unforeseen circumstances, the main story will be finished in a few days.
What kind of side stories would you like to see? Currently, there are two: daily life after marriage and Jasmine coming back to visit the convenience store after growing up.
Let me know if there's anything else you'd like to see!
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