First Kiss Night
Xu Youling panicked when Pei Zhi said this, fearing he would revert to the rebellion and the destruction of the White Pagoda. So, she put on an expression that sounded unlucky and whispered, "What's with the life or death thing? Could you please stop saying things like that?"
"I'm not wrong." Pei Zhi was a little impatient. He seemed to think that there was no room for negotiation on this matter. It was not as important as Xu Youling's sleep duration. But because Xu Youling looked up at him worriedly, he could only suppress his temper and explain.
There was a moment of silence in the air. Pei Zhi put his hand on the side of Xu Youling's neck, lifted it up, and then stroked Xu Youling's hair down with very gentle movements.
Xu Youling was silent for a while, then said something without thinking: "I never thought of abandoning you."
"I never like you getting close to me like this." Pei Zhi said hoarsely.
"Then why did you agree?" Xu Youling's voice was very soft.
It’s not “Why did you agree later?”, but “Why did you agree at the beginning?” Xu Youling’s purposeful approach and clumsy and poor technique were far from pure sincerity.
Why did you agree to it in the first place?
Pei Zhi turned his head and frowned at him: "You're asking this now that you've slept in the same bed with me?"
"..." Xu Youling choked a little, feeling a little discouraged, but still asked humbly, "Is it too late to ask?"
"It's not too late." Pei Zhi turned his eyes away from him.
Xu Youling was almost certain Pei Zhi had guessed something, about his unexplained stubbornness and almost abrupt closeness. However, even he himself couldn't explain whether these behaviors were due to a desire to return home or an involuntary attraction.
I want Pei Zhi to return to a normal life, I want Pei Zhi to be happy, and I want Pei Zhi to fall in love with me.
When the latter two wishes surfaced, "going home" became another, more elusive and illusory thing than being here.
It's okay to stay.
Stay.
As soon as this thought came to his mind, Xu Youling shuddered, as if immersing himself in this illusion would eventually completely devour his own existence and become a meaningless part of black and white words.
He almost instantly turned his head to look at Pei Zhi: People who fall in love and give their true heart will always involuntarily confirm the other person's expression to judge whether their decision has the possibility of being correct.
However, Pei Zhi just stared at the ceiling calmly without saying a word. After a while, he whispered, "What about you?"
"You wanted to help me the first time we met, and you kept clinging to me, even if I chased you away. You didn't even realize your spiritual realm was completely blank." Pei Zhi's voice was not even clear in the night. "What is this for? Have you figured it out?"
There are always extremely fast and fierce rainstorms on early summer nights, pouring down directly to the earth.
Xu Youling looked up suddenly, only to hear the sudden downpour, like dancing beans, pounding the roof with unpreparedness. The attic was closer to the sky, so the sound of the rain was even louder, sometimes light, sometimes heavy, and even the lingering sound of the rain was clearly audible.
He propped himself up and sat up. Pei Zhi had finished what he wanted to say and closed his mouth, looking at him quietly. Amid the chaotic sound of rain, Pei Zhi's fixed gaze was the only focus, clearly visible.
He knows everything, Xu Youling thought in panic.
He knows everything, Xu Youling thought comfortingly.
It was Xu Youling who first underestimated Pei Zhi, thinking that a top-tier Sentinel, ranked at the top of the villain list, could be easily deceived by him. From then on, he had no other thoughts and automatically embarked on the great and glorious path of redemption, moving forward without hesitation. It was Xu Youling who first underestimated Pei Zhi, mistakenly believing that he was willing and that he would get away with it no matter what.
It was Xu Youling who first underestimated Pei Zhi's love and also underestimated her own love.
But the rain never stopped.
Amidst the rumbling rain, Xu Youling and Pei Zhi stared at each other for a long moment. Pei Zhi seemed to see this as time for Xu Youling to think, to choose between honesty or deception, sincerity or hypocrisy, facing her heart or suppressing it. The anxiety shifted to him, as he was clearly searching for answers to questions. Facing a brilliant student whose understanding was unfathomable, he inevitably waited anxiously for answers.
However, something slowly drowned out the sound of rain, again and again. It was not as chaotic as the movement on the eaves, but firm and steady, coming from the pulsation of the human body.
Plop, plop, plop.
Xu Youling slowly bent down, and then bent a little more. Pei Zhi then realized that the reason his heartbeat was getting heavier was not only because both Xu Youling and himself were very nervous, but also because Xu Youling was getting closer and closer to him.
The distance is getting closer and closer, bringing body temperature, tremors, disordered breathing and more heartbeats.
Before the sound of her heartbeat completely drowned out the sound of rain, Xu Youling's lips pressed against Pei Zhi's lips.
-
He is clumsy.
This was Pei Zhi’s first thought.
Xu Youling's lips were too soft and not good for kissing. She felt a cool touch and then nervously moved away a little, as if she was afraid that even with her tightly closed lips, she would knock against her teeth and bleed, thus making this first kiss, which already contained too much meaning, even more complicated and unforgettable.
But soon he came close again, clumsily clinging, a little stubbornly. He kissed me even though he wouldn't kiss me anymore, did things he wouldn't dare do anymore, and made the most difficult decision.
Just because he wants to, not because he needs to.
I did this because I wanted Pei Zhi.
This thought made Pei Zhi's blood rush to his head, or perhaps just to his lips pressed against Xu Youling's. It could hardly be called a kiss, but it was being given by the closest, most beloved person before him. He was so nervous he didn't even close his eyes, his eyelashes rustling across his face, bringing with them a barely detectable tingle.
How could this be...
Pei Zhi clenched his palms on the bed sheet into fists, so that he could barely control himself from immediately hugging Xu Youling's waist, turning over and pressing him to the head of the bed, licking his entire warm and moist lips and teeth, forcing him to breathe hard and his eyes to be filled with tears.
She simply let the person next to her rub their lips against hers like a small animal, and it took her a long time before she thought she should open her mouth. However, just doing that made her breathing become irregular, and she was panting lightly.
This wasn't a serious answer, as there was every chance he'd regret it again.
He escaped cunningly again, to a place where he could not be caught.
Xu Youling stepped back and straightened up, feeling a little frustrated.
He thought he had performed very well, taking the initiative wholeheartedly and making complete promises and guarantees for the first time.
However, it seemed that there was always something missing, and he didn't know where it was. Pei Zhi didn't trust him, not even his kiss, which made Xu Youling feel very uneasy.
These repetitive moments of distrust made Xu Youling begin to regret giving up on Pei Zhi under the pretext of saving him, making the trust that was already built on a fragile foundation even more precarious.
Because it was not until this moment that he realized that it was not that he did not love Pei Zhi, nor that he wanted to go home too much, but that he was just not brave enough.
It would have been nice if we had done something like this earlier.
If only Pei Zhi could know her feelings earlier, if only she could know Pei Zhi's feelings earlier, then they wouldn't have to waste so much time, they wouldn't have to worry about whether the other person would suddenly disappear even though they were already sleeping in each other's arms.
But all the complicated emotions and confused spirit swirled in Xu Youling's mind and on the tip of his tongue, hesitating, but in the end they all led to only one sentence from Xu Youling, which, at least in his own opinion, was very sincere and ordinary.
"Pei Zhi." Xu Youling looked a little depressed, and her voice naturally softened, as if she was acting coquettishly.
She is indeed acting like a spoiled child.
"Can you open your mouth for a moment?" Xu Youling whispered, "Just for a moment."
He realized something was wrong after he had said it, but Pei Zhi had already quickly turned over and sat up, eagerly pulling his waist towards him, lowering his head and resting his forehead against his.
“!”
Xu Youling was not mentally prepared because Pei Zhi seemed very indifferent just now. He just made a request cautiously, and the other party's hand moved up along his waist until it supported the side of his face.
"Pei Zhi..." Xu Youling called him softly again, "Can I?"
Pei Zhi wiped Xu Youling's lips with his thumb, as if this was the only way to confirm that it was his real first kiss. Without giving Xu Youling any chance to hesitate, he turned his face and kissed her.
His teeth nibbled at Xu Youling's lips until she obediently opened her mouth slightly to let him in. Their tongues entwined, both clumsy but both eager. Pei Zhi's movements bordered on sucking, as if he wanted to devour Xu Youling bite by bite, and the first step was to hold him tightly, melting into his flesh.
The tip of his tongue swept across the teeth, and then licked Xu Youling's lips again and again. Xu Youling quickly lost his composure and raised his hand to push Pei Zhi's shoulder, but Pei Zhi grabbed his two thin white wrists and twisted them behind his back with one hand, and with the other hand pressed the back of his head hard and pressed it to his lips.
"Mm, mm..." Xu Youling whimpered in pleasure from the kiss, unable to pull his hands away. Pei Zhi pressed even harder, completely encircling him to the headboard, completely restraining not only his hands but his entire body, leaving him no chance to escape.
Xu Youling struggled twice, then patted Pei Zhi's back weakly, to show that he really couldn't bear it anymore. Pei Zhi then quickly left for a moment to let him breathe, and before Xu Youling could even blink away the tears that were welling up in her eyes, he kissed her again, hard and fiercely.
And so on.
Xu Youling's will to live and his desire to kiss Pei Zhi were placed on both ends of a seesaw. The moment of balance was the most difficult and the most comfortable. His brain was dizzy and lacked oxygen, and his body was soft and sinking. He was hung neither too high nor too low, hooking him tightly.
So when Xu Youling was kissed with her mouth blocked, she struggled for air, and when he pulled away, she eagerly asked for a new kiss. Pei Zhi's eyes became darker and darker, and the kiss lasted longer and longer.
Until he felt that Xu Youling really couldn't stand it anymore.
The guide leaned softly against the headboard, her eyes full of tears. Her hands were forced behind her back, almost like a sacrificial gesture. Her lips were kissed red, and her eyes were blurred, looking slightly upward, beautiful and alluring.
Her legs were slightly bent. She had been pressed down by Pei Zhi and couldn't move. Now that they were released, she still spread them out obediently on both sides of Pei Zhi's thighs. She was very well behaved.
Pei Zhi reached out to wipe his tears, and quickly showed an expression of "this is very inefficient", and began to slowly kiss away the water marks on Xu Youling's face.
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