Mental Landscape
It's very cold.
Xu Youling's mental power was quite confused and entangled with Pei Zhi's, rising and falling. It had been too long since he had truly come into contact with him like this, so those sensory perceptions became quite sharp and unstoppable.
There was thick fog in front of him, and he couldn't see clearly. Xu Youling took a deep breath and tried to recall how he had given Pei Zhi mental suggestion last time.
Concentrate all your efforts.
But his consciousness did not obey the command obediently. He looked again and again, and found that Pei Zhi's spiritual picture was beneath the fog, as vast and boundless as before.
But half a year ago, when I was testing Pei Zhi's spiritual realm at the side door of the White Pagoda, I didn't seem to see such a layer of fog.
What I saw at that time was clearly a plateau covered with soft green grass, bathed in sunlight and warm and cozy.
How could there be fog?
Xu Youling blinked hard, and just as he was about to refocus on the mental suggestion, an extremely strong cold wind suddenly blew across the ground, swirling up and scraping across Xu Youling's face like a knife.
The wind blew away the fog and the blinding snow particles, and the spiritual picture of Pei Zhi, which had not been seen for a long time, was once again fully displayed in front of Xu Youling.
There was heavy snow all over the sky.
Pei Zhi's mental picture was completely different from the sunny scene that Xu Youling had carefully comforted him in the White Tower cell when they separated, but rather the endless snow, terrifying strong wind, and gloomy sky just like when they first met.
Xu Youling sank deep into the snow and had to struggle to pull himself out, taking one deep step forward and one shallow step back. He kept looking back.
how so.
When Pei Zhi left, hadn't he already...hadn't he already calmed Pei Zhi's spiritual realm to be peaceful and gentle? Hadn't he allowed Pei Zhi to be like any normal person, to put aside all the pain of the past and live a normal life again, which was often full of hardships but always had short-term happiness in it?
Aren’t they all “cured” already?
Xu Youling stood alone in the snowy field amidst the fierce wind. Pei Zhi's mental power roared restlessly and agitatedly. The smell of blood was brought by the wind and stung his nostrils.
He was completely unable to concentrate on giving any hints, as his mind had become completely drowsy and filled with disbelief. Xu Youling wiped his face vigorously and walked with difficulty through the heavy snow towards the source of the bloody smell.
In the past, there were occasionally traces of dried blood on the ground in Pei Zhi's spiritual realm, but the smell had never been so strong and frightening.
It came from a huge hole under the ground.
Xu Youling pushed aside the thin layer of snow covering the surface, breathing heavily as he moved closer to investigate. The strong smell of blood suddenly surged up, almost choking him to tears.
At the bottom of the pit was a bloody corpse.
That couldn't be a real corpse. After all, this was a fictional spiritual picture, not a real snowfield. But Xu Youling still suddenly bent over and retched violently.
Why is there...
After the initial nausea passed, Xu Youling gasped and bravely looked at the face of the corpse.
He didn't know what he had done wrong to make Pei Zhi become such a cruel and vicious person again. He also learned to carefully bury these emotions deep down so that no one would know about them.
If Xu Youling hadn't intended to give Pei Zhi a mental hint, then even he wouldn't have known.
The corpse was a bloody mess, barely recognizable as a human. Even if one used mental power to temporarily transform the object of hatred into a physical body within a mental image, such treatment was enough to cause one to shudder.
Xu Youling covered his mouth and turned his face over, making all the mental preparations, but when he saw that young face, he suddenly had difficulty breathing and couldn't say anything.
It’s Fang Suiming.
He screamed from his throat, took a few steps back, and looked at the slaughtered body with a pale face. A chill suddenly ran up his spine.
Why is it Fang Suiming?
Isn't Yue Changji the person Pei Zhi hates the most? In the original book... Yue Changji repeatedly humiliates him, marginalizes him, exiles him, and bullies him. He should hate Yue Changji the most. That's how it should be.
Why is it Fang Suiming?
Xu Youling knelt in the snow, tears streaming silently. The overwhelming snow hit his face, and together with Pei Zhi's anxious, depressed and painful mental power, it made him breathless.
pain.
The reason why he couldn't escape from this world emerged from the bottom of the water, but Xu Youling didn't dare to accept it. He didn't dare to think that he had been working in vain for so long, and had counseled and comforted so many times, but in return he still got Pei Zhi's heart-wrenching and diverted hatred.
It's just transferred to another person, that's all.
He had no way of changing Pei Zhi's fate unless he stayed here forever.
Always walking on thin ice and a tightrope, carefully pulling Pei Zhi back from the edge.
Beyond that, everything is in vain.
Xu Youling buried his face in his palms, unable to hide his sobs. He couldn't save Pei Zhi at all, so he could only kneel in the snow, his mind pierced by Pei Zhi's pain, again and again, just like before, in sync with him.
-
Until a hand reached out and gently wiped away his tears.
Xu Youling looked up in confusion, not knowing when Pei Zhi had half-held him. The hand that held him down was gently placed on his lower back.
Pei Zhi was already awake and looked down at him. His eyes were slightly bright in the early morning light, and his face was calm.
He seemed to want to say something, opened his mouth, and then stopped. He just gently wiped Xu Youling's face again, his fingertips stroking her lower eyelid.
Xu Youling pushed his hand away and raised her arms to wrap around his neck.
Pei Zhi took a breath, loosened the hand around his waist, then tightened again, and lowered his eyes.
"Are you scared?" He lowered his head, put his lips on the top of Xu Youling's head, rubbed it twice, and coaxed her cautiously, "Stop crying, okay? Why are you crying all the time?"
He patted Xu Youling's trembling shoulder blades with his palm, rubbed them hard, and moved his body closer.
Xu Youling choked on his chest, trying her best to suppress her sobs: "It turns out that you are not having a good life at all..."
It sounded like an accusation, as if Pei Zhi was lying to him. Pei Zhi could only hug him a little tighter and lower his head to kiss his hair.
"Don't cry... You cry as soon as you see me. I thought you hated me." Pei Zhi said vaguely, "Do you hate me?"
Now it sounds like he is asking a question even though he already knows the answer, but he has probably thought about it for a long time, and only asked it again to confirm it after he got the answer completely.
It’s like he wants to hug Xu Youling first, and then ask if he can hug you.
Xu Youling looked up at him, her eyes red and wet, her eyelashes clinging to each other in clumps. Pei Zhi reached out to wipe them lovingly: "You are beautiful too."
"When did you find out..." Xu Youling pretended not to hear, buried her red face in Pei Zhi's chest, and asked in a low voice.
Pei Zhi traced his back, wanting to dig him out and take a closer look, but he held back. "During the expeditionary force."
"Is it ineffective after such a short time?" Xu Youling's voice was a little muffled.
"How long do you want?" Pei Zhi pinched his ear.
Xu Youling fell silent. Pei Zhi thought he was guilty and softened his voice: "I'm not angry with you."
"I'm sorry," Xu Youling's hand that was around his neck slid down and grabbed his collar, "I'm sorry..."
Pei Zhi kissed his forehead again, but it wasn't really a kiss, just a touch of his lips, like coaxing a child. He adjusted his posture slightly to make Xu Youling more comfortable.
"Do you feel sad when you think about it?" Xu Youling asked in a low voice.
Pei Zhi didn't answer, but just randomly kissed his hair a few more times. After a long while, he said, "I've been looking for you."
“No one there knew you,” he added, “It took me a long time to remember… I thought it was a dream.”
In his dream, a beautiful and gentle guide descended from the sky, threw away her tranquilizer gun, and walked towards him without hesitation, doing what no one else had ever been willing to do. He obediently let him hold his hand, and clumsily learned how to guide him.
Then it suddenly disappeared without any warning.
It's impossible to say that there was no sign, but it did disappear, leaving him alone and returning to the desolate and endless snowfield.
"You thought I was too fierce and that's why you acted like that." Pei Zhi hugged him and said in a light voice, as if jokingly, "What about now?"
Will it get better?
Would this make you feel happy and loved? Would it be okay for you to stay? Would you have pity on me?
However, these words could never be uttered. Pei Zhi could only lower his head and move closer: "No more talking, let's go to sleep."
But Xu Youling didn't want him to let go of those things, and shook his head stubbornly.
"What's wrong?" Pei Zhi laughed, "Are you trying to get me out now?"
"I didn't mean to chase you away..." Xu Youling felt wronged and his voice softened.
Pei Zhi's mood then brightened, and he nuzzled his hair affectionately: "That's good."
Both of them were silent for a moment, and Pei Zhi hugged Xu Youling very tightly, even tighter than before in the White Tower prison cell.
"So why did the mental picture become like that..." Xu Youling asked in a low voice.
Pei Zhi lowered his eyes and said nothing. After a while, he raised his hand and pinched the back of his neck: "Are you worried or afraid?"
"A little bit of both." Xu Youling was very honest.
Pei Zhi seemed to be struggling to find the words after a long time, and his voice was hoarse: "That's what happens when you go on a mission."
"I don't know what I'm facing, I don't know if I'm going to die today, I don't know when I'll get what I want." Pei Zhi's voice sounded far away. "This is what happens when you're mentally polluted."
Magnify the dark and painful parts of one's character and expand the territory of hatred and disgust.
Thus the noble ones fall and the paranoid ones sink.
Xu Youling couldn't quite accept this explanation, and the hand holding Pei Zhi's collar tightened: "Then why is it Fang Suiming..."
Shouldn't it be Yue Changji? The person Pei Zhi hated the most, the person he loathed the most... If his pain had to have a narrow outlet, it should be Yue Changji.
Pei Zhi breathed heavily, pressed the back of Xu Youling's head and hugged him tighter, whispering next to his earlobe: "Why would he ask you to save Shen Jiayi?"
"I do it on my own will..." Xu Youling trembled slightly.
Pei Zhi frowned and hugged the person in his arms tighter, until Xu Youling could no longer bear the hug and whimpered in resistance, then he loosened his grip slightly.
"Then you'll need my approval from now on." His voice was low and subdued, leaving no room for error. "When I disagree, don't show your sympathy."
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