My younger brother is shy and doesn't dare to go to the cafeteria. I'm scared too, but I still went. When there's extra rice, I'll give it to him; when there's less rice, I'll eat it myself. I'll give him more vegetables. It's not that I'm taking responsibility; it's just that he looks very thin, and he's my younger brother.
My maternal grandmother treated me normally, and I treated her normally too. Because I was living under her roof, I didn't dare ask for pocket money much. There was a noodle shop on my way to school that I really wanted to eat, but I didn't have the money. My cousins had some, but I didn't ask them because I was afraid of being scolded. Besides, my maternal grandmother made my clothes and meals. At least I had three cents to buy steamed buns and snacks for breakfast. It didn't matter to me, and I didn't like them anyway.
I don't like my maternal grandfather, not only because he's a man, taller and stronger than me, but also because he doesn't care much about us. He likes to play cards and ignores my cousin's pranks on us.
The most memorable moment was when my cousins poked me with red-hot metal clips. It hurt a lot, but my brother and cousins laughed and walked away.
I was unhappy, so I went and hit them. They got a beating from me and ran to my grandfather saying that I bullied them. So I got beaten up in return.
This is life at my maternal grandmother's house. Unlike my past life, I don't have the ability to voice my opinions, nor do I have the freedom and joy of it all. I can only endure it, but it doesn't matter. I still have happy times in this kind of life. When no one is watching me, I can let my imagination run wild.
This kind of life continued until my grandmother died, and even when I was in the fourth grade of elementary school. Before she died, my grandmother gave me a Buddha statue she had carved... She believed in this, just like the chanting I did when I had a high fever. She was from the countryside and should not have been educated, but she could recite that well-worn scripture fluently.
I cried when she was lying in bed. I don't know why I cried. My younger brother didn't cry; he just watched. The day before, Grandma had given me some of my favorite fruits, which I rarely get to eat at my maternal grandma's house.
After the funeral, I lived at my maternal grandmother's house until the fourth grade of elementary school. Then I left my hometown and wandered with my parents, changing schools three times—elementary school, junior high school—moving between three different regions, unfamiliar places, unfamiliar people, and unfamiliar everything.
Compared to my maternal grandmother's home, this experience felt like a tidal wave, shattering my previous beliefs. All the changes left me bewildered, unsure how to face people from a different place. Their questions also made me feel incredibly awkward.
"Can you speak your hometown dialect? How do people from the countryside usually speak?"
"Why do you keep saying 'Don't make noise, don't make noise,' what does that mean? Hahaha, say it again, or I'll keep poking you, hee hee!"
"He seems so aloof, tsk, he really thinks he's someone important. Don't bother with him."
They know more than I do, have seen more than I do, and treat me with a mixture of rejection and playful mockery.
The only lucky thing was that I didn't suffer any real bullying at school, at least not physically. I can't remember their names, just as they often forgot about me during their activities. I sat in the corner of the classroom, just like my insignificant situation, and I began to shut myself off.
I was afraid to face unfamiliar environments, just like my dad told me that I was growing up and needed to go home by myself. The first time I walked home holding my brother's hand, I almost got lost. I was very scared, but I still told my brother that we would be home soon. Fortunately, I finally got home.
City life isn't all bad. At least I can use my neighbor's computer to play World of Warcraft, and I can go to the two-dollar store to read comics. I like reading A-Shuai and Hilarious Campus. I've also learned to save money to buy Zhiyin and Party magazines.
I've become indifferent to external things. I've started to enjoy this life of quietly watching stories and having my own time. I don't care about grades, friends, or anything else; as long as I'm happy, that's enough.
Life in between had its joys and sorrows, but it was mostly just day after day passing by. I only remember many firsts: the first time I had a computer at home, the first time I played League of Legends, the first time I played CrossFire, the first time I had my own phone to read novels, and the first time I ate a hamburger.
I love computers, so much so that I even fought with my younger brother over them. He's only a year younger than me, so our fight was incredibly close.
However, he is better than me because he always gets what he wants and knows what he wants. If he doesn't get it, he cries, and if he can't cry, he makes a fuss. His parents have no way to deal with him, so they often give in to him. But it's also because he has excellent grades. We both play, but he is much better than me.
Until the end of seventh grade, when I got a single-digit score in math and my other scores added up to just over 100, my parents...
"...Fine...Do whatever you want. Your parents shouldn't force you, but at least finish junior high. Do whatever you want this time."
Holding that report card with its digits, even zeros, the glaring red words eliciting silent sighs from my parents, I sat in the back of my father's car, watching their unhappy faces, and knowing that I might be leaving behind my leisurely life to enter a more unfamiliar environment... I suddenly woke up... What was I doing? Why was I doing this? Would I end up exhausted every day? My parents were spending money on my education, and what was I doing?
The heavy guilt and uncertainty about the future made me realize that things couldn't go on like this, and I needed to make a change.
Life took a turn for the better from this low point. My parents spent a sum of money to send me to a private school. In the new school, I experienced a transformation. I was still the same silent person, still in that remote corner.
I started studying seriously... When the monthly exam results came out and I ranked in the top 100 in the whole school, I saw the excitement in my parents' eyes and felt a little relaxed. I started to continue playing on my computer, reading my novels, and even secretly writing novels.
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