friend
The days when she stayed in Tianshan to recuperate were like a handful of warm water, gradually soaking into my usually frozen life.
When I taught her to play the piano, I discovered she was tone-deaf and her tunes were completely off the charts. She didn't care, however, and confidently said, "No one is perfect. Although I'm tone-deaf, I have other strengths." This sounded innocent, but it somehow pierced the hidden pain of incompleteness in my heart - yes, no one is perfect, so who am I to mock her lack of musicality?
When I tried to teach her how to play chess, she was completely clueless about strategy and lost miserably. I, for once, found myself in a playful mood, sighing, "Invincible loneliness." Unconvinced, she brought out a game called "Gomoku" and even offered to gamble. I, Ouyang Mingri, have read extensively, but I've never encountered such... straightforward, simple chess moves. Initially, I was caught off guard by her, and I lost some money. But once I figured it out and started winning back, she cheated and refused to play with me anymore! Seeing her cunning yet self-righteous demeanor, I was helpless. I could only think of this girl, gentle on the outside but quirky and intriguing on the inside.
What astonished me even more was her elegant and graceful handwriting, a style all her own, a testament to her profound talent. Her paintings, however, were a complete mess, like a child's scribbles. Yet, even with such limited skill, she could instantly discern the loneliness and yearning for unwavering love hidden in my paintings.
"Master Ouyang, wild geese are known for their loyalty, so why is this one so alone?" She pointed at the lone goose in the painting, her eyes clear and penetrating. "What is love in this world that makes one pledge life and death? Flying together from north to south, their wings old, they've weathered many winters and summers. Joy is joy, parting is pain, and even among them are foolish children. Vast clouds stretch thousands of miles, snow falls on the mountains at dusk, to whom does this lone figure go?"
At that moment, my heart was struck. How could someone understand me so well? From then on, we began to discuss deeper matters. She said that life is about enjoying life, eating, drinking, and having fun, and that there's no need to fear even death. I scoffed at this superficiality, but I was secretly amazed at her almost insightful and open-minded approach. She then asked me what I thought was most important in life.
"Love," I answered without hesitation. "Love is the most important thing in life." I asked her if she believed in everlasting love. A flicker of yearning flashed in her eyes, then faded into a calm indifference to reality. "I believe in true love, and I yearn for it. But I don't think it's something I can truly experience, so it's better to live in the present and enjoy life."
I actually envied her a little. She could live so "selfishly" for herself, while I seemed to be constantly bound by countless responsibilities, obsessions, and past events, unable to lift them up, much less let them go. But she said, "It's because of Master Ouyang's protection and care that I can enjoy life with peace of mind. Master Ouyang does this because he wants to protect and care for everyone. Actually... I'm very grateful to Master Ouyang, and I've long considered you a good friend. Can I call you Mingri from now on?"
"Yes!" A gentle knock seemed to reach the hardest corner of my heart. Thinking of Shangguan Yan, all my years of dedication were met with silence and distance. Yet, this amnesiac "Zi Ling" before me expressed her gratitude and trust so directly.
In stark contrast to the nervousness and competitive spirit I felt with Shangguan Yan, I felt a sense of complete relaxation and control in her presence. Her world seemed to revolve around me, which comforted me, but... not thrilled me. In the quiet of the night, I was struck by my own despicableness: I was enjoying Zi Ling's complete trust, yet I longed for the moment when Shangguan Yan's iceberg would melt away for me. One to prove I was needed, the other to prove I was worthy of being needed.
On the eve of my descent, I was deeply troubled by the thought of finding my biological father. She, seeing my struggle, enlightened me with her simple logic: "If you find yourself abandoned, start a new life, living for yourself."
I understand this truth, but I still want to go down the mountain to see the father who abandoned me, to let them see me now. But I wonder if they will miss the child who didn't know whether he was dead or alive...
She seemed to notice that I was looking strange, and said quickly, "Actually, I admire your kindness. I hope my child can be like you." I smiled bitterly, "No one wants their child to be disabled."
She refuted this earnestly: "Parents love their children and have far-reaching plans for them. If their children get hurt, parents will only feel distressed and blame themselves."
I sighed and said, "It's a pity that I don't have such parents."
Zi Ling said seriously, "People change. Just because it didn't happen before doesn't mean it won't happen in the future."
It was her words that gave me the courage to go down the mountain. I almost blurted out that I wanted her to accompany me, and she happily agreed.
On the way down the mountain, we rescued an injured puppy and bathed it together. Seeing her squatting by the river, her skirt wet and her profile looking particularly soft in the sunlight, I felt a strange sense of peace and warmth in my heart.
The hustle and bustle of Sifang City was sealed off by the inn's doors and windows. I'd booked the entire inn, not so much because I preferred the quiet, but rather because I was used to using this distance to protect myself and avoid outsiders' comments about my frail body. Yi Shan kept everything in perfect order, while I spent most of my time in my bedroom, lost in my books.
Until the person who came here because of my reputation asked me to treat a county magistrate of "upright character." When she heard the phrase "do good deeds and accumulate virtue," her eyes lit up, and she kept repeating "the highest virtue is like water," eager to meet this "honorable" person. Seeing her inexplicable excitement, I felt a little unhappy, and I secretly watched her expression the whole way. When she saw the county magistrate's ordinary appearance and her interest suddenly waned, I couldn't help but laugh, with a hint of sourness and pride that I didn't even realize: "So, Ziling, you also judge people by appearances?" She looked confused and asked what I was talking about. Her natural ignorance left me speechless. After curing the county magistrate, I handed the consultation fee to her for safekeeping, as if it was the most natural thing to do.
After spending so many days together day and night, an inexplicable feeling has already grown in my heart. She understands me, comforts me, relies on me, and it is easy and pleasant to be with her. But the more this happens, the more I think of Shangguan Yan. How can I give up halfway on what I want to do? This obsession with Shangguan Yan is no longer just the initial curiosity and desire to conquer, but is also mixed with a heavy sense of guilt. I know that my father Ouyang Feiying is the culprit who caused her family to be broken up. This is what I owe her. I must use my life and my love to repay this blood debt. This thought is like a shackle, which also firmly locks my quietly growing and uncontrollable feelings for Zi Ling. I stand on the dividing line between ice and fire, knowing which side is the warmth, but forcing myself to walk towards the severe cold that never melts all year round.
Zi Ling lost her memory and didn't know martial arts, but that didn't extinguish her lively and curious heart. Seeing my constant indifference, she stopped bothering me and only begged Yi Shan to go out for a stroll. She said she was navigating the streets, didn't know martial arts, and was afraid to be alone. She truly needed protection... For some reason, I thought of Shangguan Yan again, that independent yet aloof, aloof beauty. Yi Shan's simple and honest nature naturally wouldn't prevail against her. Whenever I heard her brisk footsteps returning downstairs, mingled with snippets of conversation she and Yi Shan had shared about their experiences at the market, a ripple would form in my seemingly calm heart, one I hadn't noticed.
That day, she came back in a hurry, her usual smile gone, a look of evident worry on her face. She told me about an elderly father kneeling on the street, begging for his ten-year-old daughter who had suddenly fallen ill. I didn't want to meddle in other people's affairs; the situation was fraught with peril, and getting involved wouldn't benefit us. But when I heard the word "kind father," and saw the pure pity in her eyes, my heart, which both longed for and resented fatherly love, softened. I respect kind fathers everywhere, because I don't have one.
When we met the girl, her face was already livid and her breathing was labored. She had congenital asthma. The condition was challenging, requiring days of acupuncture and medication. The old father, dressed in rags, looked apprehensive. I knew he feared I wasn't living up to my reputation as a "Hua Tuo" and, even more so, worried he'd entrusted the wrong person. However, when he looked at Zi Ling beside him, seeing her kind and gentle face, her eyes filled with unconditional love and encouragement, he felt a sudden reassurance. He gritted his teeth and entrusted his daughter to us. At that moment, something strange sank inside me. Her presence had become the bridge that brought others to trust me.
The girl stayed, naturally, under Zi Ling's care. From then on, my world was filled with a lot more "noise." The girl's cough, Zi Ling's soft words of comfort, the gentle whispers as she fed her medicine, and... their occasional low laughs. This inn was no longer just a place for me to stay temporarily; it gradually took on a touch of... the air of everyday life.
Every day, as I gave the girl acupuncture, Ziling would accompany me, handing her tools and wiping her sweat, her eyes filled with complete trust. She would carefully prepare the medicine according to my prescription, patiently coaxing the bitter-shy girl to drink it. At night, the girl would stay with Ziling. Sometimes, when I passed by their room, I could hear Ziling recounting anecdotes from the countryside or humming a tuneless ballad, her breathing gradually becoming steady and long.
A strange feeling grew in my heart. Zi Ling, I, and this little girl who needed treatment, and Yi Shan silently guarded by my side. This scene was as absurd as a makeshift family. It was a scene I had never had, nor dared to hope for. Looking at Zi Ling's beautiful profile when she bent down to comb the girl's hair, and seeing the girl's complete dependence on her, my cold heart seemed to be thrown into a warm stone. Unconsciously, I thought of Shangguan Yan, who looked similar to Zi Ling. If she were here, her cold temperament might not give people a feeling of "home". The tranquility and warmth at this moment are so real. But another cold and stubborn figure, like a vow engraved in my heart, reminds me of my original intention. When did I, Ouyang Mingri, become a fickle person?
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