past

past

Ten years ago in winter——

When the master brought her here, he simply said, "Seventh Brother, this is your aunt's disciple. She's gone astray. Please take good care of her." He never appeared again. As always, his gaze remained fixed on his new nephew.

She was a noisy girl. Different from anyone I had ever met. Except for the first day when she politely greeted her master, after that, it was as if a switch had been turned on. Every day, facing the silent me, she would talk to herself for a long time. I was used to building a high wall with silence, isolating myself from the outside world and protecting myself. I ignored all her questions. Until that day, she suddenly asked, "Why don't you speak? Birth, illness and death are all inevitable in life, but the first cry we make at birth marks our entry into humanity and is the first mark we leave on the world."

My heart was inexplicably moved. Such strange yet... somewhat sensible words actually came from the mouth of a seemingly ignorant little girl. I finally couldn't help but reply to her: "Your internal energy is disordered right now, it's best not to speak!"

Far from being frightened, her eyes lit up, as if she had finally found a breakthrough. She said she was bored and wanted to play a poetry chain game. I naturally didn't bother to pay attention. Instead, she resorted to provocation: "I heard from my uncle from the frontier that you are so proficient in astronomy, geography, poetry, music, chess, calligraphy and painting at such a young age. I didn't expect you were just bragging to my master! I don't think you are as well-read as I am."

Master... actually praised me so much in front of outsiders? An indescribable sweetness mixed with the irritation of being looked down upon surged in my heart. Am I just a name in vain?

“Let’s play,” I heard myself say.

She was indeed full of tricks. She had a bad memory and couldn't recite something, so she made up something on her own. She even shamelessly said it was some "Tang poetry" and blamed me for being ignorant. Seeing her pretending to be calm but with a cunning look in her eyes, I couldn't get angry. A few days later, the eye injury flared up, along with the grievances in my heart, and tears blurred my vision. She stopped joking and came closer, telling me interesting stories from the countryside in her still childish voice. The stories were clumsy, but the intentions were obvious. I asked her to leave me alone. She said, "Don't cry, I'm afraid your eye disease will not be cured, because I already regard you as a good friend."

The word "friend" was too foreign to me. A tiny crack seemed to open in a frozen corner of my heart. I blurted out her name. But she refused, with a weight unbecoming of her age. She simply said, "If I'm smart, I can guess it myself." She also said that if I could guess, I'd admit I was smarter than her.

Good, very good. I can't stand being provoked, and I love solving puzzles. "Okay, I'll figure out your name on my own one day," I accepted the challenge. "But what should I call you in the meantime?" Her eyes rolled, and she said, "I heard Master Bianjiang call you Seventh, so I'll call you Fourteen. Because I'm twice as good as you, hahaha..."

"Fourteen..." I looked at her smug smiling face, feeling a little helpless, but at the same time I felt that this empty and cold Tianshan Mountain seemed to have a little more life because of this strange name.

As the first snow fell on the Tianshan Mountains, I gazed out the window at the swirling white clouds, and I couldn't help but groan in my heart. She curiously inquired, and I, for some reason, told her it was my birthday. She immediately clapped her hands and began singing a birthday song, the tune utterly out of tune, the words garbled and incoherent. I listened patiently, feeling that this was perhaps the most...unpleasant birthday greeting I'd ever heard.

"Don't sing this song to others in the future." I said helplessly, but I had a strange feeling in my heart - this was the first person who sang a birthday song for me.

She asked me about my eye injury, and I told her the stupid secret—I hurt myself. She asked me, "Does it hurt?"

"pain."

"Did you know it would hurt before you got hurt?"

"Know."

"Then why did you hurt yourself?"

Why? Because I wanted to see if the master would still care about me as his disciple. These words were too humble for me to say, so I could only remain silent. Unexpectedly, after hearing my experience, she actually compared it to mine in a serious manner.

"You're indeed miserable, but not as miserable as me." She counted on her fingers, "I'm also an orphan, and now I'm possessed."

I said I would heal her, and then she said, "But I hurt my eyes in vain, and it's only myself who suffers."

But she said, "Your eye disease can be cured. But your family values ​​boys over girls, and at least you are still a boy."

I argued, "I'm still the worst off. At least you... you have all four limbs intact, while I was born with cartilage and have never been able to stand up."

She immediately replied: "I'm still mentally retarded. I've never been able to remember things since I was a child. My mother used to say that my brain is useless."

We continued to argue about ridiculous questions like who was worse off, until she clutched her stomach and said pitifully, "I'm hungry."

Watching her rummage through snacks again, rambling on about the Tianshan cuisine, I suddenly felt that perhaps this long, seemingly eternally frozen winter wouldn't be so unbearable after all. This girl named "Fourteen" was like a ray of unbridled light, illuminating my world, which had been so lonely for so long.

After she recovered from her injury, I noticed she often spoke with Gao Yishan. My master had brought Gao Yishan back to Tianshan five years earlier. He had asked him to serve me, and I cured him of his rheumatism. Gao Yishan was quite dull, and his words always upset me. His health made me jealous. He had served me for less than a year before I asked my master to send him elsewhere. Gao Yishan was deeply reluctant to leave.

After "Fourteen" was cured, he left. After that, Yi Shan came to deliver food every day. I noticed that his behavior was different, so I asked, "Who taught you to deliver food every day?" Yi Shan scratched his head and said, "Someone taught me, but I can't tell you."

I immediately thought of that nosy girl, so I simply followed her lead and asked Yi Shan, "Do you really want to follow me?"

"Young Master, you are the smartest man in the world!" Yi Shan was so excited that he was incoherent. "You even cured my rheumatism! My mother took me to the Earth God before, but he couldn't cure it. Young Master, you are more powerful than a god. I want to follow you for the rest of my life!" Looking into his simple eyes, I remembered her saying, "Everyone has strengths that deserve to be seen." Finally, I nodded: "You can follow me, but you must follow the rules. First, don't call me Young Master from now on. Second, don't tell anyone about my affairs. Third, don't talk too much around me. Fourth, don't ask too many questions about what I tell you. I will tell you what I want to say."

Later, I accompanied my master to visit Ruoshui Palace and encountered a game of Zhenlong chess in a side hall. I've always prided myself on my intelligence, but I nearly lost myself in the game. Just as I was lost in thought, I heard a familiar voice: "Wake up! Wake up!"

It was her! Fourteen! She appeared out of nowhere, casually placing a piece, and unexpectedly breaking the chessboard. I stared at the board in amazement, and she tilted her head to explain, "Master said that this game can only be broken if you don't care about winning or losing."

I smiled bitterly: "I'm just too competitive."

"But," she said seriously, "if everyone followed my principle of inaction, the world wouldn't progress. It's like the harmony of yin and yang; neither can exist without the other."

My ears burned: "Do you know what the harmony of yin and yang means?"

"Guiguzi says it's about mutual benefit and win-win." She pointed at the chessboard. "Just like before, if you didn't want to break the game, I wouldn't make a move. If I didn't make a move, you couldn't break the game. This is the harmony of yin and yang."

Looking into her clear eyes, I felt ashamed of my previous fantasies. Then, we discovered the martial arts secret manual hidden beneath the chessboard. She frantically pleaded, "Please don't tell Master, okay?" I gazed at her graceful face and pleading expression, and finally nodded in agreement. She handed me the martial arts secret manual and her own compilation of martial arts insights, saying, "It's always good to have many skills. For those of us without parents to protect us, we must learn to protect ourselves."

I resisted instinctively: "I'm not interested in martial arts." This frail body's aversion to force is ingrained in its bones.

But she said, "Anything is useless until it is used. Only by learning martial arts well can you protect those you want to protect."

The person I want to protect... This sentence made me change my mind. I remember all the good things she did for me. So when she said she wanted to give me a birthday present, I went to her place in advance. But I never expected to see that scene -

Her master, my aunt, is doing something inappropriate to her!

As my blood and energy surged, Jin Xian had already struck. When I came to my senses, my master had already fallen in a pool of blood.

"I... killed Master." My hands couldn't stop shaking. "Master will never forgive me."

But she cried and said, "No, I killed her. When she treated me like that, I wanted to kill her."

I looked at her in shock. She quickly calmed down and proposed a plan: pretend we weren't acquainted, use the poison to create the illusion that the nun had gone astray through her training, and we could communicate through messages in the library.

"No!" I immediately refused. "I've already done something wrong. I can't deceive Master again!"

"As long as you and I can lie to him forever, then that's the truth!" she said eagerly. "Do you really want this old man from the frontier to lose both his sister and his disciple?"

This sentence shattered all my resolve. Yes, Master has been so kind to me, how could I allow him to endure such a blow?

"Okay." When I said this word, I felt extremely despicable.

She handed me a flute and said, "Men don't shed tears easily. If you're sad in the future, play the flute. Even if we don't speak the same language in this world, there are two things that can connect: food and music."

Holding this first birthday gift, I tasted the most bitter sweetness in life at the crime scene.

The next day, Master discovered the murder and launched a thorough investigation. I was terrified all day, afraid that the truth would be revealed and even more afraid that something might happen to her. Later, I even began to fear that she would betray me, and sometimes I wished I had never met her.

This fear drove me to the library, where I found the letter she left behind: "Seventh Brother, you are the sun in my life, and you will surely be the sun for many more in the future. I have decided to take this matter on myself. Please keep this secret and don't do anything unnecessary, otherwise everything I do will be meaningless. The price of killing someone is so high. I only hope that your hands will not be stained with blood without endangering your own life. This is the best outcome I can imagine."

The sun... huh? My world had just lost its only light.

I went to see Master and said, "I want to change my name to 'Tomorrow'."

Master looked at me deeply and asked, "Why?"

"My world has lost its sun." I lowered my eyes. "I chose this name to pretend that there is still light."

The master was silent for a long time before finally agreeing. He might have noticed something, but he didn't ask anything.

Later, when I heard Shangguan Yan had turned herself in, I thought it was "her" and was extremely anxious. That is until Master announced in public: "The murderer is Shangguan Yan."

"Who is Shangguan Yan?" I blurted out. I didn't even know her name.

Master stared at me for a long time, then looked away: "This matter ends here."

It was not until many years later that I understood that my master let me go not because he was deceived, but because he chose to believe—believed that even if the disciple he had raised made a mistake, there must be reasons why.

The girl who gave me the name "Tomorrow" has become a secret forever in my heart. Every time I play the flute, I think of that night and her words: "Yin and Yang are in harmony; neither can be missing."

Yes, without her, there would be no Ouyang Mingri today.

Five years ago in the spring—

I never imagined I'd meet her again in this way. That day, Yi Shan excitedly mentioned going to see an old friend, but I didn't take it seriously. Until, through the window, I saw the woman who bore a striking resemblance to the "Shangguan Yan" of my memory, standing in the courtyard. Yi Shan called her "Zi Ling," and her eyes curved in a smile, but her face was terribly pale.

What's even more alarming is that the master, even though she was present, ignored her injuries. I watched her forcefully chatting and laughing with Yi Shan, saying she just had a cold, and he actually believed her. This foolish boy hasn't made any progress under my watch.

I followed her, as if possessed by a ghost. She walked incredibly slowly, even slower than my wheelchair. Just as she was about to fall, I reached out and caught her. She opened her eyes in my arms and gave me a dazzling smile.

"Why are you laughing?" I couldn't help asking.

"How can you save me if I don't smile?" she said cunningly.

My heart trembled, but I remained calm: "I can save you, but I can also kill you."

Sadness flashed in her eyes. "I know you won't. We both know the price of killing."

This sentence struck me deeply. I tentatively asked, "Even if we don't speak the same language, there are two things that can convey our feelings. Do you know what they are?"

"Food and music!" she said without hesitation.

It's her! It's really her! I suppressed the urge to recognize her and silently healed her wounds. My master watched from a distance, but didn't stop me. I understood his dilemma, but I was grateful for his tacit approval.

After she recovered from her injuries, I gave her a pair of carrier pigeons. The pair had been given to her by someone she had saved the previous year, and were said to be "loving pigeons" capable of finding each other. I usually don't accept gifts beyond medical fees, but that day I made an exception and accepted them. Thinking back now, perhaps it was destined.

We corresponded frequently from that time, from spring to the beginning of winter. She was admitted to the Sifang City Police Station, and I secretly provided her with advice. Her skill in solving cases earned her the admiration of the city lord; her reputation among the people grew as she punished the wicked and eradicated evil. Everyone called her "Fairy Sister."

I watched her radiant presence, yet I never dared approach her. It wasn't until she wrote to me, telling me she was with a simple, kindhearted man, Zhao Lei, that I realized I'd already fallen deeply in love. That day, I smashed the medicine cabinet and drank my sorrow away. Yi Shan couldn't bear it anymore, so he secretly wrote her a letter. When she came to see me, I was completely drunk.

"Do you like me?" she asked bluntly.

I turned my face away: "No."

"If you don't like me, why did you cut off contact?"

"I've forgotten the past." I said stubbornly, but I glanced at her reaction out of the corner of my eyes.

She stamped her feet in anger: "Ouyang Mingri, you are a coward!" Watching her turn and leave, I wanted to chase her. But these legs, this broken body... I am not worthy of her.

To ease my longing for her, I volunteered to treat the plague, only to catch the disease myself. In my daze, I heard Yi Shan writing a letter to her. That silly Yi Shan, always so fussy. I hadn't expected her to actually come, bringing the life-saving bitter herb.

"You don't have to see me," she said, tears welling in her eyes, standing by her bed. "I just want you to love yourself. Even if the whole world gives up on you, you can't give up on yourself." I looked at her and finally accepted the bitter herb. In that moment, I accepted not only the medicine but also the bitter yet hopeful future it offered me.

I was overwhelmed with emotion and couldn't help but say, "You go first. If I can cure the plague... I will come find you."

But she said, "I'm not leaving. I want to stay with you. If I leave, it's because I want to be with you. I'm staying because, because I like you." Then, shyly lowering her head, I forgot about my leg injury and my master's orders. All I had eyes for was her.

After recovering from her illness, we went to the Tianshan Warm Pool to detoxify. She jumped into the water in her undergarment, frightening Yishan so much that he kept muttering the teachings of Confucius and Mencius.

She laughed, "Mencius loves to talk nonsense! How can a beggar have two wives? How can a neighbor have so many chickens?"

I couldn't help but laugh and told Yi Shan to leave. As I took off my clothes, she shyly turned away. "You usually look so serious and polite, but I didn't expect..." Her ears turned red.

"How can a living person be defined by the dead?" I whispered. "My master advocates Confucius and Mencius, so I just follow his lead."

Her eyes lit up: "The exclusive promotion of Confucianism is simply to unify thought and to restrain the people with rituals and ethics."

"That's right," I laughed. "The world is like a chess game, and everyone wants to be the player." "If you were the player," she looked at me, "I'd be happy to be your pawn." I lowered my head and smiled. At that moment, no moral code, no inferiority complex, could compare to the starlight in her eyes.

On my birthday, she caught a sky full of fireflies, conjured a crystal into a gift for me: "This is my heart." I kissed her, amidst the galaxy woven by the fireflies. In that moment, I finally understood that love doesn't need perfection; it only requires two imperfect people willing to become better for each other. Yi Shan watched from afar, secretly wiping away tears. This silly Yi Shan is always more moved than the person involved. And I, Ouyang Mingri, who once didn't even have a name, finally found my own tomorrow in her love.

Our love affair ultimately couldn't be hidden from Master. That day, he summoned me to his secret room, his expression more solemn than ever. "Tomorrow, do you know how many people want Shangguan Ying killed, bearing a deep blood feud?"

My heart trembled, and before I could reply, Master continued, "Besides, she is ultimately implicated in Master's death. If you insist on being with her, you will be disobeying Master's orders."

"Master!" I said hurriedly, "Ziling..."

"If you agree to sever all ties with her," Master interrupted me, "I will tell you your life story."

"Background!" Those two words resonated like thunder in my ears. Since childhood, I'd vowed to find my biological parents, and now the answer was within reach...

"Disciple... needs to think about it." I heard my own dry voice.

That night, I sat alone in the courtyard until dawn. The shadow of the wheelchair intertwined with the moonlight, just like my turbulent thoughts. At dawn, I went to see Zi Ling, wanting to tell her my decision—I chose my parents. But when I saw her, Zi Ling told me that after going through hardships to find her mother, she discovered that her mother already had an adopted daughter, Cheng Huan, by her side. She left a sum of money for her support and left without hesitation. "Since Sister Wanyi is taking care of my mother, I feel at ease." As she said this, her eyes were filled with loneliness, but also with determination. "Tomorrow, from now on, you will be my only family."

At that moment, I suddenly understood: my parents filled the void of where I came from, and Ziling was the hope of where I would go.

"Zi Ling," I held her hand, "let's get married and leave Tianshan." She was surprised for a moment, then smiled and agreed.

Four years ago in the spring—

Ziling and I married, and Yishan remained in the Tianshan Mountains, with only heaven and earth as witnesses. We lived in seclusion in Yunnan, like a couple in heaven. After she became pregnant, I often gently stroked her slightly swollen belly, feeling the throbbing of new life. That kind of fulfillment was something I hadn't experienced in twenty years.

However, the good times didn't last. When she was eight months pregnant, Yi Shan arrived, saying his master had been imprisoned by his nephew, demanding his martial arts manuals. I was in a dilemma, but Zi Ling gently stroked my cheek, saying, "Go. I'll only love you more. Only a loyal and affectionate Ouyang Mingri is worthy of my lifelong trust."

After I rescued my master, I was eager to return home. But what awaited me was an empty cradle and Zi Ling's pale face.

"The child was taken away by Ouyang Feiying." Her voice seemed to come from far away.

"Ouyang Feiying?" Before I could gather my thoughts, my master's voice rang out behind me: "Tomorrow, Ouyang Feiying will be your biological father."

Biological father? The biological father I have been searching for for so many years is actually the enemy who stole my child?

I looked at Zi Ling. Her eyes kept changing as she looked at me, and finally turned into a resolute one: "If anything happens to our child, I, Shangguan Ying, will never have anything to do with the Ouyang family again in this life."

Her figure, using Qinggong techniques, vanished as swiftly as a flash of lightning, while I was trapped in this wheelchair! Hatred coiled around my heart like poison ivy—hatred for my father's cruelty, hatred for my own incompetence, and even more hatred for these crippled legs! Severe pain exploded through my heart, and blood gushed from my mouth. "Master... please protect my wife..." This was my last thought before I fell into darkness.

When I woke up again, I was lying on Tianshan's sickbed. Master said that my heart meridian was damaged and I had been in a coma for three days.

"Where's Ziling?" I asked anxiously, "Where's the child?"

The master was silent for a long time, then finally shook his head: "The child could not be saved. Shangguan Ying...died from her injuries."

Incurable? The girl who talked about "harmony of yin and yang"? The girl who caught a sky full of fireflies for me? The girl who said she was willing to be my chess piece?

"Where is she?" I struggled to get up. "I want to see her!"

"Tomorrow!" Master held me down, "Let her go in peace. She cast the forgetfulness poison on you, and she changed your fate for you." Master's voice was filled with deep fatigue.

I could feel it. Yes, I could clearly feel it—something was being forcibly stripped from my body. It wasn't sleepiness, not a coma, but a lucid, slow fading away. It was like an invisible hand, bit by bit, slicing away the most important part of my life.

"Forget Worry Gu"... What an ironic name. What it is supposed to erase is not "worry"?

That first snow, she sang me a tuneless ballad; at the foot of Tianshan Mountain, she said she loved me; on a night with fireflies dancing, she placed a crystal in my palm and said, "This is my true heart."

Are these "worries"?

No. These were the first things I had felt in twenty years—light.

"Zi Ling..."

I struggled to crawl towards the wall, using all my strength to raise my hands. My fingers traced the rough surface, and I wrote in blood: Zi Ling! Zi Ling! Zi Ling...

Stroke after stroke. I frantically wrote this name, as if by writing enough, carving it deep enough, I could defy the relentless erosion. My fingertips were raw, and blood mixed with the wall dust, leaving dark red marks on the wall. But I felt no pain—what was this pain compared to the expanding void in my heart?

How I wish she could always be just Gao Ziling. The girl on Mount Tianshan who would cheat when she couldn't solve the chess game, who would squint her eyes when she got her favorite snack. Not Shangguan Ying, not the daughter of General Shangguan, who bore a deep blood feud.

"Master—" I heard my voice trembling, "Please tell me where they are... my wife and children..."

The door opened and closed. The Master stood outside, the moonlight illuminating the wetness in the corners of his eyes. He opened his mouth, but ultimately only sighed heavily.

"Go to sleep, tomorrow."

The sound of the door lock falling was like the final judgment.

As the last bit of my memory of her faded, I lost consciousness again.

After waking up, my heart seemed to be empty.

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