Neither Xue Jing nor Ha Yue expected that after they parted ways that day, they would not meet again until more than a month into the deep winter.
On the second day of the widespread silence in Suicheng, epidemic prevention personnel discovered that Xue Jing had recently traveled to and from Jicheng and identified him as a high-risk individual. Although he did not need to be taken to a makeshift hospital for quarantine, staff in protective suits set up a symbolic yellow warning line at his door and assigned someone to guard it 24 hours a day to prevent Xue Jing from entering or leaving.
Xue Jing's 14-day quarantine period ended, while Zhao Chunni's health code turned red due to not participating in nucleic acid testing for a long time while staying at home. The same two volunteers in the alley took turns watching over Ha Yue's family.
They were supposed to be newly neighbors having an ambiguous relationship, but for the past few dozen days, Xue Jing and Ha Yue were more like innocent pen pals, communicating in a Platonic way through online correspondence.
However, instead of passing notes filled with idle chatter during class, they passed notes about reading and annotating novels.
The first thing Ha Yue does after getting up in the morning is no longer busy making breakfast, but instead she stays in bed for ten minutes, opens her phone, reads the chapters Xue Jing wrote the night before, quickly finishes reading them and gives her a reading note, then gets up to cook and wakes her mother up.
It seems like she hit rock bottom and bounced back. Ever since that fight with Ha Yue, Zhao Chunni's bad temper has gone into hibernation again. For at least the past month, she hasn't hurled any harsh words at anyone. Instead, she's started frequently causing trouble in household chores.
Just as Ha Yue finished folding the quilt, she leaned over with a stern face and ripped it apart. Just as Ha Yue put the food on the table, she grabbed it with her hands and put it in her mouth without using utensils.
During the day, Zhao Chunni would stare at the TV for twelve hours straight, but when it was time to sleep at night, she didn't seem sleepy at all. She would chatter on and on about her childhood with Ha Yue.
One moment she's in the countryside picking corn with her parents, the next she's in the county town receiving a silver necklace from an admirer.
Frequently, while she was speaking, her gaze would suddenly become unfocused, and then she would stare intently at Ha Yue's face, asking her who she was, what time it was, and what month it was.
If Ha Yue cannot comfort her in time, the tension will cause her body to tremble. Zhao Chunni's shoulders will tilt, her eyes will roll back, and urine will flow down her trouser legs to her feet.
To keep her mother clean and fresh, Ha Yue had to change her underwear several times a day, and the same went for bathing. Often, after taking a bath at night, Zhao Chunni would soil herself again in the middle of the night, and Ha Yue would have to bring a basin to the bedside to clean her up.
During the time Zhao Chunni was taking care of her mother alone, her clothes were always soaked through in the yard, with more than a dozen pairs of underwear fluttering in the wind like colorful flags. Even so, she would often be in a flurry of activity because the washed clothes were not completely dry. It is clear that the workload of taking care of a patient was no less than that of stocking shelves in a small shop.
She used to think that running a small shop was hard work, but she never expected that after taking care of her mother alone, she would miss the "leisure" of running the shop.
If Ha Yue is truly exhausted, she briefly closes her eyes and pretends to sleep, ignoring Zhao Chunni's many questions. Zhao Chunni then walks to the mirror and talks to the person in the mirror.
The person in the mirror ignored her, and she would sulk, burying her head in the blanket and refusing to breathe.
To minimize her mother's stress and ensure she got enough rest, Ha Yue had to throw all the mirrors in the house into the trash while her mother slept. Those that couldn't be thrown away were covered with newspaper.
However, under Ha Yue's unwavering and impartial daily education, after two weeks of passive training, Zhao Chunni finally began to regard changing diapers as the first task after waking up in the morning.
It's a good thing that you don't need to wash your clothes multiple times a day.
In addition, Ha Yue also ordered a GPS bracelet online to prevent getting lost. However, convincing Zhao Chunni to wear such an embarrassing thing on her wrist and never take it off again is a long and painstaking task.
Neuronal degeneration and brain dysfunction caused Zhao Chunni to lose her memory, but she did not lose her stubbornness.
This stubbornness was hard for Ha Yue to bear. The fatigue she felt from taking care of the patient was relatively mild. More often, when she looked at her mother's cold and hard face, she would fall into a kind of mental daze and desolation. Her body was taking care of her mother, but her soul seemed to have ascended into the sky, looking down at her own numb face.
The novel excerpts she received on her phone every morning became her only form of entertainment these days. Of course, she also texted Xue Jing; since they couldn't meet in person, they ended up talking even more.
In just a few weeks, their chat history has reached nearly a thousand messages. They talk about the plot, ideologies, the past, Xue Jing's experiences studying abroad, Ha Yue's parents' divorce, their failed business ventures, and the business acumen of their small shop.
The day before Suicheng was slowly reopened, the internet was flooded with news of the fire that had shocked the nation a few days earlier.
The chat between the two people fell into an unusual silence. The suffocating smoke from the raging flames in the video was as thick as despair, and an unsolvable atmosphere of low pressure filled Ha Yue's home.
Zhao Chunni was particularly disobedient that day. She started clamoring to go out and release the geese that had already been eaten, starting in the morning. After being refused by Ha Yue, she refused to eat properly and couldn't hold her chopsticks. Ha Yue fed her by hand, but she clenched her teeth and swayed her body from side to side. Even if she put a handful of food in her mouth, she would turn her head and spit it on the ground.
Breakfast took a full four hours to prepare. At noon, Ha Yue finally managed to settle Zhao Chunni on the sofa to watch TV. Meanwhile, the two piglets in the shed were chasing and biting each other because they couldn't be castrated on time during the lockdown.
The three-month-old piglets, which have never lacked food or water, should weigh nearly 100 pounds and be ready for slaughter at six months. However, during the lockdown, local village veterinarians were unable to provide door-to-door service, resulting in Ha Yue's pigs not being castrated until now. The piglets are about to enter their estrus period, at which time the pig fighting will only become more serious. Injuries to the pigs are a minor issue, but it will also affect their development and meat quality.
Pork with such a strong, unpleasant odor is difficult to eat even by oneself, let alone sell for money.
The two pigs were temporarily separated by a fence. Potassium permanganate and ferrous chloride solution were used to treat the wounds. In the late afternoon, Ha Yue was extremely upset and returned to the living room in a sweat. She was shocked to find that the sofa that had been supporting Zhao Chunni was gone.
Turning around again, Zhao Chunni's room, whose lock had been removed several days ago, was now tightly shut.
"Mom! Open the door!"
Ha Yue used both hands to pound on the door, but no matter how much she knocked or shouted, or even when she dragged the sofa into the bedroom to block the door, Zhao Chunni remained unmoved.
She locked herself in her room, opened all the wardrobes, took out every piece of clothing, rummaged through their pockets, and then threw them forcefully at her feet.
As she searched, she muttered curses under her breath, "Your father stole my money when he left! You're just like your father, where did my money go? You must have taken it."
"That's all my hard-earned money."
"Give me back my money! It was in this bag of clothes, how did it disappear?"
"My money...give me back my money..."
"That's my money... I will never give it to him to do business!"
A month later, Zhao Chunni suffered another episode of mania.
In fact, Zhao Chunni didn't have any money. Her savings, accumulated through years of frugality, were completely wiped out by an insurance fraud two years ago. Since then, Ha Yue has not allowed her to keep cash at home and has deposited it all into a current account in her own name. The mere tens of thousands of yuan was not even enough to make up for the pension insurance for flexible employment personnel.
When Ha Yue couldn't see her mother, she ran into the yard and clung to the window like a spider, calling her name.
In a daze, Zhao Chunni turned her head, glanced at Ha Yue, ignored her, dragged over a chair, stood on it, and stretched out her arms to reach the large wooden box on top of the wardrobe.
That wooden box was part of her dowry; it was exceptionally heavy, weighing at least several dozen kilograms.
The chair looked like it was about to collapse, and so did the boxes on top of the wardrobe.
In a fit of rage, Ha Yue grabbed a shovel from the yard and smashed the windowpane with all her might.
With a crash, shards of broken glass grazed her neck and flew to her feet. Ha Yue didn't have time to check her own condition before jumping into the bedroom and dragging her mother off the chair.
The wooden crate fell down and landed to the side, its brass lock crooked, its belly exposed, revealing the treasures inside.
Inside were Zhao Chunni and Ha Jianguo's marriage certificate, wedding photos, and all the gifts Ha Jianguo had given Zhao Chunni during their early courtship.
A heart-shaped silver necklace, a green plastic brooch inlaid with rhinestones, a polka-dot handkerchief made of polyester fiber, countless love letters, and even a bundle of red hand ropes with date pits hanging from them.
The mother and daughter escaped unscathed, only to fall amidst the remnants of their past love.
Zhao Chunni was like a small insect that had accidentally fallen into the water, her limbs stiff and flailing, her speech becoming increasingly slurred. Ha Yue lay on the ground, a thin crimson line seeping from her neck, her arms tightly wrapped around her waist, staring motionlessly at a point in the void on the roof.
Forgive her for feeling no joy at surviving a disaster; all that remained was a swamp constantly overflowing from her heart.
The invisible swamp spread from her body to beneath the two of them, seemingly filling the entire room.
That night, because the master bedroom window had a large hole and the night was cold, Ha Yue gave her single bed to her mother.
At night, Ha Yue curled up on the sofa, repeatedly reading Xue Jing's new book on her phone, a book she had already read countless times.
Ha Yue resonated deeply with the character of the "wife" in the book. When a person's beliefs, dreams, and emotions are all stripped away, it seems that the only outcome for that person is destruction.
Forty-one years ago, "The Fall of the House of Usher" depicted a Gothic ecological disaster, while now, Xue Jing uses love and marriage as a pretext to write about the systemic predicament that modern people are trapped in.
Humans explore the universe outward, but the universe is cold and boundless; humans explore the soul inward, but the soul is lonely and desolate.
There is no solution to any of them.
Although Xue Jing's book still lacks a properly handled ending, Ha Yue speculates that this book is his first truly tragic work. Free will is insignificant in the face of fate. If life is inherently as painful as that of pigs and dogs, then it's better to just not think like pigs and dogs, at least then you won't feel oppression and pain.
At two o'clock in the morning, a long, drawn-out sobbing sound suddenly came from the small bedroom.
Ha Yue got up and walked to the bedside, turned on the bedside lamp, and Zhao Chunni's face was covered with tear stains in the orange light.
Ha Yue's eyes remained expressionless. She turned off the nightlight again, dragged a chair over, and sat down beside her without saying a word.
In the darkness, Zhao Chunni slowly stretched out her hands in her direction.
She thought her mother would grab her neck hard, but the movement that followed was very gentle. She felt a weight on her head and heard a rustling sound in her ear. It was Zhao Chunni's hand stroking her hair from top to bottom.
Before Ha Jianguo cheated on her husband when she was a child, Ha Yue's happiest moment was Children's Day, when her mother would take half a day to braid her hair.
The fingers moving between the hair and scalp felt particularly soothing, like a massage. After their hair was combed, the family of three would ride their bicycles to Xinhua Bookstore to buy picture books.
At that time, Ha Jianguo had a stable job, and Suicheng felt vibrant and full of life.
Perhaps thinking of that time at the same time, Zhao Chunni sighed and asked her, "Your hair is gone, do you hate me?"
Hair wasn't really that important to Ha Yue. In this situation, during her mother's brief moment of lucidity, she should have said something comforting. But Ha Yue opened her mouth repeatedly, until the dry membranes of her mouth stuck together and a piece of skin came off, and she still didn't make a sound.
Receiving no answer, Zhao Chunni slowly withdrew her hand, closed her eyes again, and her voice was filled with sorrow.
She began chanting in that cynical tone that Ha Yue was familiar with: "What's the difference between living like this and being dead?"
"I want to commit suicide. I want to cut my wrists, jump off a building, or walk into the street and get hit by a car."
"But I'm afraid to, I'm afraid of the pain. Can you help me, please help me, and buy some of that medicine?"
"Eat and then fall asleep, and never wake up again. Please."
Zhao Chunni's mind cleared for only a short while before she fell back into a daze, her eyes covered by a layer of white, convulsing in her eye sockets.
After about an hour of commotion, Zhao Chunni finally fell asleep, drooling, by the bedside. Ha Yue remained in the same position, leaning over her mother's bedside. Her phone vibrated in her pocket; it was Xue Jing telling her that she had gotten up.
After drinking coffee and eating "breakfast," he prepared to work.
Lately, he has to report everything to her, big or small. Even if there was a small green caterpillar on the vegetable bag today, he would take a picture and send it to Ha Yue.
He said that the insect has seventeen folds on its body, and wondered if there would be any traces left after it transforms into a butterfly.
Xue Jing seems to have an innate spirit of finding joy in hardship. When asked to comment, he said that the quarantine life in Suicheng was not bad, at least the boxed meals were really high-end, with two vegetarian dishes and one meat dish. He said that the worst meal he had ever eaten was at a popular restaurant in Edinburgh. When the pandemic ends, he can't be the only one suffering from the terrible food. He must invite Ha Yue to suffer as well.
He's probably the kind of kid who's never been hurt in his life. He always seems to come back to life after a good night's sleep.
There are many more invitations like these.
Ha Yue believes that the cherry blossoms in Tokyo, the lagoons in Iceland, and the white walls of Fira must be very beautiful, but unfortunately she will never be able to go there in her lifetime; the world's most beautiful scenery is beyond her reach.
Money flows to those who have plenty of money, love flows to those who have plenty of love, and hardship, of course, is reserved for those who can endure the most hardship.
That's just how unfair life is.
"Xue Jing, how much longer until the finale is finished?"
"If the lockdown is lifted, let's go see the sunrise."
During her high school graduation trip, Ha Yue's classmates invited her to hike in Daqingshan. At the time, she was a loner. When Ban Zhang told her that the number of people on the list was odd, but the tents were all double rooms, she was afraid that she would end up having to stay in a tent alone, so she took the initiative to say that she was not interested.
But to this day, she is still very curious about what the sunrise there will be like.
"The finale is still a long way off; it'll probably be written by spring."
"What's wrong? Have you been writing poorly lately? Are you tired of reading it? Tell me specifically what's wrong, and I can revise it from scratch."
"We'll be able to see the sunrise soon, we won't have to wait long. Jinzi said they can go home from the hospital tomorrow, and our area will be unsealed soon too."
Ha Yue's eyes were fixed on the few lines of text Xue Jing had written in reply, but she was speaking to her sleeping mother beside her.
She said, "Mom, let's wait until spring, until he finishes writing his novel, and then we'll take the medicine you mentioned together."
So don't be afraid. Even if she dies, she won't be alone. The mother and daughter will keep each other company on the road to the underworld, so she won't be too lonely.
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