13
Hearing the rapid thumping sound, Ji Shengsheng was somewhat dazed before realizing that it was her heartbeat.
She never expected Xu Yu to say these things to her, so she had no way to deal with it.
"...Actually, I don't care about those things anymore. I think you don't need to worry about it anymore either."
"If you're angry because of what happened between us, and because I didn't explain my academic situation to you, I can apologize, or you can ask for any other compensation you might want..."
“Ji Shengsheng,” Xu Yu said, leaving her and standing up straight, looking at her with a somewhat disappointed expression, “You have such a hard heart.”
Ji Shengsheng: "..."
She couldn't bear Xu Yu's evaluation. She thought Xu Yu shouldn't see her that way.
“Perhaps at that time, my attitude towards you was different, which made it a little hard for you to accept.” Ji Shengsheng breathed a sigh of relief. “But I was the one who invested my feelings. It’s bound to be hard and unbearable for someone to keep giving like that.”
"You feel like you can't hold on any longer?" Xu Yu stared intently at Ji Shengsheng.
"I was just saying that it's human nature. I didn't actually feel that it was very hard at the time. I just realized at that moment that liking you wasn't the most important thing in my life anymore."
“…I see.” Xu Yu’s eyes slowly dimmed.
It is indeed very difficult to juggle two relationships.
He was just too immature.
"I'll put the bag on the table for you. I'm leaving now."
Ji Shengsheng quickly left Xu Yu's house.
After Ji Shengsheng returned, Xing Xing glanced at the time and realized that she had been gone for a long time. So he asked her what she had been doing. Ji Shengsheng changed the subject several times before she managed to get away with it.
Once the atmosphere returned to normal, Ji Shengsheng breathed a sigh of relief, only to see Xiao Yang staring at her keychain pendant, asking in confusion, "Sister Shengsheng, did Xing Xing give you this pendant? I saw one at his place too, it looked like it was hanging on the zipper of his coat."
Ji Shengsheng couldn't remember what the pendant was; she had been using this keychain for almost ten years.
"This is something my mom brought back from a temple when she traveled there when I was little," Xing Xing recalled. "She said it was for good luck and gave it to several of my close friends in the neighborhood."
"I see..." Xiao Yang looked thoughtful. "Sister Sheng Sheng has preserved it quite well."
Ji Shengsheng understood Xiao Yang's emotions almost instantly. She completely understood why Xiao Yang would mind such a thing.
"By the way, Sister Shengsheng, did you and Xingxing see each other often when you were studying abroad? I heard that renting a place abroad is very expensive and life is very hard. Did he take good care of you?"
Ji Shengsheng recalled carefully, trying to choose her words: "We hardly ever met abroad, and we didn't exchange messages. We only started to keep in touch after I returned to China, mainly because we lived relatively close by."
"Actually, Xing Xing and I don't have any common interests or hobbies, nor do we have anything in common. We just know each other for a long time."
Hearing her so cleanly distance herself from him, Xing Xing was very dissatisfied: "Why are you talking about me like I'm some kind of trash you can just throw away? Have you forgotten that I used to ride my bike to take you home every day when we were in school?"
Ji Shengsheng: "..."
She had no idea the situation could be so complicated.
Clearly, Xing Xing was unaware that Xiao Yang was in a low mood.
But she couldn't argue with Xing Xing, because that would seem like she was flirting with Xing Xing in front of Xiao Yang.
"Well... Sister Shengsheng, what do you think of my brother?" Xiao Yang took Ji Shengsheng's hand. "My brother is handsome and has a good character. He just told me that he likes you, but he's a bit shy... Would you like to get to know him better?"
Ji Shengsheng: "..."
Is Xiao Yang's younger brother shy...? He's so passionate it's almost frightening.
"I don't want to be in a relationship right now," Ji Shengsheng declined. "I'm going away in a while. It would be inconvenient to be in a long-distance relationship, so it's not the right time to think about that."
"I see..." Xiao Yang looked at her evasive gaze, a thoughtful expression on his face.
The atmosphere in the second half of the event wasn't very good, so Ji Shengsheng made an excuse to go home early. After getting home, she slept for a while and then started working on her manuscript when she woke up.
Ji Shengsheng painted until the sun came up, then took a shower. Afterwards, she prepared breakfast, put the box by the door, and waited for Xu Yu's message.
She and Xu Yu did not agree on a specific time.
The reason is... after yesterday's conversation, she felt that they might never see each other again.
So she planned to wait until the agreed time, and if Xu Yu didn't come, she would take a taxi to Yunlan by herself.
As she walked to the window to see if there were any spare cars, Zhu Xiaodan sent her a message asking if she was ready to leave.
After Zhu Xiaodan was informed that Xu Yu might send her to Yunlan, the other party sent a voice message.
Zhu Xiaodan's voice was so loud it seemed to pierce her eardrums through the phone: "What happened between you two in just two or three days?"
Ji Shengsheng coughed twice: "Nothing happened. He probably has plenty of time. I was prepared to pay."
Zhu Xiaodan didn't believe it: "What are you thinking?"
"I……"
Ji Shengsheng hesitated for a few seconds.
What was she thinking?
Ji Shengsheng briefly recounted the events of yesterday to Zhu Xiaodan.
"So after he said all that, this was your only reaction?" Zhu Xiaodan jumped out of bed excitedly.
"……yes."
"That's it? You weren't even moved by that?" Zhu Xiaodan asked incredulously. "Ji Shengsheng! Is your heart made of stone?!"
Perhaps, if this conversation had happened three years ago, she would have felt cared for.
However, this conversation at this moment only cleared up a misunderstanding that could not be reversed.
That's all.
"And then?" Zhu Xiaodan felt a pang of heartache. "What did you say in the end?"
“I said…” Ji Shengsheng thought carefully, “Let bygones be bygones.”
"And him? What was his reaction?" Zhu Xiaodan pressed.
He said 'okay'.
Actually, she had been wondering these past few days if there was still a chance for them. However, there were three years in between, longer than the time they had known each other.
Shared experiences and memories fade with time. Even deep love cannot withstand the test of time when separated by distance, let alone the many conflicts and barriers between them.
Moreover, people change.
Getting back together so hastily would only backfire. She never pursued achieving goals; liking Xu Yu and having a connection with him was enough for her.
"...So heartbreaking." Zhu Xiaodan wailed in anguish, "Luckily, I don't ship you guys at all, otherwise my heart would be breaking..."
After hanging up the phone, Ji Shengsheng looked out the window and saw that Xu Yu's car was already parked there.
So he quickly walked to the door, picked up his suitcase and the breakfast he had prepared, and prepared to go downstairs.
She was a little nervous and at a loss, and in a daze, she opened the door and bumped into Xu Yu's chin.
"...Sorry." Ji Shengsheng hurriedly took a few steps back, then looked up at Xu Yu, "Does it hurt?"
It was clearly painful; Xu Yu's chin was bright red.
"Breakfast." Xu Yu didn't respond to her words, but simply handed her the bag in his hand.
Ji Shengsheng looked down at the brown paper bag she was carrying: "...I prepared one too."
She wondered if it was just her imagination, but Xu Yu seemed a little unhappy today.
Thinking it over, Ji Shengsheng held up the breakfast in her hand and looked at Xu Yu: "Want to trade?"
Xu Yu followed her direction and imitated her, tilting her head slightly.
Ji Shengsheng held her hand up, and Xu Yu didn't speak, but kept staring into her eyes, so Ji Shengsheng could only look away.
Then, Xu Yu took the things from her hands and nodded: "Okay."
They sat on opposite sides of the table, each seemingly lost in their own thoughts as they ate breakfast.
Ji Shengsheng finished eating first, hesitated for a few seconds, and then took out a forehead thermometer to check Xu Yu's temperature.
After using the thermometer on Xu Yu last time, she had been searching for it. Finally, she found it for her.
Xu Yu's fever has subsided, but she looks slightly haggard, probably because her body hasn't fully recovered yet.
Have you seen enough?
Only after Xu Yu reminded her did Ji Shengsheng realize that she had been standing next to Xu Yu, holding a forehead thermometer, lost in thought for quite some time.
"……What."
"That's because they haven't seen enough yet."
Xu Yu didn't eat anything, only drank the soy milk she had made. After hearing her finish speaking, he took out a tissue to wipe his mouth, then leaned back in his chair, looking very generous: "You can continue."
Ji Shengsheng rubbed his temples: "...I'm ready, we can set off now."
Xu Yu picked up her suitcase and went downstairs.
As she got into the car, Xu Yu looked at her previously injured finger.
Ji Shengsheng tucked his hands into his sleeves.
The doctor advised her to remove the bandages herself a week later. So, even though the cut wasn't serious, her finger was still wrapped in layers of bandages.
Xu Yu bent down and helped her fasten her seatbelt.
They drove in silence until they reached the first service area. Xu Yu handed her a bottle of water and told her to get out of the car for some fresh air.
After taking the drink, Ji Shengsheng naturally turned to look at the person beside him.
“Ji Shengsheng.” Xu Yu also looked at her.
"...Huh?" She was a little taken aback when her name was suddenly called.
Xu Yu cut to the chase: "...How long do you want to see?"
Ji Shengsheng: "?"
She wasn't staring at Xu Yu the whole time.
It's possible, but she wasn't even aware of it.
"...I don't feel any different from before?" Ji Shengsheng pointed to herself, unable to help but wonder, "Have I always been like this?"
"You always have been."
Whenever he appeared, Ji Shengsheng's gaze seemed to be branded onto him.
In fact, every time he saw Ji Shengsheng anxiously searching for something in the crowd, their eyes would meet the next second—the person she was looking for was him.
To pursue and follow without any concealment.
He enjoyed Ji Shengsheng's unnoticed care, which is why he hadn't wanted to say it before.
But now, Ji Shengsheng tells him that she has long since let go, that she no longer cares, and even tries to persuade him to pretend that nothing ever happened.
...to put an end to past grievances?
Xu Yu looked at Ji Shengsheng.
I don't know whether to call her a hypocrite or someone who only pretends to love something but is actually afraid of it.
“Then…” Ji Shengsheng took a deep breath and struggled, “If you don’t look at me, how will you know I’m looking at you?”
"So, you're willing to admit that you always want to look at me?"
Ji Shengsheng: "..."
...She couldn't help but pinch her forearm; she really didn't know she was so blinded by lust.
Seeing that she didn't answer, Xu Yu was more honest than her: "I'm willing to admit that when you look at me, I'm also looking at you."
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
