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"so?"
"So, if you misunderstand me again in the future, I don't want to apologize anymore."
"Are you a robber, Ji Shengsheng?" Xu Yu bit her lower lip.
"It is me, didn't you already know? From now on, just forgive me."
"Is this what you want to 'talk' about with me?"
"Not all of them." Ji Shengsheng scooted up a little, making herself more comfortable.
“Xu Yu, I understand that you mind that Xing Xing and I grew up together, experienced a lot together, and spent a lot of time together.”
"Hmm?" Xu Yu gently raised his hand and patted her tailbone. A strange sensation traveled from the point of contact to her brain.
"You described it very clearly." It's not enough to just say that we grew up together; you also need to emphasize the long time we've spent together and the many experiences we've shared.
His jealousy was already difficult to control, and Ji Shengsheng deliberately added fuel to the fire.
"ah--"
Xu Yu wasn't very strong, but he still increased the pressure somewhat, and Ji Shengsheng couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable.
She quickly covered her mouth, and only spoke again after she had calmed down a bit.
"But you know, I've only ever liked you."
“I think that once we’ve been together long enough, longer than I’ve known any other friends, and we’ve experienced enough to overshadow past memories, this problem will naturally disappear.”
"Until then, let's give each other some time, okay?"
"I want to hear the first sentence."
Ji Shengsheng recalled what his first words were.
Xu Yu thought she was going to renege on her debt, so he unconsciously stroked her chin, forcing her to look him in the eye.
"I've always liked you, and only you."
"real?"
His hands were large enough to easily support Ji Shengsheng's chin.
From this angle, she looks so small, almost completely enveloped by herself, that it's impossible not to feel a strong urge to cherish her.
"Actually, when I first came back, I thought we could really be friends, but when I see you, I feel like I still like you so much."
"If I don't contact you, will you take the initiative to approach me?"
Xu Yu didn't really believe her heartfelt confession, but he still wanted to hear it.
He enjoyed listening to Ji Shengsheng say these things.
"I know how." Actually, Ji Shengsheng had forgotten many things. She had too many things to do, so her memory wasn't very good.
But she still remembers those feelings.
"Xu Yu, unless we never meet again, whenever I come back and see you, I can't help but want to be by your side."
We will never meet again.
Xu Yu repeated these words in his mind.
It turns out there was such a hypothetical scenario that he had never considered.
"you love me?"
I love you.
Say it again.
"I love you."
"Ji Shengsheng".
"Huh?" Ji Shengsheng didn't understand when she felt Xu Yu pick her up and stand up.
Ji Shengsheng hadn't even reacted when she felt the soft bed against her back.
"You're a liar."
"……I don't?"
"You have."
"I will forgive you no matter what you do," Xu Yu's voice suddenly became somewhat unfamiliar, "but there will be a price to pay."
The curtains were drawn, the doors and windows were tightly shut, and all the lights were turned off.
"I……"
Before she could say anything, Xu Yu was already undressing her and then began his assault without warning.
Interspersed among those almost frantic attacks were gentle questions.
"Sheng Sheng, promise me you'll keep your distance from Xing Xing..."
"...Did you do it?"
"Playing around in the snow, playing around in the kitchen, playing around in front of the hospital..."
Are you always so happy when you're with him?
"I……"
"Shh—" Xu Yu soothed her with a kiss.
"You and he are just friends, and he's the first person you see when you return to the country. You and he are just friends, and you should see him immediately after returning from Yunlan..."
"You and he are just friends, but the kind of 'friends' you absolutely have to meet, right?"
"You say you miss me and want to see me, but you see him more often than you see me..."
"Sheng Sheng, when you can't see him, do you miss him as much as you miss me?"
"And..." Xu Yu paused, then emphasized, "He shows up at your house in the middle of the night, and his car is always downstairs."
"Waaah..."
"Sheng Sheng, you've only been back for a few days, and you already have his clothes, toiletries... and health supplements in your house?"
"...Did he also stay overnight at your house like I did?"
“I was right next to you, and you still went to meet him even though you got his call in the early hours of the morning. Even when you finally had time to eat with me, you kept sending him messages…”
Xu Yu stroked her chin, his fingers lingering around her lips: "Bite me if it hurts."
Ji Shengsheng had no strength left. Xu Yu took over as the second one.
Finally, Ji Shengsheng realized that it wasn't that her emotions had dissipated, but rather that she hadn't had a suitable opportunity to vent them.
Xu Yu's questioning did not end there.
“He has his own room and his own sofa. When you're playing Go, even if you're standing behind me, you're still constantly replying to his messages. You two have so much in common that I can't get a word in edgewise.”
“You care about him a lot, you worry about him. You were distracted even when you were leaning against me.”
"The pendant he gave you can last for more than ten years. The bracelet he gave you, even when we spend the night together, you don't want to take it off beforehand... Sheng Sheng, don't you like the gifts I gave you?"
Feeling completely overwhelmed by the impact, Ji Shengsheng couldn't help but cry.
Xu Yu picked her up and felt her tears; she seemed to have finally woken up from her negative emotions.
She has become much gentler, but she still hasn't stopped.
Ji Shengsheng experienced persistent tinnitus.
"Explain it to me, okay?"
"I want to hear your explanation."
"Aren't you willing to explain?"
She saw Xu Yu turn on the light and switch to the third one.
Did he give her time and a chance to explain?
...That's insane.
Ji Shengsheng tried to calm her breathing and get it back into a controllable rhythm.
She finally opened her eyes to look at Xu Yu.
She must have been quite flustered, but Xu Yu wasn't much better off.
His hair was disheveled, and his cheeks, neck, and even his eye sockets were red, with a dense layer of sweat on his forehead.
It seemed the alcohol was working a little, because she felt a headache coming on.
She has explained these things countless times.
They were just ordinary friends, there was no ambiguity between them, and she reported most of her interactions with Xing Xing in advance and explained them again afterward.
She took care of Xu Yu's feelings carefully, even with trepidation.
She did so many things to make Xu Yu feel loved.
The result was the same.
It's unclear how long this misunderstanding will continue.
Does she have to break off all contact with Xing Xing? Does she have to stop seeing Xing Xing's family to completely clear up the misunderstanding?
What about in the future? Will other people become new problems?
She loved him so deeply. And yet he still thought she was a liar. She was really angry.
Suddenly overcome by an impulse, Ji Shengsheng grabbed Xu Yu's shoulder, trying to push him down, but failed.
Sitting like this, her support and strength were all in Xu Yu's hands. She had no choice but to accept it if Xu Yu refused.
All he could do was bite hard on Xu Yu's shoulder.
He took just one bite, but it wasn't enough to vent his anger, so he took another bite.
She had never experienced such heavy negative emotions before. Tasting blood brought her to her senses, and Xu Yu did not stop.
Ji Shengsheng thought Xu Yu would be in pain and angry at her behavior, but her actions seemed to encourage Xu Yu instead. He lay down as if to hand over the initiative to her.
That's not actually the case.
He continued.
Leaning helplessly on Xu Yu's shoulder, Ji Shengsheng felt herself trembling, but she couldn't control it.
She had probably reached her limit and slipped off Xu Yu's shoulder.
She saw apology in Xu Yu's eyes.
But she didn't want to hear "I'm sorry".
Saying "I'm sorry" solves nothing.
"Xu Yu, if you always doubt me and others..."
"...Our relationship won't last long."
"You've endured a lot of pain because of suspicion, haven't you?"
"We got together because we love each other. If it causes you so much pain, then perhaps..."
...It would be better to let go of each other and everything will be more peaceful.
She couldn't say it.
She couldn't understand why things had developed to this point; she hadn't wanted to hurt Xu Yu.
"Is this what you want to 'talk' about with me?" Xu Yu grabbed Ji Shengsheng's wrist, preventing her from leaving.
“It wasn’t like that originally.” Ji Shengsheng felt a lot of pain; she had never experienced this level of pain before.
“Xu Yu, I’ve grown a bit in the past few years. I won’t run away like I did last time when there was a misunderstanding.”
"So, this time I will make everything clear."
“Xing Xing and I grew up together. Some of the ways I talk and act that you can’t accept are things that I unconsciously developed.”
“I didn’t let it go; I tried to avoid it. I even tried to avoid being alone with him in the same place in Taoyuan.”
“Xing Xing tends to act without boundaries or discretion. Before he met you, I kept reminding him that something might go wrong.”
"I was thinking that once I got back to Lucheng, I wouldn't have as much contact with people as I do now, but it seems like I won't be able to wait that long."
“You care about that pendant? It was a gift from his mother. Many people have it; it's not just for him and me. The bracelet was also a gift from his mother. I only wore it on New Year's Eve and for half a day. It's just a thin string; I had forgotten about it.”
"If you don't like me wearing it, I won't wear it."
"I really like the sapphire necklace you gave me. But I felt it wasn't appropriate to go to the hospital today, so I took it off and put it in my bag."
"I planned to put it on before I saw you, but you were angry after we met, and I didn't have time."
"As for the bracelet..." Ji Shengsheng tried to stand up, but found that her legs had no strength.
Xu Yu tried to help her up, but was refused.
Ji Shengsheng picked up the small bag from the chair and took out the new bracelet she had bought that morning.
"You want to give it back to me?"
Seeing the astonishment and pain in Xu Yu's expression, Ji Shengsheng shook his head helplessly.
Strangely enough, Xu Yu always thought the worst of her.
"I bought it this morning. I originally wanted to wear matching couple outfits with you on Valentine's Day."
Ji Shengsheng put the glove on Xu Yu: "When you saw me and Xing Xing playing around this morning, it must have been right after I bought it. He was curious about what I bought and wanted to see it, but I didn't agree."
"You look better in it, as expected."
Xu Yu looked at Ji Shengsheng and grabbed her wrist with his other hand.
At this moment, the matching couple bracelets intertwined seem somewhat ironic.
He knew he was beyond saving.
Even with this explanation, he couldn't let it go.
We can't ignore any of it.
"You're leaving me?"
"Xu Yu, I didn't want to leave you."
Even so, if you misunderstand me, misinterpret me, and punish me, I feel conflicted, confused, and in pain, but I will still care about you, feel sorry for you, and worry about you.
“I have come up with many valid reasons for your behavior, and I have tried my best to convince myself.”
"I feel that I love you with all my heart. I love you as much as I love myself. Can you feel it?"
"Or do you see me as someone who's fickle, someone who, not content with liking one person, secretly gets entangled with another?"
“However, speaking of breaking up, it seems we were never really together.” Ji Shengsheng tried hard to recall, but couldn’t remember any details. “You never seem to have said you liked me.”
Come to think of it, I don't seem to have as many demands on you as you have on me.
Ji Shengsheng had never spoken to him in such a tone and with such an expression.
Although it is language used to express affection, the tone is rational and unfamiliar.
It was as if they were reading out his final verdict.
Whether it happens once or many times, she can walk away resolutely. Xu Yu thought he had leverage, but that was just wishful thinking on his part.
Xu Yu looked at Ji Shengsheng.
"I don't want to break up."
"...I didn't want to separate, Xu Yu." Ji sighed. "Why don't you go back first, okay?"
"I just feel so tired and want to be by myself for a while. Let's both calm down for a bit."
She tried to pull her hand back, but Xu Yu wouldn't let her.
"Let me check if you're injured..." Xu Yu's voice lacked confidence.
"No……"
It hurt, but Xu Yu was careful not to get hurt.
Honestly... if she hadn't been angry, she would have thought the experience was crazy and wonderful.
"We're having a team-building event here tomorrow," Ji Shengsheng said thoughtfully. "Don't let your colleagues misunderstand anything. Tomorrow, everything will proceed as usual."
"We'll talk about the rest after we get back to Lucheng."
She cared about how Xu Yu was perceived by others.
Xu Yu looked at Ji Shengsheng's face; her expression was cold and devoid of warmth, and her order to leave left no room for negotiation.
"I'll walk you to the door."
Xu Yu walked silently ahead of her.
Ji Shengsheng watched his retreating figure and silently lowered her eyes.
If such pain is something they must go through, then let them bear it together and grow as individuals.
As he reached the door, Xu Yu stopped and turned to face her.
"Sound after sound".
“I know.” Ji Shengsheng raised his arm and stroked Xu Yu’s messy hair.
Seemingly to make things easier for her, Xu Yu lowered his head and knelt in front of her.
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