She regretted it
Shen Yu didn't know how he got back to the empty and cold top floor apartment. His memory was vague, and only the continuous dull pain in his heart reminded him of everything he had just experienced.
"Be a good actor and don't ruin yourself."
Her last words, like needles tempered by ice, replayed in his mind over and over again, and every word pierced his blood.
He had thought Lin Qingyue's departure six years earlier was the ultimate pain, but it turned out that being pushed away without hesitation once again after their reunion was the real hell. She didn't want him, never wanted him. Whether it was the Shen Yu who had nothing before, or the Shen Yu with a bright future now, in her eyes, he was always just a plaything that could be discarded at will.
A huge sense of despair and emptiness came over me.
What was the meaning of his life? He had finally fought tooth and nail to reach the highest point so she could see him, but she saw him, and then what? Then she still calmly and cruelly told him: Don't ruin yourself, and don't ruin my life.
It turned out that the love he pursued with all his might and regarded as his life was just a burden to her.
Tired.
I'm really tired.
All the beliefs that have supported him till now are nothing more than "find her, make things clear, and start over."
Now, the faith has collapsed.
The answer was so bloody that he could no longer bear it.
He slowly walked to his study and turned on his computer. The light from the screen illuminated his pale face. He began to write his suicide note.
His fingers moved across the keyboard with remarkable stability as he listed out all his assets—all the film fees, endorsement fees, and investment income he had painstakingly earned over the years.
These figures had once been his bargaining chips, his hope of proving his worth, his fantasy of being worthy of her. Now, they seemed ridiculous. How could Lin Qingyue care for them? But they were the only thing he could give her. Consider them... a final, insignificant compensation for the trouble he had caused her, for his six years of absence from his duties as a father.
Finally, he noted that all the property was donated to Ms. Lin Qingyue, who would handle it on his behalf.
He thought again of Lin Nian, the little girl he'd only met once, whose features bore a striking resemblance to his own... his daughter. He hadn't even had the chance to hear her call him "Daddy," to hold her in his arms. If only... if only he could watch her grow up, how wonderful it would be. He would make her delicious, nutritious meals, help her learn to read, braid her hair in a stylish way... He would spoil her like the happiest little princess in the world.
The overwhelming sadness and regret nearly overwhelmed him, tears silently falling onto the keyboard. But he quickly wiped them away. No, he didn't deserve it. How could someone who couldn't even survive on his own be qualified to be a father? Nian Nian was much better off with a strong mother like her, rather than a weak father like him.
The suicide note was printed out, signed, and placed on the most conspicuous coffee table in the living room.
He walked to the liquor cabinet and mechanically pulled out his strongest liquor, not even needing a glass, downing it straight from the bottle. The acrid liquid burned his throat and stomach, but it couldn't numb the sharp pain in his heart. He dug out his remaining antidepressants and sleeping pills and swallowed them all with the liquor.
He picked up the old stuffed rabbit and went into the bathroom, filled a tub with warm water, and fetched a sharp knife.
He lay in the warm water, the temperature was just right, like a warm embrace. He took one last look at the bunny doll in his arms, then calmly and without hesitation, he slit his wrists with the blade.
A sharp pain flashed by, quickly replaced by a numbness. Bright red blood gushed out, seeping into the clear water and quickly staining the entire tank crimson.
My consciousness started to blur and my vision gradually dimmed.
He seemed to see that night again, in the luxurious club's private room, she descended like a goddess.
"Come with me."
She has such a nice voice.
He tried hard to open his eyes and look at her again, but he only felt his body getting colder and heavier.
"Sister..." He murmured very softly, like a sigh, or like relief.
"This time... I really won't disturb your life anymore..."
The old rabbit in my arms slowly turned red.
His eyes slowly closed, his long eyelashes casting a quiet shadow on his pale face, as if he had just fallen into a deep sleep.
Lin Qingyue and Lin Nian were in the waiting room, preparing to take the fastest flight back to New York. Her work in China was basically completed, and Wang Jing was left to help her with some finishing work. She forced herself not to think about Shen Yu's last pair of desperate eyes, but her fingertips couldn't help but tremble slightly.
Just then, her phone suddenly rang rapidly. It was Lin Jinxuan. She frowned and wanted to hang up, but an inexplicable palpitation made her answer it anyway.
"Sister! Something happened! Shen Yu committed suicide by cutting his wrists at home and is now being sent to the hospital for emergency treatment! The doctor said that his desire to survive is very weak and his condition is very dangerous... Sister, do you want to come and see him..."
Lin Qingyue could no longer hear the rest of the words.
The phone slipped from his suddenly weak hands and fell to the marble floor with a "bang", the screen shattering.
Cutting wrists to commit suicide... rescue... very weak will to survive...
These words were like bullets, piercing her brain. Her face turned pale as paper, and her blood seemed to freeze instantly.
"Mom, what's wrong with you?!" Lin Nian was frightened. She turned around and looked at her assistant, "Sister Xiaoxi, Mom seems to be feeling unwell. Come and take a look!"
At the same time, the airport announcement sounded, and a soft female voice was politely urging her flight to start boarding.
But she couldn't hear anything.
The next second, she grabbed her shattered phone and handbag and rushed out of the terminal like a madman, her high heels hitting the ground in a chaotic and rapid sound. Xiaoxi followed in panic, "Mr. Lin! We're boarding! Where are you going?!"
"I'm not leaving! Take Nian Nian back to Wang Jing!" Her voice was filled with unprecedented panic and trembling, almost a roar.
Fuck flights! Fuck sanity!
If he's gone, what's the point of all this?!
She was pale as she rushed from the airport to the hospital, her hair disheveled from running. Lin Jinxuan saw her coming and ran over to grab her hand: "Sister!!! What should I do? He's still in there..."
The lights in the emergency room were still on. Lin Qingyue looked through the glass and saw the busy figures of doctors and nurses inside, and the lifeless person on the bed. Her heart felt like it was being clenched by an invisible hand, and the pain was so severe that she couldn't breathe.
After an unknown amount of time, the lights in the emergency room finally went out. The surgeon came out, looking exhausted, took off his mask, and his eyes were solemn.
"He's been rescued and is out of danger for now." The doctor's words put everyone's heart at ease. "But he's lost too much blood, and his body functions are very weak. Most importantly... his will to live is almost zero. This is more troublesome than physical trauma and is very detrimental to his subsequent recovery. You family members should talk to him more, appeal to his emotions, and do your best to awaken his will to live, otherwise..."
The doctor didn’t say anything else, but everyone understood.
Lin Qingyue's legs gave way, and she nearly collapsed to the ground. Lin Jinxuan and Xia Xiaoran supported her, one on each side, to keep her on her feet. A wave of fear and relief washed over her, but this was followed by even deeper regret and pain—it was she who had driven him to this point.
She was admitted to the intensive care unit.
Shen Yu lay quietly on the pale hospital bed, with thick gauze wrapped around his wrists and an oxygen mask on his face. Various monitoring instruments made regular ticking sounds, and his breathing was so weak that the rise and fall of his chest was almost invisible.
Lin Qingyue walked step by step to the bedside, slowly squatted down, stretched out her hand tremblingly, and carefully and extremely gently touched his uninjured hand. The cold temperature from her fingertips made her heart ache.
Tears could no longer be suppressed and burst out.
"I'm sorry... Xiaoyu... I'm sorry..." She choked and repeated this weak apology over and over again, tears rolling down uncontrollably, hitting the back of his cold hand, "I was wrong... I was really wrong... I shouldn't have said those nonsense... I shouldn't have pushed you away again and again... I shouldn't have been so cruel to you... I shouldn't have thought I was doing it for your own good..."
She lowered her head and pressed her equally cold cheek against the back of his hand, "Please... don't leave me... don't leave me alone... I regret it, Xiaoyu... I regretted it a long time ago... I will never push you away again... As long as you wake up... let's start over... let's be together as a family... okay? Please... give me a chance to make amends..."
She finally faced her deepest fears and longings nakedly—she couldn't live without him. As early as those days and nights when dependence had become a habit, when she began to crave the warmth and stability he brought, when her heart palpitated at the sight of her daughter's eyes and eyebrows bearing the same resemblance to his, he had become an indispensable part of her life, the only real, scorching source of warmth and connection in her cold, calculating world.
She stayed by his bedside, never leaving his side, personally wiping him, feeding him water, and staring at the numbers on the monitor, never sleeping. She was no longer the high-ranking General Manager Lin, but just an ordinary and fragile woman.
Shen Yu woke up late at night two days later.
His eyelashes fluttered a few times, and he slowly opened his eyes, his eyes confused. After adjusting to the dim light, he saw Lin Qingyue sleeping beside his bed.
His hand moved, and Lin Qingyue woke up immediately. Seeing that he had his eyes open, her eyes instantly burst into great surprise: "Xiaoyu! You're awake! How do you feel? Are you feeling unwell? Doctor! Doctor!" She spoke incoherently and hurriedly wanted to call a doctor.
"...Sister?" Shen Yu's voice was hoarse, with an uncertain trance, as if she couldn't tell whether this was reality or a dream.
"It's me, it's me!" Lin Qingyue quickly held his hand, tears streaming down her face. "I'm sorry, Xiaoyu, I'm sorry..."
Shen Yu stared at her in a daze, watching her cry for him, watching her unconcealed worry and regret, watching Lin Qingyue, who he had never seen before, so fragile and real. His cracked lips moved, wanting to say something, but in the end it just turned into a line of tears, sliding down from the corner of his eyes.
Lin Qingyue leaned over, carefully avoiding his wound, hugged him gently, and repeated in his ear: "I'm sorry... Sister was wrong... We will never be separated again... I swear..."
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
