Chapter 59 Oath 2/16.09.00
Kwon Ji-yong embraced An Yeo-feng, gently patted her back, and let her cry it out for a while.
Once she calmed down, he gently wiped away the tears from the corners of her eyes with his fingertips.
Kwon Ji-yong pointed to the large sand dunes in the distance: "Do you see the sand dune group in the distance?"
Anru Feng looked up and said, "Hmm."
Kwon Ji-yong murmured softly, "Perhaps we misjudged the pinnacle of happiness. The true pinnacle of happiness is the highest point of the great sand dunes."
He then pointed to the smaller dunes on the large sand dunes, saying, "What we now consider the summit is nothing more than a small, slightly raised dune on the long, gentle slope of the large sand dunes."
“But this isn’t the real peak yet; we will eventually reach it,” Anrufeng said, looking at the highest point of the sand dunes.
"I've heard that Mount Everest, the world's highest peak, grows taller every year. So, the altitude of happiness also needs to be checked regularly."
Kwon Ji-yong gently stroked An Joo-bong's cheek, his eyes filled with deep affection and tenderness as he asked, "Am I a part of your happiness?"
"yes."
Kwon Ji-yong looked into her eyes and said, "The power of nature can make Mount Everest grow and break through its highest point. Happiness certainly cannot be defined by a certain point. As a part of your happiness, do my actions, to some extent, determine the height of your happiness?"
"yes."
Kwon Ji-yong smiled gently, his tone slow but firm: "Whenever you feel at your happiest, please tell me, and I will act. Remember, you will never be at your happiest before I act. Even after I act, you will always have even happier moments, because I will act for you endlessly."
In an instant, tears welled up again in An Rufeng's eyes, which had stopped crying.
She gazed at Kwon Ji-yong for a moment, then slowly raised her hand, wrapped it around his neck, leaned forward slightly, and gently kissed his lips.
Kwon Ji-yong gently pulled her close, his hands softly caressing her back. He moved his lips away and lightly touched her cheek, kissing her from her cheek down to the corner of her eye, her eyelids, her forehead, and the tip of her nose, with a soothing warmth.
Finally, he slowly moved to her lips and gently kissed her, not deeply, but just lightly and tenderly touching her lips.
·
On February 24th, Bigban released their fourth mini-album, *Tonight*, which included popular tracks such as "Tonight" and "Love Song." The album reached number 7 on the US Billboard Heatseekers 2019 album chart and number 3 on the global album chart. It also entered the top ten on iTunes charts in Canada, New Zealand, Finland, and other countries. ①
From February 25th to 27th, Bigbang held the "2011 Bigbang Concert (Bigshow)" at the Olympic Gymnastics Arena in Seoul.
In May, Big Bang held another tour concert in Japan.
Time flies, and before we knew it, it was time for An's parents to go to Egypt. An Rufeng accompanied Quan Zhilong to his first concert in Japan, then went home to visit her parents, and then they went to Aswan, Egypt together.
In late May, a rear-end collision occurred in Dacheng, resulting in the immediate death of a motorcyclist. Although Dacheng was not the cause of the death, the news immediately caused a significant stir, with online public opinion overwhelmingly condemning Dacheng's actions. Dacheng subsequently suspended his activities.
In June, Kwon Ji-yong was suddenly summoned by the police.
Confused, Kwon Ji-yong went to the police station, only to find that the police suspected him of drug use and asked him to cooperate with the testing.
When Kwon Ji-yong heard this, he was speechless and annoyed. He cooperated with the test, but to his surprise, the result was positive.
When the results came out, Kwon Ji-yong was very angry and aggrieved. He had never done it and suspected that the police had made a mistake.
The police informed Quan Zhilong that someone had reported him, and they tested him again, but the result was still positive.
When Kwon Ji-yong received the final result, he felt wronged and also experienced a great deal of panic.
Kwon Ji-yong told the CEO about this. The CEO was already troubled by Daesung's situation, and upon learning of this, his expression turned extremely unpleasant. He angrily scolded Kwon Ji-yong severely.
The results are in, but not yet released. Before that, Kwon Ji-yong still has to keep up with his schedule.
The camera was running at the scene of the announcement.
The spotlight came on, the intense light piercing his retina, making his eyelashes tremble. Kwon Ji-yong felt a moment of disorientation, as if he were under the overhead light of an interrogation room.
In an instant, Kwon Ji-yong regained his composure and revealed his usual smile.
Taeyang frowned almost imperceptibly, glancing subtly at Kwon Ji-yong.
During the break, Kwon Ji-yong went to the restroom.
In the lounge, the members huddled together as they watched Kwon Ji-yong's departing figure.
Tap spoke first: "Zhilong has been acting strange lately."
Kwon Ji-yong continued to work alongside the members. Although he seemed no different from usual and completed his work perfectly, the members, having spent so much time with him, still noticed something different.
The maknae nodded: "I always felt that hyung was carrying something on his mind, but I felt it wasn't because of Daesung hyung."
Taiyang spoke up: "It's a big deal."
Everyone agreed.
Don't be fooled by the fact that Ji-yong usually expresses his emotions easily; when something truly serious happens, he won't be so easily detected.
Kwon Ji-yong lit a cigarette, washed his hands, and was about to go back when he inadvertently looked up and saw his taut jawline in the mirror.
He composed himself and returned to the rest room as if nothing had happened.
As soon as Kwon Ji-yong sat down, Tae-yang, on whom high hopes were placed, sat down next to him. He leaned closer to Kwon Ji-yong and asked, "Ji-yong, has something happened lately?"
Kwon Ji-yong knew Tae-yang and the others well; he knew what Tae-yang was going to do as soon as he sat down.
He wasn't ready to tell them yet.
With a smile playing on his lips, he asked with a puzzled look, "What's wrong? We've been together a lot lately."
He then asked Taiyang in return, "Did you hear something special?"
Taiyang knew he wouldn't get any answers from him. Although he was worried, there was nothing he could do if he didn't say anything.
I didn't ask any more questions, so as not to put more pressure on Kwon Ji-yong. Besides those directly involved, as the team leader, he bore the most pressure after the incident in Daesung.
The announcement was public, and some fans were waiting for him when he left the scene after the announcement was recorded.
When they saw them come out, the fans holding support banners screamed and handed them gifts and letters, expressing their support because of the recent troubles in Dacheng.
When Kwon Ji-yong received the letter from the fan, his heart skipped a beat. He saw their expectant and encouraging eyes and heard their excited screams.
For no apparent reason, he suddenly felt a sense of fear and dread.
When Kwon Ji-yong returned home after finishing his trip, he found the studio door closed and knew that An Joo-pung was painting inside.
He tiptoed past her without disturbing her, and went straight into the bathroom to wash away his fatigue.
After washing up, Kwon Ji-yong went to the living room, casually drew the curtains, then sat on the sofa, lit a cigarette, and quietly puffed out smoke.
After finishing her painting, An Rufeng pushed open the door to her studio and was instantly enveloped by the dimness of the living room.
An Rufeng was surprised. Had she been painting for so long? It was already evening.
She rubbed her eyes and suddenly noticed a faint red dot flashing on the sofa next to the curtains, realizing that someone was there.
She walked over and found the curtains were closed. She subconsciously pulled them open and whispered to Kwon Ji-yong, "How long have you been back?"
"Not long." Kwon Ji-yong smiled as he stood up, moved away from her, stubbed out his cigarette, and waved it casually, creating a bitter gust of wind as it swept through the air.
The curtains were drawn back, and bright light streamed in. Anru Feng then realized that the sun was shining brightly outside. She glanced at her watch and saw that it was only three o'clock in the afternoon.
She paused for a moment, seemingly lost in thought.
Kwon Ji-yong seems to be acting strangely lately.
Anru Feng originally planned to stay in Aswan with her parents for a while, but after only a few days, Da Cheng had an accident, so Anru Feng came back to visit Da Cheng. After that, she didn't go back to Aswan and stayed in H country with Quan Zhilong.
When Jiang Dacheng got into trouble, Quan Zhilong, as the team leader, was worried. She could also sense his anxiety and unease, but he remained calm and composed, and the signals he sent were more positive, because he wanted to give Dacheng, his teammates, and his fans confidence.
But recently he has been somewhat absent-minded, and he has been smoking at home more frequently.
An Rufeng dislikes the smell of smoke. Although she has never told Quan Zhilong that she knows he is addicted to smoking and has never asked him to quit, Quan Zhilong rarely smokes in front of her.
An Rufeng walked over and sat down next to Quan Zhilong, gently taking his hand.
She glanced at Quan Zhilong, who then gripped An Rufeng's hand. Seeing her looking at him, he couldn't help but smile and ask, "What's wrong?"
An Rufeng moved closer to him, squeezed his hand, and asked softly, "I feel like you haven't been doing well lately. Has something happened?"
An Rufeng had just come out of the art studio, still carrying a faint scent of ink.
Kwon Ji-yong often smelled her familiar scent and felt the softness and warmth of her hands. The fake smile on his face gradually faded, and his expression became calm.
His Adam's apple bobbed slightly as he looked at her concerned eyes and pursed his lips.
After a moment of silence, Kwon Ji-yong finally revealed the secret he had kept hidden in his heart: "A few days ago, I was summoned by the police, and they asked me to undergo... a drug hair test."
Kwon Ji-yong paused, his voice slightly hoarse, "The test results are in... positive."
How is that possible!
An Rufeng was shocked and was about to ask what was going on when Quan Zhilong glanced at her and spoke again, his voice low and husky, with a hint of barely perceptible caution: "Do you believe me?"
Kwon Ji-yong stared intently at An Yeo-bong, as if afraid of missing a single expression from her.
Upon hearing this, An Rufeng frowned deeply. What kind of talk was that!
"Of course I believe you! I'm a little angry! How dare you ask me this question. I thought you would take it for granted that I would take it for granted that you don't do drugs."
Upon hearing this, Kwon Ji-yong's tense nerves relaxed slightly as she frowned. He spoke in a low voice, as if asking for confirmation: "Ru Feng, why do you trust and believe in me so much? Maybe I am such a bad person."
An Rufeng got even angrier: "It's one thing if you don't believe me, but you don't even believe in yourself! You don't believe that your character, your charm, and your excellence are enough to make those who love you believe in you unconditionally."
An Rufeng softened her tone, "You shouldn't ask anyone who has ever interacted with you whether they believe you or not. People who have had the chance to get to know you will know how excellent and wonderful you are, and they won't actively seek out drugs. You are a good person; you just encountered some bad things."
An Rufeng stroked his arm, gazed intently into his eyes, and said slowly, "Kwon Ji-yong, who has been working hard and persistently for your dreams since you were six years old, and who has spent most of your life running tirelessly for your dreams, how could you do something that would betray yourself?"
She raised her hand and placed it on Kwon Ji-yong's chest, feeling his heartbeat against her palm. "You are someone who lives with your dreams. Your heart beats for your passions, and you live to live with your dreams. You would never do anything to destroy your dreams."
Kwon Ji-yong stared blankly at An Ru-feng, then suddenly buried his face in An Ru-feng's shoulder.
An Rufeng felt a weight on her shoulder, followed by warm liquid seeping into her collar and slowly sliding down her skin.
Those were Kwon Ji-yong's tears, hot and wet, one drop, two drops... one after another, like a flood bursting its banks, releasing all the grievances he hadn't done, the guilt he felt towards his members, the worries about the future, the oppression of being called a cancer in the group, the helplessness, the vulnerability... all the emotions he felt.
Kwon Ji-yong shed tears silently.
An Rufeng's heart clenched suddenly, as if it were being tightly gripped by an invisible hand.
Her hand unconsciously rose and gently stroked his back, again and again, the movement as gentle as soothing a wounded cub.
Anru Feng could feel his rapid heartbeat through the thin fabric of his clothes as her fingertips touched his strong back.
She could hear his suppressed sobs, faint and broken, each sound like a heavy hammer striking her heart.
She tilted her head slightly, her cheek pressed against the top of his head, the strands of hair brushing against her skin, tickling her, yet making her heart ache.
An Rufeng remained silent, letting Quan Zhilong vent his emotions. After an unknown amount of time, Quan Zhilong finally stopped.
After he calmed down, An Rufeng asked, "How could this happen? What was the reason?"
After venting his emotions, Kwon Ji-yong felt much better. Although his voice was hoarse, his tone was relatively calm and relaxed as he told her the whole story: "It was probably when I was at a club during my concert in Japan in May, someone claiming to be a fan gave me..."
Japan? Anru Feng couldn't help but ask, "Is there any survey? What's the club's name?"
"The president sent someone to investigate... There's been no progress so far, the name is..."
The Yamada family has a lot of control over places like clubs, so An Rufeng called Yamada Yusuke and asked him to help investigate the matter.
Kwon Ji-yong is not very optimistic.
So what if it wasn't intentional? The positive result is a fact. How many people love him? In the eyes of those who don't believe him, any explanation is just an attempt to cover up the truth.
Given the circumstances in their country, this remains an unforgivable act in the eyes of their citizens.
His dream seemed to be shattered...
In June 2011, the Seoul Central District Prosecutors' Office in South Korea issued a notice that Kwon Ji-yong's indictment on suspicion of marijuana use was temporarily suspended.
The news caused a public uproar, with news of Kwon Ji-yong's drug use flooding the internet.
The public strongly condemned Kwon Ji-yong, with slogans like "Kwon Ji-yong, leave the group!" "Kwon Ji-yong, die!" "Kwon Ji-yong, get out of South Korea!"... All sorts of vicious words were directed at Kwon Ji-yong.
Perhaps because of his past experience with plagiarism, or perhaps because he had roughly anticipated the public's reaction, Kwon Ji-yong was initially saddened by the doubts and insults from the public and his haters, but in the end, he remained relatively calm.
Faced with disappointed fans leaving, he had already cried for them when he confessed to An Rufeng, and expressed his understanding. He believes that if they had the opportunity to get to know him, they would believe that he did not do it. They can never truly understand him through screens, stages, and the internet.
Although Kwon Ji-yong had the courage to face public opinion, he was still not in a good mood.
Now that he has stopped his activities, all group activities have also been suspended, and there are rumors circulating that the group is going to disband.
He felt very guilty because his mistake, carelessness, and lack of caution had implicated the members.
He was depressed and confused, unsure of what the future held. If he couldn't return to the stage or share his music with others, what would he do? His life suddenly seemed directionless.
Kwon Ji-yong suddenly realized that he was insignificant and nothing at all.
Kwon Ji-yong hid in his room and didn't want to go out.
Taiyang and the others had never seen him so dejected and listless, not even when he was falsely accused of plagiarism.
Back then, he felt annoyed, angry, and resentful when faced with slander; he was full of spirit. Now, he seems to have lost his vitality.
Taiyang and the others were very worried.
"Ru Feng, I have no appetite. I don't want to eat. I want to smoke, drink, and get completely drunk."
In the dimly lit bedroom, Kwon Ji-yong lay on his back on the bed, his arm behind his head, looking at the ceiling, and said to An Yeo-poong who came in to bring him food.
"Then let's smoke and drink until we're completely drunk." An Rufeng left the room and brought him some alcohol. "I'll take care of anyone who comes to visit you."
If you're unhappy, you're unhappy; if you don't want to cheer up, you don't have to cheer up.
Just as we allow insomniacs to stay up all night to reduce their anxiety, let's allow those who are down to be depressed and lighten their burden.
An Rufeng let Quan Zhilong remain listless and dejected for several days before finally pulling him out of his room.
An Rufeng placed a bowl of porridge in front of him and pushed a small dish of kimchi closer to him: "This is the porridge I ordered from your favorite breakfast shop, and this is your favorite kimchi. Auntie, your mom, made it especially for you."
Kwon Ji-yong stirred the porridge in the bowl with a spoon, and eventually ate it with kimchi, but only ate a little over half a bowl.
Anru Feng didn't say anything and cleaned up the dishes.
After breakfast, An Rufeng asked Quan Zhilong to accompany her to the window to look at the scenery.
Kwon Ji-yong did not refuse.
Sunlight streamed in through the window. Kwon Ji-yong was about to sit on the sofa in the shade when An Yeo-feng grabbed his hand and pulled him to sit in the sunlight.
Kwon Ji-yong hadn't seen the sun in a long time, so he subconsciously squinted and raised his hand to shield his eyes from the sunlight; he didn't want to be in the sun.
An Rufeng glanced at him as he moved and saw the bruises on his arm from the blood draw during the test.
She grabbed his wrist and held it up to the sunlight: "Wounds need sunlight to heal."
"What if there's no sunshine?"
An Ru Feng knew about Quan Zhilong's worries and anxieties.
“Then let’s break through the darkness and find another light.” An Rufeng said without hesitation, “Once you’ve sorted out your feelings, you can continue to pursue your dreams at any time. As long as you’re prepared, you can come out and perform, write songs, release songs, and stand on stage at any time. There’s only one outcome; there’s no situation where you can’t come out and perform.”
“If your current company doesn’t allow you to participate in activities, we can terminate the contract and participate in activities on our own.”
“Even if your country’s Blue House issues a ban on your activities, you should still be open and aboveboard. You haven’t done anything to wrong the public, you are a victim, you did nothing wrong, and you should be upright and honorable.”
Perhaps it was because An Rufeng's tone was so confident that Kwon Ji-yong felt his heart settle down and a surge of courage welled up within him.
"Kwon Ji-yong." An Ru-feng suddenly called out to Kwon Ji-yong in a solemn tone.
"Hmm?" Kwon Ji-yong looked up at An Joo-feng.
"You said I am a god to you, does that still hold true?"
"Of course." Kwon Ji-yong didn't know why she suddenly asked that question, but he answered without hesitation.
An Rufeng nodded: "Then I ask you in the name of the gods, Kwon Ji-yong, are you willing, from this moment on, in good times and bad, in health and sickness, in poverty and wealth, in success and failure, or in any other situation, to love yourself, cherish yourself, respect yourself, love yourself, support yourself, accept yourself, and treat yourself well, until the end of your life?"
Kwon Ji-yong looked at An Yeo-feng, speechless.
"Are you willing to make this eternal promise to yourself before the divine, with her as your witness?"
“I…” Kwon Ji-yong’s voice was a little hoarse, “I do.”
"The oath-taking ceremony begins."
"I, Kwon Ji-yong... solemnly swear that from this moment on, whether in good times or bad, in health or sickness, in poverty or wealth, in success or failure, or in any other circumstance, I will love myself, cherish myself, respect myself, care for myself, support myself, accept myself, and treat myself well until the end of my life."
She looked into Kwon Ji-yong's amber eyes: "Are you willing to accept the blessings of the gods?"
"I do."
An Rufeng took his left hand and gently kissed the knuckle of his ring finger.
She looked up at Kwon Ji-yong, her voice soft yet firm: "This kiss is a blessing from the gods, a symbol of love, and represents your eternal vow."
"Now, in the name of Kwon Ji-yong's personal deity, I declare this oath to be valid, and Kwon Ji-yong must never break it."
Kwon Ji-yong stroked the spot on his ring finger where she had kissed him, tears welling up in his eyes.
They were tears of emotion and happiness.
He finally understood how Ru Feng could cry so sadly when she felt so happy.
He couldn't imagine life without her.
Kwon Ji-yong looked at An Ru-feng and said, "Ru-feng, you've always loved me, haven't you?"
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Author's Note: ①Source: Baidu Encyclopedia
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