memory
Life seemed to have been turned back onto its predetermined track by an invisible hand, flowing on peacefully as ever.
A delicious breakfast in the morning light, the warm lights on when you come home from get off work, and the occasional kiss and hug have all become part of daily life.
On the surface, the heavy conversation about memories and choices that took place in Xiao Yuan's arms that night seemed to have never happened.
But Lu Zhian could sense it.
They cherished every day they spent with him in their own way, and the fear hidden beneath their strong exterior was like an undercurrent, silently but powerfully washing over Lu Zhian's heart.
They were afraid of losing him, afraid that the unknown Lu Zhian, with his complete memories, would make a different choice.
This feeling of being so cherished, even feared to lose, filled Lu Zhian's heart with a bittersweet, throbbing sensation.
He didn't want to see them like this, didn't want them to live forever in uncertain waiting and worry. He also wanted to know, what was that forgotten self like? What was that past with Xiao Yuan and Xiao Jin like?
Lu Zhian secretly contacted Gu Yingshen, not choosing to meet at the villa or outside, but going directly to Gu Yingshen's residence.
Gu Yingshen sat opposite Lu Zhian, calmly gazing at him, and asked again, "Have you thought it through?" His voice was flat, "Back then, you were the one who chose to forget."
Lu Zhian clenched his hands on his knees, his knuckles turning white, but he still nodded firmly: "I want to know. Everything."
Gu Yingshen said no more. He used hypnosis to guide Lu Zhian to relax and delve into the deep sea of memories that he had locked away.
As the fog of consciousness gradually dissipated, fragmented images flashed and connected in Lu Zhian's mind, frame by frame, like an old film reel.
He saw his small self, ragged and dirty, being led into a cold laboratory filled with the smell of disinfectant. Fear and helplessness coiled around his young heart like cold snakes.
Later, the researchers brought in two smaller, furry snow leopard cubs, who nestled beside him, providing the only warmth he needed. He loved them dearly; they were the only light in his bleak childhood.
Later, he realized how terrible this place was, mustered his courage, and desperately escaped with the two snow leopard cubs.
They ran in an unfamiliar place. The rain was heavy, and the cold rain blurred their vision and washed away their breath.
He got separated from them. He cried and shouted in the heavy rain, searching for a very long time, until he was exhausted and collapsed with a high fever...
When he woke up again, he was lying on a clean bed. His high fever had subsided, but it had also taken away all his memories of the laboratory and the little snow leopard.
A stern-faced man told him that he had collapsed near his territory. The man said his eyes resembled those of his deceased wife. This man was influential in both the legal and illegal worlds.
The man adopted him.
After the man died, he left behind a vast business empire and a complex web of political forces.
He spent a tremendous amount of effort and endured countless open and covert attacks to barely stabilize the situation.
In this process, he became less cheerful, learned to hide all his true emotions, and became a mysterious and ruthless "designer" in the eyes of outsiders.
During the handling of a drug dispute, he discovered that someone was using his group's name to sell drugs. This was a bottom line that his adoptive father had strictly forbidden during his tenure, and that he would never allow to be crossed. He personally located the group's main hideout.
There, he met the painter for the first time.
The thin, pale young man stood alone amidst the scattered corpses, surrounded by a heavy stench of blood, yet his body was spotless, and his eyes were as empty as a stagnant pool.
Lu Zhian was extremely wary of him. Someone who could single-handedly break in and kill everyone before him was too dangerous; it was like silencing witnesses.
The artist calmly told him, "I didn't kill anyone. They were under the influence of high-dose drugs, hallucinating and killing each other." He paused, looked at his hands, and added, "Their blood is dirty; I won't touch it."
Lu Zhian wasn't stupid; he knew that high-ranking officials who dared to traffic drugs wouldn't use them themselves.
But the artist frankly told him that he was occasionally a police informant, simply passing on information. This time, it was because this group had kidnapped the drug lord's narcotics manufacturer next door, and the rudimentary equipment led to a drug leak.
The artist even looked at him and said, "I can't find meaning in life. Would you be willing to kill me?"
Lu Zhian just stared at him in silence for a long time before saying, "Then you can come with me."
Lu Zhian brought him back.
Later, they became the only people they could call "friends." The artist, with his extraordinary intellect and ruthless methods, helped him further consolidate the group.
Later, a new force rose up on the □□, led by Xiao Yuan and Xiao Jin.
Everyone assumed they would clash and eventually break out.
But in reality, Xiao Yuan and Xiao Jin never actually laid a hand on him. Once, when their subordinates had a disagreement, Xiao Yuan and Xiao Jin even personally went to apologize, bringing with them delicious desserts.
And so, the two Xiao brothers began to appear occasionally and without reason, to see what he was doing and to bring him some good food.
At that time, he did not know that they were the two snow leopard cubs that had been separated from him years ago. He was just confused by these two sudden and cautious acts of kindness, yet he could not resist that little bit of warmth.
After the company and group stabilized completely, his deep-seated desire for his lost memories resurfaced. He secretly investigated, found clues about the laboratory, and deduced the identities of Xiao Yuan and Xiao Jin.
Ultimately, he teamed up with the artist to plan and destroy the laboratory.
The explosion lit up the sky, but he did not feel the relief he expected; instead, he was overwhelmed by endless fatigue and emptiness.
He ran away from it all.
He left all his assets and power to Xiao Yuan and Xiao Jin. Then, he asked the painter to help him one last time.
"Hypnotize me, make me forget all of this." He said to Gu Yingshen, "I want to start over as an ordinary person."
Gu Yingshen did as instructed.
Thus, Lu Zhian, the "designer," completely "disappeared" at the site of the explosion in the laboratory.
Hypnosis session ended.
Lu Zhian slowly opened his eyes, tears silently sliding down his cheeks. Those heavy, painful, struggling, warm, and ultimately abandoned past memories overwhelmed him like a tide.
He remembered everything, remembered who he was, and remembered why he had chosen to forget in the first place.
Gu Yingshen sat quietly opposite him, looking at him without saying a word, but simply handed him a tissue.
Lu Zhian took the tissue but didn't wipe his tears. He looked up at Gu Yingshen, his voice hoarse and choked with emotion: "I'm sorry for leaving you all alone."
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