12. Even if you don’t agree, please don’t forget
The two of them breathed a sigh of relief at the same time, which was considered a smooth transition. Ling Ling secretly blamed herself for being too stupid and caught off guard. Looking back, every time she was with Yu Chuanbei, it was not normal. She didn't know what kind of demon she had become in his mind. "My mother is of Chinese descent. She met my father after an art exhibition in Germany and followed him to live in China. But my parents have been dead for more than ten years, so my German is actually much rusty. It was a car accident at the time, and at least the two of them were together in the end." She wanted to add some explanation, but her tragic life experience might make her look more like an outlier, so she stopped there. "They must love each other very much, right?" Yu Chuanbei asked thoughtfully. "Love? If you say we yearned for a pastoral life, lived together in the mountains, lived in poverty despite lacking food and clothing, and never left each other; if our only daughter didn't receive formal education until she was ten; if the only time we saw our family in Germany after severing ties was at a funeral... then these could be considered love." Ling Ling tried to keep her tone indifferent, hoping to be ruthless first, thus warding off the embarrassment caused by others' sympathy. Her blame for her parents was like a mother who had lost a child. Only by constantly reinforcing the realization that their deaths were caused by their willful stubbornness and stubbornness could she gradually accept this reality, although it still didn't ease the pain. "Can't your father's work provide you with a better life? Aren't you also a good painter?" Yu Chuanbei wanted to know more about her. "His paintings touch on political issues, which wouldn't work in China... As for me, I just use this skill to make a living. I'm not like them, who must retreat to the countryside, amidst misty evening skies, bury a bowl of pear blossoms, and cough up a mouthful of blood to find their artistic soul. My skills are limited, so I can only paint abstractly, a random fragment that evokes a certain emotion in a random person... Of course—I'm just a street performer, so I'm getting off track." Ling Ling chuckled bitterly, self-deprecatingly. "So you don't believe in love at first sight, right?" They were lost in their own sorrows. "Of course not! Love at first sight isn't love, it's just an illusion. We simply use our past ideals of beauty, confirmed by a first encounter, and become infatuated. We might fall in love with a woman's profile against the sunset, a man's back against the sun. But these are just images. Lasting love requires long-term contact." Ling Ling rambled on about her thoughts, but Yu Chuanbei laughed out loud. Ling Ling looked at him strangely. "Hearing you say this, it feels like...
They both breathed a sigh of relief, a smooth transition. Ling Ling silently blamed herself for being so foolish and caught off guard. Looking back, every time she was with Yu Chuanbei, it was always abnormal. She wondered what kind of demon he had made of her in his mind.
"My mother is of Chinese descent. She met my father after an art exhibition in Germany and followed him to live in China. However, my parents have been dead for more than ten years, so my German is actually much less fluent. It was a car accident, so at least we were together in the end." She wanted to explain more, but her tragic life experience might make her look more like an outsider, so she stopped there.
"They must love each other very much, right?" Yu Chuanbei asked thoughtfully.
"Love? If we yearn for a pastoral life, living together in the mountains, living together despite lacking food and clothing, and never abandoning each other; if our only daughter didn't receive formal education until she was 10; if the only time we saw our family in Germany after severing ties was at a funeral... then these can be considered love."
Ling Ling tried to keep her tone indifferent, hoping to be ruthless first, thus warding off the embarrassment brought on by others' sympathy. She blamed her parents like a mother who had lost a child. Only by constantly reinforcing the idea that their deaths were caused by their willful stubbornness and obstinacy could she gradually accept this reality, though it still didn't ease the pain.
"Can't your father's works bring you a superior life? Aren't you a good painter too?" Yu Chuanbei wanted to know more about her.
"His paintings involve political issues, which are not acceptable in China... As for me, I just use this skill to make a living. I am not like them, who have to retire to the countryside, enjoy the misty evening, bury a bowl of pear blossoms, and cough up a mouthful of blood to have an artistic soul. My skills are weak, so I can only paint abstractly, and any random fragment can evoke a certain emotion in any person... Of course - I am just a street performer, and I have gone off topic by saying so much." Ling Ling smiled bitterly at herself.
"So you don't believe in love at first sight?" They were immersed in their own sorrows.
"Of course I don't believe it! Love at first sight isn't love, it's just an illusion. We simply use our past ideals of beauty, confirmed at a certain first meeting, and become intoxicated. We might fall in love with a woman's profile against the sunset, or a man's back against the sun. But these are just images. Lasting love requires long-term contact."
Ling Ling was blabbering on about her thoughts, but Yu Chuanbei laughed out loud. Ling Ling looked at him strangely.
"Hearing you say this, it feels like a romance novel written by a fifteen or sixteen-year-old girl. So innocent - so cute." A smile filled his eyes, like ripples on water shimmering in the setting sun.
Ling Ling didn't understand his comment and could only pout to express her dissatisfaction. Fortunately, she had already arrived at her destination.
After climbing continuously, they were already halfway up the mountain. Yu Chuanbei stopped the car and asked Lingling to get out.
"Follow this path around to the south side of the mountain. I believe you will not forget this place." He smiled faintly at her, and she always felt that there was a whisper in this smile that he didn't say out loud.
"You seem to be very familiar with this place." They talked as they walked.
"Yes, my family and I lived nearby for two years while doing geological surveys with my dad. That's why I'm so concerned about this project. Originally, our company wanted to provide project planning for the real estate developer who acquired this land, but I simply couldn't accept the sight of this place being surrounded by commercial real estate. So I insisted on taking on this project alone, raising our own venture capital, and turning it into a geological park. However, the prerequisite for getting the company's support was, of course, that the profit calculations far exceeded those of commercial real estate. In the end, only this German company was willing to negotiate. This battle was not easy, but fortunately, you were here."
She accepted his affectionate smile when he looked back at her, and just took it as gratitude.
Ling Ling followed behind Yu Chuanbei, following in his footsteps, and soon reached the south side of the mountain. The previously monotonous green suddenly became spiritual.
Only after Yu Chuanbei stood still did Ling Ling begin to carefully examine the scenery before her. Lush trees, overflowing flowers, a sea of rolling clouds. The strong sunlight couldn't penetrate the clouds, gilding them with an elegant golden edge. Instead, it shone softly and brightly, casting a dreamlike iridescence. The soft, slender grass beneath her feet swayed in the wind, humming softly but speaking to no one.
Although Ling Ling had grown up in the mountains, this was her first time witnessing such complex and graceful beauty. Her mind exclaimed in ecstasy, but her heart remained serene and calm. All this scenery, selflessly and openly, poured forth before her eyes in a vast, overwhelming display. She was so overwhelmed that she was lost in thought and speechless. She hadn't even let go of the edge of his shirt, which she had grabbed in her panic when she nearly fell while climbing.
Yu Chuanbei gazed at her delicate face, her long hair swirling in the gentle breeze. All the beauty he desired was within reach. Ever since meeting Ling Ling, he'd wanted to capture so many beautiful moments, yet he also wanted to hold her hand and keep moving forward. He tormented and reveled in this conflict.
"Do you like it here?" he asked her gently.
She nodded, her eyes still fixed on the intoxicating scenery.
"When I was a teenager, I accompanied my father on a geological survey in Sichuan. One day, I ventured out on my own and discovered this place. I was stunned by the scenery. I sat alone from dawn to dusk, feeling lonely for the first time. It was also the first time I had an idea: if I ever find a girl I like, I'm going to bring her here."
Yu Chuanbei's words were like a wave of pure warmth, striking her heart fiercely yet painlessly. Ling Ling's thoughts were somewhat scattered by the impact, but her body remained motionless.
"Lingling, you are the only girl who has accompanied me to see this scenery. I think..." Yu Chuanbei faced her solemnly. He was facing the light, and she immediately felt herself shrouded in shadow. She lowered her head and could only see the narrow light between his fingers.
"Stop talking." Ling Ling interrupted him decisively.
Yu Chuanbei was stunned. But seeing her evasive eyes, panic expression, and lowered head, he instantly understood what she meant.
Ling Ling still didn't look up, turned around and wanted to go back, "We should rush to the airport." Her back was saying.
"Don't run away from me. Even if you say no, just let me finish, okay? — I'm in love with you, Lingling." Yu Chuanbei stubbornly yelled at her, not out of anger, but simply because he was afraid she couldn't hear him. Even in the quiet, he could still hear his own heartbeat.
Ling Ling stood there, her tense shoulders slowly relaxing. She slowly turned around, but only asked lightly: "You confessed so quickly because you calculated that I would easily agree, right? You are good at everything, and you happen to be good to me, so I should have agreed to you, right?" Ling Ling turned around, her tone cold and a little hurtful.
Yu Chuanbei sighed helplessly and said almost pleadingly, "Lingling, please don't reject me with your theories of love. What about your true feelings? Don't you like me either?"
"But I don't like myself now." She lowered her eyes sadly.
"Lingling..." Yu Chuanbei still wanted to fight for it, but was interrupted by her again.
"Please stop talking. I really don't want to be with you right now. I don't want to face someone who makes me feel inferior every day. I hate inferiority, so I don't like you either." Ling Ling's rejection was ruthless this time, for him and for herself.
She crossed her arms and walked down the mountain without looking back. She warned herself: If you don't linger, you won't become addicted.
*~*~*~*~*~*~
They arrived at the airport early to wait for their flight. Ling Ling replaced the awkward silence with busy work without even looking up.
Seeing that she seemed to be sketching a design on her tablet, Yu Chuanbei stopped interrupting her. This was just the right moment to admire her profile when she was focused. His upbringing had told him not to stare at her; his heart wouldn't listen.
After boarding the plane, Ling Ling found that Yu Chuanbei was in a strange condition.
He seemed extremely nervous and awkward, not knowing where to put his hands. His brows were furrowed and sweat was dripping from his forehead.
"Are you feeling unwell?" Ling Ling couldn't help but ask him.
Yu Chuanbei tried hard to put on a relaxed smile and said, "No, I'm fine." But this ugly smile only escalated the tense atmosphere.
Ling Ling handed him the hot coffee the flight attendant had just brought. Seeing her worried look, he had to reveal the truth. "I never took red-eye flights before. I had a psychological barrier, like claustrophobia. Because... I have three older sisters, triplets. We've lived together since I was five or six because their parents, my uncle and aunt, died in a night flight accident. They were all on that plane at the time, but thankfully, the three children survived. Since then, my sisters have screamed and cried whenever they see a plane. So much so that two years ago, my eldest sister went to France to study art, and she had to take several boat rides to get there. Only my second sister is braver. She's traveled all over the world in recent years, and I heard she has no problem with it. Influenced by them since I was a child, I also have a fear of flying. It's fine when I sit by the window during the day, but at night, I get uncontrollable nervousness." Yu Chuanbei smiled awkwardly and took a sip of hot coffee, but his hand trembled slightly as he held the paper cup.
Author's Note
Liu Qiu
author
04-17
I'm up to Chapter 12 of Nan Luo's extra story, "Don't Do This to Me Anymore," and now my heart aches. So sad. I'm going to sleep now, but I'm still suffering from insomnia.
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