130. Tearing and Cutting Off
After returning to the office, Ling Ling calmed down and seriously thought about the question Chuqi had asked. It was true that she had not had her period for a month and a half. It had never been regular before and would always be delayed when she was under a lot of work pressure. She hadn't taken it seriously this time. But... after counting the days, wasn't her last period with Yu Chuanbei the day they broke up? And it happened suddenly that day, and he didn't take any measures at all. Her heart sank suddenly, and she quickly defined this idea as a ridiculous and unrealistic fantasy in her mind. But she could no longer concentrate on her work. The terrible idea kept haunting her, like the slippery seaweed in the dark blue deep sea, tightly binding her legs and dragging her to the deepest part of the abyss. She stroked her lower abdomen nervously. Could there be a child there now? She stood up, grabbed her bag and hurried out. "I'm out meeting a client. I'm not sure when I'll be back. Call me if you need anything." She lied about her work trip for the first time, but on the way, she thought sadly that if she was truly pregnant, this excuse wouldn't be a lie. The client she was meeting might just be a fetus. Ling Ling took a random bus for two stops, farther from the office, and got off at a roadside pharmacy. She bought a pregnancy test stick, borrowed a paper cup from a nearby convenience store, and then found a public restroom. The test showed two lines... Was she really pregnant? She still couldn't believe the result. She returned to the pharmacy and bought two more pregnancy tests of different brands, then borrowed a paper cup from a convenience store and bought a bottle of mineral water, a brand she rarely drank. She didn't know what miracle she was expecting from all this trouble; she just wanted to rule out any possibility of misconceptions. She couldn't afford such misunderstandings. But all three pregnancy tests showed two lines—it seemed she was indeed pregnant. She couldn't understand the purpose behind this joke God was playing on her. This child had absolutely no place in her life plan; and there was no way she could reconcile with Yu Chuanbei just because of this child. Honestly, this child appeared at the very moment his parents hated each other the most. How could she allow a child born out of hatred to be born into this world? That would be so irresponsible! But, was she going to let this child disappear? This embryo, with its tenacious vitality, had quietly survived when no one had any hope for it. Although its current state was unknown, it was, after all, a living being...
After returning to the office, Ling Ling calmed down and seriously considered Chuqi's question. It had indeed been a month and a half since she'd had her period. It had always been irregular before, often delayed when under pressure from work. She hadn't taken this one seriously. But... she calculated the date. Wasn't her last time with Yu Chuanbei the day they broke up? And it had happened so suddenly that day, he hadn't taken any precautions.
Her heart sank, and she quickly dismissed the idea as absurd and unrealistic fantasy. But she could no longer concentrate on her work. The horrible thought kept haunting her, like slippery seaweed in the deep dark blue sea, tightly binding her legs and dragging her to the deepest part of the abyss.
She touched her belly nervously. Could there already be a child there?
She stood up, grabbed her bag and hurried out.
"I'm going out to meet a client. I don't know when I'll be back. Feel free to call me if you have anything." This was the first time she lied about going out on business, but on the way, she thought sadly that if she was really pregnant, this excuse would not be considered a lie, and the client she was going to meet might be an embryo.
Ling Ling took the bus for two stops, which was a bit far from the company. She got off the bus when she saw a pharmacy on the side of the road. She bought a pregnancy test kit, borrowed a paper cup from the nearby convenience store, and then found a public restroom.
——Two bars appear on the pregnancy test stick…
Is she really pregnant? She still can't believe the result.
She returned to the pharmacy and bought two more pregnancy tests of different brands. Then she borrowed a paper cup from a convenience store and bought a bottle of mineral water, a brand she rarely drank. She didn't know what miracle she was expecting from all this trouble; she just hoped to eliminate any chance of mishaps. She couldn't afford a misunderstanding like this.
But the results of the three pregnancy test sticks all showed two bars - it seemed that she was really pregnant.
She couldn't understand the purpose behind this joke God was playing on her. This child had absolutely no place in her life plan; and there was no way she was going to reconcile with Yu Chuanbei just because of this child. Honestly, this child had appeared at the very moment his parents hated each other the most. How could she allow a child born out of hatred to be born into this world? It was so irresponsible!
But was she going to let this child disappear? This embryo, with its tenacious vitality, had quietly survived when no one had any hope for it. Although its current state was unknown, it was still a living being after all! What was she going to do?
She opened her phone and scrolled through her address book, which stretched to over a thousand people, but there wasn't a single person she could discuss this with. She had blocked and deleted all of Yu Chuanbei's contact information the moment she left his house on the day they broke up. Hao Shengnan hadn't been in touch since their big fight that day. Old classmates each had their own troubles, and no one was well enough off to help another's woes. The people at the company were, after all, just colleagues; no matter how close their relationship was, they couldn't afford to cover for their own personal affairs.
Yu Chuanbei seemed to have the right to know, but why should he? Was he looking forward to the birth of this child? Did he act like that because he was prepared to be a responsible father? Obviously not. At that time, he was filled with hatred and disgust, and what he threw into her body was not love, but the venting of resentment. She could imagine that after telling him, he would beg her to keep the child, that he would try to reconcile them. But how could that be possible? A family bound by moral constraints, painstakingly pieced together and glued together, is just a cage for every member.
Even more devastating was the thought: would Yu Chuanbei acknowledge the child? Hadn't he treated her so harshly in the first place because he thought she was a slut? If she told him about the child's existence, and his first reaction was to question her about its origins, she would be completely unable to bear the anger and heartbreak.
It was her first time falling in love, her first time having sex with a man, her first time getting pregnant. Throughout the entire process, no one guided her, no one offered any advice or consideration. She felt so lost. If only her mother were still alive, she gazed at the sky with a wistful look, hoping for some divine oracle, but there was still no response.
She wandered aimlessly through the gray city, lost in her surroundings, with no walls to lean on. Suddenly, she came across a women's hospital. She had read indignant articles online about the Putian medical network; before, she would never have associated herself with such a hospital, believing she would never foolishly enter one under any circumstances. But now, she panicked. She had heard other female colleagues talk about the inconveniences of going to public hospitals after pregnancy: the high registration fees, the long lines, the potential for filing a medical record, or the need for family members to accompany her. Now, she didn't have the time to wait, didn't have family members to inform her, or perhaps, she didn't even have family members.
She thought dejectedly, this kind of no-name private hospital probably only specializes in abortions and circumcisions; they should have the necessary skills. She'd also seen news reports about delinquent girls who, after getting an abortion, used it as a disguised way to lose weight by staying up all night in internet cafes. Today was Friday, so she could have two days off without having to go back to work next Monday. So, perhaps, she could give it a try.
She walked into the Women's Hospital, mentally convincing herself that she was only going for a consultation. If she felt the procedure was unethical, she could leave later. But it was clear that everyone involved in the entire process, from the front desk to the operating table, was well versed in the art of persuasion. She obediently paid the fee and lay down on the operating table. She felt the anesthetic begin to take effect, and in her final moments of willpower, she could only mutter to herself, "Son, I'm sorry."
Deep in her sleep, she felt someone desperately calling her name. She woke up, slowly realizing that everything was over, her only connection to Yu Chuanbei severed. She had no mood to listen to the sweet-voiced female doctors anymore, so she dressed and left.
She suddenly felt a huge sense of grievance in her heart, and she really wanted someone to talk to her. All this made her feel ashamed and sad, and she felt extremely miserable at the moment.
She still thought of Hao Shengnan. At this time, she should be able to forgive her for their last quarrel. They insulted each other at that time, so they were even. This time, Shengnan should still care about her like before. Most of the time, she regarded Shengnan as a mother.
She hailed a taxi and located Shengnan's home. But halfway there, she suddenly felt an excruciating pain in her lower body. She started calling Shengnan, but her phone was off and her WeChat voicemails went unanswered. She desperately called her number, repeatedly unsuccessful, while the pain in her body intensified. She broke out in a sweat, and her hands and feet began to numb. Finally, she burst into tears, frightening the taxi driver.
"Master, let's go to the hospital instead," she said in a trembling voice. She looked out the window at the road, almost reaching the hospital near Shengnan's home. She felt she couldn't hold on any longer, so she finally gave up her stubbornness and called Yu Chuanbei. If she was truly going to die, without even the chance to leave a final word, perhaps only Yu Chuanbei would know what had happened to her.
Faintly, she heard his anxious voice on the other end of the phone. She mumbled something and then passed out...
When she regained consciousness, she was lying on a hospital bed, Yu Chuanbei beside her. She looked at him, startled, his eyes red and his face haggard. She glanced out the window again. It was already pitch dark, the dim light unable to save the darkness.
"What's wrong with me?" she asked breathlessly.
Yu Chuanbei held her hand tightly, caressing the strands of hair on her forehead with a look of heartache. His voice trembled slightly, "The doctor said that the vacuum abortion you had previously wasn't sutured properly, and your blood coagulation function is relatively poor. This time, you suffered heavy bleeding and fainting, but it's all over now. The doctor said you'll be fine after a few days of hospitalization. The doctor also said... the preliminary diagnosis is that it shouldn't affect your future fertility, but we'll have to wait until the wound heals before conducting a comprehensive assessment."
After hearing what he said, Ling Ling pulled her hand out of his palm, turned her head away from him, and said coldly, "I understand. Go away."
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