Chapter 73: He longed for him to know that he had never been able to do anything about her...
Sometimes Mu Tingyu really wanted to bite this person's neck, to give him a little pain and let him know she existed.
He loved silence too much and hid things too much.
He never tells her anything, never discusses anything with her, just silently thinks on his own, and only thinks about what he believes in. He's stubborn and difficult to deal with. He knows perfectly well that doing so will upset her, but he still insists on doing it anyway.
Thinking about it carefully, he had this problem before, but it wasn't obvious.
He disliked her interactions with Wang Jiale and Zhuang Ren, disliked her hugging and cuddling with the children, would be unhappy when she ate at other people's homes, and would become unusually sullen after she was injured. He took it upon himself to prevent her from going to class, blocked her on the third floor, and refused to give her a cell phone. He took care of her every need, indulging her, but also treating her like an object. Naturally, she would accept everything he did to her.
Ever since she left Shitang Village and reunited with him in Hangzhou, he seemed to be in a state of unease and anxiety.
He concealed it very well; she hadn't noticed until last night.
......
"He said he liked me, and then he left me."
"I had to beg for your apology."
"If I hadn't come looking for you, would you have never wanted to see me again?"
......
"I don't even know if you like me or not."
......
When he said those things, his tone was always filled with a deep sense of unease. Even now, locking her in the house, it's the same; it's as if he's afraid she'll run away at any moment.
Mu Tingyu felt a pang of sadness as she watched him lower his head and press his hand against his cheek.
His actions suggested that he had already decided to lock her up, and no matter how much she made a fuss or how harshly she spoke to him, he would not let go and would continue to entangle with her to the very end.
But that's not right.
Why did he become like this? Why did things between them become like this?
She looked at him and withdrew her hand.
Xing Ze's hand froze in mid-air for a moment. Quickly, as if nothing had happened, he calmly curved his lips into a smile: "If you've vented your anger, let's go upstairs..."
Suddenly, his pupils contracted, and his voice stopped abruptly.
His cheeks were burning hot, still bearing the sting of the slap and the soft touch of her hand against his—but all those sensations vanished in that instant.
The girl in his arms stood on tiptoe and kissed him on the cheek.
"........"
It took him several seconds to react before he turned his eyes to look at her.
As soon as he lowered his head and asked her, "Would one slap make you feel better?" he was already prepared to receive a second slap, because there was no doubt that she was really angry and looked like she wanted to have a big fight with him.
He had already made preparations when he instructed the servants to lock the door.
But she didn't; she gave him a kiss.
It was a kiss devoid of any flattery or lust, unlike any before.
The kiss was so light, so innocent it was almost transparent, yet it carried an undeniable weight.
"......."
He opened his mouth, but no sound came out.
The girl in front of him had pure eyes, as if she hadn't noticed his reaction at all. She hooked her arm around his neck and said, "Hug me."
"......."
He stiffened and instinctively picked her up.
She draped her legs over his waist and commanded, "Go to the living room."
So he carried her through the restaurant and sat down on the sofa.
Mu Tingyu maintained her posture, sitting on his lap with her hands on his shoulders.
She looked at him intently and her first words were: "I'm really angry that you did this."
“.......
Xing Ze's voice was hoarse, and he gave a soft "hmm".
“I think there’s a big problem between us,” she said seriously. “We need to have a serious talk.”
This is a terrible start.
Xing Ze tightened his grip on her waist and said in a low, husky voice, "...Breaking up is not an option."
"......."
Mu Tingyu cupped his face, forcing him to look up: "When did I say I wanted to break up?"
His eyelashes drooped down at the corners of his eyes, concealing the emotions in them.
Mu Tingyu commanded him, "Look at me."
He paused for a moment, then finally looked up.
Mu Tingyu was very close to him. Xing Ze's eyes were dark and deep, dull and lifeless, and even her reflection in his pupils seemed to add a touch of loneliness.
She stared straight at him and said solemnly, "I'm sorry."
“............”
Xing Ze's pupils contracted slightly.
She said each word carefully and earnestly, "I didn't mean to leave without saying goodbye."
“That day you were doing a big clean-up when Jiang Chu called me. When I answered, it was Lin Yulan on the other end of the line. At that time, she had already spread rumors online and had people block the art studio. She used these two things to coerce me into sending her money. I could only appease her first and think of a solution when I returned to Hangzhou.”
"That was my plan at the time—but unfortunately, she heard your voice and used you to threaten me."
“I was afraid of dragging you down, so I kept it from you and just wanted to leave first. Because I wasn’t determined to handle this matter well, I definitely couldn’t drag you down into this mess.”
She patiently peeled back the layers of the matter, explaining it to him slowly, "And at that time I didn't know that Lin Yulan had done other things. I only knew that I couldn't get rid of this person for the time being."
“If I didn’t like you, why would I be afraid of dragging you down? If she comes to ask you for money, so be it. It has nothing to do with me if it affects you. Why wouldn’t I tell you? I’m just afraid that if you know, you’ll have to deal with her on my behalf.”
She said softly, "I haven't even lived a good life myself, why should I let you live one?"
"I can't bear to part with it either."
She had tried to simplify things as much as possible, but she still managed to say a lot in one go. After she finished, she looked at him seriously and asked, "If it were you, would you be willing to do that?"
Xing Ze tightened his arms around her, stared at her intently for a long while, and then spoke in a hoarse voice.
"...I can't bear to part with it."
She nodded and said, "But leaving without saying goodbye was really wrong. It was my fault. I made you anxious and sad. I'm sorry."
In fact, Xing Ze originally planned to get rid of this person as soon as he returned to Hangzhou. Even without that incident, he had countless ways to put her in prison.
Looking at the girl earnestly explaining the reason to him, he said nothing, only giving a hoarse "hmm".
She lowered her head, gently touched his face, and said meaningfully, "This apology wasn't something you begged for; it's something I said to you myself, something I wanted to say to you seriously."
Xing Ze's hands, which were wrapped around her waist, tightened uncontrollably, and he hummed in response.
Mu Tingyu was completely embraced by him, so close that their noses were almost touching. She continued, "As for wearing makeup and a dress, the first time was when Lawyer Chen asked me to accompany him to a banquet—every wrong has its source, every debt has its debtor. He was joking with you, so you went to settle the score with him. Why are you angry with me?"
"The second time was yesterday. That meal was arranged by a client at the last minute. I had already done my makeup and bought my clothes by then, so the meal was just something I did on the side."
"......."
Xing Ze's Adam's apple bobbed: "Then why did you want to go out in the first place?"
"Why? I'm happy, I want to go out, I want to dress up, is that not allowed?" Mu Tingyu pouted. "Besides, isn't your family very rich? And Sister En has such a big group. I'm thinking that if I go out to meet people in the future, I can't just wear a T-shirt and jeans, right? That would be too embarrassing for you. You have to have something to make a good impression."
"Then I asked Chu Bao to go shopping with me, but I didn't even have time to grab my things before you dragged me away."
"I finally thought about dressing up, and you accused me of going out to pick up men," Mu Tingyu said, sounding a little aggrieved. "Aren't you going too far?"
Xing Ze's breathing was heavy as he held her tightly in his arms, his voice hoarse and almost inaudible: "I'm sorry, I said that in anger."
She pressed herself tightly against him, reaching out to brush aside the short hair at the back of his head. "I know you're just saying that out of anger, but you can't stand it if I talk to someone of the opposite sex or have a meal with them? Aren't you being a little unreasonable? Hmm?"
Xing Ze buried his head in the crook of her shoulder, breathing heavily.
"It was one thing to be jealous before, but now you want to lock me up? Am I your pet cat or dog that you can just lock up whenever you want? Is this how you date?"
"You said before that I am an independent individual, that I have my own choices, and that it's normal for me not to rely on others easily. Do you remember? Wasn't that what you said?"
Xing Ze said sullenly, "...Yes."
"Isn't it normal for me to earn money through drawing? Isn't it normal for me to meet with clients? Isn't it normal for me not to use your money?"
".....Um."
"Then how can you say that I broke up with you because I didn't like you and wanted to run away at any time?"
"........"
"Relationships require mutual respect. You need to ask for my thoughts. You can't make decisions for me without my consent, and you can't interfere too much in my life, right?"
"........"
Now that I've explained it to you, do you still think I don't like you?
"If I didn't like you, would I live with you? Would I kiss and hug you?"
"You tormented me like that last night, and besides biting you and scratching you a few times, did I ever put up a fight?"
"........"
“Lift your head up.”
Xing Ze's lips were taut as he leaned in to kiss her.
Mu Tingyu leaned back: "You're not allowed to kiss me, I haven't agreed yet."
Xing Ze's Adam's apple bobbed, stopping abruptly an inch from her cheek.
The two remained locked in a stalemate for a long time, with Mu Tingyu maintaining a leaning-back posture, as if he wouldn't give up until he spoke.
"........"
"I..." Xing Ze swallowed hard, then said, "I just..."
His whole body was tense, as if saying those words was as difficult as cutting open his heart.
"......"
"I'm just scared... I can't believe you'll always be willing to stay by my side."
Mu Tingyu frowned, just about to speak.
"...When your volunteer teaching was almost over, you actually just wanted to leave alone, right?"
He lowered his eyes and asked her in a hoarse voice.
"......."
Mu Tingyu looked at him and bit her lip.
Not answering is clearly a tacit agreement.
So, you're not that dependent on me after all.
"You may want to be with me now, but if one day you get tired of my face, or feel that being with me is no longer interesting, you will still leave."
He spoke softly, the light in his eyes gradually dimming, like a lighthouse going out in the dead of night.
"No one can stay with me forever, never has. Neither can you."
"......."
Mu Tingyu was speechless, feeling as if her heart was being pricked by countless needles. It took her a long time to finally speak.
"Why are you so negative?"
She cupped his face in her hands, staring intently into his eyes, which were veiled with a thin layer of ice.
"I won't allow you to spread negativity. Aren't we trying to solve a problem? We were talking so well, why are you suddenly acting like this?"
Xing Ze smiled and looked at her quietly.
In an instant, her heart was gripped tightly by that gaze, and a bitter, sour feeling welled up inside her.
He seemed oblivious, reaching out to touch her face and gently placing a kiss on her reddened eyes.
"Feel sorry."
He said in a low voice.
"Did I upset you?"
........
-
After dinner, Xing Ze sat in his study, his computer screen constantly lit.
Several meeting camera frames were displayed above, and sound was constantly coming from the Bluetooth headset.
It was supposed to be a short meeting, and the young people who were reporting to him spoke quickly, seemingly not wanting to work an extra second.
Xing Ze made a few brief comments and then prepared to end the meeting.
"Thank you all for your hard work."
Several microphones flashed, and they said a few words that it wasn't hard work and that Teacher Xing should take a rest, before leaving the room one after another.
After the last person left, he closed the door, took off his glasses, and wearily pressed his temples.
Just then, the phone rang again.
He glanced at it and answered the call.
"Xiao Xing, how are you feeling? Are you feeling better?"
He lowered his eyes and replied, "I'm feeling better... I can come to work tomorrow."
"Are you coming tomorrow? Don't push yourself too hard. You've been working too hard lately. It's not worth ruining your health. You should rest as much as you can."
"Yes, you can come tomorrow."
"Okay. I called to tell you something. Today, when Bai Ping was tidying up the study, she found a notebook. Hmm... it's Lao Qiu's work notes that he left here before. There's also a photo of you and him in it."
Xing Ze paused for a moment.
"......."
The person on the other end of the phone sighed, "If you come to the hospital tomorrow, I'll bring it to you."
"...Okay, thank you, Uncle Fu."
Mr. Fu hesitated for a moment on the other end of the phone before asking, "After you came back, did you visit Old Qiu's grave?"
"not yet."
“We old guys go every year, so you don’t need to worry too much.”
"yes."
After hanging up the phone, he sat silently for a while. Just as he put his glasses back on, there was another knock on the study door.
"Young Master."
He frowned, his voice slightly impatient: "What is it?"
The maid's voice could be faintly heard: "Miss wants you to come over."
"........"
He stood up, took off his glasses, and opened the door: "Where is she?"
The maid hesitated for a moment.
"On the wall."
......
Xing Ze looked up, frowning as he gazed at the person sitting on the wall.
"Get down, it's dangerous up there."
"No."
Mu Tingyu rejected him decisively.
The night was quiet, and a summer breeze carrying slightly warm air rustled through the garden.
The girl sat on the wall, her hands supporting her legs, her legs dangling down, swaying precariously, her feet bare.
Her face was flushed, her head was tilted to the side, her fair skin glowed in the night, and the strands of hair by her ears fluttered, like a little elf who had wandered into the mortal world.
Xing Ze asked, somewhat exasperated, "How did you get up there?"
The wall was built so high that the man couldn't touch her unless he jumped.
Realizing this, Mu Tingyu swung her foot triumphantly, her eyes crinkling as she pointed.
Xing Ze turned his head in the direction he was looking and saw a sturdy old locust tree by the wall, its branches and leaves lush and green, extending beyond the wall. There were two slippers scattered under the tree, clearly kicked off.
"........"
He smiled wryly, "So amazing, you can even climb trees."
"I've known how since I was little." Mu Tingyu raised her chin, her watery eyes glancing at him. "What are you doing here? Don't disturb my moon-gazing."
It was the end of the month, and only a thin crescent moon remained on the horizon, half of which was obscured by clouds and mist, so there was really nothing to admire.
Xing Ze looked up, then turned his gaze back: "Didn't you send me?"
"Really?" Mu Tingyu tilted her head playfully. "I forgot."
Xing Ze said helplessly, "Why don't you come down first? It's too high up there, be careful not to fall."
After swaying for a while, Mu Tingyu finally lowered her head and spoke each word clearly to defend herself: "No, who are you looking down on? I won't fall."
Xing Ze noticed her flushed cheeks and paused for a moment: "...You've been drinking?"
"Where did you find the wine?"
"Your basement?"
Mu Tingyu licked her lips. "I found out, didn't I? You secretly hid so much wine behind my back. You didn't tell me because you were afraid I'd drink it. You stingy thing. I found it even if you didn't tell me."
She stuck out her tongue and made a face at him.
Xing Ze remained silent.
He didn't have many hobbies, except drinking. He had converted the entire basement into a temperature-controlled wine cellar, filled with his own collection of wines, some purchased at auction and others given to him. The servants had been with the family for a long time and knew their place well, so his basement was never locked.
As a result, he was secretly attacked by a drunkard.
Her thighs were a little sore from being pressed against the hard brick wall. She slowly moved her hips, and her hand, which was supporting her, accidentally slipped, causing her body to sway backward.
Xing Ze quickly stepped forward and stretched out his hand: "Get down first!"
"It won't go down."
Mu Tingyu steadied herself and looked behind her. "It's not that high. It's not even as high as the pit on that mountain. If I really fall in, it won't be a big deal."
“Shepherd Listens to Words”.
The man's voice carried a clear warning tone.
She raised her leg and kicked the air above his head: "What are you yelling at me for!"
"......."
Xing Ze knew he couldn't confront her directly, so he took a deep breath and asked, "Which bottle of wine did you drink?"
"Hmm?" Mu Tingyu thought for a moment, "I forgot, was it the bottle on the top shelf? That cork was quite hard to open, it took me a long time to open it."
He said softly, "That doesn't taste good. I have some fruit wine left. Would you like to try it? It's the same as osmanthus wine."
"Yes, bring it here."
"Come down first, I'll take you there."
"Then I won't drink it."
"......."
Mu Tingyu crossed her arms and said with a smile, "Trying to trick me into coming down? I'm not drunk."
"........"
Xing Ze's hand remained outstretched as he said worriedly, "Hold on tight, don't move around."
The girl tapped her heel against the wall intentionally, her voice clear and bright: "If I jump down, will you catch me?"
“Don’t jump, it’s dangerous,” Xing Ze replied. “You can’t jump from the tree… no, stay here and don’t move. I’ll go get a chair.”
"......."
Mu Tingyu didn't answer, but instead gave him a sly smile.
Then, without warning, she leaned down and reached out her hand to him.
This girl gets rowdy when she drinks, acting on a whim, and it looked like she was about to jump at him. — She's perfectly capable of doing something like that.
Xing Ze's heart raced instantly, and he had no time to react. He could only instinctively stretch out his arms, ready to catch her.
Just before their hands were about to touch, she suddenly smiled at him, her eyes crinkling.
Xing Ze lost his focus uncontrollably.
—That smile was brighter than any star in the sky.
With the warm summer breeze blowing, she sat freely and casually on the wall, unconstrained by worldly conventions.
Just like in countless dreams, this time her gaze towards him was filled with unrestrained joy. Her posture as she leaned forward resembled that of a seagull spreading its wings, and soft feathers brushed against his fingertips.
It's itchy, with a soft and moist feel, and it separates instantly upon touch.
He instinctively reached out to grab it, but missed, before suddenly realizing what was happening.
"........"
Having successfully tricked him, Mu Tingyu sat up straight again. Seeing his stunned expression, her smile grew even wider, her beautiful eyes sparkling in the night.
"......."
Xing Ze took a breath and curled his still itchy fingertips. He looked straight at her and said in a hoarse voice, "...Be good, don't make a fuss."
She swung her legs and still said, "No, I'm just making a scene."
"........"
Ever since they finished chatting in the afternoon, this girl has been throwing a tantrum, saying that he is too sensitive and that there is no basic trust between them, so she doesn't want to talk to him anymore.
At this moment, she had finally had a few drinks and was willing to talk to him, but she was still being petulant and deliberately provocative.
It seems to be saying—you've made me unhappy, so I'll make you miserable until you do whatever I want.
And she clearly knew what would be most effective in blackmailing him.
Xing Ze looked up at her. In the darkness of the night, his gaze was deep and serene as he stared at her for a long time.
After a while, he called her name softly, his tone filled with indulgence and compromise.
"—Get down."
"I'll grant you whatever you want to do."
He knew he had never been able to do anything about her.
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