Chapter 20 You are younger than me, brother
This month's salary arrived, 12,000 yuan, more than half less than before. Li Wenjing knew it was because she hadn't won a project, so the agency's reimbursement was less. She didn't go to the accountant to argue, but stared at her phone for a while and only transferred half home.
"I haven't been feeling well recently, and this is all my salary this month. I'll buy my brother a new phone later. I'm busy this weekend, so let's talk next week."
After Li Wenjing sent the message, she simply blocked all messages from her parents and family, not wanting to read a single word.
It felt like a hunt, a desperate attempt to escape everything. Running to Africa wasn't enough; they were on the verge of catching up. She had to keep running, running, running, to another place where no one knew her. Meanwhile, she felt herself slowly softening, a flood of inexplicable thoughts welling up within her. Since her last encounter with Gustav, she had spent the past few days grappling with her feelings, her thoughts—things she considered unimportant, like fatigue, making money, and just surviving. To her, the world was nothing but mud, a rotten, makeshift troupe. Her numbness had dulled her emotions, leaving her stuck in this mud, unable to move forward.
Her feet couldn't move, but her heart was quietly changing. When she realized she was no different from everyone else and needed emotional support, she felt like a headless fly, bumping into walls everywhere. The pain of unacceptable emotions, after the dullness, gradually crept up on her, making her feel lonely. She even felt that anyone could help her in this loneliness, even Dr. Gu's father, who would comfort her with his hugs and kisses. She longed for a caress, the closeness of skin to skin.
As she thought about these things, she suddenly realized that her moral level was slowly declining, and there was a desire for the opposite sex in her heart. In this empty life, could love and desire fill her shortcomings?
The answer is unknown.
Like so many people she despised, she felt guilty for being this way. When she saw Dr. Gu again, a wave of panic washed over her. Her life was losing its coherence. Just a few days ago, she'd nearly gotten together with his father, and now that she'd seen him again, she couldn't let him go. Was she still the same person? Perhaps her heart had split in two, or perhaps time itself was inherently fractured. The woman she'd been with his father wasn't the same person she was now. Her heart raced at the sight of him, and she couldn't find a way to justify herself. She wondered if she'd gone mad.
Ruth, a nurse at the village hospital, got married. Women dressed brightly, as if for a festival, gathered outside their mud huts. Locals wrapped themselves in colorful silks, and the wedding procession, accompanied by a herd of cattle and sheep, carried the dust and the stench of cattle and sheep. The village girls called Ruth out. Her head was crowned with a pearl veil, and her delicate face, framed by frangipani flowers, shone brightly. At first, she frowned shyly, only to relax when she saw the groom. Anna, who was accompanying the bride, frowned, her brows still furrowed. Her eyes were red. She walked Ruth to the groom, shielding her eyes as she walked back inside, tears streaming down her face onto the barbecue plate.
Li Wenjing walked in, and she quickly wiped away her tears. Li Wenjing asked her what was wrong, and she kept shaking her head. From the beginning of the wedding, Li Wenjing noticed that she looked unhappy. She didn't want to talk about it, but Li Wenjing didn't force her. She could only comfort her and tell her that if she felt unwell, she could go see Dr. Gu. But the mention of Dr. Gu made her cry even more sadly, and tears flowed out from the cracks in her hands. Li Wenjing patted her back gently as if to comfort a younger sister and handed her a tissue. She stammered and told Li Wenjing the reason: she had confessed her feelings to Dr. Gu but was rejected.
Li Wenjing finally understood that they were all crying because of the same person. She recalled how she had cried just a few days ago. What did Gustav think of her in front of him? She found it a bit ridiculous. It wasn't because of this relationship, but because of that person. He was nice to everyone because he couldn't accept anyone's feelings at all.
"I don't want to study anymore. If I go to study outside, I won't be able to see Charles." She said crying.
Li Wenjing said, "If you stay here, he still doesn't like you, right?"
"I don't want him to like me. I want to stay here and take care of him."
"He's a grown man, and he wants a little girl like you to take care of him?"
"He was very kind to everyone, but I knew he was also sick. He said he often forgot to take his medicine and asked me to remind him every day. I didn't know who would remember to remind him after I left. One time, when no one was around, I saw him cutting his hand. I was very scared. I wanted to stay by his side. I really liked him."
She spoke very quickly, and Li Wenjing didn't understand at first. After repeated questioning, she made a wrist-cutting gesture on her wrist. Only then did Li Wenjing understand and quickly asked, "What's wrong with him?"
"I don't know. I don't understand."
Li Wenjing continued to comfort her, promising to go and counsel Gu Weiyi. Her shoulders gradually stopped shaking, and she hugged Li Wenjing, pulling a medicine bottle from her pocket and handing it to her, as if handing Gu Weiyi over to her. This was how Li Wenjing could finally confirm that perhaps he was still a child, immature, and unable to handle emotions, whether from her or Anna. After leaving, she searched the empty bottle for the name of the medication and found it was used to treat mental illness. Li Wenjing's heart dropped.
Gu Weiyi was sorting out medical records. When he saw her coming, he asked her to go out for a walk.
The two walked along the dirt road, Gu Weiyi stopping frequently to pick flowers. The overly humid air made Li Wenjing feel a little breathless. A tall baobab tree stood alone at the end of the path, facing the sun. On this clear day on the grassland, its arms stretched out, embracing the sky, as if longing for a lover who was out of reach.
He gave the small flower he had picked to Li Wenjing. Li Wenjing hesitated for a moment, then took it and asked, "Why are you giving me flowers?"
"I spoke too harshly to you last time. I shouldn't have said that. I'm really sorry. Sometimes I can't control myself."
"You don't have to keep apologizing to me." Li Wenjing said, "Ever since Gustav showed up, you've changed. Between you..."
Li Wenjing asked him hesitantly, but felt that it was too boundless and stopped the question. Gu Weiyi didn't care and continued to answer her.
"He's actually very philandering. He has a lover outside and even had an affair with my nanny. He only hurts my mother. If it weren't for him, my mother wouldn't have committed suicide."
"sorry."
He smiled and shook his head, "Let's not talk about it anymore. If we keep talking about it, we won't be able to say anything. We can only say sorry to each other."
The sun was glaring, and Li Wenjing felt dizzy and shielded her eyes with her hands. Gu Weiyi fumbled around for a moment, then pulled out a piece of chocolate from his jacket. Li Wenjing was stunned at first, then immediately realized what was going on.
"I'm not dizzy, it's just the sun."
Before he could even grab the chocolate, a dark shadow darted over, leaving his hands empty. More shadows followed, a group of squeaking monkeys tugging at his pockets and grabbing his legs. Gu Weiyi instinctively dodged towards Wen Jing. Li Wenjing burst into laughter at the sight, not forgetting to help him even as she did so. She also went through his pockets like the monkeys, throwing everything out. She found a medicine bottle, opened the lid, and scattered the pills. The monkeys scattered, snatching the colorful pills from each other. One monkey clung to him, and when Li Wenjing threw the medicine bottle off her body, it followed and ran to pick it up. Li Wenjing took the opportunity to grab his arm and escape. After running a few dozen meters to the bushes, Li Wenjing could no longer run and squatted on the ground, covering her face with her hands and laughing.
"Why are you giving me food in front of a monkey?"
"Isn't it because I saw you were not feeling well? I forgot to bring Simba out today."
"Are you still afraid of monkeys?"
"I'm not afraid, it's just troublesome." He dug into his pockets and spread his hands, "You threw away all the medicine."
"It can't be poison, right? The monkey ate it..." Li Wenjing looked at the baobab tree. "It shouldn't be. It's not that stupid. I'll go pick it up."
"It's not poison, it's the medicine I took. If the monkey really ate it, it would probably get excited and scream for a few days. Forget it, don't go."
"What medicine are you taking?"
"I have a mental illness that cannot be cured, and I'm constantly taking medication."
Li Wenjing knew what medicine he was taking, but she didn't expect him to confess so quickly. She opened her mouth dryly and asked, "Are there any more medicines?"
"No more." He then added, "You won't die if you don't eat for a day, don't worry."
Although Li Wenjing often joked about "just dying," the word still stung when it came out of Gu Weiyi's mouth. She was just joking, not really dying; but Gu Weiyi was different. She was afraid he would really be upset. When the bushes pricked her legs and hurt, she complained to him, "Why die? You're younger than me, brother."
"How do you know how old I am?"
The term "brother" was indeed somewhat ambiguous. Li Wenjing's face was already burning with heat, but he suddenly asked such a ridiculous question, which eased her embarrassment. They had never asked about her age before, and as a doctor, he naturally knew her age. Li Wenjing smiled and said, "You didn't use any ID to sign the contract."
"You're only three years old, and you call me your brother. You make it sound like you're much older than me."
"I don't care. A day younger is still younger," Li Wenjing said. "The young men I've met all mature late. In China, boys are the treasures of their families, and their families take care of them. You're similar. Sometimes I feel like you're just like a child. You're well taken care of by your family. At least, your family loves you."
"Yeah, I'm just a kid, a kid who got mad at his dad. I'm useless, a loser who even had his chocolate taken away by a monkey."
"You're different now than when we first met, and I'm different too. Back then, I thought you were a gentleman, very nice to girls, and cheerful every day. I had a good impression of you."
After she had spoken out her feelings, she felt relieved. "When we first meet, we pretend, but it changes after we get to know each other for a long time."
"I'm not a happy person. Compared to you, who works so well every day, I'm nothing."
"That's enough, stop talking. You're nothing, so what am I?" Li Wenjing's blood was boiling. "If I were you, I wouldn't work hard and just hang around. You have such good conditions. Your family is rich, you have a high degree, and you're such a good doctor. I really don't understand why you can't just live a good life."
"I'm trying, don't worry. Are you crying?"
After he said that, Li Wenjing realized he had just made her cry. Tears streamed down her face, and she didn't know why she was crying, or what she was upset about. She wiped her tears away with her hands and said to him, "It's because I know you that I've become so sentimental, like Lin Daiyu, always thinking about things and crying."
"Not only am I crying in front of you, I'm also crying in front of your father..." She looked into his eyes, "Even if you're angry, I'm going to tell you that I'm dating Gustav."
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
