Chapter 70 "I regret not standing by your side uprightly."
On the eve of winter vacation during his sophomore year, Zhou Xuran had a huge argument with his mother about studying medicine. He slammed the door and rushed into the snow wearing only a thin down jacket.
The snow on the path behind the medical school was already ankle-deep. He walked quickly, head bowed, when he bumped into someone. The medical documents the person was holding were scattered all over the ground, fluttering in the wind and snow.
"I'm sorry!" Zhou Xuran hurriedly squatted down to pick it up, and when he looked up he met a pair of red eyes that were frozen.
He was a thin boy, his nose and ears red from the cold, yet he wore only a washed-out denim jacket. His knuckles were pale from squatting on the ground picking up documents, but when he saw Zhou Xuran, he smiled warmly: "It's okay, the roads are slippery in the snow."
At that moment, Zhou Xuran felt his heart skip a beat. Snowflakes clung to the boy's eyelashes, glinting off in tiny glints under the streetlight.
He was busy helping the other party to organize the documents, and accidentally glanced at the anatomy notes on the top - the handwriting was amazingly neat, and the signature was written with two elegant words "Lin Che".
"Are you Lin Che from Clinical Class 1?" Zhou Xuran blurted out.
The boy looked up in surprise: "Do you know me?"
"Who doesn't know the top student in the grade?" Zhou Xuran laughed self-deprecatingly. Suddenly realizing the other person was shivering, he immediately took off his down jacket and handed it to him, "Put it on first."
Lin Che quickly waved her hand: "No, no, my dormitory is just in front..."
"Put it on." Zhou Xuran put the clothes on his shoulders without saying a word. His fingers accidentally touched the other's cold neck, and he shrank back as if he had been electrocuted.
After that day, Zhou Xuran began to pay attention to Lin Che intentionally or unintentionally.
He discovered that this genius, the top student in his grade, worked three jobs every day, yet was always the first to arrive at the lab and the last to leave. Late one night, Zhou Xuran pretended to run into him by chance, forced himself to accompany him through finishing his lab data, and then "dropped by" to walk him back to the dormitory.
"Do you live on campus?" Zhou Xuran asked casually while walking in the snow.
Lin Che shook her head. "The basement is cheaper than the dormitory."
Zhou Xuran's heart tightened, and he blurted out: "Living in the basement in such a cold weather?"
"I'm used to it." Lin Che smiled, the white air he exhaled dispersing under the streetlight. "I'm in the lab all day anyway."
At that moment, Zhou Xuran felt ashamed of his wealthy family for the first time. He secretly wrote down the address of Lin Che's basement and the next day anonymously transferred six months' worth of heating fees to the landlord.
During his fifth year, the college announced full scholarships for studying in the United States. Zhou Xuran overheard professors discussing Lin Che as the most promising candidate in front of the notice board.
He should have been happy for Lin Che, but suddenly he panicked - if Lin Che went to the United States, there would really be no possibility between them.
That night, he somehow called his father.
A week later, the list of students going abroad was released. Zhou Xuran saw his name, but not Lin Che's. He frantically ran to the Academic Affairs Office, only to receive the reply that "Lin Che had voluntarily given up."
"Impossible!" Zhou Xuran rushed into the snowstorm and headed straight for the basement where Lin Che rented his apartment. The landlord told him that Lin Che had moved out two weeks ago and hadn't even asked for the deposit.
Zhou Xuran stood in the empty basement, looking at the rickety desk in the corner—the only piece of furniture Lin Che had left. Carved into the desk were small words: "A doctor's heart is compassionate, never forgetting his original aspiration."
He trembled as he stroked the words, suddenly realizing what he had done. He had used his family's power to rob Lin Che of the chance to change her fate.
A week before leaving for the United States, Zhou Xuran heard through various channels that Lin Che had been accepted into graduate school. Standing under the sycamore tree outside the medical school's laboratory building, he saw through the window that Lin Che was busy in the lab.
Lin Che was thinner than the last time they met, and his white coat hung loosely on his body.
But his movements in operating the instrument were still precise and graceful, and his focused profile looked particularly handsome under the light. Zhou Xuran noticed that his lab notebook was covered with sticky notes, and every page was densely filled with data.
"Senior Lin is amazing! He's published another SCI paper this time," two passing junior students whispered. "I heard the professor wants him to go straight to a PhD."
"But he seemed to refuse, saying he had to work and earn money first."
Zhou Xuran's heart suddenly sank. He remembered that the teacher from the Academic Affairs Office had mentioned that Lin Che had given up studying abroad because something unexpected happened at home and they were in urgent need of money.
The snow began to fall again. Zhou Xuran stood in the cold wind, watching Lin Che finish the experiment and carefully put the reagents back into the refrigerator.
The lights in the lab went out one by one, until only Lin Che's light remained. His figure, napping on the table, cast a thin silhouette on the windowpane.
Zhou Xuran took out his cell phone and called his father: "Dad, I want to use my trust fund..."
A week later, Zhou Xuran boarded a flight to the United States.
As the plane took off, he opened his notebook. On the first page was a photo he'd secretly snapped from the notice board—Lin Che standing in front of the scholarship list, smiling brightly. Next to the photo was a line of words: "When I return, I'll definitely stand by your side with dignity."
Every day at Harvard Medical School was a struggle for Zhou Xuran. He slept only four hours a night, spending the rest of his time in the lab and library. His classmates called him the "Oriental Madman," but his professors were full of praise for this Chinese student.
In the spring of the third year, Zhou Xuran published his first first-author paper in Nature Medicine.
The day he received the sample issue, he immediately checked domestic academic trends—Lin Che had published a co-authored paper in the same issue. Zhou Xuran stroked the two names listed side by side in the journal and suddenly felt that the past three years had been worth it.
After returning to China, Zhou Xuran learned that Lin Che stayed at the First Affiliated Hospital of East China Medical University, and he also joined the company at the same time.
It’s just...Lin Che seemed to have forgotten him.
Zhou Xuran had no chance to see Lin Che for a month after joining the company, but later he happened to meet Lin Che who came for a consultation.
"Doctor Zhou!" A clear voice interrupted her. Lin Che had unknowingly stood at the corner of the corridor, medical records in hand. "The patient in bed 3 needs a consultation. Are you free?"
Zhou Xuran's breath hitched. This was the first time in three years that Lin Che had taken the initiative to speak to him.
Zhou Xuran's fingers tightened slightly, wrinkling the medical records. He thought of that snowy night, Lin Che's reddened fingers, and that washed-out denim jacket.
The head nurse noticed Zhou Xuran's special feelings for Lin Che and asked curiously, "Does Doctor Zhou know Doctor Lin?"
"College classmate," Zhou Xuran whispered, his gaze drifting toward the window again. Lin Che was bending over to examine a little girl, the sunlight filtering through the curtains casting dappled shadows on him.
The head nurse suddenly lowered her voice: "But there have been rumors recently that Dr. Lin and the Lu Group..."
Zhou Xuran didn't listen to the rest of the words. His attention was completely attracted by Lin Che. After three years, Lin Che appeared in his life again.
The consultation went smoothly. At the end, Lin Che suddenly asked, "Doctor Zhou, have we met somewhere before?"
Zhou Xuran's heart skipped a beat. "We were in the same medical school class."
"Ah, no wonder it looks familiar." Lin Che smiled, the same smile he had on that snowy night. "Sorry, my memory isn't very good."
Zhou Xuran wanted to say so much. He wanted to tell her you once wore my down jacket, that I anonymously paid your heating bill, and that he was sorry I'd taken your study abroad spot. But in the end, he just said, "It's okay. It's good to get to know each other again."
Later, Zhou Xuran kept appearing in front of Lin Che. The most outrageous thing he did was that he sent flowers to Lin Che for a whole month, but it was unknown whether Lin Che accepted them or not.
The most intense encounter was on Zhou Xuran's birthday, when he had another argument with his mother. He desperately wanted to see Lin Che, so he grabbed his car keys and rushed to the hospital. He knew Lin Che's schedule; she was on the night shift in general surgery that night.
When Zhou Xuran rushed into the hospital, the corridor lights were blindingly pale. His leather shoes made a sharp click on the marble floor. The nurse on duty glanced up at him, but before she could ask him anything, he had already hurried towards the general surgery locker room.
The door of the dressing room was ajar, and from inside came the sounds of a heated argument and the rubbing of clothes.
Zhou Xuran's hand rested on the doorknob when he heard a drunken man's voice: "Why are you pretending to be so noble? You're just a poor student, do you really think you're somebody?"
"Qin Yize, you've had too much to drink." Lin Che's voice was terrifyingly calm. "Let me go—"
"I won't—"
Zhou Xuran flung the door open. The sight before him froze his blood—Lin Che was being pressed hard against the locker room table by Qin Yize, the collar of his white coat ripped open, revealing the pale pink scar on his collarbone.
Qin Yize's hand was pinching Lin Che's chin, and his other hand had already reached under the hem of his shirt.
"Fuck!" Zhou Xuran grabbed Qin Yize by the back of his collar and threw him to the ground. Qin Yize stumbled to his feet, his gold-rimmed glasses tilted to one side, revealing his red eyes.
"Who the hell are you?" Qin Yize spat, reeking of alcohol.
Zhou Xuran didn't answer. He turned to look at Lin Che. Lin Che was slowly rising from the table, his fingers trembling as he fastened a button that had been ripped open. There was a trace of blood at the corner of his mouth, but his eyes were eerily calm.
"Doctor Zhou." Lin Che's voice was very soft. "Please step out for a moment."
Zhou Xuran was stunned: "What?"
"I say," Lin Che looked up at him calmly, "please leave."
Qin Yize laughed triumphantly: "Did you hear that? I don't appreciate it——"
Before he finished speaking, Lin Che suddenly picked up the stainless steel tray on the table and smashed it hard on Qin Yize's face. The sound of metal hitting flesh was particularly harsh in the small locker room.
"This time, I'm paying you back for what happened last time." Lin Che's voice was as cold as ice.
Qin Yize covered his bleeding nose, and before he could react, Lin Che had already grabbed his collar and threw him to the ground with a neat shoulder throw.
"This time," Lin Che pressed one knee against Qin Yize's chest and leaned over to whisper in his ear, "it's interest."
Qin Yize curled up in pain, and sobered up: "You're crazy! My dad is the dean!"
Lin Che stood up and slowly adjusted his sleeves. "So? The surveillance will show that you were the first to enter the locker room with the intent to sexually harass me." He kicked his glasses on the ground. "And I was acting in self-defense."
Zhou Xuran stood at the door, looking at Lin Che's straight back. The boy who had shivered in the snow five years ago had now grown into a man who could face the storm alone.
"Why don't you get out of here?" Lin Che looked at Qin Yize coldly.
Qin Yize got up in a panic and stumbled towards the door. When he passed by Zhou Xuran, he glared at him fiercely: "Just wait for me!"
The door slammed shut. The locker room suddenly fell silent, leaving only the sound of Lin Che's rapid breathing. His knuckles were white as he leaned against the edge of the table, and his shoulders were shaking slightly.
"Lin Che..." Zhou Xuran took a step forward.
"Don't come over here!" Lin Che stepped back abruptly, his back hitting the locker with a loud thud. Like a wounded animal, he stared at Zhou Xuran warily, "Why are you here?"
Zhou Xuran stopped and said, "I..."
He suddenly didn't know how to explain it. Did he say he'd had an argument with his mother and impulsively wanted to see him? Did he say he'd sent flowers for the past month and received no response, but still refused to give up? Did he say he'd never forgotten that warm smile on that snowy night in the past five years?
"Today is my birthday." In the end, Zhou Xuran only said this.
Lin Che was stunned. He slowly relaxed and wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth. "Happy birthday, Doctor Zhou."
The moonlight filtered through the blinds, casting a mottled shadow on Lin Che's face. Zhou Xuran looked at his disheveled hair and swollen mouth, his heart tightening as if by an invisible hand.
"Do you often encounter this kind of thing?" Zhou Xuran asked softly.
Lin Che twitched the corner of his mouth: "I'm used to it."
Lin Che's words stabbed into Zhou Xuran's heart like a knife.
"I'm sorry." Zhou Xuran said suddenly.
Lin Che looked at him puzzledly: "Why apologize?"
"It's about something that happened five years ago." Zhou Xuran's voice was a little hoarse. "The study abroad quota...my father tampered with it."
The lights in the locker room flickered, and Lin Che's expression was unclear in the shadows. After a long pause, he chuckled softly, "I know."
Zhou Xuran looked up suddenly: "What?"
"I've always known this." Lin Che leaned against her locker and closed her eyes tiredly. "Teacher Wang from the Academic Affairs Office is my advisor's wife. She told me secretly."
"Then why are you..."
"Why didn't I expose you?" Lin Che opened his eyes, his gaze eerily calm. "Because I have no money. Even if my tuition was fully waived, I wouldn't be able to afford a plane ticket to the United States."
He stood up, walked to the sink, turned on the faucet and washed the blood off his face: "So, Zhou Xuran, you don't have to feel guilty. That quota was meaningless to me in the first place."
The cold water washed over Lin Che's fingers. He stared at his own disheveled self in the mirror and suddenly laughed, "How ironic. Five years ago, you stole my opportunity, and five years later, you're here to save me."
Zhou Xuran walked up behind him and met his eyes in the mirror. "I'm not here to save you," he whispered. "I'm here to see you."
The water from the faucet was still running. Lin Che turned it off and turned to face Zhou Xuran: "Why?"
"Because..." Zhou Xuran reached out and gently wiped the water droplets from Lin Che's chin, "I've regretted it every day for the past five years."
His fingertips touched Lin Che's skin, which was cold and moist. The locker room was so quiet that they could hear each other's breathing.
"What do you regret?" Lin Che asked.
"I regret not standing by your side with dignity."
Lin Che suddenly smiled, a smile tinged with bitterness. "Thank you for today. I owe you a meal."
Lin Che scrubbed his hands almost in a self-torturing manner. The sound of running water was particularly harsh in the silent locker room.
"Enough." Zhou Xuran suddenly stepped forward, turned off the faucet, and grabbed Lin Che's wrist.
Lin Che's hands were frighteningly cold, his knuckles white and his skin red from rubbing. Zhou Xuran pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and gently wrapped it around his trembling hands.
"If I wash it again, my skin will break."
"No need to feel sorry for me." Lin Che pushed Zhou Xuran's hand away with a cold face. He was very resistant to sudden physical contact from unfamiliar people.
Zhou Xuran's hand fell empty. Looking at the red corners of Lin Che's eyes, he opened his mouth but couldn't utter a word.
In fact, he was also the one who hurt Lin Che invisibly.
——
In the distance, Lin Che finally got off the snowmobile and took off his helmet. His hair was messy and his cheeks were red from the cold, but he was smiling very happily.
Lu Yu strode towards Lin Che and caught him steadily the moment he pounced on him.
"Is it fun?" Lu Yu brushed away the snowflakes from his hair.
"It's super fun!" Lin Che's eyes sparkled. "It's just a little cold..."
Lu Yu held his cold hand and put it into the pocket of his winter coat: "Go back to the hotel?"
Lin Che nodded, then suddenly leaned in close to his ear and whispered, "I just saw you talking to Zhou Xuran... What did you talk about?"
Lu Yu remained calm: "He said you looked cute when you skied."
"Really?" Lin Che looked at him suspiciously.
"Yeah." Lu Yu lowered his head and kissed the tip of his nose, which was red from the cold. "And he said I was lucky."
Lin Che's face lit up immediately, and she took the initiative to hook her fingers with his: "Of course!"
The two figures gradually disappeared into the distance, leaving behind side-by-side footprints on the snow.
Zhou Xuran stood at the edge of the terrace, watched them walk away, put the cold hot drink on the railing, and turned to leave.
The snow began to fall again, soon covering all the tracks.
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