Chapter 51 Shattered [VIP]
Chapter Summary: Yet, she felt guilty.
Just like when they first transferred to Beichuan, the two became deskmates again.
But it's a little different from back then.
At that time, Fu Xianyin only regarded Gu Linzhao as a kind-hearted and useful tool, the kind of person who wouldn't even be half-hearted enough to say thank you.
In less than two months.
The relationship between the two seemed to have undergone a complete upheaval.
When Yin Zexuan went to choose his seat yesterday, the seat next to Fu Xianyin had already been chosen by Gu Linzhao, so Yin Zexuan chose the seat behind Fu Xianyin.
Fu Xianyin was still a little curious, since if Yin Zexuan wanted to ask her and Gu Linzhao questions, it would be more convenient for him to sit in the front.
She asked the question, but Yin Zexuan just smiled and said, "It's really stressful to have two top students watching me from behind. It's more comfortable to sit in the back."
Chen Nianke was quite lucky. Fu Xianyin chose a seat that was basically in the middle of the class. Most of the people in front of Chen Nianke chose seats in the first three rows. Although a few people wanted to sit next to Fu Xianyin and be influenced by the atmosphere of the academic elite, when it was time for Chen Nianke to choose a seat, she still managed to choose Yin Zexuan as her deskmate.
Chen Nianke also joked that among the three top students in the triangle, she was the only one with a score of just over 600 who filled the last spot.
Although Cheng Zhaozhao was not able to choose a position in this area, she still had some options.
Lin Anxu didn't do very well on the exam this time, and when it was his turn, there were really only a few empty seats left.
But it's still better than sitting next to the podium.
Yin Zexuan helped move the table.
Before Yin Zexuan helped her move the table, Fu Xianyin went through another mental struggle.
The last time she changed seats, it was Gu Linzhao who moved the table for her.
Last week, when arranging the exam venue, Gu Linzhao helped her move her books.
Logically speaking, or according to Fu Xianyin's subconscious, she would still feel that Gu Linzhao would come to help her move the table if they were in the same position this time.
But the problem is he didn't say that either.
The desks of the senior high school students were piled high with books, making them incredibly heavy. Since there were more boys than girls in their class, the boys around them would usually help move the girls' desks whenever they changed seats.
Yin Zexuan acted very quickly.
He had already moved her table while Fu Xianyin was still hesitating.
Seeing the table lift off the ground, Fu Xianyin didn't know to say anything like, "You don't need to move it, I'll have Gu Linzhao help me move it later," so she let Yin Zexuan do it.
Yin Zexuan helped her move her table, and then went to move his own.
Fu Xianyin was tidying up her books, which had been messed up when the table was moved, while she was still at her seat.
When the person next to her came over, Fu Xianyin's actions preceded her thoughts.
She looked up, saw Gu Linzhao place the table next to her, then smiled and said:
"We're deskmates again, Fu Xianyin."
It's unclear what the reason was at the time.
In short, under the cold lights of the classroom, Gu Linzhao stood in front of her.
Fu Xianyin looked into the boy's long, narrow, bright eyes, and his cheerful and cheerful voice echoed in her ears for a long time.
At that moment, Fu Xianyin could no longer deceive herself.
She did indeed develop feelings for Gu Linzhao that were different and inappropriate.
Perhaps it's called being moved.
Or perhaps, a more accurate term would be "like".
It cannot be spoken aloud, nor can it be told to anyone.
But I don't want it to remain just a heavy shackle deep in my heart.
I still want to let it out into the light.
I'll also meet him.
The sports meet is over, and the midterm exams are just around the corner.
Senior year of high school is always like this; it's normal to feel overwhelmed by layers upon layers of exams. Days like last week are probably over before the college entrance exam.
Fu Xianyin resumed her previous study routine.
But this time, something seems different.
And it's not a good difference.
Fu Xianyin discovered that her once-proud learning efficiency seemed to be slowly disappearing.
She initially thought it was because she had been playing too much last week and hadn't studied, which made her lose her touch when doing practice problems, and that doing a few practice tests would fix it.
However, several days of low-quality learning served as a wake-up call for Fu Xianyin.
Before transferring to Beichuan No. 1 Middle School, Chen Huimei tried every possible method to get Fu Dongyuan to arrange her transfer.
During that period, Fu Xianyin was exhausted by Chen Huimei's extremely erratic mental state and did not study at all.
However, after arriving at Beichuan No.1 Middle School and doing practice problems for a few days, my problem-solving skills gradually improved.
Especially regarding her learning efficiency, Fu Xianyin remembers it very clearly. Even when she had to relearn the simplest chemistry concepts and found them so difficult that she felt like dying, her learning efficiency did not suffer.
Now, for several days in a row, Fu Xianyin has found that she can't help but drift off while listening to lectures or doing exercises.
She tried to concentrate, but she couldn't. Her five senses seemed to be amplified infinitely, and even the chirping of a bird outside the window would attract Fu Xianyin's attention.
This is really not right. This is really not right.
Three more periods of aimless evening self-study passed, and Fu Xianyin sighed heavily as she looked at the mess of questions.
Why are you sighing?
Beside her, Gu Linzhao was packing his workbook into his schoolbag and turned to ask her.
Fu Xianyin tried her best to suppress her unease and said calmly, "I'm under a lot of pressure, so I want to go for a walk on the playground later."
Gu Linzhao didn't even have time to think or hesitate before saying, "Let's go."
Chen Nianke overheard their conversation and asked, "Are you two going to the playground later?"
Fu Xianyin nodded: "Yes, are you going?"
Chen Nianke said, "I'm not going. I'll tell Zhao Zhao and the others that you two can go first."
After putting on her backpack and saying goodbye to Chen Nianke, Fu Xianyin went to the playground with Gu Linzhao.
With the sports meet over and the citywide midterm exams just around the corner, the number of people on the playground is more than half less than it was a while ago.
Gu Linzhao initially thought Fu Xianyin just wanted to find a place to stroll around, but unexpectedly, she led him to the edge of the playground, put her schoolbag on the ground, and said:
"Will you run two laps with me?"
He volunteered to go for a run.
This is very unlike the sound of a stringed instrument.
Based on Gu Linzhao's understanding of Fu Xianyin, the latter was the kind of person who would rather sit than stand, walk than run, and extremely disliked exercise.
At this moment, such a person took the initiative to suggest going for a run.
Gu Linzhao's intuition told him that something seemed amiss.
He asked, "Have you been sleeping poorly these past two days?"
He remembered that Fu Xianyin had said before that the fatigue after running would improve her sleep quality.
Fu Xianyin was surprised that he guessed so quickly and accurately. She nodded and didn't hide it from him, saying, "Well, I'll try going for a run today."
Everyone says that exercise makes people feel refreshed, so Fu Xianyin decided to give it a try and see if she could resolve her recent discomfort through exercise.
However, the effect doesn't seem to be very significant.
Early November can already be considered early winter and late autumn, especially in the early morning and evening, when the air is already full of the smell of cold air.
The cold wind blew against Fu Xianyin's face, making her want to cry.
By the time Fu Xianyin realized what was happening, tears were already streaming down her face.
She is not a crybaby, and she would never shed tears in front of others.
When she was little, Chen Huimei would scold her, and she would secretly hide under the covers and cry loudly.
Later on, she rarely cried when she was alone.
Why do I suddenly feel like crying?
And it's falling so sharply.
Tears fell like beads from a broken string, leaving streaks on my face, which dried in the cold wind.
She tried her best to suppress the lump in her throat and suppress any sobs.
Fortunately, I was running, so it wasn't strange that I was panting heavily.
Gu Linzhao seemed to be talking to her, but she couldn't hear anything and could only respond with "uh-huh" and "ah-ah" based on her intuition.
After running about two or three laps, the sudden burst of tears finally stopped.
Fu Xianyin lowered her head and quietly wiped her face in the darkness where no light could be found.
Then, she slung her backpack over her shoulder and, still a little unsteady from running, managed to suppress the trembling in her nostrils, said:
"I feel much better, let's go."
It's not much better.
Fu Xianyin even felt that God was against her.
I can't concentrate in class, I can't do the problems, and even my memory is slowly declining.
After overcoming so many difficulties, studying subjects she wasn't good at, and putting in a lot of effort, she scored a high score of 699 on a very challenging test, but then she suddenly couldn't study anymore.
And the midterm exams are fast approaching.
Fu Xianyin began to suffer from insomnia at night, which was more severe than before.
She lay on the bed, closed her eyes, and soon opened them again in frustration.
The nerves felt like they were stretched taut, and even the slightest touch would produce a humming sound.
She lay there, watching the heavy darkness outside the window gradually fade, and then listened to her alarm clock ring.
Gu Linzhao was the first to notice that something was wrong with her.
After not sleeping all night, Fu Xianyin came to school the next day as if all her energy had been drained.
Gu Linzhao was startled by her.
He frowned and asked worriedly, "What's wrong? You look so pale."
Fu Xianyin answered a beat late: "Ah, I had a nightmare last night."
She took a sip of the soy milk that Cheng Zhaozhao and Chen Nianke had bought for her from the cafeteria. She was so tired that she said to Gu Linzhao, "Call me when the teacher comes. I'll rest for a bit."
After saying that, she slumped onto the table, feeling utterly helpless, and closed her eyes, feeling her heartbeat gradually slow down from its rapid throbbing.
She could only lie down and rest when she was so exhausted that she had no energy left.
Early morning reading was Xu Xunling's Chinese reading session. She watched Fu Xianyin sleeping on the table and didn't ask Gu Linzhao to wake her up.
So Fu Xianyin slept until the first class started.
After lying there for a while, although my heart and head were still a little uncomfortable, at least I was no longer looking like a dead person.
Fu Xianyin listened to the lectures and did her homework intermittently until the long break, when Cheng Zhaozhao ran over and winked at her at a post on the confession wall.
Those are two photos, both taken at the sports meet.
Cheng Zhaozhao exclaimed, "Wow, I have to say, this person is really good at taking photos."
The photo shows her and Gu Linzhao. Whether it was a deliberate angle or an unintentional visual illusion, the two are so close that Fu Xianyin is almost nestled in Gu Linzhao's arms.
The second photo is even bolder. It captures the moment when Fu Xianyin's legs went weak after finishing the relay final. Gu Linzhao was in front of her at the time and reached out to catch her. However, the photo makes it look as if Fu Xianyin ran through the crowd, straight to Gu Linzhao, and then rushed into his arms.
Chen Nianke sighed deeply, "Oh, you know, this photo is pretty good, isn't it?"
She looked at Gu Linzhao, her expression suggestive: "Right?"
Gu Linzhao's smile was so wide he couldn't suppress it. He coughed lightly, glanced at Fu Xianyin who didn't seem very interested, and said, "Put your phone away quickly, or you'll be dead if Sister Gao catches you."
Cheng Zhaozhao pouted, but still obediently put her phone away.
She said, "However, this post is actually quite good. Just to clarify, I don't mean anything by it. This post will help to bury what happened last week. Anyway, you two aren't strangers, right?"
Fu Xianyin smiled slightly, said nothing, and nodded.
But my heart was ice-cold.
She wasn't worried about the fabricated post from last week, not only because she had been through it before, but also because Chen Huimei wouldn't misunderstand, since the so-called old man who was supposedly taking care of her was her own father, Fu Dongyuan.
But this one is different.
Her fingertips, resting on the table, began to tremble uncontrollably. Fu Xianyin tugged at her sleeve, letting her loose school uniform cover her shaking hands.
She couldn't imagine what would happen if Chen Huimei saw these two photos.
If she has a clear conscience, then so be it. Her grades haven't dropped, so saying everything is nonsense is pointless. Besides, she had already discussed it with Gu Linzhao beforehand, so there's nothing wrong with that.
But...
She felt guilty.
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