Chapter 18
I'm less used to the subject-specific system than I imagined, but if you ask me why, I can't really give a good reason. I just feel uncomfortable with everything.
Niou, who was also in the science-focused college preparation class, was in the class next to mine. I heard that Sanada and Yanagi, who went to the humanities, weren't assigned to the same class. As for the two who chose to study abroad, there was only one class, and they were on a separate floor.
The classrooms for the Grade 11 Science A group are located on the east side of the teaching building, directly opposite the tennis courts, and very close to the office of the External Relations Department. I no longer need to rush over to the meeting after class as before, but going to the cafeteria requires a longer walk. I didn't like bringing my own lunch before, but now I have to compromise.
There were no classmates I was very familiar with in the new class. There were a few people who were members of the student council, but we hardly interacted and only had a general impression of each other.
Seats were assigned randomly by lottery. The girl next to me was very quiet. We greeted each other once on the first day, but didn't say anything after that. She spent most of her time engrossed in doing her homework. Besides her, I also saw various tutoring workbooks on other people's desks.
Getting into a top national university is not easy, so it's not surprising in college preparation classes. After all, even someone like me who dislikes rote learning still has a thick book of practice questions in my drawer, let alone those who are completely focused on studying.
Niou's situation seems similar to mine, except that he is the kind of person who doesn't care about "a sense of existence" and doesn't feel like many things are wrong like I do.
Yes, I never deny it. Although I won't say it outright, I need external affirmation of my existence. Or to put it another way, I need to be in the spotlight. Everyone must see me, know me, and even, if possible, I hope to be worshipped.
The words Niou used to say about me were quite right. Of course, I enjoy the advantages of being a top student; this is a right to speak that I created myself.
Therefore, whenever I enter a new environment, I choose a not-so-easy way to become the center of attention, because I always try to make my achievements look effortless, which is probably the least honest thing about me.
Those reasons sound nice, but in essence they're just about saving face and being vain, which isn't shameful.
A few weeks into the semester, I've been preparing for the Judo prefectural preliminary rounds while also recruiting two fairly clever new students for the External Relations Department. They were recruited right in front of Sanada. Compared to the taciturn and somewhat difficult-to-get-along-with Sanada Genichiro, the first-year juniors will definitely like me more.
Besides, I still have Yagyu in my hands. I believe he would be willing to use his looks to win over a member. If he is not willing, I will make him.
"Perhaps you didn't notice, but those were two boys," Liu Sheng said helplessly after the orientation meeting.
"Don't be so insecure about yourself. Gender isn't a problem." I smiled.
He sighed softly, turned around to look at the way the two younger men were looking at me. He was clearly not the one who had been forced to sell his body.
I didn't pay any attention, simply closed my notebook containing work arrangements, and casually pushed open the office door: "It's our day off today, don't you need to go to training?"
As usual, Yagyu enthusiastically held the door open, waiting for everyone to come in before closing it, and then replied, "There are still thirty minutes before it starts. Cleaning the court is already a task for the first-year students."
"You told me before that you didn't like these bad habits in sports clubs, but I see you're quite used to them," I teased.
"Is that considered a bad habit?" Yagyu looked at me. "Your judo club newbies bow to you every time you see them, right?"
"Tsk, I can't argue with you," I turned to the two first-year students sitting in the corner, looking quite reserved. "Sorry, we got carried away with our conversation. My name was just introduced at the meeting. He is the vice-captain, Yagyu Hiroshi." I patted Yagyu on the shoulder. "He's an exceptionally kind person, one in a million. You can go to him with any problem."
Liu Sheng smiled and gently took my wrist away, his smile conveying a complex mix of emotions, as if he were about to take revenge on me.
"There are two second-year and one third-year seniors in the department. You'll be able to meet them at the department meeting this Friday afternoon," I continued. "You can sit at any of the empty desks in the office. You can also study after class if you want. I usually have the key. I live in the second-year A group upstairs."
Thinking there was probably nothing more to introduce, I paused for a moment before asking, "Is there anything else you want to ask me?"
They glanced at each other, then shook their heads in unison, said thank you to the minister, and walked out.
"Then I should probably head to the court too," Yagyu finally spoke up. "Captain Okada, thank you for your hard work."
"No, you're making me die young if you say that." I waved my hand and pulled out a chair to sit down.
He had only closed the door and taken a few steps when Liu Sheng heard the voices of two people coming down the stairs talking. He thought that if he walked too fast and they found out, it would embarrass his junior, so he slowed down and let them go first. Even if he couldn't hear much of what they were talking about, he could guess what they were saying. Judging from their eyes at that moment, what else could they be saying?
So I was left alone in the office. After reading only a few pages, I became a little restless and turned to look out the window. Yagyu and Sanada were practicing their game on the far side of the court, staring at the little yellow ball going back and forth until their minds went blank.
Actually, I know that what I'm most unaccustomed to isn't "a sense of presence," but rather the lack of old friends with whom I can have meaningful conversations.
Fortunately, Renwang often came to eat with me during lunch break. There was nothing I could do since our classrooms were close together. He was a picky eater, and the sight of him struggling to chew the broccoli in his bento box was enough to make me lose most of my appetite. I had no choice but to close my eyes, stuff the egg roll into my mouth, and push it down my stomach with a big piece of rice.
In addition, we would enthusiastically solve Sudoku puzzles while eating. I also have an incurable competitive spirit, and even though I knew that Niou could easily defeat me in terms of intelligence, I still kept trying despite repeated defeats.
Thanks to him, I lost six pounds before May. If this continues, I won't need to consciously control my weight before the qualifiers.
However, aside from math problems, our conversations mostly revolved around Liu Sheng. Occasionally, when we got really into it, we sounded like two middle-aged people reminiscing about a friend from afar, even though the truth was that he was just living upstairs from us, dealing with foreign teachers every day.
"Gentlemen, I seem to still be alive." He suddenly appeared behind us while we were chatting that day.
"But you walk without making a sound." Niou said, poking Yagyu suspiciously.
I raised my hand to touch his chin, but he caught me instantly. I explained, "I was just making sure you're not a ghost."
"There are no ghosts in this age of scientific civilization," said Yagyu, sitting down in the empty seat next to me. He looked around and then said, "Why are you the only ones in the classroom?"
"Studying at the library," Niou and I answered in unison.
Liu Sheng gave me a completely understanding look, then glanced at the half-read book "Drifting Street" on my desk and said, "You've picked this up again?"
"I haven't really found any books that interest me lately," I realized that since I was in a different class from Yagyu, I've been reading fewer new mystery novels. "Otherwise, I wouldn't be getting crushed by this guy with Sudoku every day."
"It was you who wanted to take the challenge," Niou said, feigning innocence. "Winning isn't my fault."
"Yagyu-kun, do you mind if I use violence against your partner?" I asked politely, but I had already grabbed his tie.
"Please go ahead." Yagyu made a "please" gesture, then took my book and quietly started reading, seemingly unconcerned about the farce between me and Niou.
In the days that followed, although the three of us no longer had much free time to get together like this, I would always think of that afternoon.
It was just an ordinary afternoon, the late spring sun making people feel lazy. Niou used Yagyu as a shield, and I, not to be outdone, reacted quickly and grabbed his pigtail. Yagyu, caught in the middle, looked up from his novel, smiled, and then lowered his head again.
Why should I dwell on it? Old friends may not always be by my side, but even Tezuka, who is far away in Munich, can say that he needs me. I think I have reason to feel uncomfortable.
Thinking about this, I wonder if he has successfully arrived in Paris.
Yesterday, Tezuka told me that he would go to get used to the clay court in advance, and that the second generation of Samurai was also interested in competing in the junior tournament. I could feel the excitement and nervousness in his words, but for me, the condition of his arm is the most important thing.
Sometimes I feel conflicted. On one hand, I want Tezuka to be more cautious, but on the other hand, I want him to be able to soar freely. Whenever this happens, I feel like I'm being possessed by Tezuka Kuniichi, worrying about my grandson.
But when Tezuka actually listened quietly to me talk about my life as usual, he would switch from calling me "our Hikaru" to "Kunimitsu," which I always referred to. Although his words about not putting too much pressure on yourself didn't really carry much weight, he seemed to know that himself, so he paused for a long time after saying that before adding another sentence.
—But do whatever you want to do.
Guoguang brand chicken soup, everyone who drinks it says it's good.
This isn't sarcasm; it's something I appreciate. I like having someone unconditionally on my side.
Once I was able to gradually ignore this feeling of unease and truly integrate into the life of a second-year high school student, the Kanagawa prefectural preliminary rounds arrived as scheduled, and the midterm exams were also just around the corner. However, the oppressive atmosphere in the classroom was still annoying enough. I often made excuses to sneak off to the rooftop during self-study periods. Even just changing the location to do practice exams made me feel much more comfortable.
I ran into Yukimura, who had skipped biology lab again, Niou, who came up to do sewing with a bag in his hand, and Marui, who covered his face with a comic book. Most incredibly, I also ran into Yanagi, whom I thought would never skip class. He greeted me very casually that day, holding a copy of Natsume Soseki's Selected Works.
Ultimately, everyone needs that moment to break free from their own situation; I just happened to encounter someone else's moment in my own.
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