Chapter 55 Resolve I will face my truest thoughts and use…
A crisp slap, delivered with all her strength and anger, landed hard on Gu Qingyan's cheek.
Tears streamed down her face, her body trembling uncontrollably from the intense emotional turmoil and the effects of alcohol. Her voice was broken and choked with sobs and extreme anger: "Gu Qingyan! You bastard! You've lost all right! Look closely! I'm engaged! I'm Zhou Xubai's fiancée! And you?" She choked back sobs, pointing to the empty air as if Qi Xueqing were right in front of her, "Weren't you with Qi Xueqing too? You appeared together! Everyone saw it! And now you're treating me like this... what do you mean by that?!"
Gu Qingyan's face was turned to one side by the slap, and a clear finger mark quickly appeared on his cheek. However, he seemed to feel no burning pain at all. He suddenly turned his head back, his gaze like the most precise lock, fixed on her face. His eyes were filled with terrifying red veins and an undisguised, desperate madness.
"There's no Qi Xueqing!" he roared, each word like a heavy stone, striking the small space of the entryway with a resounding thud. "I have nothing with her! Never! I only asked her to take me to that damned engagement party. The only reason I'm here tonight is you! Lin Yuwei! I'm only here to see you!"
He moved closer again, gripping her trembling shoulders tightly with both hands, allowing her no further chance to escape. His declaration, like a final judgment, carried the weight of his entire life, crashing heavily into the deathly silent room: "Lin Yuwei, listen carefully! What is an engagement? It's just a ceremony! As long as you are not legally or in fact husband and wife, as long as there is even the slightest possibility, I will never let go! Never!"
In the midst of their intense pushing and pulling and their loss of control, they lost their balance and both fell onto the soft sofa next to them. Gu Qingyan's arm instinctively shielded her, cushioning the impact of their fall, but his body also covered hers, trapping them in an extremely intimate and dangerous distance.
This sudden change in posture and the close contact of bodies felt like a rusty key, abruptly unlocking a corner of Lin Yuwei's memory that had been deliberately sealed away.
Alcohol blurred the boundaries of reality. Gu Qingyan's eyes, filled with pain, desire, and a sense of familiarity, overlapped with that chaotic, unexpected, and irreversible night many years ago. Back then, also in a cramped sofa, by a twist of fate, everything spiraled out of control, completely altering the course of their lives.
That deep-seated longing, yearning, and unbearable pain, suppressed by reason for too long, burst forth like a flood, overwhelming all her carefully constructed defenses! Resentment, unwillingness, yearning, and a profound empathy for his despair and madness... all these complex emotions collapsed, utterly engulfing her.
The rational cries grew fainter and fainter in my ears until they disappeared.
She stopped struggling and pushing him away. Instead, like a drowning person grabbing onto the only piece of driftwood, she stretched out her slightly trembling arms and hugged Gu Qingyan's neck tightly, almost desperately, burying her burning cheeks in the familiar warmth of his neck.
A very faint, sobbing sigh escaped from her lips, as if something that had held on for a long time had finally given up all resistance at this moment.
This proactive embrace, this gesture of complete acceptance, was more impactful than any words. Gu Qingyan's body stiffened abruptly, almost unable to believe this sudden change. He lowered his head, looking incredulously at the woman in his arms, her eyes tightly closed, her long eyelashes damp and trembling, yet clinging tightly to him.
The surging emotions that had been suppressed all night, and even longer, were like volcanic lava finally finding an outlet, instantly engulfing him. He no longer hesitated, no longer restrained himself, and embraced her even more tightly, as if trying to meld her into his very bones. The kiss that followed was no longer punishment or plunder, but rather a trembling sensation of something lost and found, an almost devout longing, and a torrent of love that had been pent up for so long, sweeping over them both.
The sofa became their island of solitude. Past grievances and current obstacles became distant and blurred at this moment, leaving only the most primal emotional collisions and the urgent and chaotic mutual exploration between their bodies, as if they wanted to confirm each other's existence, make up for lost time, and vent all unspeakable pain and longing through this method.
Suddenly, a sharp and persistent cell phone ringtone pierced the almost stagnant, ambiguous atmosphere in the apartment, like a bucket of cold water being poured down.
Lin Yuwei was startled and jolted back to her senses. She frantically searched for her vibrating phone in the sofa cushions. The light from the screen made her squint, and the caller ID clearly showed "Xu Bai".
Gu Qingyan also saw that name. The surging emotions in his deep eyes instantly cooled down, replaced by a dark and ambiguous shadow. His hands around her waist and the back of her neck unconsciously loosened their grip slightly.
Lin Yuwei immediately seized this moment of weakness, almost frantically pushing him away, and stood up abruptly. Her heart was pounding wildly in her chest, unsure whether it was because of the almost out-of-control kiss or because of this untimely phone call.
She staggered slightly, her steps unsteady as she hurried toward the balcony connected to the living room, as if trying to escape this suffocating space and the almost scorching gaze behind her.
She took several deep breaths of the cool night air before she could barely steady her rapid breathing and trembling voice, still trembling from the intense kiss, and pressed the answer button:
"Hello, Xu Bai?" Her voice was slightly short and hoarse.
“Weiwei,” Zhou Xubai’s voice came through the electricity, deeper than usual, carrying obvious apology and a hint of fatigue, “Are you home yet?...I’m sorry about tonight. I…” He seemed to want to explain something, but the words caught in his throat and he swallowed them back, finally only saying, “I couldn’t control my emotions.”
Lin Yuwei glanced at the familiar night view outside the balcony, then glimpsed the silent, sitting figure in the living room through the glass door. Feeling guilty, she turned to the side, completely turning her back to the room, as if this would block out Gu Qingyan's intensely noticeable gaze.
"Yes, I've arrived. I just got home." She tried to make her tone sound calm and natural, even deliberately adding a touch of weariness: "It's okay... it's all over. I'm just a little tired and want to rest first."
There was a few seconds of silence on the other end of the phone. Zhou Xubai thought she was really tired, and finally said gently, "Okay, then I won't bother you anymore. Get some rest. Good night."
"……good evening."
After the call ended, Lin Yuwei neither put down her phone nor turned around.
She simply held her still-hot phone, staring blankly at the city lights outside the window. The night breeze caressed her burning cheeks, but it couldn't dispel the chaos and guilt in her heart. The glass door of the balcony clearly reflected her flushed cheeks and slightly disheveled hair, as well as the figure of the man sitting quietly on the living room sofa, his gaze fixed on her like a shadow.
Lin Yuwei stood on the balcony for a while longer, until the cool night breeze slightly dispelled the heat on her face and the turmoil in her heart. She took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, as if trying to suppress all her chaotic emotions into the deepest part of her heart.
She raised her hand and carefully straightened the neckline of her slightly disheveled dress, smoothing out the wrinkles. Her movements were slow and deliberate, as if she were not only tidying up her clothes, but also trying to tidy up her recently out-of-control emotions and her crumbling defenses.
After doing all this, her face regained a kind of indifferent calm, but a trace of lingering emotion remained deep in her eyes. She turned around and walked back to the living room. She deliberately turned on all the lights, and the dazzling light dispelled all the ambiguous shadows and exposed all her emotions.
Gu Qingyan remained seated on the sofa, but his posture was no longer as aggressive as before. He simply looked at her silently, his gaze as deep and unfathomable as a bottomless pool.
Lin Yuwei stopped in front of him, maintaining a safe distance. Her voice was calm but carried an undeniable order to leave, echoing clearly in the overly bright living room: "Gu Qingyan, it's late, you should go."
Gu Qingyan didn't move, but simply looked up at her, his sharp eyes seeming to pierce through her forced composure and reach her very core. He suddenly spoke, his voice not loud, but carrying a seductive penetrating power: "You clearly still have feelings for me, Lin Yuwei, why won't you admit it?"
Lin Yuwei's heart felt like it had been struck hard by those words, but her face remained impassive, even managing a slightly weary and sarcastic smile: "I've said it many times, we won't be happy together. Haven't we learned enough from the past? Besides," she emphasized, as if reminding him, but also as if reminding herself, "it's too late now! Zhou Xubai and I are engaged, and that's an unchangeable fact."
"So you're happy with him?" Gu Qingyan suddenly stood up, took a step closer, and locked his gaze on her intently: "Like tonight? For the next few decades, will you have to rely on drinking to numb yourself every time you think of the past?"
His question was as sharp as a knife, piercing the truth she was trying to cover up. Lin Yuwei's face paled, and she instinctively wanted to retort, but was momentarily speechless.
Gu Qingyan gave her no time to think, his voice growing deeper and more forceful: "Since you're convinced that you can't find true happiness with him, why can't you give me a chance? And give yourself a chance too?"
He looked at her, his eyes no longer filled with the madness and coercion of before, but instead with an unprecedented clarity and determination: "I understand my heart now, Lin Yuwei. From the moment we met again, I knew that it had to be you. I was foolish before, I was wrong, I missed you, but now I won't be wrong again."
He paused, each word resounding: "I will face my truest thoughts and compete with Zhou Xubai in every fair and square way. I won't force you to make a decision now, but I hope... you can also be brave this time, cast aside all concerns and so-called 'shoulds,' and truly face your own heart to see what it really wants."
After saying that, he didn't wait for her response or make any further entanglement. He just looked at her deeply, his gaze complex, containing too many unspoken words, pain, determination, and an unmistakable deep affection and waiting.
Then, he resolutely turned around, strode towards the door, opened it, and his figure quickly disappeared into the light and shadow of the corridor.
Under the overly bright lights of the living room, Lin Yuwei's solitary, dazed figure, along with the words Gu Qingyan left behind—words that were enough to stir up a tidal wave in her heart—lingered for a long time.
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Author's Note: The journey to win back my wife begins!
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