Break and Choice
The next day was Monday.
Yunxi was restless all morning. She kept glancing at the classroom door until the bell rang for morning reading. Just then, that familiar figure walked in, radiating a menacing aura. He had come. He hadn't chosen to disappear completely. This was the first step he had taken after a difficult struggle between self-exile and fulfilling his promise in the "Fiftieth Inning."
Shi Xu's face was even paler than yesterday, with obvious dark circles under his eyes, his lips tightly pressed together, and he exuded a cold aura that kept strangers at bay. He didn't even glance at Yun Xi, walking straight to his seat, taking out a book, his movements stiff. He was undergoing a self-isolation procedure. Getting close to her = potentially harming her—this was an "ironclad rule" instilled in him by his father and proven time and again, and he was using reason to forcibly fight against his instincts.
During breaks, Yunxi tried to talk to him several times, but he deliberately avoided her. He would either pretend to sleep on his desk or get up and leave his seat to go to the corridor or the restroom. Each time he avoided her, it felt like a knife cutting into his heart. He had to make her give up; this was the gentlest form of protection he could think of.
It was as if he had built an invisible wall around himself, isolating everyone, including her.
Yunxi felt a pang of sadness, not just from worry, but also from a sense of loss at being pushed away. But she knew that time needed space, and she couldn't force him. Her understanding, inadvertently, slowed his process of self-punishment.
Until school ended in the afternoon, the two walked side by side on their way home, the suffocating silence almost freezing the air.
Yunxi finally couldn't hold back any longer and spoke softly, breaking the silence: "Shixu, are you... alright?"
Time marched on relentlessly. His gaze remained fixed ahead, his voice dry: "It's nothing." Standard response code 01: Denial. Intended to end the conversation.
“You don’t look alright.” Yunxi stopped and grabbed his wrist, forcing him to face her. “What exactly did your father say to you yesterday?” She crossed the safety boundary he had set and went straight to the core issue.
Shi Xu's body tensed instantly. He abruptly flung her hand away, the movement almost violent. He turned his head, his eyes filled with an agitation Yun Xi had never seen before, and a coldness stemming from a deep-seated, self-destructive belief in his own "polluting" nature. Defense system overloaded, activating offensive self-defense mode.
"Does it matter what he said?" His voice rose slightly, sharp and piercing. "It's none of your business!" He was trying to define what he considered a safe distance from her in the most hurtful way.
As soon as the words came out, both of them were stunned.
Yunxi stared at him in disbelief, her eyes instantly reddening. She hadn't expected him to speak to her in such a tone. Her reaction was like a bucket of ice water, instantly extinguishing the ferocity that had risen in his heart from fear.
Shi Xu looked at her reddened eyes, a clear sense of panic and regret flashing within them, but more so a kind of resigned pain. He turned his face away, his voice lowered, weary: "My situation is complicated, and... terrible. You shouldn't have gotten involved." This was the closest he could give to the truth.
"So what?" Yunxi's voice trembled slightly, but more so with stubbornness. "Just because it's complicated, just because it might be terrible, am I supposed to pretend nothing happened and stay far away from you? Shixu, in your heart, am I such a weak, untrustworthy person?" Her question directly attacked the flaws in his behavioral logic—his exclusion of her was itself a form of distrust.
Her question was like a hammer, striking the frozen walls of his heart.
Time abruptly turned, meeting her tearful yet unwavering eyes. All the hurtful words he had prepared stuck in his throat. Her steadfastness was the most precious and the most unattainable variable in all his past experiences.
"That's not what I meant..." he explained awkwardly, his voice hoarse. The defense system began to collapse.
"Then what do you mean?" Yunxi stepped forward, staring intently at him. "You said you would never let go again! You said I was very important to you! Now that you've encountered a little difficulty, you're going to hide away and push me away? Shixu, you promised me!" She quoted his promise, turning his own vow into her most powerful weapon.
Her tears finally streamed down her face, not from resentment, but from heartache and anger for him. These tears were for him. This realization shattered his last line of defense.
Seeing her tears rolling down her cheeks, all of Shi Xu's pretense and defenses crumbled completely at that moment. He reached out to wipe away her tears, but his fingers trembled violently.
“I’m sorry…I’m sorry…” he stammered, his voice choked with sobs, “I didn’t mean to push you away…I just…I was just scared…” He finally admitted the core emotion that had permeated all fifty-three reincarnations—fear.
“I’m afraid I’ll be a burden to you… I’m afraid of my father… I’m afraid all those messy things will hurt you… I don’t deserve someone as good as you…” He buried his face in his hands, his shoulders slumping limply, like a lost child. He revealed his deepest fear, the core of the virus he believed would “contaminate” her.
Seeing him like this, all of Yunxi's resentment and grievances vanished. She reached out and gently hugged his trembling body.
"Fool." Her voice was still choked with tears, yet unusually gentle. "Being together means facing the storms together. You see me as a burden, but for me, sharing the burden with you is the most important thing." She redefined his "burden," interpreting it as "sharing the burden." This was a fundamental subversion of her perception of him.
She cupped his face, forcing him to look into her eyes, and said clearly, word by word, "Shixu, listen to me. You are good, you deserve all the good in the world. Those bad things are not your fault. Let's face them together, okay?" This wasn't comforting; it was a declaration. It was a challenge to his ingrained, pessimistic worldview.
Her eyes, like warm sunlight, pierced through the heavy gloom in his heart.
Shi Xu stared at her, gazing at the unwavering trust and determination in her eyes. His frozen heart seemed to be infused with a warm current, slowly reviving and softening. This glimmer of light, compared to the long, solitary darkness he had struggled through, was so faint, yet so irresistible.
He reached out and pulled her into a tight embrace, so strong that he almost wanted to meld her into his very bones.
"Okay." He whispered in her ear, his voice hoarse with all his might. This was not an easy promise; it was a decision that risked everything. He decided to trust her, to trust the biggest variable in the fiftieth round, even if what lay ahead might be an abyss.
This single word carries immense weight.
The cracks remained, but a glimmer of light had begun to penetrate. He might not be able to immediately escape the shadows of his father and the past, but he knew he was no longer alone.
Someone was willing to walk with him on the thorny path, just for the light that might exist ahead, a light that belonged to them. He had walked this path forty-nine times, each time ending in failure. But this time, the warmth of her palm was different.
As the sun set, the shadows of the two embracing figures stretched long and intertwined, as if no force could separate them.
Some hurdles you have to overcome on your own.
Some roads are destined to be walked together. — For Shi Xu, what he crossed was not an ordinary hurdle, but an abyss of self-denial; what he embarked on was not an ordinary road, but the only time he would walk hand in hand in an attempt to break the curse of fifty reincarnations.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
