First time holding hands
The palm of my hand felt warm, with a slight dampness and sweat.
Yunxi's hand was gripped tightly in Shixu's palm, so tightly it even hurt a little. She could clearly feel the subtle trembling from his palm, and the abnormally fast heartbeat, tapping at her senses through their skin.
This is not the shyness of a young man experiencing first love, but the near-exhaustion-like tremor after finally grasping reality after traversing fifty-two torrents of loss.
He didn't speak, but silently led her forward, his pace much slower than usual, as if cautiously confirming something. Confirming this wasn't just another fleeting dream, confirming the warmth of his palms wouldn't suddenly turn cold in the next second. The streetlights cast their shadows on the ground; before, they were one behind the other, occasionally crossing paths, but now they were closely nestled together, their clasped hands merging into an inseparable point in the shadows.
(Yunxi's inner monologue: His hands are shaking. This seemingly omnipotent and meticulous person can actually get this nervous just from holding hands.)
This discovery strangely soothed the last trace of uncertainty in Yunxi's heart. She didn't pull away; instead, she gently squeezed back.
Shi Xu's body stiffened almost imperceptibly for a moment, then the grip on her hand loosened slightly, but he still didn't let go. It was as if he was afraid that if he held on too tightly it would break, and if he loosened his grip it would lose her.
No conversation along the way.
As they reached the foot of Building 3, the motion-sensor lights turned on. Shi Xu finally stopped, but kept her head down, her gaze fixed on their clasped hands, the blush on her ears clearly visible under the light.
"We've arrived." His voice was a little hoarse.
"Hmm," Yunxi responded, but did not move.
The two stood there in the stairwell, the atmosphere subtle and quiet. After a while, Yunxi finally spoke softly, "Tomorrow morning..."
“I’ll wait for you,” he replied immediately, his tone carrying an urgent certainty born from countless missed opportunities.
Yunxi smiled and said, "Okay."
She slowly withdrew her hand. His fingers instinctively curled up slightly, as if reluctant, but he still let go.
His palm suddenly felt empty, and the evening breeze brought a touch of coolness. This coolness was so familiar, having swept through his dreams countless times.
"Then...see you tomorrow." Yunxi looked at his still reddened ears and her heart melted.
"See you tomorrow." Shi Xu finally raised his head and looked at her deeply. The emotions surging in his eyes were complex and hard to discern. There was lingering excitement, the preciousness of something lost and found, and a trace of... the gloom of a predetermined ending that no amount of warmth could completely dispel.
He watched her turn and go upstairs until her figure disappeared around the corner of the stairs before slowly withdrawing his gaze. He raised the hand that had just held hers, his fingertips gently caressing his palm, where the touch and warmth of her skin seemed to still linger.
The fifty-third time. This is the fifty-third touch. But for the first time, it's not for pre-set protection, but a closeness stemming from the instinct of the soul.
He leaned against the cold wall, tilted his head back, closed his eyes, and let out a long, silent sigh.
The frozen obsession that had lingered in my chest for fifty-three lifetimes seemed to have been pried open tonight by a gentle hand, letting in a sliver of warm light.
(Shixu's inner monologue: She took my hand. She didn't run away. But... is this warmth, deviating from the predetermined path, a variable leading to survival, or bait leading to a deeper abyss of despair? Can I hold onto this ray of light? Will the past and future hidden in the shadows scare her away?)
Uncertainty crept in again like vines. But this time, unlike the pure panic of the past, it was mixed with something even more terrifying: a glimmer of hope.
Back home, Yunxi leaned against the door, her heart still pounding. She raised the hand he had held so tightly, and her fingertips could still feel the burning heat and the careful trembling.
She walked to the window and quietly looked down. The slender figure was still leaning against the wall downstairs, head tilted back, looking at something, shrouded in a lonely yet tender aura.
(Yunxi's inner monologue: He seems... very insecure. More so than I thought. What is it that he won't talk about in the past, that makes him feel like he's walking on thin ice, like he's on the edge of an abyss?)
She didn't turn on the light, just watched quietly in the darkness. Until he finally straightened up and slowly walked back to the door of the next building.
Night was falling.
Two hearts that were once far apart were drawn closer by an invisible thread through holding hands. But what lies between them is not only sweet ambiguity, but also a fog of mystery called "past and future" that is waiting to be explored.
The direction in which the shadows overlap is the future. And what illuminates the path ahead requires two people holding lamps together to face the common enemy lurking in the shadows of fate.
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