The Journey Home (Part 9)
Huai Xu exclaimed in alarm, "Godmother, what happened? Why are you crying?!"
I wiped my face and murmured, "Godmother is a little tired and wants to lie down for a while."
Lin Zhong glanced at me and then dashed outside like a whirlwind.
I closed the doors and windows tightly, lay down on the tatami mat, and as soon as I closed my eyes, all I could see was my mother:
"Mom, Sister Loma's grandpa came to visit her from Qingbin Village. He brought her lots of delicious food and a whistle made of wolf bones. It makes a really loud sound when you blow it!" Sister Loma said that my grandpa also lives in Qingbin Village, but why does he never come to visit me or bring me anything nice?
—Qingcheng, your mother swore to the mountain god that she would never return to Qingbin Village in this lifetime, and that she would never see your grandfather again unless she died.
—Did Grandpa make a mistake?
--no.
—Was Mother wrong?
—Mother is right.
So whose fault is it?
—Qingcheng, not everything in this world can be judged as right or wrong. If a mountain eagle wants to learn to fly, its wings will inevitably be broken by its parents; after it can fly, it will inevitably leave the nest to find new territory outside.
Why do eagles choose to break their wings to learn to fly? Why must they leave the nest? Wouldn't it be better to spend their lives happily with their parents?
—Because it is a mountain eagle, born unyielding and proud.
I opened my eyes. All around was quiet, and I could clearly hear my own heartbeat. Looking back, I'd only met Elder Amo three times in this life, exchanging no more than five sentences, yet my heart... felt like it was being boiled in oil... tormented by embarrassment; burning with anxiety, utterly lost...
Elder Amo once said, "If you don't know east or west, look at the sun and moon; if you don't know north or south, look at the stars." In the past, when I couldn't make up my mind, I would always ask my mother; after my mother passed away, I often asked Gao Tai... But now, both of them have long since left me.
Thinking of them calmed my chaotic thoughts a little. I took out an embroidered apron and a ceramic jar from the cabinet and gently wiped them clean.
—Mother, have you reunited with Elder Amo in heaven? With your protection, will Nanguang continue to be peaceful?
—Gao Tai, maybe I'll be able to take you home soon. You must have been looking forward to this day for a long time, right?
—I want to say goodbye to the elderly. I don't need to get close, I don't need to shed tears, I just need to take a silent look at them... Can you tell me how to do this?
"Knock knock knock," came the knocking sound from outside the house, each knock as evenly spaced as if measured with a ruler.
I put the apron and the earthenware pot into the cupboard and said towards the door, "Come in."
Lin Zhong slowly walked in: "Master, Feng Qiao has prepared your horse."
"He's quick."
Are you going?
"I want to go, but I'm also afraid to go."
Lin Zhong took the wine gourd from his waist and placed it in front of me: "Have a drink."
I glanced at him and asked, "What are you doing?"
"To bolster courage."
I pushed it back to him: "I'm not you, I can't drink alone."
Just then, Huai Xu ran over and called to me, "Godmother, Lord Wei is here!"
Since our parting on the winter solstice, I haven't seen Wei Ji again. Post-war official duties have been hectic, and he looks much thinner than when we were in Linchuan. The only thing that hasn't changed is his bright eyes.
Wei Ji stood up and took my hand: "Qing Niangzi."
I rarely saw him in official robes, and I sensed something unusual, so I quickly curtsied in return, saying, "Lord Wei."
Wei Ji offered a slight gesture of support and said gently, "Miss Qing, there's no need for such formalities. I'm on my way to Qingbin Village to pay respects to an old friend. Would you be willing to accompany me, Miss Qing?"
Junlian was in the center, with Batingdao and Qingbinzhai to the north and south respectively. I choked up and nodded.
Wei Ji picked up the package on the table with both hands: "My trip is also on official business. With the year-end approaching, there are many things to attend to, and it is difficult to spare any manpower in the yamen. Could you please do me another favor, Qing Niangzi, by disguising yourself as a yamen runner and accompanying me? I would be extremely grateful."
Without hesitation, I replied, "Okay!"
It had rained the day before yesterday, and the trickles of water seeping from the cracks in the rocks meandered into streams on both sides of the mountain path.
As the mountain rose higher, a biting mountain wind, carrying a lingering dampness, seeped into my lungs, feeling like icy needles. After crossing a mountain ridge, the white banners on bamboo poles at the village entrance came into view. I tied up my horse, bowed my head, and followed Wei Ji toward the mourning tent.
An elderly man dressed in a black robe with a black cap came forward with clasped hands and said, "Your Excellency, this way please."
Wei Ji took his hand and said, "Thank you for leading the way, Chief." As he spoke, he took out a sacrificial offering from his sleeve and handed it over.
"This is unacceptable!" The old village chief hurriedly declined. "To be honest, Elder Amo has few children and has worked hard for most of his life for our Qingbin Village."
"The villagers are all grateful for the elder's kindness and have spontaneously taken care of his funeral arrangements. The adults have come up the mountain to pay their respects, which shows their sincerity, but they absolutely cannot accept any monetary gifts."
Wei Ji pressed down on the old village chief's arm and forcefully tucked the gift money into his sleeve: "Elder Amo has also helped me a lot. During this joint defense of Shunxi, Qingbin Village lost many young men. The imperial court's relief will take some time to be issued. With the New Year approaching, this gift money is a small token of my appreciation. I hope the village chief will not refuse it."
The old village chief exclaimed excitedly, "Then on behalf of the orphans and widows of Qingbin Village, I thank Lord Wei!"
Not far ahead was the mourning tent, where Elder Amo lay flat on the ground, his face covered with a blue and red Nuo mask. A shaman, with straw tied around his waist and a feathered crown on his head, was holding a silk knife and ringing a bell, singing and dancing wildly towards the corpse.
"Heh-ho—heh-ho—"
The surrounding villagers shouted loudly, following the shaman with shuffling and leaping steps. Several elderly women, some carrying wine jugs and others holding tea trays, filled bowls with ochre-colored konjac paste, handing them one after another to the dancers who were moving in single file. The dark red liquid dripped onto the hemp clothing, leaving mottled stains like blood.
Wei Ji stood by and watched, while the old village chief hurriedly explained: "Your Excellency, we all know that people cry at weddings but not at funerals. This is the 'stepping dance' that must be performed at funerals."
"It was only because Elder Amo's main hall was small and there were too many clansmen coming to pay their respects that the hall was too small to accommodate everyone. So the mourning shed was set up in the open space and the 'walking the hall to send off the spirit' ceremony was moved outdoors. It was not out of disrespect for the deceased."
Wei Ji said, "Oh, I see."
The village chief raised his arm and pointed to a row of low thatched huts behind the mourning tent: "Your Excellency, Elder Amo has set up a separate mourning hall at his home. I will lead you there."
At the entrance of the courtyard, mourners came and went, all dressed in Han Chinese attire.
Wei Ji paused slightly, turned his head and whispered, "They are..."
The old village chief sighed softly: "They are all Han people from the nearby streams and caves. Back then, Elder Amo's only daughter crossed the sinkhole and broke the rule that the Liao and Han people could not intermarry... No one said it, but they all remember it. My little sister left early, so I came to see her off on her behalf."
The main room was indeed cramped, with reed curtains hanging low and narrow windows. A single incense table and offering table already occupied most of the space. The embers in the incense burner were still burning, and wisps of smoke curled up and lingered.
Just as the village chief was about to take the incense box, Wei Ji raised his hand to stop him, then turned to me and said, "Go and pick three sticks of incense."
Following Wei Ji's advice, I picked up three sticks of incense and presented them to him with my head bowed.
Wei Ji accepted the incense with both hands, turned to face the memorial tablet, bowed deeply three times, and placed the incense sticks into the incense burner.
In a corner of the fenced courtyard, there were stone mortars and pestles used by the Liao people to pound rice cakes. A small, thin child squatted beside the millstone, took out a handful of roasted rice from his patched pocket, carefully poured it into the mill trough, and held the axle with both hands, laboriously turning the millstone.
From outside the courtyard came the anxious call of the old woman: "Aru! You little rascal, why have you run off to Amo Weng's house again? Come over here and greet us!"
Aru slumped over, his hands gripping the millstone tightly: "Aru is going to grind rice porridge for the old man. Rice porridge is the best thing to eat. If the old man eats it, he can get up and teach Aru to weave bamboo baskets."
The woman hurriedly ran into the courtyard, grabbed the child, and led him outside: "Aru, be good, the old man doesn't need to eat anymore. The old man has become a star, and will hang in the sky to bless the people of Qingbin Village."
"The stars are so far away from us, why did the old man turn into a star?"
"When people get old and can't breathe, they will turn into stars."
Will my mother turn into a star when she gets old?
Yes, it will.
"And what about Aru?"
"Aru is still young, he must live well."
As I stared blankly at the mother and child, Wei Ji suddenly spoke up: "I would like to take a look at the place where Elder Amo lived before his death. May I ask if it is convenient for you, Chief?"
The village chief nodded: "Convenient, convenient, that's the room on the east side. Come on, I'll lead the adults there."
"Chieftain, please wait. I will proceed on my own."
"Then I shall take my leave, sir. Please make yourself at home."
I followed behind Wei Ji. With a creak, the half-closed door opened inward, and a strong, pungent smell of raw lacquer wafted out.
This bedroom is slightly smaller than the main room, but it feels brighter because of a window on the east wall.
On the earthen foundation to the north, there was a bamboo bed covered with old animal hides and fresh hay; the west wall was covered with peach wood Nuo masks and various headdresses; a long table leaned against the window, with carving knives, wood files and several half-carved peach wood blanks scattered on it.
My gaze was suddenly drawn to a dark red object on the windowsill—a rabbit carved from bamboo root. It was about the size of a baby's fist, with erect ears and crouching posture. Its round eyes bulged slightly, suggesting it had been frequently held and stroked in the palm of someone's hand. A thin layer of patina covered its surface, which gleamed with a warm luster in the winter sun.
The image of an old man seemed to materialize before my eyes, sitting quietly by the window, carving bamboo roots stroke by stroke... My eyes gradually became sore and swollen, as did the tip of my nose. I suddenly pulled open the door and ran outside into the yard.
Wei Ji caught up and said, "Let's go."
I nodded vigorously, quickly walked around the mourning hall, and went to a distance to fetch the horse.
When we reached the vicinity of Shenyang Cave, I changed back into women's clothing in a secluded spot, and Wei Ji also changed into his official clothes.
A long iron chain stretches across the sky, and the soaring cry of an eagle washes away all the pent-up emotions in one's heart.
I grasped Wei Ji's hand and said, "Qingcheng is grateful for your kindness, sir!"
Wei Ji lowered his eyes and slowly shook his head: "You flatter me, Qing Niangzi."
I pulled the horse over: "Then I'll head back first. The New Year is just around the corner, sir, please take care of yourself and don't overwork yourself."
"Wait a minute." Wei Ji looked up at me and said, "I also need to go to Yanziping to visit Mr. Liu. Let's go together."
“Okay.” I leaped onto the horse. “It’s on the way anyway.”
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