What is jealousy? It's a state of mind. I never knew life could be so beautiful after letting go of jealousy.
Unfortunately, I realized it too late.
Sorry for being late, my brother.
—————Yan Chongjun】
The Yan family in Huashi is a top family. All the men are praised by people, except me.
It can even be said that in the flower market, few people know that the Yan family actually has two sons, not one.
How did all this happen?
Looking at the dirty and messy cell in front of him, and his cellmate opposite who was a little shivering because of his arrival, he gave a sarcastic smile.
Not to him, but to myself.
It seems that what he did was so brutal that it scared his fellow inmates. You know, this is a prison where serious criminals are held.
Suddenly, fatigue was like pure white snow, slowly cleansing my turbid world.
"Hey, let me tell you a story."
Regardless of whether the person on the other end was willing to listen or not, I began to talk about the scenes that had penetrated deep into my bones.
“There was a little boy who was arrested at the age of three due to his mother’s neglect.
The kidnappers did not realize that his family background was very powerful at the time and thought he was just an ordinary child and planned to sell him.
When the little boy's father and grandfather learned the news, they rushed to rescue him.
Fortunately, the little boy was rescued, but unfortunately, he did not listen to the kidnappers and was beaten badly.
He was locked in a small dark room, deprived of food, whipped, slapped, punched and kicked, and many more.
This left a huge shadow in the little boy's heart. During his hospitalization, he didn't even dare to contact his father.
Only his brother, who was four years older than him, could speak a few simple words to him.
If that were the case, he might have gotten better slowly.
But the woman who abandoned him, whom she should call mother, came in a panic. When she saw his expression, she thought it was his brother's fault.
He started beating his brother in front of him.
The little boy's nerves were already fragile, and he completely collapsed after facing such a beating again.
He began to exclude everyone and lived only in his own spiritual world.
Ten years passed like this, and he was in a daze for ten years.
Apart from my grandfather, father and brother, the number of times I have seen the person called mother can be counted on two hands.
When he needed his mother the most, she was not there.
When she was no longer needed, she came back under the banner of caring for him, but the little boy no longer needed her at that time.
Slowly, the little boy grew up, and his father became quiet, so the grown-up boy thought his father didn't like him.
The boy, whose grandfather was serious and gloomy at heart, thought that his grandfather didn't like him either.
Since they all disliked him, then he might as well dislike them too. That was what he thought at the time.
But when he saw that his grandfather and father praised his brother so much and smiled so kindly and happily, he felt unfair and jealous.
Why are they all their children and grandchildren, but only my brother gets that kind of treatment?
Especially when a girl came into his sight, he completely exploded.
That girl is really beautiful, not in her looks, but in her eyes.
It was like a glass bead, without any impurities, so clean that the boy's heart could only hold such a person.
He chased after her desperately, wanting to get her attention.
She was very gentle and never said harsh words to him, but as soon as he confessed his feelings, she would verbally reject him.
The boy didn't understand until later, when he found out that the girl had fallen in love with his brother.
It wasn't long before he was with his brother, and jealousy was like a balloon, constantly expanding.
Ultimately, he chose to take the path of hostility.
He learned hypnosis from his grandfather, drugged the girl, and took the opportunity to hypnotize her.
As long as she wakes up, she will fall in love with him.
He had planned all this very well, but it was interrupted by his brother coming back early, and then the girl disappeared.
It was his brother who did it afterwards, targeting him everywhere and even setting him up for death.
In the end, it was not his brother, but the person who should be called mother who took the girl away.
She was afraid that the brothers would kill each other, so she thought she was doing the right thing and hid the man.
She also helped him clean up the mess, and between her brother and him, she chose him.
At one point the boy mocked the woman, calling her pathetic and ridiculous.
What’s the point of not cherishing when you should, and always feeling sad after something happens?
In fact, he knew that she really cared about him, but he really didn't need it.
Because my heart no longer moves.
He has always felt this way.
However, reality always seemed to take pleasure in hitting him, and the woman died in a car accident.
He just died like that, so suddenly.
At that time, he had only one feeling: this year's April Fool's Day joke was really not funny.
The moment he covered it with the white cloth with his own hands, he suddenly realized, oh, this is not a joke.
The hedgehog shell the boy had been carrying was broken. He knew that the last person who had truly cared about him was gone.
Do you regret it?
I won’t regret it.
Because he knew that this ending was actually the best.
Her brother would not be caught in a dilemma about their mother's affairs, and she would not have to face the hateful looks of her two sons.
In fact, it was a relief for her to die like that."
I raised my head and leaned against the wall, my thoughts drifting away.
Mom, if you hear what I say, rest in peace.
Hating you is too tiring, son, I don’t want to hate you anymore.
Being jealous of my big brother is too tiring, I want to let it go.
As for her, I don’t know if I can forget her, but I will try my best.
"And then?"
While I was deep in thought, I heard the person opposite me who had been huddled in a ball quietly stick his head out and ask in a low voice, his big eyes full of nervousness.
This was the first time he spoke in a few days, and I found it quite strange.
He chuckled twice, "Later, he became a stain on that family."
"In order to destroy them, he hid many things that were not to be seen by the public in that house, and he also degenerated himself."
"Later, he left that family. It wasn't because the family didn't want him anymore, but because he couldn't afford him anymore."
Unconsciously, my vision became blurry, and with a flicker of doubt, I touched a cold liquid.
So you were crying?
Do you regret it? Yes, I do.
I can't fool myself after all.
"You, don't be sad. I...I can't go out anyway. From now on, we'll be together."
This was the first time I heard someone say such words to me, and in such an environment, I didn’t know whether to cry or laugh.
But the tears sliding down the corners of my lips tell me that this time it will be sweet.
I couldn't help but wonder, if I had kept a calm mind and not been jealous of my elder brother, would all those things that happened later have happened?
If I had been more rational and told my grandpa and dad what I was thinking, would I have gotten what I wanted long ago?
Unfortunately, these are all illusions, after all, they were cut off by my own hands.
"Okay, we'll be together from now on."
It’s nice to have someone accompany you in the second half of your life.
At least, I won’t be so lonely.
Thank you, fool, for being with me.
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