Therefore, servants were most suitable for running errands to deliver these kinds of food rewards. The "red, crisp hands" in Lu You's poem were most likely based on the hands of a servant, but Lu You's deeper meaning must have been the beautiful time he spent writing with Tang Wan, hand in hand.
After their meeting at Shen Garden, Lu You was overcome with grief and wrote the poem "The Phoenix Hairpin - Red Crisp Hands." This deeply emotional poem is still recited by learned scholars today. Reading the entire poem, we can easily understand that while Tang Wan may have let go, Lu You truly could not let go of this marriage not blessed by heaven.
The Lu family rose to prominence by passing the imperial examinations at the beginning of the Song Dynasty. Later, the Lu family placed great emphasis on the education of their descendants; thus, Lu You's grandfather, Lu Dian, studied under Wang Anshi and served as a high-ranking official in the capital. In Lu You's generation, although Lu You was intelligent from a young age, he failed the imperial examinations twice, which greatly distressed his mother.
Lu You's mother believed he was restless and suggested he settle down before focusing on his career. She then took a liking to the talented Tang Wan, who perfectly suited Lu You's taste. The two were betrothed through a family heirloom, a phoenix hairpin, and subsequently married. After their marriage, they were very happy. Lu You was inseparable from his wife, sometimes flirting like a married couple, and other times reminiscing about finding a kindred spirit after many years, composing poems and enjoying the romance of nature. For Lu You, marrying Tang Wan was like a romantic scholar finding his lifelong soulmate.
However, Lu You's married life with Tang Wan took a turn for the worse than his mother had expected. She had hoped that Lu You would mature after marriage, dedicate himself to his family, and strive for success in the imperial examinations, bringing honor to the family. But instead, Lu You became completely immersed in Tang Wan's charms, neglecting his studies like never before. Furthermore, Tang Wan showed no signs of pregnancy even after more than a year of marriage. Lu You's mother's dislike for her grew increasingly intense, and this accumulated resentment eventually erupted in a dramatic outburst.
Lu You repeatedly ignored his mother's requests or reprimands, and day after day he lost interest in his studies. Finally, on this day, his mother forced him to make a painful decision—to divorce her.
Thus, the seeds of discord were sown. Faced with his mother's orders, Lu You, like most people, chose to submit. But he also silently rebelled. After receiving the order to divorce his wife, Tang Wan was not immediately sent back to her parents' home. Lu You bought a private residence and secretly settled Tang Wan there, visiting her every few days. The two remained deeply in love, but these bleak yet joyful days did not last long.
Because secrets can't stay hidden forever, their affair was eventually discovered by Lu You's adamant mother. Far from being moved by their love, Lu You's mother immediately sent Tang Wan back to China and arranged for her son to marry another woman, Wang, thus completely extinguishing Lu You's hopes. After being divorced, Tang Wan married Zhao Shicheng, a member of the Southern Song imperial family, and had children with him.
In fact, Tang Wan was not infertile. Lu You once said that Tang Wan "blossomed late," which is why she did not conceive for a year after entering the family. It was a cruel twist of fate. If Tang Wan had become pregnant earlier, I believe that out of consideration for the continuation of the Lu family line, Lu's mother would not have been so heartless.
After losing Tang Wan, Lu You finally realized his mistakes and began to focus on his studies and career. Soon after, he ranked first in the examination for the Lock Hall. Later, he was framed by the villain Qin Hui. By the time the two reunited at Shen Garden, everything had changed.
Later, the treacherous minister Qin Hui died, and Lu You experienced a brief resurgence in his official career. Five years after Lu You wrote the poem, Tang Wan revisited the place, and when she saw the poem "The Phoenix Hairpin - Red Crisp Hands," she was moved to tears. She had once thought their love had ended there, and she had also thought that Lu You had a new family and had long forgotten her. Countless times, she had thought that she had forgotten the year and a half she had spent with Lu You.
However, she couldn't forget, so the talented Tang Wan composed a poem in response, "The Phoenix Hairpin: The Coldness of Human Relationships":
The world is fickle, human relationships are cruel; rain at dusk sends flowers falling easily. The morning breeze dries the tears, leaving only traces. I want to write down my thoughts, but I can only whisper them to the railing. Difficult, difficult, difficult!
People are scattered, things are not as they were yesterday; my ailing soul swings like a rope in autumn. The horn sounds cold, the night is late. Afraid of being questioned, I swallow my tears and feign joy. Hide, hide, hide!
That autumn, the young Tang Wan, carrying endless longing, lay buried underground with the phoenix hairpin that had witnessed their love story, leaving us only two well-known poems, "The Phoenix Hairpin," and that tragic love story.
Some say Lu You was a scoundrel, ultimately betraying Tang Wan. It's true that Lu You betrayed Tang Wan, but he was never a scoundrel. Even in the last two years of his life, he still deeply loved his wife, Tang Wan.
We always remember the patriotic poet Lu You's poignant poem "To My Sons," which reads, "When the royal army has pacified the Central Plains, do not forget to tell your grandfather at the family sacrifice." However, we often overlook Lu You's longing for his ex-wife as a poet—in "Spring Outing."
Even heroes have their tender feelings. We shouldn't only focus on national and familial sentiments while neglecting personal affections. A person's core character is reflected not only in their awareness of important matters but also in their concern for the "small things."
Lu You wronged Tang Wan, but what was the real culprit behind the tragedy of their marriage?
The love story of Shen Fu and Chen Yun is remarkably similar to that of Lu You and Tang Wan. The different choices these two couples made when faced with adversity ultimately led to the same tragic end.
Shen Fu fell in love with his cousin Chen Yun. The two shared similar interests and were initially blessed by their elders. They lived happily together for twenty-three years, avoiding the seven-year itch common to many couples, and their love only grew stronger.
Chen Yun disliked jewelry and ornaments, but treasured her husband's cherished old calligraphy and paintings. The two could have lived a respectful and loving life together until old age, but a treacherous person within the Shen family deliberately sowed discord between Shen Fu and his clan in order to seize the family's wealth. Naturally, Chen Yun was considered unvirtuous by her mother-in-law, who urged Shen Fu to divorce her and remarry. At this point, Shen Fu's choice differed greatly from Lu You's; he chose to confront the situation directly, and the couple were both expelled from the Shen family.
After leaving home, the two were destitute. Later, Chen Yun fell seriously ill, and because they had no money for treatment, the ill-fated couple were eventually separated by death.
This is why Lu You dared not disobey his mother. His mother's orders represented not only his own, but also the orders of his entire family. The young Lu You dared not and could not offend his family. After all, his daily expenses ultimately depended on the family's support, and the foundation for pursuing love was survival in this society. Therefore, love without a material foundation could not last.
Shen Fu was brave; he loved Chen Yun. Lu You was wise; he also deeply loved Tang Wan. The tragic love story of Lu You and Tang Wan reflects feudal ethics, or perhaps the entire feudal society.
From its inception, feudal society shifted from a system of public ownership to one of family ownership, making the family a powerful and influential force. Systems like the recommendation system of the Qin and Han dynasties increasingly fell into the hands of powerful clans; success required family support. In other words, without family support, one faced immense difficulties, especially in matters of marriage. The stories of Lu Xun and Tang Wan, and Shen Fu and Chen Yun, serve as prime examples.
So what were people's views on love during the feudal period? And how did they define this "unblessed marriage"?
The answer we need can be found as early as the Han Dynasty folk song "The Peacock Flies Southeast".
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