I am the eldest princess of our Zhou Dynasty, Zhou Yishu. My father is Emperor Xuande.
You can tell from the "Yi" in my name that I am very favored. After all, this word symbolizes status and power, and it is not something that ordinary people can use.
It was supposed to be a name for a prince, but my mother gave birth to me. But my father said: What character can't be used for my eldest princess?
We were a safe and happy family of three. When I was ten years old, my mother was pregnant with her second child.
Of course, my father insisted on taking my pregnant mother on the incognito trip.
But when my father came back, my mother had died, and my newborn sister came back with him.
I really hated her at first! She was a small ball of milk, and looked so soft that it would break if touched.
Later, she grew up and began to learn to speak. She liked to stick to me and called me sister. The first word she learned was not "father" or "mother", but "sister".
I watched her grow from a toddler to a dancer in the sea of flowers. With a girl's innocent and fearless smile, she spun lightly in the air, so pure and beautiful.
I think if her mother hadn't died because of her background, I wouldn't hate her!
But I had to pretend to be extremely doting on her, and she became closer and closer to me.
I know that I can't bear to hate her in my heart, but I pretend to love her very much. In fact, I can't tell whether my feelings for her are real or fake.
But every time I try to forget my hatred for her, something happens that makes me hate her again.
Maybe it was because her father doted on her so much.
Maybe my father has forgotten the cause of my mother's death.
Or perhaps her father had hosted a birthday banquet for her and invited all his ministers to it, but had forgotten that her birthday was also her mother's death anniversary.
She is really well behaved and likes to stick to me. She may be arrogant in front of others, but she is always well behaved in front of me.
So on her sixteenth birthday, my father held a banquet for her and granted amnesty to the whole country. But I got drunk at the banquet.
Regardless of the fact that she was the host of the banquet, she insisted on sending me back home.
It was on that day that I, at the age of 26, did the cruelest thing to a girl who had just come of age.
That night she was so beautiful under me.
I never thought that I would have such thoughts about her one day. Since that night, this thought has been tormenting me day and night.
So, I began to avoid her intentionally or unintentionally, not allowing her to come to the princess's mansion and not meeting her.
Perhaps from that day on, I began to reflect on myself. Perhaps the hatred I thought I had was actually imposed on her by me.
I remember asking my good friend Ji Yu, "If a child's birth leads to the death of his mother, should the child live with the guilt?"
I remember he said at the time, "A mother would rather give up her own life than bring a child into the world. So what sin is there in it? After all, no mother would hate her own child."
Yes! Such a simple truth, why have I never thought about it for so many years! When my mother died, she was just a child. I lost my mother when I was ten years old, but she also lost her mother when she was born.
What right do I have to impose my own pain of losing my mother on another relative who is suffering the same pain as me.
Until that day, I finally failed to avoid her and was blocked by her in the room.
The girl's slightly red eyes showed that she had just cried.
"What's wrong?" Some habits are like engraved in our bones. So when I saw her crying, my hand subconsciously touched her head.
Listening to my sister's gentle voice as always.
The girl cried even harder, and she stammered, "I heard my father say when he was drunk a few days ago that I am not his daughter. Maybe my sister also knew this, so she deliberately avoided me and didn't want me."
Hearing the grievance in her voice, my heart felt like it was being gripped by something and it hurt so much.
I comforted her and asked her to stay in my princess mansion first while I sent someone to investigate the matter.
Less than two months later, my secret guard brought news that my mother gave birth on the same day as a peasant woman, and that peasant woman had a child at home whose eyes and brows looked very similar to my mother's.
I entered the palace that night and heard an even more cruel truth from my father.
When my father went out, my mother insisted on following him. In fact, it was because my mother had an affair with a foreign minister and wanted to escape from the palace with the illegitimate child in her belly. Her adulterer had ambushed troops outside at the time.
My father held my hand and said sorry one sentence after another. He said that he had a magic medicine in his pocket to stop bleeding. But he hesitated, and in those few seconds when he hesitated, my mother passed away.
My father didn't want to see that bastard, so he deliberately swapped the children. He would rather have a well-behaved and obedient princess who was not related to me by blood, than bring that bastard back to compete with me for power.
He apologized to me at the top of his lungs, expressing his deep guilt.
But I know that even if my mother had used that medicine, it might not have saved her. He loves my mother, so he made all his concubines princesses, just because he was afraid that someone would compete with me for power.
He loved my mother, and he also hated her, but in the end he gave all his last bit of love to me.
I don't know how I got back to the Princess's Mansion.
All I know is that when I got back, my Jiaer was waiting for me in the mansion. She comforted me over and over again all night long.
So what is all my hatred for all these years? It's just a joke.
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