He had thought he would forget Li Heng in a year, but some people can't be forgotten just because you want to. Once a thought takes shape in your mind, it's very difficult to forget.
He clearly remembered the good times he had spent with Li Heng, and he couldn't help but smile every time he worked. He would also feel lost after waking up from the dream, and often cried because he was alone in the empty room.
"Li Heng, do you miss me?"
"think."
"You lied to me again?" Qin Chuan looked at him carefully in the moonlight. Not a single word of truth came out of his mouth. "Second sister said you are very busy every day, busy with homework, how can you have time to think about me?"
"You're busy too, don't you miss me when you have some free time?" Xu Jing grabbed his hand and placed it on his chest, right over his heart. "I think of you when I have some free time. Sometimes I even want to skip classes and go back to see you."
Knowing that the other party was thinking about him, Qin Chuan felt an unprecedented satisfaction. "If you skip class, your second sister will break your legs."
"Yeah, so for the sake of my legs I still endured it." Even if there was no one around, he could still give him a kiss filled with longing.
A kiss landed on his cheek, the wet heat carrying a unique charm. "Chuanzi, wait a little longer. I'll come back to pick you up when I'm stable, and we'll go to the city."
Qin Chuan shook his head and chose to retreat in the face of his expectant eyes. "You know, I don't know anything. I can't get used to living alone in the city. I can't do it."
He would bring shame to Li Heng. When others asked him about it, he knew nothing.
Others just think he is a fool and say that he is not a good match. He can't go to the city and embarrass Li Heng.
He was very happy that Li Heng was back. But when he thought about going to a faraway place again after the summer vacation, he felt particularly lost. "Will you be like those people who get used to being outside and never come back?"
Some people from the village went to the city to work, and every time they came back they were dressed in fancy clothes, which made Qin Chuan very envious. But gradually, they stopped coming back, and from gossip, he learned that it was because their families were too poor, and they had stayed in the city.
Li Heng is so smart, he can stay in the city with his ability. When the time comes, he can find a city wife, marry and have children, and then he will never see her again.
Qin Chuan felt a pang of pain in his heart when he thought of this. He looked at Li Heng eagerly and spoke carefully. "Are you going to run away with that woman in the city?"
"What are you thinking about?" Xu Jing patted his head and comforted him, "I will do what I promised you and will never fall in love with anyone."
That's good. His heart, which had been in his throat, suddenly returned to normal. Then he recalled his past experiences and couldn't help sighing. "I can't adapt to city life, so..."
"You have to go out. If you don't want to live your whole life in secret without a name, and tiptoe around, both of us have to go out. Qin Chuan, you know, in this backward little county, no one would agree to two men being together, especially my sister. If she knew I had a boyfriend, she would break my legs."
Qin Chuan didn't think too much. He just wanted to live a good life with Li Heng and never thought about what to do if he encountered a bad day.
He couldn't help but ask, "If your sister is against us, will you stand with her or me?"
"Stand by you." Qin Chuan was silenced by the cold words before he could even feel happy. "If she threatened me with breaking off relations, I would most likely choose them."
Qin Chuan's eyes were filled with disappointment and anger. Why did it involve so many people and things when it was clearly a matter between the two of them?
Are they both living for the opinions of others?
For the first time, he resisted his touch.
"Qin Chuan, listen to me..."
"I won't listen." Qin Chuan turned his face away and wrapped his head with the quilt. What he said about liking him and doing everything for him was a lie.
It turned out that he was just a tool for Li Heng to weigh in his mind. If he was asked to choose one of the two, he would give up himself without hesitation.
Then what is the point of his persistence?
It would be better not to enter this game in the first place.
A muffled voice came through the quilt, faintly tinged with sobs. "How nice would it be if you could be my friend forever?"
If that relationship had not been exposed, he would not have felt heartbroken or angry.
Why was he the only one to be sacrificed? He felt it was not fair at all.
"Qin Chuan." Xu Jing sighed and hugged him tightly. "There's nothing we can do. Rumors are terrifying. For you and me, achieving a satisfactory outcome in the county town is harder than climbing to heaven. However, as long as we step out, the results will be very different."
"I won't go out." He had lived in the muddy fields for over a decade and had long since grown accustomed to the days of farming. He couldn't help but tremble at the thought of facing an unfamiliar environment and adapting to unfamiliar people. "Why should I adapt to you? Why can't you accommodate me?"
He waited for a long time but got no answer. As the sky gradually brightened, his heart sank.
"Li Heng." He turned around and looked at the person he had been thinking about for more than a year. Even though he was reluctant in his heart, he knew that he couldn't be so selfish as to tie him to his side.
"Go out, I won't go with you."
Xu Jing's heart sank, knowing that no matter how much he said, he probably wouldn't listen. Even if he broke it down into pieces, he would still be unhappy. It would be better to take it one day at a time.
There is an obvious truth in front of them, but if the two people make different choices, they will go their separate ways.
"Have you thought about what to do in the future?"
"I'll just live by the melon fields." Qin Chuan forced a smile. He knew his smile was probably uglier than crying, but it was the only thing he left for Li Heng. "I'm living a good life now. I have enough food to eat and warm clothes to wear, and I have a small Western-style house to live in. I... I..."
Qin Chuan thought for a long time, but he didn't say what was in his heart. He knew that saying these things would be too hypocritical, so he could only force himself to say something nice. "Wait a few days until your results come out, and then we'll celebrate properly."
"Aren't you going to the city with me?"
"I don't want to accompany you anymore." Now that he had said it, there was naturally no need to accompany him.
Qin Chuan looked deeply at the person lying beside him. "Li Heng, I just wish you the best." I'm fine as long as you're fine.
"Didn't you say before that you just had to follow me no matter what? Why are you changing your mind now?" Xu Jing smiled, but his smile was unsettling. He touched Qin Chuan's face. After more than a year, it still hadn't recovered properly. It was still dark and dull. It was this person who had worried him for a whole year.
"I just regretted it. I don't want to deal with those people and things. It's too troublesome."
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