Chen Qingxuan spoke these words calmly and gently.
That was the way Cheng Yize liked her the most.
He finally realized that Chen Qingxuan had made up her mind, and no one else could change her mind.
"Did you already have the idea of getting a divorce before?" Cheng Yize couldn't help but ask her.
Chen Qingxuan smiled and asked him, "It seems you've already asked this question once."
"It's not that I had this idea, but rather that I've been thinking about the meaning of my existence for a long time. Just like when I took the college entrance exam and chose my major, I'm actually a person who plans my future very well, and I really hope to realize my own value."
"But even I don't understand why, after meeting you, I retreated step by step, giving up superior resources, giving up the education I earned with great difficulty, giving up my personal abilities, and retreating back to a home, becoming a housewife whose activities are limited to a limited range every day."
"I am someone who desperately needs others to affirm my value, you understand? It's not about what anyone can do that has value, but about the results I achieve through my own abilities and the respect I gain from others—that's the kind of personal value I need, the value of my self."
Chen Qingxuan's original intention was actually very simple.
She felt suffocated in that house.
No one respects her, no one affirms her, and even she doesn't approve of her job. She calls herself a housewife, but she knows very well how she spends her day.
She was extremely relaxed, to an alarming degree.
At this point, many people transfer their pursuit of value to their children, letting the children complete the goals they want to achieve on their behalf.
But Chen Qingxuan couldn't do that; she wasn't even sure if her future children would reach the same level of education as her.
That kind of leisure might be a blessing for others, but it was torture for her.
There seemed to be a voice in her heart telling her that if she were to be trapped in this cage for the rest of her life, she would be completely finished.
She is not a typical housewife and cannot derive a sense of existence and value from simple family interactions and housework.
She couldn't find satisfaction in showing off her husband and children like others did; in fact, having a son gave her a sense of shame.
Because she knew very well that her son was the result of compromise.
She knew all too well that as an only child, she was going to someone else's home to become a live-in wife.
Even though many people look down on double marriages, at least one child takes her surname.
Marrying two spouses also causes suffering for the woman, since she has to give birth to two children.
But Chen Qingxuan didn't get any of them.
Sometimes she felt very confused, unable to find her way forward or backward, and couldn't even see herself clearly.
“Over the years, every time I’m with you and the children, I feel a certain kind of happiness. But this happiness feels so ephemeral. Because we live in different times. This is not ancient times, not an era where women had no right to inherit or work and could only return to the home.”
"You're willing to let me stay home as a housewife, but you don't know that many outstanding men really don't want their future wives to be housewives who can't offer them any support. People change. I watched a family education course, and the teacher said, 'Don't expect the environment to change, because the only thing you can change is yourself.'"
“From her words, I reflected a lot. Over the years, my vision has gradually narrowed. I only see my own little corner of the world. Those professional exchanges, those terms in the workplace, those related knowledge that I once learned, that sense of accomplishment... are no longer for me.”
Cheng Yize interrupted her: "Why do you have to belittle yourself? I never think your vision has become narrow. You can go online at home, use your phone, and keep up with current events. Where exactly has your vision become narrow? If you think your vision has become narrow, then what's the difference between you and those freelancers? They don't go to work either. According to you, they're all out of touch with the world."
His words make a lot of sense. In this modern, information-saturated society, apart from those who don't even have a mobile phone, it's really hard to become disconnected from the world once you're connected to the internet.
Chen Qingxuan shook her head, looking at Cheng Yize with some helplessness: "Can you fool yourself with these words? Don't you know that freelancers also have jobs?"
"Many of my friends are freelancers. From their lives and my own work experience, I am very clear about one thing: work is work, and it cannot be taken lightly. My friend is a screenwriter. Even when she was in the hospital with her arm in a cast, she was still writing. Everyone should seek social value in their work and gain a sense of accomplishment from it. Even if there is no sense of accomplishment, at least you participate in the distribution of labor and can receive wages."
“But it’s different at home, you understand? I can do the housework or not, and no one pays me a salary. Your salary isn’t my salary. Even if it’s shared property, it’s not something I earned through my own abilities, and I don’t accept it!”
As she spoke, Chen Qingxuan became excited again.
She had said these words to others, but she became even more excited when she told them to Cheng Yize.
Because it was Cheng Yize who persuaded her to give up her job and return to her family.
She remembers it was a cold winter day. She worked late and was scolded by her boss. She was in a very bad mood and even felt that her ability to withstand pressure had reached a certain point.
At that time, she and Cheng Yize were deeply in love.
Feeling wronged, she instinctively called her boyfriend.
After coaxing her, Cheng Yize told her, "Wife, I can support you. After we get married, you can stay at home and I will go out to earn money. You won't have to put up with anyone's bad temper."
Chen Qingxuan believed him, and he did indeed do it.
"Cheng Yize, from this perspective, I'm actually very lucky. If this were a novel, my life would be considered smooth sailing. You see, I'm the only daughter in my family, my parents love me very much, and I found a boyfriend who, despite coming from a poor background, has still managed to achieve great success."
"Besides, he didn't cheat on me, he didn't find someone else outside, and he wasn't like those men who say 'I'll support you' one minute and then go back on their word and call their wives useless the next. I also have children, and I'm good-looking—"
"But all of this is objective factors. My own subjectivity has never been seen. It's as if my personality has been blurred. In other people's eyes, I am just a gentle and virtuous wife. They envy you because you have a good wife who can help you take care of the family and provide you with emotional value. But what about me? Does anyone see me as Chen Qingxuan, instead of Mrs. Cheng?"
Cheng Yize was speechless: "I don't understand..."
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
