For Mu Jinyan, the world is either black or white.
He walked through the long rainy season, saw the dark abyss and disgusting quagmire, with no destination ahead and no way to retreat behind.
Countless shadows stretched out their hands from the ground with grins, dragging his sanity and cognition, trying to sink him into an endless abyss. His longing and regret turned into nightmares, tearing at his heart all the time.
Mu Jinyan is actually more indifferent than anyone else.
He deeply hated this world, hated the dirty and disgusting hearts of people, and hated the haze hidden under the sunshine - he even hated himself.
The moment my mother died, countless disgusts were born.
The moment my father was acquitted, all the disgust disappeared.
Because Mu Jinyan knew that "disgust" was meaningless.
Disgust can bring him nothing but more pain and no relief.
Therefore, he learned to restrain this negative emotion. He was able to control his heart and no longer produce useless emotions that would only affect himself.
Therefore, Mu Jinyan can live with the surname "Mu" for the rest of his life.
"Mu" is the starting point of everything and will also be the end point of everything.
Mu Jinyan is becoming more and more like the kind of heir that the Mu family has been looking forward to the most. Although he is young, he is neither humble nor arrogant, and his speech and behavior are quite like those of a noble man. His demeanor is calm and gentle, but it is difficult to tell his true nature.
Nothing can make him lose his composure, and nothing can shake his heart.
"Do you still blame your father for your mother's death?"
When he was ten years old, on New Year's Day, the elders of the Mu family gathered at the Mu family's house. They asked Mu Jinyan with a smile, as if they were talking about some unimportant topic.
Mu Jinyan's expression froze for a moment. "Of course I feel strange. I will never forgive Dad." He lowered his eyes sadly. "Mom is the one who brought me into this world. Everything I have now is because of her. I love her very much."
The elders looked at him in scrutiny: "Really? Do you know what you're talking about?"
"Of course I know." Mu Jinyan said softly:
"If one day, what happened back then is exposed, I will personally take my father to court - my drunken father killed my mother. I knew nothing at the time, but now that I know the truth, of course I am angry, sad, and impulsive. I have a sense of justice and know how to be grateful. I can distinguish between justice and family affection. Even though I love my father very much, I will not bend the law for his own selfish reasons."
The elders were stunned for a moment, then laughed.
Because Mu Jinyan gave them an answer that was much better than they expected.
Does he love his mother? It doesn't matter.
Does he love his dad? It doesn't matter.
The important thing is that Mu Jinyan is the one who loves his parents.
Everyone will know that as the future heir of the Mu family, Mu Jinyan is loyal and righteous, upright and kind, perfect and brilliant.
Under this premise, Mu Jinyan’s personality is no longer important.
This is also what Mu Jinyan wanted to express.
This child is already so smart that it is terrifying. The Mu family cannot let him go. He must belong to the Mu family, and he can also lead the Mu family to go higher and further.
In this way, Mu Jinyan rose step by step to the top of the Mu family and became the controller of the highest power - bearing the surname "Mu", the murderer of his mother.
When Mu Jinyan avenged his mother, everyone in the Mu family acquiesced. They were neither sad nor sympathetic. They had anticipated this day from the moment they chose Mu Jinyan as the heir.
They were just worried about their own fate.
This indifferent attitude made Mu Jinyan realize the corruption and selfishness that rotted deep into the heart of this big family.
But sadly, he is no longer as repulsive as he was at the beginning - he can't "hate" it, all he can do is make himself different.
But in fact, he has been assimilated since he started pretending, right?
Mu Jinyan didn't want to think about this kind of question. His definition of good and evil was much more complicated than that of ordinary people.
Because the court closed the case easily after his mother's death, he hated this "easy" judgment, so Mu Jinyan never killed anyone without substantial evidence.
Even if the other party is suspicious, even if he knows that keeping the other party may bring harm to himself.
But as long as there is even a slight possibility, he will not decide the life or death of others.
Mu Jinyan didn't care whether this approach was right or wrong, he just stubbornly stuck to this bottom line.
But he never thought that this... would make him pay a heavy price one day in the future.
Didn’t Mu Jinyan suspect the Luo family?
Of course not, he had suspected it a long time ago, but he just had no substantial evidence.
It was as if he had long suspected that his good friend had been replaced by someone, but because of the other party's occasional natural and reasonable actions and the existence of "Meng Wuqing", he did not directly catch the other party and interrogate him.
Mu Jinyan had very few emotional fluctuations in his life. After his mother's death, only Meng Xi made him show some sincerity.
To him, Meng Xi is not only a friend, but also the only person with whom he can confide his true feelings and have a relaxed chat in this oxidized and corrupt world.
Even some of Mu Jinyan's current ideas were created under the influence of Meng Xi.
The two of them, each with their own wounds and pain, huddled together to draw the only warmth they could.
Therefore, the more important Meng Xi was to Mu Jinyan, the angrier he was when he confirmed that Meng Xi had died at the hands of Meng Wuqing.
The best friend was killed by the sister that best friend cared about the most. This is simply the funniest joke.
This piece of news alone was enough to make Mu Jinyan lose all his sanity, but unfortunately, that girl... saw through his delusions that he shouldn't have, and deliberately provoked him, wanting to take the opportunity to kill him.
Beneath his rage was a heart full of despair. Driven by this emotion, Mu Jinyan did something that he would regret for the rest of his life.
Later, after losing that person, he had another nightmare. Every night, he would return to the dark basement, take out one syringe after another, and no matter how he resisted, he would follow the original trajectory, walk over and inject the girl.
"Mu Jinyan..." Sometimes, she would raise her tearful eyes, look at him through the tears, and plead sadly: "It hurts so much... It hurts so much... Can you please stop?"
Sometimes, she curled up in pain, her voice hoarse and filled with hatred: "People like you are not worthy of being my brother's friend! If he knew you treated me like this, he would definitely want to kill you!!"
Sometimes, her face was full of mockery and sarcasm: "You have contributed greatly to my death. Are you happy now?"
Most of the time, she didn't talk to him, but just stared blankly at the ceiling, tears falling to the ground drop by drop, as if she had experienced this kind of pain too many times. Because she could not be redeemed, she had no expectations and no longer cared about her own life or death.
No matter which one it was, it was enough to make Mu Jinyan's heart palpitate.
He woke up again and again, couldn't sleep all night again and again, and forced himself to fall asleep again and again.
I want to see her again, apologize to her, and do something to make amends.
I don’t want to have an easy life, I don’t want to sleep deeply, I don’t want to forget.
It's a curse.
It's a punishment.
It’s... Qingqing.
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