Tang Ning slowly sat up from the bed, not intending to answer his question. Her fair and slender fingers tightened around the thin blanket covering her. With a slight tilt of her head, she saw the beige curtains on the French windows being gently blown by the wind outside. The salty smell of the sea rushed into her nostrils. Through the curtains fluttering in the wind, Tang Ning saw the clear blue sea outside the window, rising and falling on the fine white sand, splashing up white and sparkling waves.
Where is this place?
After gazing at the sea view outside the window for a long time, she finally asked in a hoarse voice.
"Ouran Island, an island in the Atlantic Ocean that belongs only to me."
Mu Sheng answered calmly.
Hearing his answer, Tang Ning abruptly turned to look at him. Meeting his deep eyes, she closed them briefly. "Why? Do you know that you kidnapped me from the airport and brought me here? If my brother finds out I'm missing, he'll definitely..."
“If I don’t bring you here, can I just stand by and watch you go to England to study with him, and never see you again? I can’t do that…”
Before Mu Sheng could finish speaking, Tang Ning couldn't help but open her eyes and stare intently at him.
"Enough! Can you please stop pretending to be all lovey-dovey? You've already won. I've been completely fooled by you from beginning to end. Isn't that enough? Why are you still clinging to me? Why did you have to kidnap me to this place? I'm begging you, I'm not as good as you, I can't outsmart you. You just flirted with me so easily and I fell for you. I lost. Please have mercy on me and let me go, okay?"
As soon as she finished speaking, Tang Ning's eyes turned red.
Mu Sheng stared at her silently.
"What do I have to do for you to let me go?"
Tang Ning turned her head slightly away, somewhat embarrassed, to avoid his gaze.
Hearing her words, Mu Sheng pursed his lips, then slowly said, "You probably haven't had lunch yet, have you? I had the chef steam a grouper for lunch, and there were also lobsters that the fishing boats just caught..."
"I'm telling you, what do I have to do for you to let me leave?"
Tang Ning repeated it again.
"Let you leave, and then let you go to England with your fake brother? I've said it before, I can't do that."
"I admit that I came to China and became a school doctor at Jinsheng because her brother saved my niece's life but lost his own. After you were injured in Dream Valley, she used her brother's life-saving grace to blackmail me into pursuing you, and I agreed."
Upon hearing this, Tang Ning burst into tears.
"But later, as we spent more time together, I couldn't control myself from being drawn to you. It was then that I realized that perhaps from our first meeting, when I accidentally saw that little girl who wrapped herself up tightly in a hard shell, only daring to cry when she was alone, I was already attracted to her. So later, when I saw you with such a serious leg injury, yet still desperately trying to learn all of Bai Xue's dance steps, I, who usually wouldn't care about such trivial matters, took the initiative to want to practice dancing with you. And as soon as the school anniversary celebration ended, I felt that I had fallen for you. At that time, my first thought was to escape. Yin Yuqing's so-called threat was just me giving myself a chance to indulge. I let myself fall for you, let myself like you, and now it's out of control..."
"Whether you believe it or not, I will prove to you in the days to come that I truly love you, and that I will never love anyone else in my life except you."
"So, don't even think about letting you go. I can't let you be with anyone but me, not even your half-brother Ye Jinyan."
Mu Sheng said this slowly.
Hearing this, Tang Ning closed her eyes tightly. After what seemed like an eternity, she finally spoke, her voice nasal.
“I don’t care about anyone else, I have to call my mom. I can’t let her worry.”
Upon hearing this, Mu Sheng remained silent for a long time before finally replying with an "okay."
Throughout the phone call, the man sat beside her. With him watching, Tang Ning didn't say much to Tang Qing, who had been anxious and upset ever since she learned of her disappearance. She simply let her know she was safe and mentioned that she was currently with Mu Sheng.
When Tang Qing asked her when she would be back.
Tang Ning subconsciously looked up at Mu Sheng beside her, then lowered her eyes slightly. Even though she knew Tang Qing couldn't see, she still gave a soft and gentle smile. "Soon, very soon I'll be back, healthy and safe. Mom, you have to take good care of yourself, okay? I will. Goodbye!"
She said this with a laugh and then hung up the phone.
Meanwhile, Jiang Yao, who had taken the initiative to contact Ye Jinyan after hearing about Tang Ning's disappearance, was searching for Tang Ning with him. Just when the two of them were almost exhausted from the search, they ran into Xu Xingbai, who had come to find them.
"Has Tang Ning disappeared?"
Almost as soon as they met, Xu Xingbo took the initiative to say such a thing.
Ye Jinyan and Jiang Yao were both somewhat incredulous.
It was at this moment that Xu Xingbo revealed that when he saw Tang Ning off at the airport, he had placed a small location tracker in the amulet he gave her so that he could know her location at all times and find her more easily in the future. However, the tracker was now showing a location in a very remote place in the Atlantic Ocean.
Tang Ning had promised to go to England, so it's impossible that his lucky charm grew legs and went to the Atlantic Ocean on its own. Therefore, there is no other explanation except that Tang Ning was accidentally taken to the Atlantic Ocean.
Just then, Ye Jinyan received a call from Tang Qing, who said that Tang Ning was currently with Mu Sheng and that he didn't need to rush to find her. Perhaps even Tang Qing herself didn't know that her daughter was currently located on a small island in the Atlantic Ocean, otherwise her tone would never have been so calm.
Upon hearing this, Ye Jinyan frowned and then explained to the other two how Tang Ning had looked so dejected and miserable when she returned home not long ago.
Just as they were racking their brains trying to figure it out, Xu Xingbo suddenly recalled that around the same time, someone on the Jinsheng campus forum had seen Yin Yuqing and a woman who looked like Tang Ning appear together at the school gate. They seemed to have said something to each other, and then the two disappeared together. Could there be any connection between them?
Hearing him say that, Jiang Yao suddenly remembered that he had received a text message from Yin Yuqing a few days ago. The first sentence of the message was "I am Yuqing". At the time, Jiang Yao did not want to have anything to do with her anymore, so he deleted the message without even reading it. Now he could not find it.
Just as Jiang Yao was filled with regret, Xu Xingbai immediately offered to help him recover the deleted text messages.
After a couple of casual actions, the three of them saw that Yin Yuqing, whose whereabouts were now unknown, had not only told them about her threats against Mu Sheng and Mu Sheng's sinister intentions in a text message, but also stirred up trouble in various ways.
"...Tang Ning was completely deceived by that hypocrite Mu Sheng. Jiang Yao, if you're still a man, you should immediately snatch your fiancée back from Mu Sheng to prevent her from getting hurt again. Mu Sheng has never loved Tang Ning from beginning to end. He's been playing her and you the whole time..."
If you won't let me have an easy time, I won't let you have an easy time either.
This is Yin Yuqing with her face ruined. Looking at herself in the mirror, her only thought about Mu Sheng is that with Jiang Yao and the others involved, even if she can't beat Mu Sheng, she can still get rid of him.
Hahaha.
Upon seeing the text message, Jiang Yao, Ye Jinyan, and Xu Xingbai immediately frowned.
At this moment, Tang Ning on the island, though unaware of how things had unfolded outside, knew with a grain of salt that Yin Yuqing (who had already turned evil) would definitely not let the matter rest after seeing her completely disfigured face, and besides…
She subconsciously reached out and pressed the amulet she had placed in her inner pocket. The moment Xu Xingbai handed it to her, 54088 had already warned her about the tricks that were being played inside.
She thought she should be able to meet the other three romance options who would arrive on Ouran Island soon.
I'm really looking forward to it!
Over the next few days, although Tang Ning never left the room she had initially stayed in, and never saw Mu Sheng again, she could see haute couture clothes and precious jewelry that Mu Sheng sent to her room every day, and every meal was a delicious meal made with the finest ingredients. At night, she could also see the bonfire burning on the beach outside the floor-to-ceiling windows...
Although she didn't see Mu Sheng, Tang Ning knew that he was watching her every move through the cameras in the room, so she hardly had a day to relax.
After about two days of this, Tang Ning knew it was almost time.
So that evening, upon hearing the sound of the food cart wheels rolling across the floor as it was pushed into the room again, Tang Ning, sitting by the French windows with her knees drawn up, didn't even turn her head before softly asking, "Hello, could you please ask Mr. Mu Sheng if I can leave this room? I'd like to..."
Before she could finish speaking, a familiar voice suddenly rang out behind her.
"The door has never been locked. You can go wherever you want on this island, Ningning."
Upon hearing such a sound, Tang Ning turned her head sharply and met Mu Sheng's gaze as he pushed a food cart and stood at the door. She then saw him open the door and gesture for her to enter.
She stood there stunned for a long time before slowly getting up from the ground and walking slowly towards the door.
Unexpectedly, as soon as she stepped out of the room, she saw that the words "I'm sorry" were pasted on almost every place, including the railings, walls, floor, and even the balloons floating on the roof. Standing at the door, Tang Ning subconsciously widened her eyes.
"I had all these things put up on your first day at Ouran Island, because you never come out. We've even changed those balloons several times. Do you want to go to the beach outside?"
Mu Sheng asked softly.
Upon hearing this, Tang Ning pursed her lips and remained silent.
The next second, Mu Sheng tentatively took her hand. "I'll take you out to see the world..."
After he finished holding her hand, seeing that Tang Ning only struggled a little before letting him lead her outside, Mu Sheng's heart, which had been pounding, finally slowly, slowly calmed down.
After coming out, Tang Ning realized that these apologies were indeed posted everywhere. As she was going down the steps, a monkey with a parrot on its head even jumped out from a coconut tree. As soon as it saw her, it unfurled a small banner with the English word "sorry" on it. As soon as the monkey unfurled the banner, the parrot on its head started repeating "sorry, sorry" over and over again.
Unable to resist, Tang Ning's lips curled up slightly.
Mu Sheng breathed a sigh of relief when he caught a glimpse of Tang Ning's expression out of the corner of his eye.
After passing the two clowns, Tang Ning was led by Mu Sheng to a long table on the beach for their candlelight dinner.
The meal was only halfway through when the violin music that Mu Sheng had arranged beforehand started playing. He walked straight to Tang Ning, smiled, and extended his hand to her. Looking at the hand extended to her, Tang Ning looked up at Mu Sheng again, hesitated for a long time, and then slowly placed her hand in his palm. As soon as he put his arm around her waist and leaned closer, Tang Ning immediately held her breath.
"Ningning, I'm so happy, so very happy..."
Mu Sheng leaned down and whispered this in Tang Ning's ear.
Upon hearing this, Tang Ning closed her eyes and remained silent.
After the waltz ended, Tang Ning was about to return to her seat when Mu Sheng grabbed her hand. Then she watched as he slowly, slowly unbuttoned his shirt...
The next second, Tang Ning looked at Mu Sheng in astonishment to find a tattoo on his left chest near his heart. It was none other than the two characters "Tang Ning" in blue.
"Ningning, I'm sorry for hurting you before. I'm sorry I didn't realize my own feelings sooner. I know you're still angry and haven't fully forgiven me, but we have a very, very long time ahead of us. Let's start with this tattoo. From now on, if you're willing to believe me, I will love and forgive you with all my heart, just like before. In front of me, you can be yourself, be ordinary, be disobedient, do whatever you want. I truly love you. I love you so much that my heart aches when I see you sad. I love you so much that when I learned you were going to another country with another man, I didn't care about anything else and wanted to bring you to my side. I love you so much that I wish there were an unbreakable rope in this world to bind our arms together tightly, so that we could never be separated for the rest of our lives..."
As he said this, Mu Sheng lowered his head and kissed Tang Ning on the forehead.
"Ningning, I love you."
Mu Sheng's current favorability rating: 95.
Despite Mu Sheng's words, Tang Ning, perhaps having been bitten once, is still wary and hasn't yet said she forgives him. Although she hasn't forgiven him, her attitude has visibly softened considerably.
Gradually, she began to smile at Mu Sheng and go with him to watch the sunrise on the mountain. At the same time, she started wandering around the island. Whenever she wanted, she could do whatever she wanted on Sakura Island, Mu Sheng's base of operations. Yes, it was only later that she learned that Sakura Island was actually the hiding place for all of Mu Sheng's secrets, weapons, money, and so on.
But for Tang Ning, she could enter Mu Sheng's most secret study whenever she wanted. While he was working at his computer desk, she would curl up on the sofa next to him and read a book. Occasionally, when Mu Sheng's eyes got tired from looking at the computer, he would turn his head and see Tang Ning, like a cat, curled up on the sofa with a book and asleep.
Almost every time he saw such a scene, Mu Sheng couldn't help but feel a slight warmth in his heart, and a sense of satisfaction slowly rose from his heart.
He felt that this was the greatest happiness in the world.
But soon, trouble came for Mu Sheng.
Because the news that Laura's son, who had previously kidnapped Tang Ning, had been killed by him still reached E Country, this woman, who had always been like a turtle shell, impenetrable no matter how he suppressed or pressured her, suddenly went mad and began to retaliate after learning of the death of her only son. Not only that, she even disregarded her own power and took the initiative to give profits to other old fogies, just to unite them and want to take a big bite out of Mu Sheng.
Mu Sheng was not afraid of these people's madness and had even prepared for it. However, things went from bad to worse. For some reason, the police had been in the know about almost every operation they had recently carried out, leaving them with no way to avoid it. As a result, under the pressure from the police and the forces led by Laura, Mu Sheng and all his subordinates were suddenly in a state of chaos.
There must be a mole inside.
During an internal meeting, one of his subordinates said this with absolute certainty.
"Otherwise, how could it be such a coincidence? Every time, the police intercepted them at just the right moment. That bitch Laura keeps taking advantage of the situation. Once we deal with the mole, I'm going to tear that woman to pieces!"
However, with so many people on Ouran Island, by the time the investigation is finished, it will probably be too late.
"Who said we have to investigate ourselves? We can have that person come to us on their own."
Sitting in the first seat, Mu Sheng spoke in a deep voice.
They had just finished their meeting and finalized their plans when Tang Ning arrived at their meeting room with a book in her arms. Seeing the serious and disgruntled expressions on their faces, she instinctively asked in Chinese, "Mu Sheng, what's wrong? You all seem unhappy. Is... something happened?"
Her brows furrowed slightly as she looked up at Mu Sheng in front of her.
Upon seeing her, Mu Sheng reached out and grabbed her hand. "It's nothing, it's just that everyone's been preparing for a big deal lately, so we're all a bit on edge."
This is a rule they just set: everyone outside of themselves will be told it's a big deal, and they've already started preparing fake news about this big deal.
It wasn't that he didn't trust Tang Ning, but the little girl didn't understand anything, and if she accidentally let something slip, it would only ruin their entire plan.
"Big deal! Hmm, okay, I don't really know much about these things, but you really have to be careful, don't... don't make me worry, okay?"
Tang Ning said this with a worried look in her eyes.
Upon hearing this, Mu Sheng immediately lifted her hand, kissed the back of her hand, and responded.
The man who was holding Tang Ning's hand and walking forward did not see the thoughtful look rising in the girl's lowered eyes.
When he was sitting in the secluded room by the bookshelf in his study, and saw a slender figure appear on the dark screen of the monitor, he pressed the switch without thinking, and the entire study was immediately illuminated.
He then saw a figure wearing an oversized black hoodie stand up and freeze the moment the lights came on.
"Gotcha, you little mouse. Who hired you to spread the news from the island out here and there? The police? Laura? Or some other force? If you don't want to experience the unique interrogation methods on Ouran Island, I advise you to confess now and get leniency."
Mu Sheng crossed his arms and said in an icy voice.
As soon as he finished speaking, the man saw the person standing in front of the computer desk, who had been leaning forward, slowly straighten up. Then, the person gently lifted his hat, revealing a head of beautiful, black hair. He then turned to look at Mu Sheng behind him with a smile, saying, "No, no one hired me. I just hired myself."
Mu Sheng's calm and playful expression quickly vanished. Incredulously, he took a few steps to the computer desk, grabbed the woman's collar, and tightened his grip.
The woman wrinkled her nose nonchalantly. "Did you really think tonight was a trap you set for me? That's too much! Who said they would never lie to me again? Men are like that. When they're in love, they'll say anything sweet. I shouldn't have believed you in the first place."
Wearing a hoodie, Tang Ning's angry expression looked both innocent and arrogant.
But Mu Sheng's heart couldn't be controlled; it quickly turned cold. He felt as if he were naked in an ice cellar at minus twenty degrees Celsius, so cold that his teeth chattered and his heart began to be covered with layers of frost.
He gripped Tang Ning's collar tightly, his fingers tightening until his knuckles ached, but he showed no sign of letting go, his eyes already bloodshot.
He didn't know how much time had passed before he finally found his voice, trembling as he asked, "Why? Why is it you? Is it...is it because someone tricked you? Because someone knew about our plan, so they deliberately lured you here? Is that it? Hmm? Tell me!"
He practically spat out the last two words through gritted teeth.
Seeing Mu Sheng like this, Tang Ning slowly suppressed her smile and looked expressionlessly at the man in front of her with deep pain in his eyes. "No, no one lied to me. It was me from beginning to end. There was no one else but me."
As soon as I finished speaking, Mu Sheng grabbed her slender neck.
But the man couldn't bring himself to hurt her as he had with Yin Yuqing. Even at this moment, he was still careful not to pinch her too hard, and simply held her still.
This is ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous!
Mu Sheng, you are absolutely ridiculous!
Looking at Tang Ning's excessively delicate face as he choked her and pressed her down on the computer desk.
Mu Sheng's eyes were so red they looked like they were stained with blood.
"Why? I only lied to you once before. I thought you were slowly starting to forgive me because of my efforts, but it turns out you still hate me! Was it really that heinous? Have I done anything else to wrong you? Why do you seem to hate me so much?"
Mu Sheng frowned, puzzled.
Upon hearing these words, a deep-seated resentment flashed across Tang Ning's previously calm eyes. "Of course I hate you! I wish you would die right here in front of me!"
As soon as she finished speaking, Tang Ning's eyes also turned red. She clenched her teeth tightly, her red eyes staring intently at Mu Sheng in front of her.
Seeing Tang Ning like this, Mu Sheng's hand involuntarily loosened slightly.
But after saying those hurtful words, Tang Ning refused to speak again.
Seeing this, Mu Sheng pulled her up from the desk, took off her black hoodie, and dragged her by the hand toward her room.
Although there were some surveillance cameras installed in the room, he was worried that if the girl found out about them, it would create another thorn between them, since he and Tang Ning had just started to reconcile. So, after that candlelight dinner, he had someone secretly remove all the surveillance cameras from her room.
In retrospect, he really made a terrible move.
Mu Sheng chuckled to himself inwardly.
Upon entering the room, he pushed Tang Ning onto the soft bed and then pulled out a silver chain from one side of the bed.
He had originally prepared this as a contingency plan after he kidnapped Tang Ning, in case she objected too vehemently. Later, seeing Tang Ning's attitude soften, he thought he wouldn't need it anymore, but who would have thought…
Almost immediately upon seeing the chain, Tang Ning's breathing became rapid. "No, no, I don't want to wear this...no! Mu Sheng, Mu Sheng, I beg you, please don't put this on me, okay? I...I'll be good...I'll...I'll be obedient! Please don't...don't..."
Tang Ning shrank back in terror, large tears streaming down her face unnoticed. She pulled her hands and feet back tightly, and her whole body trembled uncontrollably.
When Mu Sheng saw Tang Ning like this, he looked down at the silver chain in his hand. He kept telling himself that it was all fake, that she was just putting on an act. He couldn't tell when she was being real and when she was being fake anymore.
He even doubted that Tang Ning, who had always claimed to love him and would do anything for him, was lying. But seeing her like this, Mu Sheng still loosened his grip on the chain, couldn't help but slowly get onto the bed, came to Tang Ning's side where she was trembling, and pulled her into his arms.
His mind and body felt like they were splitting apart. His heart kept resisting and obstructing, but his body instinctively hugged the girl's small body tightly, and he kept whispering comforting words, "Okay, no, we won't tie this, I won't tie this for you, it's okay, it's okay, don't be afraid, Ningning, don't be afraid..."
Hearing comforting words and feeling Mu Sheng's warm embrace, Tang Ning's emotions gradually calmed down.
As soon as she calmed down, tears slid down her smooth face.
She stared at Mu Sheng's arm in front of her, then suddenly her eyes hardened, and she grabbed it, brought it to her mouth, and bit down hard.
"hiss!"
Caught off guard, Mu Sheng gasped in shock.
He looked down at Tang Ning, who was biting his arm in disbelief, so hard that his whole body began to tremble, and blood almost immediately flowed from his wound.
Tick-tock, tick-tock.
Mixed with Tang Ning's tears, they dripped onto the pristine white sheets.
She didn't know how long she had been biting, but perhaps realizing that Mu Sheng didn't intend to stop her, Tang Ning slowly released her teeth and looked up at the man in front of her.
The two stared at each other for a long time.
Just then, someone knocked on the door from the outside, and the two of them heard someone outside reporting to Mu Sheng that they had caught three Chinese men who had suspiciously landed on the island. After looking at their ID cards, they found that their names were Jiang Yao, Xu Xingbai, and Ye Jinyan. From what they said, they had come to the island specifically to find Miss Tang Ning, and now they didn't know what to do with them.
Upon hearing these three names, Mu Sheng noticed that Tang Ning's expression showed no worry whatsoever; instead, she raised an eyebrow with disdain.
She wasn't worried at all about the three men who were so devoted to her.
Jiang Yao is one thing, but Mingming, not long ago she wanted to go to England with Ye Jinyan, and she was very worried and sad about Xu Xingbo's injury, so what exactly happened?
Why, why did Tang Ning seem like a completely different person overnight?
Mu Sheng stared at the unmoved Tang Ning for a long time before slowly speaking in a hoarse voice, "Lock them in the dungeon first, and interrogate them again tomorrow."
"yes."
After saying this, Mu Sheng got up and found a first-aid kit in the room. He applied medicine to the wound on his arm, then turned around and went to Tang Ning's side. He dragged her to the bathroom to wash the blood off her mouth, then threw her back onto the bed, got on the bed himself, and hugged her tightly from behind.
Seeing that she couldn't break free from Mu Sheng's arms no matter how hard she struggled, Tang Ning suddenly sneered and said, "Shouldn't we say that lust is a double-edged sword? We've come to this point, and you still want to sleep with me? Aren't you afraid that I'll bite your throat while you're asleep tonight?"
She threatened him fiercely.
"You can give it a try."
Mu Sheng's voice was unusually deep.
"Oh."
Tang Ning scoffed softly.
No one spoke, and soon the room became completely quiet.
After an unknown amount of time, when 54088 informed her that the man behind her was starting to feel sleepy, Tang Ning immediately raised an eyebrow.
"I remember there was an item in your inventory called Nightmare Recurrence, which extracts other people's terrible, awful, and unbearably painful memories to create a complete and realistic nightmare, allowing others to witness or experience their past in their dreams, right?"
She asked the little system in her mind.
"Yes, that's right, Tang Bao."
"Great, I'll use my points to redeem four."
Since they're all scumbags, then of course they should all be dealt with properly.
Mu Sheng wanted to know what had happened to her, why she had suddenly turned from a sweet little bean into a heartbreak plant.
Then go and find the reason in your dreams!
From the moment she arrived in this world, she never stopped thinking about letting her targets witness just how stupid they had been.
How can it be acceptable to do something wrong, know nothing about it, and show no remorse?
Tang Ning's lips curved slightly.
Soon after the item exchange on side 54088 ended and the items were accurately distributed, she immediately felt Mu Sheng's arm, which had been tightly holding her, suddenly loosen, and the man had already fallen into the dream she was preparing to wake up from.
Although Jiang Yao and the others were not seen, it was easy to guess that the three of them were also in a dream at this moment.
So, have a sweet dream!
With the props working together, Mu Sheng immediately found himself back in Jin Sheng's school hospital. Jiang Yao suddenly appeared at the Ye family's door, and Xu Xingbai and Ye Jinyan also appeared in their respective homes.
The group soon encountered the smiling Tang Ning and Yin Yuqing, with whom they had an inextricable entanglement. They were like ghosts residing in their own bodies, watching helplessly as their bodies hurt Tang Ning time and time again for Yin Yuqing's sake.
Threats, intimidation, choking, exposing Tang Qing's past, threatening Ye Zhen with business to make him control Tang Ning, slapping, kidnapping, and even... letting her be abducted, leaving them with only a terrified and desperate look in her eyes.
But it didn't end there. They followed Tang Ning to that remote and disgusting little mountain village, watching her being beaten and verbally abused like livestock, chained with rusty chains to a musty cellar, living a life of despair, pain, and decay. She finally escaped the village, only to beg her way back to Hai City. Upon arriving, she learned that her mother had died years ago while searching for her. With the thought of dying together with her, she was ultimately stabbed in the abdomen at Jiang Yao and Yin Yuqing's happy and sweet wedding, dying a death that was both liberating and filled with resentment…
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