Chapter 56: Cosmic Latte (8) He Chuan, let’s not contact each other for now…
They had dinner until the restaurant closed that day, and He Chuan sent Lin Xia home. The rain had almost stopped, with only sporadic drops of water falling occasionally, but He Chuan still insisted on getting out of the car and taking Lin Xia to the downstairs of the apartment building with an umbrella.
"Thank you for tonight."
Lin Xia deliberately expressed her thanks with a certain distance.
She had wanted to treat him to dinner tonight, but in the end he paid the bill. In this day and age, some people would actually leave cash at the front desk in advance. Lin Xia didn't know whether to call him retro or an old-fashioned British gentleman.
"Xia Xia, you never have to thank me."
Lin Xia pursed her lips and didn't respond. The two of them stood facing each other under the glass awning outside the gate, speechless for a moment.
Just as Lin Xia was about to say goodbye, a dark shadow suddenly emerged from the bushes beside them, ran past the two of them, and disappeared into the night.
He Chuan instinctively reached out and put his arm around Lin Xia, protecting her behind him.
"Don't be afraid!"
But Lin Xia gently broke free from her arms:
"It's just a mouse. I'm not afraid."
Southern cities are humid and warm, with an extremely healthy ecology. Snakes, insects, rats, and ants are everywhere, each one larger than in the north, regardless of sanitation. Lin Xia has been terrified of insects and rats since childhood. When she first arrived in Shenzhen, she was practically terrified every day. But you can't change your environment; you have to get used to it. The terrification became so frequent that it became numb. At some point, Lin Xia learned to remain calm and coexist with these creatures.
She smiled bitterly: "He Chuan, I am no longer the naive Lin Xia of the past."
Whether facing mice, life, or love.
"It doesn't matter," He Chuan whispered, "Xia Xia, none of this matters."
So what is important?
But she didn't want to argue with him, she just said:
"Oh well."
"Xia Xia, I promise you that I won't ask others for information about you, but you don't have to hide from me anymore."
Lin Xia looked almost puzzled for a moment:
"We can't be friends."
Perhaps many people in the world could face each other calmly after a breakup, but that was definitely not them. She and he, their entire youth intertwined, connected by flesh and blood. If they broke, it would break bones and bleed profusely. Now that they had survived and healed, it was a rare opportunity. How could they continue to cruelly expose the scars of the past?
"Then they are not friends."
He Chuan chuckled. "Fellow townspeople, schoolmates, distant relatives, or just acquaintances. It's up to you, as long as they're not strangers."
He paused and sighed:
"Xia Xia, we can never be strangers."
.
For several days after that, Lin Xia was always absent-minded and often thought about He Chuan's last words that night.
She thought she could remain rational and calm, but once she faced him, she could never remain calm. Even after so many years, it was still the same.
She didn't know his attitude, what he was thinking, and what he wanted to do. She must have been the same to him. He was ambiguous, and she was also vague. They were both in a delicate position, neither advancing nor retreating, or rather, both advancing and retreating.
On the way home from work that day, Lin Xia received a message:
[Are you free? Let's chat tonight?]
She replied:
On the subway, we'll talk when we get home.
After returning home, she tidied up a bit, poured the cream stew left over from yesterday in the refrigerator over the steamed rice, put a slice of cheese on it, and put it in the microwave to heat it up. While waiting, she called the other party back.
After the call was connected, a familiar voice with a hint of coldness came over:
"Hello?"
Lin Xia couldn't help but relax and smiled:
"It's been a while since we last chatted, Song Ci."
Yes, the other party was her high school classmate, Song Ci.
Lin Xia once chose science, a subject she wasn't suited to, just to be with her best friend. At the time, Zhao Qianyi chided her for being immature, and she remained unconvinced. But as she grew older, she finally abandoned her former innocence, understanding that friendships are temporary, and no one would be so foolish as to compromise their future for a fleeting friendship. Throughout her journey, from junior high school to high school, art studio, and finally university, many of her once-close friends have become almost completely out of touch. Their lives no longer overlap, and even when they do meet, they lack common topics. They're both tired of each other.
But Song Dynasty porcelain is the only exception.
Strictly speaking, they were only deskmates for a few months at the end of their senior year of high school, and then they went their separate ways. Although Songci University is also in Beijing, their schools are in different districts and are quite far apart. In the beginning, everyone was very busy with their new lives and hardly saw each other. Later, in their senior year, they gradually resumed contact due to some accidental opportunities.
After graduating from college, Lin Xia stayed in Tsinghua University for graduate studies, while Song Ci returned to his hometown in the provincial capital and was admitted to a leisurely unit within the system as a clerk. They didn't see each other for many years, but they would chat on the phone every one or two months. They were neither overly close nor unfamiliar, and this friendship has continued like this.
Song Ci said that their friendship was as pure as water.
Maybe friendship and love are different after all. Without such high expectations of each other, it is easier to get along with each other.
The two chatted about their recent situation, and then Song Ci told Lin Xia about the movies and books she had watched recently. This was one of the fixed topics of their conversations, like an invisible rule. Every time they chatted, they tacitly never talked about work, parents, or all the realistic, unsolvable problems. They only talked about movies, literature, music, romance, life and ideals. It was like a brief escape from the mundane world. This was a safe haven for each other's spiritual world.
Song Ci's erudition and literary talent are still the same as in her student days. Lin Xia loves to listen to her comments. Her current life is so difficult and miserable, and she is her poetry and distant place.
"What have you been watching lately?"
After sharing her own reflections, Song Ci asked Lin Xia again, "Why does she always act like a teacher assigning homework?" Lin Xia wondered if she hadn't been so urging her on, she might have lost the motivation to persevere. In this fast-paced internet age, where society is restless and impetuous, short videos and microblogs have practically destroyed people's patience and ability to think deeply. Few people can calm down and carefully read a thick book or a long film.
"I saw the Sisley exhibition, but I didn't read much of the movie or the book..." Lin Xia couldn't help but feel a little guilty. "We've been working overtime for Halloween lately, so we don't have time, you know."
"What about the documentary I recommended to you last time?"
"Uh, I only read the beginning..."
The documentary told the story of World War I in Europe, which was heavy and sad. Things had been happening one after another recently, and she really couldn't calm down.
Song Ci was silent for a few seconds, then suddenly asked, "Did anything special happen?"
Lin Xia's heart skipped a beat. Song Ci was very smart and perceptive, and could always detect that something was wrong from the slightest clue.
"He returned home..."
Lin Xia whispered, "He's in Shenzhen now, working downstairs from my company. We met a few days ago."
There was no need to say the name, Song Ci knew who it was immediately. She was the only person in the world who knew clearly about Lin Xia and He Chuan's entire past, from beginning to end.
Song Ci was slightly surprised, but still asked her calmly:
"What does he want?"
"have no idea."
"So what do you want?"
"I don't know."
Song Ci was helpless: "Are you kidding me?"
"I really don't know," Lin Xia smiled bitterly, "I just feel that no matter what, we can't go back to the past without any grudges."
In fact, after He Chuan promised her that he would return to China, they did not break up immediately. Lin Xia knew that she should not delay him any longer, but she just couldn't bear to do so. She hoped that if they waited a little longer, they would miraculously find a solution to the problem.
However, once a relationship has a rift, it is like a crack on the ice, which will only get deeper with time. They cannot meet, have no time to contact each other, there is no silent physical intimacy and comfort, and even because of the time difference, there is no time for in-depth conversation. Their differences are getting bigger and bigger, and they start a cold war and quarrels. Everything is developing in the direction that Lin Xia fears the most.
During that period, Lin Xia's mental state was extremely bad. He had to take on manuscripts to make money, prepare for postgraduate study, and was busy with graduation projects and thesis proposals. He was in a daze and everything was confused.
Finally one day, she was called to the office by her tutor and scolded. This tutor was the professional teacher who was particularly strict with students. Unfortunately, she was also responsible for guiding her graduation project.
The tutor took out the proposal report she submitted and scolded her from head to toe.
Lin Xia had never been an excellent student in academic subjects, and being scolded by teachers was a common occurrence, going in one ear and out the other, never taking it to heart. However, this time, she was being scolded for her art major, which she had always been proud of and was her weak spot that she cared about the most.
Besides, one should not hit people in the face or expose their shortcomings. The tutor's words were extremely sharp and vicious, and every word hit her heart.
"You used to be a very hardworking and diligent student, why have you started to decline recently? Have you forgotten your own background? You are just a child from a common family in a small town in Northeast China. What qualifications do you have to indulge yourself? Do you think your family can send you abroad or let you repeat your studies? Did you come from such a remote and backward place just to have a lazy life in Tsinghua? Are you worthy of your parents who worked so hard to support your education? Do you have any shame? Do you have any dignity? Has your life been too smooth, and you need to experience some setbacks to feel better? Do you think Tsinghua will allow a shameful student like you to be admitted to graduate school? If you submit this kind of garbage again, I won’t even let you pass the thesis proposal, let alone graduation!"
That was the most serious breakdown in Lin Xia's life so far. She didn't remember how she responded, how she walked out of the office, or how she returned to the dormitory. She just remembered that she lay on the bed crying from day to night, and finally even fainted. If Wen Xixi hadn't come to call her for dinner, discovered something was wrong, and rescued her in time, she might have gone into shock.
It wasn't because the instructor was insulting her, but because everything he said was right that she couldn't stand it. It was harsh, but true.
She shouldn't forget how hard she worked to get to where she is today.
She couldn't continue like this as she hesitated to make a decision and would suffer the consequences.
After making up her mind, she called He Chuan. They were too familiar with each other. Before she got to the point, he had already realized something, so he spoke first:
"Xia Xia, we won't break up."
She had never heard him speak in such a tone before, so firm, yet with a trembling and pleading tone that he tried hard to conceal.
Her heart felt like it was soaked in lemonade, so sour and bitter that she was almost about to compromise, but when she thought of the helpless reality, she gritted her teeth and hardened her heart.
In the end, she gave him a very bad and perfunctory farewell, saying:
"He Chuan, let's not contact each other for the time being."
It was as easy as the request she made before the college entrance examination because she was afraid of being distracted by premature love.
He was silent for a long time, then slowly answered her:
"Okay, I'll wait for you."
He never refused her request, ever.
That was their last conversation. After that, the years passed quietly, and the mundane trivialities overwhelmed people. No one knew where the time went, and in the blink of an eye, seven years had passed.
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