Chapter 69 Klein (3) Everything will be fine, it just takes...
Initially, everyone was optimistic, believing the epidemic would soon pass. After the seventh and fifteenth day of the Lunar New Year, or at the latest, the Lunar New Year, things would improve. However, things went against their wishes. As time went on, things worsened. New cases soared daily, and the severity and mortality rates remained stubbornly high. The Spring Festival holiday was extended indefinitely, and work and production were suspended. The entire world seemed to have been paused. Panic spread throughout society, and online opinions were abuzz. Everyone, either voluntarily or involuntarily, was confined to their homes, unable to leave the house, visit relatives or friends, or even meet others in person. Worry, fear, anxiety, unease—all kinds of negative emotions spread like wildfire.
Lin Xia was inevitably affected by the environment she was in. She tried her best not to read the messy comments and news that were difficult to distinguish between true and false on the Internet, but in the day-to-day isolation life, her mood was gradually becoming depressed and negative.
When people are under pressure, the first thing that is affected is rest. One morning, Lin Xia was awakened by a nightmare and could not fall asleep again. It was still dawn, and she tossed and turned in bed. The wound and her skin began to hurt, so she simply got up and stopped sleeping.
The weather forecast said that the temperature would drop in the next few days. Lin Xia didn't care at first, but after getting up, she really felt a hint of coolness that she had not worn for a long time. So she took out a long nightgown that she had hardly worn from the closet, draped it over her shoulders, and walked out of the room.
He Chuan was still lying on the sofa in the living room. Lin Xia tiptoed across the living room to the kitchen. The grinding noise from the coffee machine was too loud, and she was afraid of waking He Chuan up, so she wanted to find instant coffee.
She hadn't had instant coffee for a long time. She didn't know where she put the one she bought. When she tiptoed and looked up to carefully search in the high storage cabinet, a spider in the corner suddenly caught her eye. Lin Xia was startled and her hand shook, knocking the coffee cup out of the cabinet. With a crisp sound, the fragments fell to the ground.
Lin Xia couldn't help but feel annoyed and sad, because this was a coffee cup she particularly liked.
When she bent down to pick up the fragments, the wound hurt even more. She couldn't help but squat on the ground and take a breath.
"What's wrong?"
Lin Xia turned around and saw He Chuan standing at the kitchen door. She felt very sorry:
"Sorry to wake you."
"It's okay. I was going to wake up anyway."
His voice was still a little hoarse and low from waking up in the morning, and he was always so good-tempered when facing Lin Xia.
Seeing the mess on the ground, he hurried forward and picked up Lin Xia:
"Are you hurt? Did you cut your hand?"
Lin Xia shook her head: "I stretched it a little, and my stomach hurts a little, but it's okay."
"Let me do it."
He Chuan helped her sit on the chair next to the dining table and took over the scene of the accident. After he cleaned up the fragments of the cup, the culprit spider slowly crawled out, swinging on the spider silk, looking particularly leisurely.
Lin Xia exclaimed softly, and He Chuan followed her gaze and understood:
"It scared you, didn't it?"
"I'm not afraid, it just scared me because it appeared suddenly."
He Chuan smiled without saying anything, took out a piece of tissue and got rid of the spider as well.
Seeing that he remained noncommittal, Lin Xia couldn't help but defend herself, "Really? I've seen a lot in the past few years, and I'm not afraid anymore. Living in Shenzhen, your house isn't just yours. You have to learn to coexist with these little critters."
It has nothing to do with sanitary conditions, it's just that the environment is humid and hot, which is very suitable for the survival of animals, insects and microorganisms. It's nothing like the Northeast, where the temperature drops to dozens of degrees below zero every winter and everything dies.
He Chuan laughed: "When you say that, I always feel it's very cute."
“Cute or not, you’ll know when mushrooms grow inside your shoes that you left in the corner one day after brushing them.”
After the aftermath was over, He Chuan turned on the coffee machine to make coffee for the two of them. He was also a caffeine addict, and the two of them almost drank up a whole bag of coffee beans in the past few days.
While waiting, He Chuan also sat down opposite Lin Xia and asked:
"Why are you up so early? Did you have a nightmare?"
Lin Xia responded sullenly.
Although admitting this would make her look like a child, if you think about it, her nightmare is even worse than that of a child.
"Do you often have the same nightmare?" Lin Xia asked hesitantly, "Does it happen over and over again, every once in a while?"
"Yes."
"What's it like?"
He Chuan paused and said slowly: "I dream that I am very hungry, but there is no food to eat."
Lin Xia was stunned for a moment: "Did you ever go hungry as a child?"
"Well, in the past, our family's living conditions were not very good." He Chuan asked, "What about you? What do you dream about?"
Lin Xia answered honestly, "I dreamed about taking an exam."
He Chuan said helplessly: "I feel this way sometimes too. I think this is a psychological shadow that many people can't get rid of."
No matter how many years have passed, no matter how much I have experienced, I always return to the weak and helpless self in my high-pressure student days in my dreams. I either didn’t bring homework to school or forgot to review for the exam.
"I'd add one more thing," Lin Xia sighed, "knocking over the paint box in the exam room, or forgetting to bring your paintbrush."
In fact, many of the things that once seemed like the sky was falling, when we look back on them as adults, are nothing more than that, whether it was being late, failing, getting dropped, being demoted, repeating a grade, or delaying graduation. But back then, we were too young, the world was too narrow, and studying was everything. That fear has been deeply ingrained in our minds and can never be erased.
"Maybe you've been too anxious lately."
He Chuan understood Lin Xia's mood. Faced with the current situation, he was also anxious and uneasy. He couldn't remain calm and indifferent.
"I originally planned to change jobs after the Spring Festival," Lin Xia said with a wry smile, "but in the current situation, I'm afraid I won't be able to find a new job anytime soon."
The whole world is working from home, and all projects, important and unimportant, have come to a halt.
In fact, she hasn't told anyone about the job change yet. She doesn't like to show off before things are confirmed, as everything is subject to change. But when faced with such a major change that happens once in a century and the future is uncertain, she couldn't help but confide in He Chuan.
Perhaps it was because they had been facing each other day and night these past few days, and their relationship had unknowingly become much closer.
Or maybe it’s just because he is not someone else but He Chuan.
He always tolerates her, always encourages her, and always stands by her.
"Why do you want to change jobs?"
There are many reasons, such as the parent company becoming a subsidiary, not being optimistic about the project's development prospects, being fed up with the boss, and all the good colleagues leaving... But these are just superficial excuses, which can fool others but not yourself. The real reason is -
“I don’t like my current job.”
"So what kind of job do you want to change to?"
"Honestly, I don't know. Maybe it's not that I don't like my current job, I just don't like my current situation." Lin Xia said shyly, "I've been very confused lately. I don't know what I want, and I don't know what I should want."
When I was young, my ambition was as high as the sky. I always thought that the world was at my feet. I wanted to become famous as early as possible. Thirty was too old, and twenty was just right. I must do something big and spectacular in the future.
Now she is 29 years old, almost thirty years old, but she has not achieved the success she had imagined. None of the ambitions she once made have come true. She is just an ordinary member of this city, going to work, working, and living, drowned in the crowd, living a mediocre life, and accomplishing nothing.
"This is normal, everyone goes through this stage."
"What about you? Have you ever experienced this before?"
"Actually, there are some," He Chuan sighed softly, "When I first started working, I found that many things were different from what I imagined, and there was a period of confusion, but we may be different."
Lin Xia was puzzled: "What's the difference?"
"The reason I chose my current major and job wasn't so much because of my ideals as it was because of reality. I made a choice for utilitarian purposes to maximize my benefits. I can't say I'm passionate about it. If I had studied finance or medicine instead of law, my results would probably be the same. But Xia Xia, you and I are different. You've come this far because you're passionate about it."
“If you just live numbly, only satisfying the basic needs of food, clothing, housing and transportation, you won’t have these troubles. The reason you suffer is because of love.”
Lin Xia couldn't help but be slightly stunned, love it...
Yes, she almost forgot how much she loved painting.
When she first switched from painting plaster to still lifes, she was obsessed with the transition between light and dark, working day and night, sitting in front of the drawing board for more than ten hours at a time. She never missed any outdoor sketching sessions, no matter if it was scorching hot or rainy, and would paint until the sun went down without her noticing. When she first had her own paint box, she carefully arranged the colors and put the paint in it, cherishing it like a treasure. In her second year of high school, despite the persuasion and pressure of all the teachers, she still argued in front of the head teacher, stiffening her neck and saying stubbornly, "I just want to learn to paint."
It wasn't for academics, employment, bonuses, or sales figures; it had nothing to do with profit or money, worldly matters, or future prospects. It was simply because she loved painting. She loved the feeling of painting, sketching everything on paper. At that moment, she was a god in the world of paper.
Because my blood is still hot, I am unwilling to give up. Because my dream is still alive, I am at a loss.
But how can we bridge the gap between ideal and reality? How should we choose between the moon and sixpence?
Lin Xia was torn between her conscience and her desires, not just at this moment, but also in the past few months. This was the biggest confusion and deepest entanglement she had faced in the past few years.
Finally, she slowly exhaled a breath of foul air and gave the answer almost tremblingly:
“I must paint, just as a drowning man must struggle.”
Only by struggling, resisting, and doing one's best to resist the tide of the times and the influence of the world, and striving to stick to oneself and the path one wants to take, can one be said to be truly alive.
He Chuan smiled slightly:
"Xia Xia, I've always envied you and admired you. From the beginning to the end, you've been so pure and determined, with no distractions. The path you've chosen is longer and more difficult than mine. This time, I can't give you any advice. I'm afraid you'll have to slowly explore the path that suits you. The only thing I can share with you is my own little experience in life."
“Life may be bad, but it won’t stay bad forever. Everything will get better. It just takes time.”
Lin Xia couldn't help but smile: "I know, all I can do now is wait."
It's like waiting for a flower to bloom, waiting for the tide to surge, waiting for time to pass, to provide answers to all the fog, until one day, you finally walk out of the fog of distress, wake up, and be reborn.
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