Chapter 74 Klein (8) Love as if you have never been hurt...
In linear time, people live mechanical and repetitive lives, with three meals a day, work and rest, sunrise and sunset, and follow the routine. They often cannot feel the passage of time itself. Hundreds and thousands of days are all the same, passing by in the blink of an eye, without any difference.
After Lin Xia said, "Let's not contact each other for the time being," He Chuan didn't dare to think about the real meaning behind this sentence for a long time. At that time, he was very busy every day, busy with exams, busy with internships, busy working to make money, and he wished every minute could be split in half. He didn't know whether he was really that busy, or deliberately put himself in these trivial matters so that he had no time to think about anything else.
By the time he finally completed the LPC exam and passed the first stage of his lawyer's license, and at the same time earned enough savings to get out of a difficult situation he was in at the time, he realized that nearly two years had passed.
During this year, not a single message was sent from the contact pinned to the top of his phone, and the call that he set as his special ringtone never rang again.
He began to panic, to feel anxious. Why hadn't she contacted him? Hadn't she said they wouldn't be in touch for the time being? He stubbornly believed this wasn't a final breakup, but simply a distance, like the time before the college entrance exams, when she'd distanced herself from him to avoid distracting him. They were both busy, working hard, but their minds were connected. Once they got through this difficult time, they would be as close as ever, as if they had never been apart.
But why hasn't she contacted him yet?
Friends mocked his naiveté. "No contact for now" was just a subtle way of saying goodbye. We were all adults, how could they not even pick up on that hint? Why did he have to make such a fuss, throw a tantrum, and make the breakup so ugly? Times have changed, and who would still wait? If she's truly as beautiful and outstanding as you claim, she'd have no shortage of suitors, and there wouldn't be a window of opportunity. Contacting her now would only embarrass both of you and ruin any last vestiges of your connection. Now that things have come to this, it's time to move on and pursue a new life. First love never lasts forever. Later on, you'll discover that young love means nothing in the long journey of life.
If one person said it, he wouldn't care. If a hundred people said it, he'd scoff. But when a thousand, ten thousand, the entire world told him the same thing, no one could remain indifferent. Especially since being a lawyer is a profession that exposes people to the darkest side of human nature. In the face of money and profit, emotions are worthless. He met more and more people, experienced more and more things, witnessed more and more joys and sorrows, reunions and separations. So many lovers met each other in despair, so many men and women who had made vows of eternal love ended up in bittersweet love. He began to doubt whether everlasting love, everlasting love, could ever exist in this world?
He had never been someone who was confident, brave, or fearless. He had simply been masking his cowardice and vulnerability. During that time, he began to suffer from insomnia, anxiety, and even hallucinations. He could always hear the sound of his phone ringing, and he had nightmares all night long. He dreamed that he had mustered up the courage to go find her, but she was already holding someone else's hand, looking at him inexplicably, as if to say, didn't we break up a long time ago?
That was the darkest period of his life. Every day he could only rely on external things to numb himself and relieve the pain. He began to take sleeping pills and tranquilizers frequently, and his day and night were reversed. He was almost disabled and finally had to seek intervention from a psychologist and medication.
The doctor told him to forget the source of his pain.
He said he couldn't forget it.
——Then let it go.
——I can’t let it go.
——Then don’t think about it for now.
--temporary?
——Yes, for now. When you can accept everything calmly, you can face it again.
temporarily, for the time being, for the time being, right now.
He was confused by the word.
Perhaps this is human nature. People tend to escape habitually and settle for the immediate comfort. That is the brain's physiological protection mechanism. When the pain reaches its extreme, people will die of a broken heart.
After that, he spent a long time quitting his drug addiction and immersed himself completely in his work, filling his life with one case and one trial after another. He had no time to suffer, no time to be heartbroken, and he just kept moving forward as if he was racing against something.
He thought silently in his heart, wait a little longer, wait until he finally achieves success and is qualified to stand in front of her again, then he will go back to find her.
But how long is this deadline? What is the standard for success? No one knows.
Before you know it, many years have passed.
Earlier that year, while skiing in the Alps with an important client, he had an accident. His seatbelt unfastened, and he fell from a simple chairlift. Fortunately, he was well protected, and nothing serious happened, just a mild concussion and some minor issues with his hippocampus or amygdala. He went to the hospital for a full checkup, but nothing was found, and the doctor simply told him to go home and rest.
For the next few days, all his memories were in complete disarray. Past and present, cause and effect, were reversed and chaotic, as if he had stepped into the nonlinear time of another higher-dimensional world. Years, months, days, hours, minutes, seconds, and all other units of measurement had lost their meaning. He couldn't even figure out his own identity. One moment he remembered studying in Hong Kong, the next he remembered that he had to prepare for the hearing tomorrow. One second he was wondering how he got from Wangchun to London, the next he was crying and asking his mother when she would return. Was it really like the villagers said, that she had abandoned him?
Regardless, he was in the UK, graduated from a prestigious university, worked at a prestigious law firm, and earned a million dollars a year. He had realized the dream he had dreamed of since he was a teenager. He finally got everything he wanted, except for one thing—
Where is Xia Xia? She is not with him.
He asked everyone around him, friends, colleagues, superiors, neighbors, but they all knew nothing about it. He desperately called her old number, but got the response of "an unavailable number" over and over again. MSN, □□, email... all modern means could not reach her. He didn't know whether she was studying, working, in Beijing, or in Wangchun. He didn't even know if she still existed in this world.
It was as if it was just an illusion. In the past, when his studies were the most difficult and his life was the most painful, a girl made up by his brain broke into his life like a forest elf, accompanying him, caring for him, supporting him, and understanding him. However, as he walked further and further away, and his life got more and more on track, the girl gradually disappeared, disappeared in the morning mist, disappeared in the sunset, and could never be found again.
But when he looked at the silver ring on his hand, which had lost its luster after being washed so many times, he knew that this was not an illusion, that everything had really happened, and that something must have gone wrong.
This absurd farce lasted for about a week, and his memory finally returned slowly. He gradually remembered everything that had happened over the years. Time and space returned to order, and the causes and consequences became clear again. He finally returned to Earth from the other dimension.
On the night when all his memories came back to him, he sat in front of the floor-to-ceiling window in the living room of his apartment, looking at the starry sky and the moon in the suburbs until dawn.
Some roads are only realized to be wrong after you have walked them.
There are some choices that you only regret after you make them.
He sadly realized the fact that he had finally gotten everything he wanted over the years, but he lost the girl he loved most with his own hands.
When we were young, we loved each other without knowing it.
Roaming the heart of Russia with a young horse
Or maybe we can sleep together on a boat and listen to the rain in the Qing Dynasty
Or have nothing, forget about the so-called family and country
Gathering wet mulberry leaves in the misty morning
Singing about the future
Do you remember, do you ever thank fate?
When we were young, we loved each other without knowing it
When our lips touched, we thought we were kissing the ashes of time.
......
"Tan Zhizhou didn't know about your current situation. He only knew you were in Shenzhen, at MT. It just so happened that Owen was about to open a representative office in Shenzhen, and Mr. Dai extended an olive branch to me. I had a detailed discussion with him, and I found out that one of the locations for the law firms they were planning to build was right downstairs from MT. I began to believe this was a divine clue, that everything was guiding me, and it was time to return."
He Chuan laughed at himself. "I've dreamt of meeting you again a thousand times. I imagined what you'd become, how you were doing, whether you were used to living in Shenzhen, whether you were married, whether you were in love, and whether he treated you better than me. But the moment I really saw you, I couldn't ask anything. I just wanted to hug you and say a thousand times, Xia Xia, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left you."
"Over the years, I've gone too far, severed ties, and have no past or home left. I know I have no right to ask for your forgiveness, no right to dream that we can go back to the way we were and reconcile. I just want to see you, to confirm that you still exist, somewhere in this world. This is very important to me. When I return to my motherland after many years, when I set foot on this land, I will deceive myself that I am not a wanderer, but a returnee. I have you by my side and can go back."
He handed the ring to Lin Xia and said word by word:
"Xia Xia, this time it's up to you to decide whether I should go or stay."
His words were extremely restrained, as if he had left all the decisions to her, but his eyes had already betrayed him. He was begging her, begging her to let him stay, stay in China, stay with her.
When Lin Xia heard what He Chuan said, she was already in tears.
It turned out that she was not the only one who could not forget him all these years, she was not the only one who confined herself to a circle around him, she was not the only one who said one thing and meant another, she was not the only one who was hesitant and timid. After seven years, although they were thousands of miles apart, his state of mind was so similar to hers.
Through tears, she lowered her eyes to look at the ring in front of her. Once, it was the witness of their passionate love, the token of their affection, the promise of everlasting love, but now, it carried so much more.
They are no longer innocent children. Years after leaving their ivory towers, they've begun to understand the world of adulthood and are well aware of the rules. In this materialistic, noisy, and impetuous society, profit and efficiency are paramount, and true love has long since vanished. They break your pride, grind away your edges, cool your passion, break your knees, and force you to become a proper adult. We've resisted, struggled, screamed, and persevered, but in the end, we're assimilated, tamed, suppressed, and enslaved. Ultimately, we kill our youthful selves with our own hands, becoming a numb, mediocre walking corpse, following the routine: marrying, having children, getting dressed, eating, and waiting for the end of our century before finally being buried.
At this moment, Lin Xia, in her fourth year after graduation and third year of work, is about to turn 30. She is at a crossroads in her life and asks herself:
Do you still remember your dreams from your youth? Can you recall the excitement of sixteen? Do you still believe in love? Do you still believe in ideals? Do you still have the courage to give, the guts to accept? Do you still dare to get hurt? Do you still dare to start over? Do you still dare to listen to your heart and choose a career that has nothing to do with profit, nothing to do with promotions and salary increases, and where you'll give everything you have, even if it means you'll end up in complete failure?
He Chuan has been waiting with bated breath, waiting for Lin Xia's answer, and also waiting for his final judgment in life.
However, Lin Xia never spoke, nor did she take the ring. She slowly wiped the tears from her face, got up and went to the bedroom.
When she came out a moment later, she gestured to He Chuan to look at what she was holding in her hand.
It was a transparent sealed bag filled with desiccant, and in the middle of the desiccant was a ring that looked so familiar, a silver ring with a Minnie pattern inlaid with rhinestones, which was a perfect match with the one in He Chuan's hand.
"It's not that I don't want to wear it, it's just... I've gained a little weight, and the thickness of my fingers is very obvious. If they were a little smaller, I wouldn't be able to wear them."
Lin Xia looked at the two rings in each other's hands that had been reunited after a long time and smiled softly.
"When I first came here, I had no experience, so I just put the wooden music box on the table. It got moldy and moldy, and it was a terrible sight, so I had to throw it away."
"In ancient times, Shenzhen was a place of exile for people from Lingnan. It was hot and humid, requiring constant detoxification. Mosquitoes, rats, ants, and miasma were rampant. For northerners, it wasn't a livable city. But at the same time, it was also welcoming, vibrant, and inclusive, welcoming and diverse. It welcomed a homeless person like me and countless young people pursuing their dreams."
"I have no plans to go anywhere else for the time being."
"So, are you ready to stay in this city with me?"
Just indulge herself this time, just be willful this time. Even if she is broken into pieces and the sky collapses and the earth falls in the future, she still wants to hold on tightly to the warmth in front of her, the man she has loved and missed for so many years!
The world is ravaged by the epidemic and the virus is rampant. Perhaps they will face death after walking out of this door tomorrow. At the last moment of life, will you and I leave the world with regrets?
Love like you've never been hurt!
Live like today is the last day!
At this moment, He Chuan felt a warm current surge into his heart, burning his eyes so much that they felt sore, as if all his wanderings over the years had found a home, all his pain had been comforted, and all his chasing and searching were actually just for this moment, for her forgiveness and shelter.
From then on, the lost boy in his heart, the self he had long abandoned, finally gained new life and found his way home.
"I'm ready."
He stretched out his hand and pulled Lin Xia into his arms, kissed the top of her head devoutly, and spoke with a trembling voice:
"Xia Xia, let's never separate again."
"good--"
The feelings between the two people, which had been suppressed and avoided for a long time, finally broke out at this moment, like a raging fire that could not be stopped, overwhelming and overwhelming, drowning all their desires and consciousness.
They hugged each other tightly, kissed passionately, and kept their lips and teeth intertwined, unwilling to leave each other for even a second.
Lin Xia felt her body lighten, and then He Chuan picked her up, carried her through the bedroom door, and fell on the bed where they had woken up in each other's arms in the morning, to complete what they had just been interrupted not long ago.
The passionate deep kiss, the closeness of the skin, and the long-lost touch made both of them tremble unconsciously, and the memories of the once intimate relationship deep in their souls gradually awakened, familiar yet strange.
The slippers had fallen to the ground, the pajamas had been peeled off at the waist. They were frankly facing each other, dizzy, but at the most critical moment of confusion and passion, Lin Xia couldn't help but ask the question that had been lingering in her heart for a long time. She knew it was a spoiler and inappropriate, but she still stubbornly wanted to ask:
"Over the years... have you ever...?"
But before he could finish his question, he choked up.
He Chuan paused when he heard this, raised his head and looked at her. His eyes, which were originally filled with passionate desire, gradually became gentle, compassionate, doting and happy.
He bent down and kissed the corners of her mouth and cheeks, and whispered in a hoarse voice:
"No, only you."
"Xia Xia, I promised you that I don't like anyone else but you."
In an instant, the tears that had been suppressed in Lin Xia's eyes for a long time burst out like this. She couldn't even explain why. She felt touched, relieved, unbelievable, and suddenly enlightened.
She hugged the person in front of her tightly, and said word by word with tears in her eyes:
"Me too, He Chuan, me too, I don't like others, I only like you..."
How could there be people like them in the world? How could there be such a she and such a him?
For a very long time, Lin Xia always felt that the reason she fell in love with He Chuan was because of that summer in Xiaolin Farm when she was sixteen. Because it was so beautiful, she could not forget it even after so many years. But in essence, it was just a coincidence at a special time, a special place and a special environment. It happened to be her and him. If it were someone else, they might also be moved by love.
However, it was not until this moment that she truly understood that everything was not accidental or coincidental. It had to be the sixteen-year-old Lin Xia and the nineteen-year-old He Chuan. They smelled the same kind of scent in each other and identified one person and one thing for a lifetime.
There were so many fateful moments in the past that they faced together. Regardless of whether they admit it or not, and regardless of what the future holds, they are very important to each other's lives and cannot be replaced by anyone else.
The so-called soulmate, soul mate.
How fortunate they are to meet each other in this life.
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