Chapter 248 No Fate
Tonight, the moonlight is like water, gently sprinkling on the earth, covering everything in the world with a veil. This atmosphere is especially suitable for opening your heart and pouring out your true feelings.
However, Lu Jing knew very well that Su Qingwan's words meant to send him away from Huainan. Although he had expected this, he still felt a little uncomfortable when faced with such a situation.
"Xiao Wu, when we were in the southwest, I promised to marry you. This feeling has never changed." Lu Jing's voice was low and firm, and it could be heard far away in the quiet night.
"Is it because of saving my life?" Su Qingwan raised her eyebrows slightly, with a hint of inquiry in her eyes, "I didn't expect that you are quite...honest!"
"I'm not the kind of person who would easily give myself to someone just because he saved my life." Lu Jing shook his head, his eyes full of seriousness.
"That's even more puzzling. You were blind at that time, so you couldn't see my appearance clearly, nor could you figure out my personality, but you insisted on marrying me. This is really strange!" Su Qingwan's eyes flashed with doubt, and there was a hint of curiosity in her tone.
"Some people, even if you have known each other for many years, are still as strange as if you just met for the first time; while some people, when you meet for the first time, it seems like you have been together for a lifetime. That kind of affection is hard to describe in words." Lu Jing spoke slowly. This was the first time he talked in depth with Su Qingwan about the past. "Although my eyes are blind, my heart is bright. I know who the person in front of me is, and I can hear the voice in my heart, and I know what I want. Xiaowu, I want to be with you hand in hand until we grow old."
He stood on the bridge, surrounded by moonlight. The lights on both sides were shining brightly, as if cheering and adding color to his affectionate oath.
Su Qingwan listened, feeling a little bitter in her heart, and a little touched. "A woman like me who only has Huainan in my heart and eyes and is only dedicated to the revival of Huainan, is really not worthy of your love." She lowered her eyes slightly, with a hint of loneliness in her voice.
"Whether it's worth it or not is up to me to decide!" Lu Jing frowned slightly, his eyes fixed on Su Qingwan's cold eyebrows. "Besides, I never weigh the so-called value. As long as I have determined it, I will not change it!"
Su Qingwan listened to the sound of the gurgling water, and her heartbeat, which had just been aroused by Lu Jing's oath, gradually cooled down. "Lu Jing, power is what you have been striving for all your life. If you really loved me, you should have waited for me in the other courtyard after reporting back. There was an emergency in the palace at that time, and I was really unable to go anywhere. But I was worried about your blindness, so I sent someone to look for you, but you were no longer in the manor. At that time, I thought you had left on your own after you recovered from your illness. Later, I made a special trip back to the manor, but I still couldn't see you. If you really wanted to stay with me forever, even if you left a letter, maybe we would have met again a long time ago."
"But then, you returned to Kyoto, rose rapidly in the officialdom, and became the emperor's trusted minister. You jumped three levels and held great power. Power was the most attractive goal for you. You won the absolute trust of the late emperor and were willing to be a sharp blade in his hand. The late emperor once suspected the eldest princess, but he never had any suspicion of you. The tacit understanding between you and your subjects is a good story. You already knew that the emperor's health was getting worse and the royal family had few children, so you frequently traveled between the southwest and the imperial city, gathering information everywhere, planting spies, and paving the way for the future of the late emperor and Yan'er. At that time, you already knew that I was the princess of the southwest, but in your heart, loyalty to the emperor was the top priority. The king of the southwest came to the capital, which was also the result of your careful planning with the emperor, and even the palace coup... you actually knew it a long time ago. You pushed the southwest into a desperate situation step by step, leaving the southwest with no choice but to cooperate with you, the emperor and his subjects. If you really regarded me as a treasure and really liked me, you should have been honest with me and told me everything."
Su Qingwan took a deep breath and smiled softly, but the smile was a bit complicated. "I have never blamed you. This is all human nature. I am just a woman. How can I compare with your career? After the late emperor became seriously ill, although you protected me, you never hid anything from the late emperor. The late emperor was meticulous. He knew your loyalty and that you and I would check and balance each other, so he wanted to use me to contain the southwest. So, when he entrusted Yu'er to me, in fact, the person he trusted the most was still you. And you did not disappoint his expectations. You helped him and Yu'er remove many obstacles and even successfully quelled the hidden dangers in the southwest. Lu Jing, when you left me in the palace, did you ever think that I would be killed by Concubine Lu?"
Just as Lu Jing was about to open his mouth to defend himself, Su Qingwan raised her hand, her eyes calm and almost indifferent. "I'm not trying to bring up the past with you, and I've never blamed you. If I were in your position, I might make the same choice. At that time, you were so busy with affairs that you couldn't take care of me. So, power is what you pursue all your life. Before you got power, whether it was me or my family, they had very little weight in your heart and could be abandoned at any time. Now you've come to Huainan and expressed your feelings to me, saying that you want to spend your life with me, but it's only because you already have power that you want to pursue love again. If the late emperor were still alive and you were still firmly controlled by him, then power would definitely be your only pursuit, and how could it be my turn?" To put it bluntly, now that he has power, he just wants the company of a beauty.
"Xiao Wu, are you always so calm and rational?" Lu Jing looked at her, with a complex emotion flashing in his eyes.
"If I wasn't calm, I would have died when the Huainan clan was exterminated. If I wasn't calm, I would have sent Chen Feng to assassinate Lu Feng and Li Xueying directly after witnessing my sister's tragic death. Why would I go through so much trouble to pretend to be my sister and enter the Lu family? If I want revenge, I need to use my sister's identity to act in the capital to avoid suspicion from others." Su Qingwan's eyes were firm, and she said slowly, "For those who bear a blood feud, the only way to save their lives is to stay calm."
"So, you don't believe in my feelings, right?" Lu Jing's voice sounded a little sad. "Did I make the wrong choice at the beginning? Should I tell you everything from the beginning and always put you first?"
"I never thought so. Everyone has the most important thing in their heart. The most important thing in my heart is not you. It's Huainan, my sister, and Nianqing. How can I ask you to always put me first?" Su Qingwan said slowly, "Lu Jing, I just want to say that you don't love me that much. It doesn't matter who you marry. You can become the regent because you licked blood on the tip of a knife and risked your life. You shouldn't give up. I also hope that you will always be the high and mighty regent. We are just not destined to be together."
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