Zhuangzi Butterfly
Li Ming stood there stunned for a long time, her mind blank, and it took her a while to come to her senses. She looked down at her clothes and shoes, unable to remember her exact age. Feeling a bit confused, she decided to go home first. After all, it didn't look like she had worn these clothes anywhere else, and she figured her parents were still the same parents. She didn't want them to bury their child.
Li Ming pushed his bike slowly home. He knew the way, and after a few turns, he arrived at the iron gate of his house. The gate was ajar. He used the front wheel of his bike to pry open one of the gates and pushed the bike into the yard.
This was her family's old house. Later, her parents became wealthy and moved to a new house at the village entrance. Li Ming listlessly looked up at the old house, as if looking at an old photograph in a dream.
When his gaze fell upon the two mud-covered monkeys next to the small well (a local type of hand-cranked pressure well) on the edge of the vegetable patch in the yard, he was so angry he almost slapped himself twice.
She remembered; she was eight years old (by Chinese reckoning), which was this year. She should have started school, but because her twin siblings needed care, her mother planned to have her stay home for another year to look after the children before starting school. However, on the very day she had the accident with her aunt, her mother came home to find her two little ones so disheveled they were unrecognizable, and Li Ming hadn't kept an eye on the geese in the pen—two of them had been killed by the family's big yellow dog, which had also ruined the newly sprouted cabbage patch. Enraged, her mother grabbed a fire poker and started hitting her. Li Ming, terrified, quickly escaped under the stick. Her mother couldn't catch her immediately, and in her anger, she grabbed a freshly bought steamed bun—a rare treat back then—and threw it at Li Ming. Unfortunately, her aim was far off, and she missed.
Normally, Li Ming's mother, Cheng Min, wasn't the type to fuss over things. If she missed while hitting her child, she would let it go without holding a grudge. But for some reason, Li Ming suddenly went crazy that day. Maybe he had damaged his brain, because he actually turned around and provoked her, saying, "Hehe, you can't hit me."
Li Ming later strongly suspected that he had damaged his brain, otherwise she wouldn't have done that.
Mother Cheng Min was furious. She grabbed whatever was at hand and threw it out, yelling:
"I'll beat you to death, you little brat!"
Li Ming wasn't nearsighted back then; her eyesight was excellent. She saw the bullet her mother fired at a glance, turned pale with fright, and immediately turned and ran. She hadn't run a few steps when she heard a thud behind her heel. She jumped up and saw a large brick roll over her feet, giving her a fright.
This battle was one she and her mother would never forget.
What Cheng Min found unforgettable was that she had never seen such an infuriating child. If he had actually hit her, she would have suffered for the rest of her life.
What Li Ming couldn't forget was: Look at my skills! How nimble I am! And those fragrant white steamed buns rolling on the ground—what expensive weapons they are!
Finally, that night, the mother and son squatted down in front of the stove while tending the fire and reconciled.
Furthermore, Li Ming appealed to her mother's emotions:
"Mom, if you hit me, do you think Dad will let you get away with it when he gets back? If you hurt me badly, who will take care of your child?" Are free child laborers so easy to find?
Li Ming's mother's eyes were red. She also felt very regretful.
Li Ming also realized that staying at home to take care of the child was not a good job, the risks were too great, and he had to figure out how to send the child to school.
As it turned out, circumstances forced her to stay away from school, and she didn't go until the following year.
Now Li Ming realized that he had actually come back to life. After standing at the gate for a moment, he thought about it and decided that, putting everything else aside, he couldn't let his mother get angry and hit him today. It would be such a waste of food.
Moreover, those two little mud monkeys were really unbelievable.
He quickly parked the car to the side, rolled up his sleeves, and darted over to the mud-covered boys in a few steps. One in each hand... Ouch, that hurts! He dragged them to the washbasin on the steps. Using the half-filled basin of muddy water, he first gave the two little rascals a quick wash.
The two little ones were quite happy, splashing around and playing happily. Seeing the water change color, I poured it out and filled another half-basin, giving them a thorough wash before dragging them inside and drying them off with towels. There they were, two beautiful, fair-skinned babies.
Of the three children in Li Ming's family, Li Ming herself was only considered pretty, not particularly outstanding. On the contrary, her two twin siblings grew up to be handsome and beautiful, both exceptional individuals. Unfortunately, neither of them were very hardworking or reliable, dropping out of high school. However, both of them married well, with their husbands and wives coming from families with considerable wealth and resources.
Therefore, Li Ming and his cunning younger brother and sister-in-law lived a very comfortable life, although they still loved to complain all the time.
Now that Li Ming has returned to his childhood and is looking at these two children, he has mixed feelings.
"Sister, I'm hungry." Li Lianhui, the younger brother, looked at her expectantly, interrupting Li Ming who was lost in thought.
"Ah, I'm hungry, wait here..."
It seems she wasn't much of a kid. No wonder her mother beat her, leaving two little kids behind to practice riding a bike. No wonder she got hit by someone. Actually, Li Ming was only eight years old back then, what sense of responsibility could she have? But now, living two lives, her feelings are naturally different.
Li Ming walked to the kitchen based on his memory, lifted the pot lid and looked inside. It was empty, and the large iron pot was polished to a shine. He casually opened a small door of a cupboard, and on the top shelf of the straw mat were a few cornbreads. Apart from bowls, chopsticks, oil, salt, soy sauce, and vinegar, there was nothing else.
Li Ming's nose tingled with emotion as he suddenly recalled how poor they were back then. They could only afford rice and wheat flour a few times a year; cornbread and sorghum rice were their staples. It was nothing like now, where people are so tired of meat that they crave fresh, green vegetables and fruits.
Seeing her younger siblings' longing looks, she picked up a cold cornbread. Back then, cornbread wasn't made as finely as it is now. It was large and didn't contain any sugar, bean flour, wheat flour, or millet flour. The texture was rough, and the taste was incomparable, but it was their daily staple food.
Li Ming made a tough decision and took out the glass bottle containing less than half a bottle of soybean oil:
"Wait a moment, it'll be ready soon."
I poured some oil into the pan, added some straw to the stove and lit it, and fried a golden-brown pancake for each of the two little ones. Watching my younger siblings eat with such relish, I thought, even if their mother came back and beat them for wasting oil, it would be worth it.
At the same time, she felt heartbroken. More than 20 years had passed, and she had really forgotten that she had been so poor when she was a child. It seemed that no one was rich back then, and there were many families poorer than hers.
She changed the two little ones into clean clothes, which were her hand-me-downs and those of her aunt's children in the city; some even had patches.
After finishing the meal, I sent the two younger children off to play, strictly forbidding them from getting their clothes dirty again. Then I started tidying up the house, not having time to think carefully about what was going on with her.
While gathering her younger siblings' clothes, she searched for anything to wash. Then she took a closer look around. Twenty years ago, her home could truly be described as bare. The walls and ceiling were covered with newspapers, and the kang (a heated brick bed) was covered with a half-new, half-old straw mat. The wooden edge of the kang had the natural grain of wood, and the entire wooden board was smooth and delicate from frequent friction.
Near the back window on the floor were two wooden chests, used to store all their clothes and belongings. A row of items, such as face cream, soap, small mirrors, and cups, were arranged against the wall on top of the chests. On the other wall hung a large mirror, about the size of a newspaper, painted with a radiant sun and a portrait of Chairman Mao; its purplish-red border hinted at the age of the era. Below the mirror was a purplish-red eight-immortal table, its red paint somewhat faded.
Although there weren't many things in the house, it was still clean and tidy, with hardly any clothes to wash. Li Ming decided to stop looking and took his younger siblings' dirty clothes out to wash.
Li Ming sat on the steps in front of the house washing clothes with a washboard, while keeping an eye on the goose pen, the big yellow dog, and the two little chicks playing nearby. The family was already so poor; they couldn't let the big yellow dog waste their property any further. The eggs laid by these geese could improve the family's meals and also sell for some money at the market, at least supplementing their household income.
Li Ming quickly washed the clothes and hung them out to dry.
Seeing the two little ones playing happily in the sand, thankfully the sand was clean and dry, much better than mud. Turning back into the house, she carefully examined the three rooms inside and out. The more she looked, the more somber she felt. More than twenty years ago, her parents had worked under such conditions to gradually provide their three children with a prosperous life. Seeing those scenes now felt like a dream. She asked herself if she had the confidence to endure that hardship, yet she worked diligently every day with hope, trying every possible way to change their circumstances.
Thinking about the homes of many of her friends and classmates, which must have been similar back then, she couldn't help but feel a deep respect for this generation.
Soon, Li Ming's mother, who worked odd jobs at a military construction site behind the village, came home. Seeing that Li Ming had washed the clothes and that his younger siblings were also clean, she praised him a few times and didn't pursue the matter of him wasting oil. She gave each of the three children a steamed bun she had bought at the military canteen, then went to the cellar to get a large cabbage that had been stored from last year and started cooking dinner.
My younger brother and sister-in-law were so happy eating the plump white steamed buns that they jumped up and down.
Li Ming sat in the kitchen tending the fire for his mother, slowly eating a steamed bun in one hand. She was indeed a little hungry, but felt somewhat numb.
Looking at her mother's young and fair face, busy in front of the steamy stove, her slender figure and smooth, black, ear-length hair displayed the mature charm unique to a young woman.
That's right, her mother was indeed a beauty back then. When I was young, I didn't understand, and when I grew up and looked at old photos, I only thought that her eyes were bright, her face was pretty, but she was also a bit rustic. You can't see much more from her headshots.
Now, looking at his mother from an adult's perspective, Li Ming feels a unique mix of emotions when he compares her current appearance to her out-of-shape figure more than twenty years later.
Her father, on the other hand, seemed to never age. From thirty to fifty years old, he always looked the same, with an ordinary appearance and a quiet demeanor, a stark contrast to her energetic mother.
At that time, my father was still working in the sales department of the town's winery, a large collective enterprise.
In the evening, the family enjoyed a delicious meal of steamed buns with cabbage soup, scallions, bok choy, and spinach dipped in sauce.
On this day, Li Ming's fate changed a little. At least she wasn't chased by her mother with steamed buns and bricks, and she even received praise. But feeling lost, Li Ming lay on the kang (a heated brick bed), listening to her father's loud snoring and her younger brother and sister-in-law's soft snores, tossing and turning in bed.
She didn't understand what was happening to her. People should still be using that well to get water. How did she manage to travel through such a small gap to her childhood?
She wondered how her boyfriend was doing. The only thing that comforted her was that she was still with her parents. But what was wrong with the world? What had happened?
For three consecutive days, Li Ming did not go out to play with his friends. Instead, he stayed at home obediently, taking care of the children, doing housework, and keeping an eye on the big yellow dog.
The mother was quite happy to find that her child had suddenly become sensible and capable. However, the child, who was already quiet, seemed to become even less talkative. But the couple was too tired and exhausted every day to pay much attention.
When no one was looking, Li Ming secretly went to the big well twice more, but even though she stared wide-eyed, the well water hadn't changed, and she was still the same person. She was even scolded by Uncle Zhang, who lived nearby, for being a naughty child, who was worried she might fall in.
After a few days of adjustment, Li Ming had to accept the fact that she had returned to her past life. She really couldn't tell her parents about this; in the countryside, saying someone has returned to their past life is an insult. Even if she did tell them, her mother would say she was dreaming. So, she decided to just consider it a dream of growing up.
Perhaps I really was just dreaming, like Zhuangzi and the butterfly—who knows? But life goes on, doesn't it?
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