The night in the northern frontier is cold and vast. A solitary moon hangs in the sky, casting its icy light upon the endless rows of tents. The clamor and bloodshed of the daytime seem frozen in time, leaving only the rhythmic footsteps of patrolling soldiers and the occasional snort of warhorses.
Lu Xiao's injuries had mostly healed, and he had donned his light armor again. Standing outside his tent, his gaze involuntarily drifted to a small, isolated tent not far away—the living quarters of the Anping army doctor. A dim oil lamp still shone from inside, casting a slender silhouette of someone bent over a book.
Even though he had already "confirmed" that Anping was a man, and even though he had warned himself not to have those absurd thoughts anymore, his gaze was always uncontrollably drawn to that figure. In fact, it happened even more frequently than before.
This evening, as he passed by the wounded soldiers' camp, he happened to see Anping squatting beside a seriously wounded veteran, patiently feeding him medicine. The afterglow of the setting sun outlined his (or her) lowered profile, that focused and gentle expression, that slightly furrowed brow… Lu Xiao's heart felt as if it had been gently struck by something, and he was momentarily lost in thought. It wasn't until Anping seemed to sense something and raised her head, her gaze sweeping over him coldly, that he snapped out of his daze and awkwardly looked away.
At this moment, looking at the silhouette under the light, Lu Xiao's confusion was like the wind in the desolate wilderness of the north, howling and swirling, unable to be calmed.
"Why..." he asked himself softly, his brows furrowed, as if asking himself, or perhaps asking the cold moon, "I am clearly a man... why... why do I always think of her?" That figure, far away in Jiangnan, as unattainable as the bright moon.
Is it because we both come from Jiangnan? Is it because of that similar calm temperament? Or is it because of... that same persistent and compassionate light that shines in their eyes when they are saving lives?
"Your Highness, it's late and chilly. You should rest early," the captain of the personal guards said in a low voice as he approached.
Lu Xiao snapped out of his reverie, rubbing his temples in annoyance. "Okay, I know." He took one last deep look at the lit tent before turning and walking into his own tent.
Inside the tent, he removed his light armor, but felt no sleepiness. He spread out a map, trying to focus his attention on tomorrow's patrol route, but what kept flashing before his eyes were Anping's clear yet aloof eyes, and... in the Jiangnan herb garden, An'an's gentle and focused profile as she tended to the herbs.
Two completely different faces (one dark and rough, the other fair and delicate), yet strangely overlapping at certain moments, repeatedly intertwined in his mind.
“Anping…” Lu Xiao’s fingers tapped the table unconsciously, making a soft tapping sound. His eyes were complicated and unreadable. “Who exactly are you…?” The doubts in his heart were not resolved by the chest binding belt. Instead, like a stone thrown into a lake, the ripples spread and became more and more unfathomable.
Life in the military camp repeated itself amidst drills, patrols, and the busy work at the wounded soldiers' camp. Lu Xiao's injuries had healed, and he returned to his daily military duties, but the inexplicable attention did not stop; instead, it snowballed, growing larger and larger, causing him distress.
During a training break, he sat on a stone bench by the training ground, drinking water. His gaze unconsciously drifted towards Anping, who was drying herbs. Anping deftly spread a basket of herbs on a mat, the sunlight outlining his (or her) slender yet upright back.
Wang Meng, the deputy general beside him, was a burly man. Following Lu Xiao's gaze, he grinned and nudged Lu Xiao with his elbow: "Hey, young master, what are you looking at? Little Divine Doctor An?"
Lu Xiao snapped back to reality, somewhat embarrassed, and looked away. He took a big gulp of water to cover up his embarrassment and mumbled, "N-nothing, I was just watching him dry his herbs."
Wang Meng chuckled and lowered his voice, "Little Doctor An is a real talent! Don't let his young age fool you, his medical skills are amazing, he's saved so many brothers' lives! He's a good person too, down-to-earth, just a bit aloof and quiet." He paused, then winked mischievously, "But Young Master, you've been going to the wounded soldiers' camp every few days, I've never seen you so concerned about the military medical department before? Could it be... you've taken a liking to Little Doctor An? Haha!"
"What nonsense are you spouting!" Lu Xiao stood up abruptly, like a cat whose tail had been stepped on. His voice suddenly rose, carrying a hint of barely perceptible panic and anger. "Wang Meng! If you keep spouting nonsense, be careful I'll deal with you according to military law!" His face was taut, but his ears were suspiciously red.
Wang Meng shrank back, embarrassed, and scratched the back of his head. "I misspoke, I misspoke! Young Master, please don't be angry!" But in his heart, he thought: Such a strong reaction? Could it be that I really hit the nail on the head? But the Little Divine Doctor An is a man... Young Master's taste... is a bit unusual?
Lu Xiao ignored Wang Meng and walked away irritably. Wang Meng's unintentional joke was like a needle, piercing deep into his already chaotic heart. He scratched his hair in frustration, watching the busy figure in the distance, his mind in turmoil:
"What's wrong with me? Why am I staring at him?"
"Because he saved my life? Out of gratitude?"
"No, gratitude isn't like that... Seeing him frown makes me wonder if he's tired, and seeing him smile makes me feel...warm inside?"
"Lu Xiao! He's a man! Wake up!"
"But... why him of all? Why is it that when I think of that person from Jiangnan, my heart is... less chaotic?"
This self-doubt and inner turmoil became almost a daily occurrence for Lu Xiao. He even began to deliberately avoid An Ping, but the more he tried to hide, the more his gaze involuntarily searched for that figure. Every time they "coincidentally" met at the wounded soldiers' camp, An Ping remained indifferent, aloof, and businesslike, changing dressings, checking, and giving instructions without saying a word more, and never letting his eyes meet Lu Xiao's for even a second longer. This deliberate avoidance only made Lu Xiao feel more uneasy, even... a little wronged?
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