"At that time, I was truly grateful to him, so I listened to everything he said... even... things that were morally reprehensible..."
"So what if I do something immoral? I used to save lives, but when my son got into trouble, not a single person helped me. Since no one is helping me, why should I care about anyone else?"
“However, at first, he didn’t ask me to do anything, and it was as if he had forgotten about me… I just followed the routine and worked at the Qingping County Hospital.”
"I thought I had really met a good person..."
"until……"
"The county magistrate's wife is pregnant."
“That person came to see me again, and even let me see my son from afar before telling me… to prepare myself that the county magistrate's wife’s child cannot be born, at least not alive…”
"That's when I realized why he helped me..."
"Although I usually just focus on treating patients, I still know that the county magistrate is a good official, and his wife is a good person..."
"But no matter how good an official or a good person they are, it has little to do with me. After all, when I need help the most, it is the people who harmed them who help me."
Gu Ying, who had been listening to Lin Juzhen's words with a blank expression, finally changed her expression. A fierce look flashed across her face, and her eyes became terrifying again.
Lin Juzhen didn't know if it was because she had kept these words in her heart for too long, which had become a knot in her heart, so that once she started to talk about them, she was caught up in her own emotions and her perception of the outside world was not as obvious as that of a normal person. Although she subconsciously paused for a moment because of the fleeting ruthlessness on Gu Ying's face, she quickly continued her muttering, dreamlike ramblings.
"So be it, let them suffer..."
"At worst, I'll die and go to hell, and in my next life I'll be reborn as a beast to pay for it."
"But... that girl is really tough... after all that trouble, I thought she was dead, but she's still alive, even though her breathing is very weak, at least she's alive..."
“I carried my child out through the doctors’ private entrance, and even though there were several pairs of eyes watching, they seemed to be blind to it… I knew then how much the people behind me had done…”
"You know how much he wanted that child dead."
"But I don't understand why anyone would want a child's life so badly? Everyone has their own grievances and debts; if you have a grudge against someone, why not just deal with that person directly? Why waste so much energy trying to kill a child?"
Is it worth it?
"Of course, whether it's worth it or not, I'm just someone who takes orders."
"So...actually...I wanted to take the baby out, wait until the baby died, and then take the baby back. That baby was already difficult to give birth to; the baby's face was bluish-purple, and the breathing was weak. Without emergency treatment, the baby most likely wouldn't survive. Even with the best efforts, there was no guarantee of survival..."
"I just need to watch her stop breathing. If I don't do it myself... maybe my sins will be lessened, lighter?"
"But... I looked at her, and she seemed like she was about to stop breathing at any moment, yet she was still desperately, with all her might, inhaling and exhaling, as if she knew how to live... I've delivered so many babies, and I don't know how many difficult births I've handled..."
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