In fact, women who have been oppressed in their husbands' families since ancient times have been harmed by the kind of education they received from their own families.
They teach them to be filial to their parents-in-law, to be courteous to their sisters-in-law and brothers-in-law, and to obey their husbands, without even considering the character of their husbands' families, the character of their husbands, or what kind of people their sisters-in-law and brothers-in-law are.
If a woman is beaten or scolded in her husband's family, it's because she has done something wrong and brought shame to her own family. Her own family will scold her and speak well of her husband's family, saying that they have raised their daughter well and are very righteous.
“Yan Yan, think about it yourself. Why should we not spend the money we earn on ourselves? We should be filial to our elders and cherish our younger brother, but that has to be done willingly and after we have taken good care of ourselves. I ask you, don’t you want to spend the money on yourself? For example, buy yourself a down jacket.”
Yan Yan has been wearing the same floral-patterned jacket for several years now. She dreams of buying a red and green reversible down jacket that is currently in fashion, but her family is poor and her parents won't allow her to buy one.
Among the girls in the village, she was the prettiest and the most poorly dressed.
Because of her low self-esteem, Yan Yan rarely went to the market with her daughters, and she also didn't visit relatives.
So when Yan Yan heard Su Xueli's words, her eyes immediately reddened. She murmured, "I guess I won't be able to wear the down jacket. I'm not destined for it."
Su Xueli was exasperated. "Why can't you have that kind of luck? Your life is in your own hands. You're making money now, aren't you? Once you've made enough, buy one. The county department store has plenty of down jackets; pick whichever you like."
Yan Yan shook her head: "I don't want to think about it. My parents are so worried about me getting married on May Day. They have to prepare a dowry for me. They keep saying they don't have any money. The Cui family won't give any betrothal money. If I make some money in business, I can use it to prepare a dowry. I don't dare to spend a penny more than necessary."
Su Xueli was completely exasperated. Yan Yan was truly unlucky, caught between a patriarchal family on one side and an arrogant in-law family on the other, being squeezed and exploited.
Moreover, Yan Yan was raised to have a selfless personality from a young age. She didn't feel that being exploited or squeezed was exploitation or squeezed, but rather felt that it was her duty to make sacrifices.
Su Xueli said, "Yanyan, if your husband's family doesn't give you a bride price, you don't have to prepare a dowry. You don't have to give your parents the money you earn; just save it."
This was the first time Yan Yan had heard such words. She stared at Su Xueli for a long time, then smiled bitterly and said, "Xueli, what kind of nonsense are you talking about? What kind of daughter doesn't get married and saves her own money? What kind of daughter doesn't have a dowry when she gets married? Don't talk nonsense."
Su Xueli's face hardened. "I'm not talking nonsense. What I'm saying are the truths of life. You'll understand sooner or later. Yan Yan, you don't take good care of yourself. As girls, we must love ourselves first before others will love us."
Yan Yan was stunned by what she said. "Xue Li, what are you talking about? How come I don't recognize you after you got married? Let me ask you, didn't you give the money you made from selling straw weaving to your boyfriend or your in-laws?"
Su Xueli retorted, "Why should I give them the money I earn?"
"You're his wife, you eat and drink their food, shouldn't your mother-in-law manage the money you earn?"
"A woman marries a man for food and clothing. If they marry me, they should provide me with food and drink. The money I earn is mine. If I want to express my gratitude, it's up to me. No one has the right to take my money."
"Oh, not to mention that I didn't give them the money I earned, even Wei Mingshen didn't ask me for a penny when he helped me with the work and went to the city with me to deliver goods. Today he went to the county to attend a reunion of his comrades-in-arms, and he refused the money I offered him."
Yan Yan was shocked and exclaimed with her mouth agape, "Really? Your boyfriend is really great, and your in-laws are really great too!"
Su Xueli said, "It's not that they're nice; this is the normal situation. I didn't ask for their money either. So, I don't have to give anyone the money I earned."
Yan Yan fell silent.
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