Her senior told her supervisor what was wrong with her, and the next day, she was called in for a talk by her supervisor.
Zhang You watched himself following his mentor to the school's psychological treatment room with an expressionless face, and some fragments flashed through his mind.
"Come, I'll ask you a few questions. Don't be nervous, just answer truthfully and relax."
"...So, how's your memory lately? Can you remember what happened in the past two days?"
"You can't remember, right... Did you sleep well?"
"I don't know... I don't know when I fell asleep, I just know it was hard to fall asleep... Sometimes the slightest noise would wake me up..."
"Well, how's your appetite lately? ...Have you ever had any pessimistic thoughts? ...Have you ever tried to hurt yourself?"
The words of the psychologist in front of her coincided with the voice in her memory. Zhang You looked at her in a daze, then looked at herself sitting opposite in disbelief. It felt like a huge rock was pressing on her chest, making it hard for her to breathe.
How is that possible?
How is that possible?
Why me?
Why me?
Shouldn't I just leave them?
Didn’t I leave them and pick myself up again?
How could it be... severe depression...
Zhang You watched as the doctor, after completing the tests, gave her a lot of instructions. It wasn't long before the doctor had figured out the cause of her illness from her experience.
He lost his parents when he was young, and lived cautiously under other people's roofs for many years. He had no one to confide in, and his depression had been pent up for many years, pent up in his heart.
"Do you mind telling your aunt and the others about this? After all, they are your family. Your condition is quite serious now and you need to take good care of yourself..."
“…I have nothing to do with them anymore.”
"I see..."
"Doctor Yao, I am her mentor after all. If she has anything she needs attention, just tell her. Her wife and I will help her."
"...That's fine, but the caveats are..."
Zhang You never expected that this mentor, who always seemed to be devoted to academics and extremely strict, would take on her mess.
She knows very well what depression is.
Apart from medication, the patient can only rely on himself to actively deal with it, which is difficult to cure.
Besides, she was just his student. Even if they had been together for a few years, there was no need for him to care about her life or death. She had heard that some supervisors exploited their students, driving them to depression and suicide; some supervisors knew their students were depressed and just wanted to get rid of them as soon as possible.
Why did it happen that someone she thought had an ordinary relationship with her reached out to help her?
Zhang You's eyes suddenly turned red.
I don’t know whether I was touched by the teacher’s behavior or regretted forgetting everything the teacher did.
In her memory, her teacher was indeed very kind to her, and her senior brothers and sisters in the school were also very kind to her. They would take her out for team-building activities such as hiking and checking in from time to time.
She thought those were her attempts to save herself...
It turns out that they were the ones helping her...
Travel with her during holidays...
Take her to dinner for the holidays...
Share interesting experiences with her...
Now when I look at it again, I realize that they are all helping me and want to give me a hand, and with their help, I am showing signs of improvement.
How can I not be moved by such dedication?
But while she was moved, Zhang You was also puzzled as to why she didn't remember anything after traveling through time.
But now, no one can give her an answer.
Besides the mentor and his wife, the person who treated Zhang You the best was her senior brother. Zhang You couldn't understand why. If the mentor and his wife treated her well because of their status, then what about her senior brother? He had no reason to be so concerned about her condition. Moreover, Zhang You looked at this face that seemed familiar, and she felt that she had seen him before, but just couldn't remember where he was.
Until one Mid-Autumn Festival, they gathered together for dinner. When the senior brother was about to send Zhang You home in the evening, Zhang You saw the woman waiting for him at the door of the restaurant - it was his mother.
Zhang You will probably never forget those eyes, guilty and cruel, sympathetic and heartless.
It turned out that she was the neighbor aunt who was the first to ask for help during the earthquake but left indifferently without caring about Zhang You and his family.
Zhang You was shocked and at a loss. His reaction at this moment overlapped with his past self. He opened his mouth in confusion, and the words he was chatting with his senior brother stopped abruptly in his throat.
"Zhang You, this is my mother."
"Xiaoyou..."
"Don't touch me!" My past self shook off my aunt's outstretched hand, tears welling in my eyes. "You, have recognized me a long time ago? Are you so nice to me because you feel guilty?"
Zhang You will always remember her cold and indifferent figure leaving at that time. She even thought guiltily more than once: if they had not called the rescue team first, would her mother have received treatment in time? Would she not be alone?
Over the years, she has always been kind to everyone, not because she believes that there are many good people in this world, but because she doesn't want to become the cold-blooded and ruthless person in her memory in her dreams at midnight. She wants to be someone who helps others, just like she has helped her past self countless times.
But the two people in front of her only made her feel that all her thoughts were foolish. Even now, it was only their sense of morality many years later that forced them to make amends.
"Xiaoyou, I'm sorry for you, but I did send someone to rescue you later. I just didn't expect that you would be the only one left in your family. Over the years, I've often regretted it and always wanted to look for you to see how you were doing. We all said we didn't want to be in that disaster. We were all victims."
"Don't come over here!" Zhang You fought back tears, her eyes glistening. Rather than resentment for the past, she felt more bewildered and lost. She didn't know how to face them. When faced with life and death, most people only think about themselves. If you really look back, they were absolutely right. But she couldn't let go. The race against time to rescue, the sound of her mother's sacrifice drawing rescuers, why had they been the first to get there? Why?
Zhang You took a deep breath and said in a forced cold voice: "Don't come over here again! I don't want to see you again, and don't let me see you again." Zhang You looked at his senior brother deeply, stopped a passing taxi and left alone.
After that night, the senior brother came to see her several times, but was coldly avoided by Zhang You every time. The senior brother noticed that she was in a bad mood and was afraid that she would get stressed, so he didn't dare to force her again.
Perhaps that memory had weighed on her mind for too long, and once it was awakened, the pain and loneliness flooded her like a tide, and she was in a daze every day.
What accelerated the end of her life was the death of Xiaobai, who had been with her all these years.
After Xiaobai's death, Zhang You seemed normal, but in fact she was always prone to trance. But this time, they all thought her illness was cured and ignored the possibility of a relapse.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
