Chapter 66: Dreaming of the old days, with lingering fears
The morning mist hadn't yet dissipated, leaving a thin layer of moisture on the window paper of Haitangyuan. Little Swallow curled up in her brocade quilt, tears still lingering on her eyelashes, her chest rising and falling gently with her rapid breathing. The dream had been so vivid, the warmth still lingering on her fingertips, but the chill of waking, like icy water, poured down from head to toe.
In her dream, the sun was shining brightly. Beneath the grape trellis in Shufangzhai, she was wearing her newly made pink Mandarin dress, squatting on a stone table counting ants. Qianlong sat on a pear blossom chair beside her, waving a folding fan, watching her annoyance with a smile: "You little girl, how can you act like a lady from a noble family? Be careful if the Empress Dowager sees you, or she'll make you copy the rules again."
"The Emperor won't let the Empress Dowager punish me!" She raised her head and reached for the candied fruit in his hand, "I want to eat those dried green apricots!"
Qianlong shook his head helplessly, but actually handed the candied fruit to her. His fingertips touched her palm, which was warm. "You are so smart. Eat slowly, be careful not to choke."
The sun shone on his dragon robe, the golden threads gleaming with a gentle light. His eyes contained no trace of imperial majesty, only unwavering doting...
"Miss? Miss, what's wrong with you?" Chuntao's voice sounded in her ears, with anxiety.
Xiaoyanzi opened her eyes abruptly, and before her was the familiar tent ceiling, embroidered with the lotus patterns of Jiangnan. She stared blankly at the tassels at the corners of the tent, and it took her a long time to recover. Her heart ached and blocked, and tears rolled down without warning, splashing on the pillowcase.
"Are you having a nightmare?" Chun Tao came in with a basin of water. Seeing that her face was pale and her eyes were red, she quickly put down the basin and walked to the bedside. "Are you having a nightmare? I'll go call the lady."
"Don't... don't call me mother." Xiaoyanzi spoke in a hoarse voice, wiping away her tears with her sleeve. "I'm fine, I just... can't sleep well."
She couldn't tell anyone about her dream. Those warm memories were like candy hidden deep in her heart from a past life, but now, when she thought about them, they were like needles wrapped in honey, sweet but with a thorn. She couldn't even tell anyone that the gentle man in her dream was the Emperor Qianlong, who now made her feel so anxious.
Chun Tao was skeptical and picked up the comb to comb her hair. "Madam said you didn't eat much yesterday, so she asked the kitchen to make some bird's nest porridge, saying it would nourish your body."
Xiaoyanzi nodded, letting Chuntao braid her hair into a loose braid, her fingertips unconsciously twisting the corner of the quilt. Before the warmth of the dream had faded, the fear of reality surged. She was afraid that Qianlong would really treat her as well as she had in her dream, and even more afraid that this kindness, like in her past life, would eventually become a shackle that bound her.
"Miss, do you think this pearl flower is beautiful?" Chuntao picked up a pearl hairpin. "My mistress made it for you the other day. She said it would be perfect with your moon-white dress."
Xiaoyanzi glanced at it and showed no interest: "Leave it alone, I don't want to wear it."
She now felt uneasy when she saw these exquisite things. She always felt that they were like the music scores that Emperor Qianlong had given her, hiding invisible hooks, waiting to lure her into the palace.
As he was speaking, Xiao Jian pushed the door open and came in, his body still damp with the morning dew, holding an oil-paper bag in his hand: "Are you awake? I brought you some sweet cakes from the south of the city, they're still warm."
When Xiaoyanzi saw him, her eyes turned red again. She didn't say anything, but just lowered her head and picked at the corner of the quilt.
Xiao Jian placed the cake on the table and sat down beside the bed. He noticed that she looked unwell: "What's wrong? Are you feeling unwell again?"
"Brother..." Xiaoyanzi sniffed, her voice muffled, "I had a strange dream last night."
"What dream? Did it scare you?" Xiao Jian's tone softened.
Xiaoyanzi shook her head, then nodded, her fingers clenched tighter. "I dreamed... I dreamed of a place with lots of rules, lots of people staring at me, and there was this person... who was very nice to me, gave me candy, taught me how to write... But I was just scared, terribly scared." She didn't dare say it was the palace, or that the person was Emperor Qianlong. She could only describe it vaguely, tears streaming down her face. "I don't want to go to that place, but it seems... I can't escape it."
Xiao Jian's heart sank, and he instantly understood what she was talking about. He reached out and gently patted her back, just like when she was a child and had been wronged. "Dreams are always the opposite of reality. Let's not go to that place. I'm here, and no one can force you to go."
"Can I really hide?" Xiaoyanzi raised her head, her eyes red and swollen like a rabbit, full of anxiety. "What if he keeps looking for me? What if my parents get into trouble?"
She didn't dare to say "previous life", but the fears buried deep in her heart and the memories of implicating her family followed her like a shadow.
Xiao Jian looked at the fear in his sister's eyes, and his heart felt like it was blocked by something. He knew that Qianlong's intentions were becoming more and more obvious, and hiding was not a solution after all, but he couldn't show his weakness in front of his sister.
"Yes." He held her hand, his eyes firm. "Dad has already asked someone to find out. If it doesn't work out, we can go back to our hometown in Jiangnan and find a place with beautiful mountains and rivers to live where no one can find us."
Seeing her brother's serious expression, Xiaoyanzi felt a little more at ease, but the uneasiness still lingered like a vine. She picked up the candy cake on the table and took a bite. The sweet taste spread on her tongue, but it couldn't suppress the bitterness in her heart.
The fog outside the window gradually dissipated, and sunlight shone through the window lattice, casting bright spots on the ground. But Xiaoyanzi felt that no matter how warm the sunlight was, it could not penetrate the shadows in her heart. The warmth in the dream was false, and the fear in reality was real. The person who was closing in on her was still waiting for her to enter the cage she desperately wanted to escape.
She didn't know how long this game of hide-and-seek would last, she only knew that the fear in her heart was as thick as the morning mist, so thick that it couldn't be dissipated.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
