Chapter 68: Dreaming of Ziwei Yu, a ripple in my heart
The night, like thick ink, filled the courtyard of the Fang Mansion. Moonlight filtered through the window lattices of the Begonia Courtyard, casting tiny, silvery gleams onto the brocade quilt beside Xiaoyanzi's pillow. The day's terrors receded like a tide, and exhaustion and uneasiness overwhelmed her. She curled up in the quilt, her eyelashes still wet, and before she knew it, she drifted off to sleep.
In her dream, she was on a cobblestone road outside Jinan. A drizzle of rain soaked the grayish-blue eaves of the houses. Ziwei, wearing a pale blue cloth skirt and a small white magnolia flower pinned to her hair, stood in the rain, looking at her, her eyes red as if filled with tears: "Xiaoyanzi, you can't disobey my order..."
Xiaoyanzi was so anxious that she wanted to pull her away, but her feet felt like they were filled with lead and she couldn't move at all. "Ziwei, why are you here? Come with me quickly, the rain is going to get heavier!"
"I'm going to the capital to find my father." Ziwei's voice was soft and tearful. Raindrops slid down her cheeks, and it was hard to tell whether they were rain or tears. "But I'm scared to be alone... Xiaoyanzi, you have to wait for me, until I come to the capital to find you. You can't not go to that flower viewing party, you can't make the emperor angry, otherwise... otherwise, who will protect me when I get to the capital?"
"I'll protect you! Of course I will!" Little Swallow stamped her feet anxiously, her throat feeling like it was clogged with cotton. "But I don't want to go to the palace. It's too scary there!"
"I know the palace is scary." Ziwei took a step closer and gently took her hand, her palm warm. "But if you don't go, the emperor will blame the Fang family. Then you won't be able to protect yourself, so how can you wait for me to come find you? Xiaoyanzi, you have to be well. When I get to the capital, we can continue like before, okay?"
"Ziwei..."
"You have to wait for me..." Ziwei's voice became farther and farther away, and her figure was gradually swallowed up by the rain and fog.
"Ziwei!"
Xiaoyanzi's eyes snapped open, her chest heaving violently, her tight-fitting tunic soaked with sweat. The moonlight outside the window was blindingly bright, and the shadow of the crabapple tree swayed across the tent, like the misty rain in a dream. She reached up and touched the corner of her eye; it was wet.
"Miss? Are you having a nightmare again?" Chun Tao, who was in the outer room, was awakened by her shout. She came in, draped in her clothes, and gently shook the candlestick in her hand. "I heard you call 'Ziwei'. Who were you dreaming about?"
Xiaoyanzi quickly turned her face away, wiped away her tears with her sleeve, and her voice was hoarse as if she had just woken up: "No... nothing, I just dreamed of a lost pigeon." She didn't dare to tell the truth. Ziwei's eyes in the dream were too real, and the words "Who will protect me" were like a thin needle, piercing her heart and making her ache.
Chun Tao placed the candlestick on the small table beside the bed. The flickering candlelight illuminated Xiao Yanzi's face, which flickered. "Young lady, you haven't been sleeping well these past few days. Do you want the kitchen to make some calming soup?"
"No need." Xiaoyanzi shook her head, threw off the quilt and sat up, her hair sticking to her cheeks in a mess. "I can't sleep. Can you help me get a coat?"
Although Chun Tao was doubtful, she still took out a moon-white soft satin coat and helped her put it on her shoulders. "It's late at night and the dew is heavy. Be careful not to catch a cold. Do you want to go to the yard to get some fresh air?"
Little Swallow nodded and followed Chuntao to the porch. The night breeze blew through the crabapple treetops, carrying a faint floral fragrance that slightly dispelled the dampness of her dream. She leaned against the porch pillar, gazing at the waning moon in the sky, her heart a tangle of knots.
Ziwei… Why did she dream of Ziwei? Moreover, Ziwei in the dream said that she was going to Beijing to find her father, and asked her not to disobey the order and wait for her to come. Could it be that… Ziwei was really coming?
In her previous life, Ziwei's journey to the capital to find her father flashed through her mind like a movie—the hustle and bustle of the streets, the cold stares from the powerful, and the thrill of being abducted by human traffickers. She was already in the palace at the time, and although she later helped Ziwei, she also suffered a lot.
In this life, if she really disobeyed the emperor's order and angered Emperor Qianlong, the Fang family might be implicated. She wouldn't be able to protect herself then, so how could she protect Ziwei, who might be on her way to Beijing? In her dream, Ziwei's dependent eyes weighed on her heart like a stone.
"Miss, it's getting cold, let's go back to the house." Chuntao saw her standing in the wind in a daze and urged her softly.
Xiaoyanzi nodded and turned back to her room, her steps heavier than before. She sat at the dressing table, looking at her pale face in the bronze mirror, her fingertips unconsciously tracing the patterned edge of the mirror.
To go or not to go?
If she didn't go, Emperor Qianlong would surely be displeased. The Fang family's foundation in the capital was not stable, and they couldn't withstand the emperor's wrath. Furthermore, if Ziwei really came, she would be too busy to take care of herself, so how could she help her?
Going there would be like walking step by step into a trap set by Emperor Qianlong, drawing ever closer to the palace she had desperately tried to escape. Would she have to enter the same cage she had in her previous life again in this one?
"Silly girl, what are you thinking about?" Xiao Jian's voice suddenly rang out at the door. He was wearing night clothes and had probably just returned from an investigation. His face was dusty. "I saw the light was still on in your room, so I came over to check."
Xiaoyanzi quickly restrained her expression and forced a smile: "Nothing, I just couldn't sleep. Brother, did you just come back?"
Xiao Jian walked over to her, picked up the comb on the table, and clumsily helped her smooth out her messy hair. "Well, I went to ask about the situation in the Old Summer Palace. Although there are many guards there, there is a bamboo forest near the western corner gate. If things really go wrong, we can escape through there." He paused, looking at his sister in the mirror. "Why? Have you decided to go?"
Xiaoyanzi was silent for a moment, her fingertips clenching the corner of her clothes. "Brother, if I don't go, will the emperor... blame our family?"
Xiao Jian paused, his eyes darkening. "He is the emperor, and his thoughts are hard to predict. But don't worry, Dad has asked a minister he knows well to find out the emperor's intentions. He won't let you suffer in vain."
"What if...what if a friend needs my help?" Xiaoyanzi raised her head, looked into Xiao Jian's eyes in the mirror, and said softly, "What if I hide away because I'm afraid of trouble? What if my friend gets into trouble?"
Xiao Jian was stunned for a moment, then realized what she meant: "Are you talking about Liu Qing and Liu Hong? I'm looking after them, nothing will happen to them."
"It's not them..." Xiaoyanzi shook her head and didn't say anything more. She couldn't tell her family about Ziwei yet, for fear of worrying her family and disturbing something. She just looked at her own eyes in the bronze mirror and said softly, "Brother, I'll go."
Xiao Jian frowned: "Ci'er, have you thought it through?"
"Yes." Xiaoyanzi nodded. Although there was still fear in her eyes, there was more determination. "I will go to the banquet. But I won't let anyone push me around. If he really makes excessive demands, we will do as you said and leave through the bamboo forest."
She couldn't let Ziwei's worries in her dream come true. Even if there were mountains of swords and seas of fire ahead, she had to hold her ground first, at least wait for Ziwei to come, at least be able to protect her.
Xiao Jian looked at the determination in his sister's eyes, sighed, and reached out to ruffle her hair: "Okay, I'll accompany you. We'll act according to circumstances. If the sky falls, I'll hold it up."
The night deepened, but the candlelight in Haitangyuan burned brightly until dawn. Xiaoyanzi sat by the window, watching the sky turn pale. She knew the flower viewing party at the Old Summer Palace was a hurdle she couldn't avoid. But this time, she wasn't just doing it for herself and her family. A vague yet resolute thought lingered in her mind: she would wait for Ziwei to arrive, to protect her, to be her sister and support, just like in her past life.
But the road to the palace was always paved with thorns. She clenched her fists, her nails digging deep into her palms. The pain kept her awake. No matter how difficult the road ahead, she had to keep going.
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