On a long rosewood table in a side hall of the Golden Throne Hall, Shen Weiwan's wedding dowry list lay spread out. The scent of ambergris wafting from a gilded three-legged incense burner mingled with the fragrance of ink on the rice paper. The emperor, twirling his goatee, paused at the end of the list, then let out a chuckle that shook the jade paperweight on the table. Standing nearby with his head bowed, the chief eunuch, Li Zhong, shuddered, nearly knocking over the inkstone with his whisk. He caught a glimpse of the emperor's shoulders trembling with laughter and quickly buried his face in his collar.
"Ten pounds of chili powder?" The emperor tapped the rice paper with his jade ring, his goatee trembling like a reed in the autumn wind. "Five fake snakes? Twenty packets of itching powder? Yu'er, your wife is even more adventurous than I was when I was young!"
Xiao Yu stood beside the Panlong Pillar, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. The Pisces pendant on the jade belt buckle at his waist swayed slightly with his movements, and the soles of his jade boots rolled over the seams of the gold brick floor. "Father, Weiwan is just..."
"I'm here, Father!" Chen Weiwan poked her head out from behind the gilded phoenix screen. The nine oriental pearl pendants on her pearl headband shone with tiny silver glints, and the golden phoenix on her wedding dress swept across the edge of the inkstone. "That chili powder is the Seven Star Chili, a tribute from the Western Regions. Last time, I sprinkled a handful on Liu's courtyard, and she choked so much she didn't dare leave her room for three days! The fake snake is for the scumbag. I stuffed it into his bed—"
"Stop!" The emperor smiled and waved his hand, the golden dragon pattern on the cuffs of his bright yellow robe undulating with his movements. "I know you're good at deceiving people. But putting itching powder in your dowry, isn't that a bit..."
"Father, you don't understand!" Shen Weiwan jumped to the long table and pointed at the three words "itching powder" on the list. "This is called preparing for a rainy day! Last month, someone put laxatives in Chuntao's tea. I sprinkled some itching powder on her, and she scratched her skin so hard that she didn't dare sit on the stool for three days!"
The old eunuch Li Zhong, standing beside him, coughed softly, pretending to wipe the ink from the table. His eyes darted back, catching the emperor's quivering laughter. The emperor nearly dropped the list, his robes brushing the edge of the rosewood table. "Very well, very well! As expected of my personally appointed daughter-in-law, she's a hundred times more interesting than those noble ladies who only know how to embroider!"
As she was speaking, Chuntao stumbled into the side hall, clutching a gilded brocade box. The velvet flower on her temple had fallen to the back of her ear, and a few scraps of red silk from the bridal chamber were stained in her hair. "Miss! I've found the 'treasure' you left in your bridal chamber!"
The moment the brocade box was opened, five sleek rubber snakes tumbled onto the table, one still spitting out red tongues. The emperor curiously picked one up, rubbing his fingertips against the cool scales. The sleeve of his dragon robe brushed the fake snake's tail. "This snake is incredibly lifelike! I never saw anything like this in my youth at Mulan Paddock..."
"That's it!" Shen Weiwan shook her head proudly, and the pearl tassels in her hair swept across the emperor's teacup. "I specially asked a skilled craftsman from Lingnan to make it with rubber from the South China Sea. Pinch here--" She reached out and pinched the snake's head. A hissing sound suddenly rang out, scaring the little palace maid holding the tea next to her to scream. When she hid behind Li Zhong, she overturned the tea tray and the blue and white porcelain cup shattered.
The emperor's beard stood up in laughter, and the dragon throne creaked. "Well, well, well! If any censor gives any nagging advice at a banquet in the harem, I'll stuff this snake down his sleeve!"
Xiao Yu held his forehead and sighed, his folding fan snapping open to cover half of his face: "Father, Weiwan is just joking, please don't..."
"Hey!" the emperor interrupted him. The gilded dragon on the dragon throne shimmered in the candlelight. "I think it's great! Much more interesting than those gold bricks and jade bi!" He suddenly lowered his voice and waved to Shen Weiwan. The incense from the cuffs of his dragon robe wafted in his face. "Weiwan, next time you want to trick the remnants of the Liu family, can you lend me some of my imperial guards?"
Shen Weiwan's eyes were as bright as if they held two candle flames, and the golden phoenix on her wedding dress seemed to come alive: "Really, father? I'll give you half of the money I got from the pit!"
"Deal!" The emperor slammed the table and stood up, causing the inkstone on the long table to splash a few stars. "But first, let me make a promise: you are not allowed to make my Imperial Censor unable to leave the court! Last time, regarding your cousin's incident, he wrote a memorial for three days!"
News spread like dandelions across the palace walls, taking root and sprouting in the streets and alleys of the capital. The storyteller in the West Market teahouse, rapping his wake-up stick, spit flying as he recounted, "The Seventh Imperial Concubine's dowry is filled with a dazzling array of items—chili powder enough to choke three cows, fake snakes enough to scare a grown man to tears..." Street children clapped their hands and sang new rhymes, their tunes mingling with the cries of candied haws vendors:
"Emperor, it's really interesting.
Helping the daughter-in-law to cheat people,
Chili noodles, fake snake dance,
The royal routine is deep and deep! "
Chun Tao knelt in front of the mirror and took off the pearl hairpin for Shen Weiwan. She laughed so hard that her shoulders trembled. The golden hairpin in her hand almost poked her master's scalp: "Miss, you are really capable. Even the emperor is led by you to cheat people!"
Chen Weiwan raised an eyebrow at the diamond-shaped mirror. The phoenix holding a pearl pendant on the phoenix crown made her dizzy. She dabbed some rouge on her fingertips and smeared it on her lips: "That's right! From now on, when we cheat people, we have royal bodyguards!" She suddenly remembered something and fished out an oil-paper bag from the depths of her dressing table. "Oh, right, give my bag of 'happy powder' to my father and say thank you for his support!"
Chuntao was so frightened that her hand trembled, and her pearl hairpin fell to the dressing table with a clang: "Miss! That powder is mixed with chili powder! Last time, Master Li was so choked that he rolled on the street!"
"Don't worry, I've improved the recipe and added osmanthus honey from the south of the Yangtze River!" Shen Weiwan smiled slyly and stuffed the oil-paper bag into Chuntao's hand. "I guarantee it'll taste sweet, perfect for the elderly to try!"
The next morning, during the court session, the Golden Throne Hall was filled with sneezes, like a summer thunderstorm. The emperor, clad in a bright yellow dragon robe, sat on the throne, wiping his nose with a handkerchief every once in a while, causing the civil and military officials standing guard to burst into laughter until their faces turned blue, and many secretly pinched their thighs. After the court session, he summoned Xiao Yu to the imperial study. The cuffs of his dragon robe were still stained with a suspicious amount of pink powder, and the tip of his nose was as red as a ripe hawthorn. "The 'happy powder' your wife gave me is nice, but it wears out my robe a bit—I changed my clothes three times this morning!"
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