It was three quarters past noon at the "Weiwan Trickster Academy" on the east side of the General's Mansion. The carved window lattices filtered the morning light into fragments of gold, creating mottled patterns on the blue brick floor. Shen Weiwan stood on the three-foot-high nanmu podium, her moon-white skirt brushing the carved edges. In her hand, she swung a black official uniform - a defective item "borrowed" from the Taifu's study. The cuffs were embroidered with a Xiezhi pattern in gold thread, and it shone dimly in the morning mist. She shook her wolf-hair brush, and the ink formed a plump bead on the tip of the brush. She raised an eyebrow at the five imperial wives sitting below: "Watch out, everyone! This 'court robe ink trick' is specifically designed to deal with habitual criminals who steal merits -"
The tip of the brush flew across the inside cuff of the official's uniform, and in a flash, the four tiny characters "This achievement belongs to me" appeared. Shen Weiwan held up the official uniform toward the east window, a faint trace of ink visible through the silk material. "Just have this line of words printed on the back of the other person's hand when they salute before the court meeting. I guarantee they won't dare to bow for three days!"
"Brilliant!" the Imperial Tutor's wife clapped her hands in admiration. Her jade bracelet clanged against the rosewood table, ripples forming in the inkstone. She pointed at the portrait of Liu rubbing her hands together, "Wu Gu Qing Shou Tuo," and laughed. "Tomorrow morning, I'll have the Imperial Tutor wear this dress to Wenhua Hall. Let's see if he dares to steal my rouge money!" Madam Li, seated at the table below, hurriedly pulled out a small mother-of-pearl notebook. The ruby hairpin dazzled, and as she wrote furiously, bits of itchy grass fell from her sleeve—the "legacy" left by Shen Ruorou at the Spring Banquet.
Suddenly, from outside the courtyard came the eunuch's piercing and rock-splitting voice, like silver scissors splitting the room full of laughter: "Your Majesty has arrived - His Highness the Seventh Prince is accompanying you -"
With a clatter, the wolf-hair brush fell to the podium, its ink blooming into a small plum blossom on the hem of her moon-white skirt. Chuntao clutched the cypress account book, her almond-shaped eyes wide, her knuckles digging into the cinnabar annotation of "three hundred and twenty taels." "Miss... is this really His Majesty?" Before she could finish her words, a bright yellow dragon robe, swirling with ambergris, swung through the hanging flower gate. The emperor, stroking his goatee, stood beneath the moon-shaped gate. The twelve tassels of his imperial crown brushed against the creeper lining the door lintel. Behind him, Xiao Yu lowered his eyes, stifling a smile. The hem of his dark brocade robe brushed against the mossy stone steps, startling two jumping sparrows. The Imperial Censor, following at the end, was the most embarrassed. The cuffs of his official uniform were still stained with the redness of the chili powder from the previous day. He was pinching his nose to stifle a sneeze, making a strange "ho ho" sound in his throat.
As Shen Weiwan bowed, she stole a glance at the emperor's face and saw him staring at the comic strip "Thirty-Six Strategies to Trick People" on the wall, laughing so hard that his beard was shaking. The cartoons painted with rouge and gouache unfolded from left to right. The red and swollen palms of Liu in "Washing Hands with Grains to Trick Aunt" were lifelike, and the exaggerated posture of Liu squatting in the toilet in "Croton Laxative to Treat Scum Relatives" made the golden dragon on the dragon robe seem to tremble.
"Interesting! So interesting!" The emperor walked straight to the podium, his dragon boots stepping over Shen Weiwan's dropped wolf-hair brush, leaving a trail of ink on the blue brick. "I heard Wan'er opened this academy, so I came to ask—" He suddenly leaned forward, the bright yellow tassel brushing against the glass hairpin on Shen Weiwan's head. "Can I audit the class? The tuition will be doubled!"
"Hiss—" Madam Taifu gasped, plopped back down on her rosewood chair, the legs scraping harshly against the bricks. Shen Weiwan blinked, then suddenly grinned, revealing a playful chipped tooth on her left side. "It's an honor for me that Your Majesty is willing to come! However, the course content is crude, and I'm afraid it would be detrimental to your hearing."
"No problem!" The emperor waved his hand, ordering a young eunuch to bring the chief minister's chair. He patted the python-patterned cushions until dust flew, startling the swallows nesting on the beams. "This morning, the Prime Minister stole credit for my "Agricultural Policy." I was just trying to learn how to 'elegantly' embarrass him!"
Xiao Yu chuckled softly beside him, tapping the edge of the podium with his broken jade fan: "Why don't you teach His Majesty?"
Chen Weiwan cleared her throat and pulled out a sleeve embroidered with a five-clawed golden dragon from her sleeve pocket. It was an old item Xiao Yu had secretly slipped into her dressing table the previous night. The dragon scales still bore the red dots she had playfully drawn as a child. "Your Majesty, please witness this 'candy-hiding-in-the-sleeve technique!'" She pinched out a glistening osmanthus candy and slipped it into the hidden pocket inside her sleeve, the frosting gleaming in the morning light. "Just sew a sesame candy pocket on your sleeve. When your political enemy bows, the candy grains will fall. Then, you can say with a smile, 'Prime Minister, you are truly sweet and loyal!'"
"Hahahaha!" The emperor laughed so hard he collapsed backward, slapping his thighs so hard the chair creaked. The pearls on his crown tassels clashed against each other, making a crisp sound like rain hitting banana leaves. "That's the trick I'll use to cure the Prime Minister's sweet mouth!"
Xiao Yu sat on a rosewood chair in the front row, his chin in his hand as he looked at her. His dark jade-like eyes were filled with doting, as if he wanted to drown the girl on the podium. Shen Weiwan felt his gaze and blinked at him. The teardrop mole at the end of her eye trembled slightly in the morning light. Then she took out a pair of ebony court boots from under the podium - they were unused items "borrowed" from Xiao Yu's warehouse, and the soles of the boots were still stained with mud from last year's snow. "Your Majesty, there is also an advanced version of the 'court boots peanut plan' -" She stuck a fried peanut on the sole of the boot, and the red scraps fell on the blue bricks, "When attending court, deliberately step on the feet of your political opponents. When they bend down to pick it up, you exclaim, 'The Prime Minister even picks up peanuts. How thrifty!'"
The entire court, civil and military officials, were so exhausted from stifling laughter that their faces turned pale. The Minister of Revenue's mustache trembled like a leaf in the autumn wind. The Imperial Censor finally gave in and burst out laughing, but the chili powder on his sleeves triggered a sudden, "A-choo! A-choo! A-choo!" Three consecutive sneezes shook the wings of his official hat, snot splattered on the Xiezhi patch on his chest, and attracted the chirping of swallows from the beams.
"What a 'chili powder sneeze trick'!" The emperor pointed at him and laughed, the crown tassel shaking violently, almost hitting Shen Weiwan's hairpin. "The Imperial Censor's practical demonstration is a model!"
Shen Weiwan struck while the iron was hot and took out a linen paper bag, pinching the tassel at the corner with her fingertips: "Your Majesty, this is 'Zou Zhe Pepper'——"
"Wait!" Xiao Yu suddenly stepped forward and snatched the paper bag away. His fingertips gently tickled her palm, making her almost laugh. "This trick is too despicable. Your Majesty, try learning the 'tea-spilling-ink trick.'" He gestured to Shen Weiwan, pointing his broken jade fan at the "Prayer for Rain" that the Grand Tutor had just presented.
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