The glazed tiles of the Prince's Mansion shone amber in the autumn sun, and bronze bells on the eaves tinkled in the draft. Shen Weiwan was sprawled on the window couch, chewing a green apricot, her brows furrowed in the sourness, when she suddenly heard the eunuch's shrill, drawn-out call from the front yard: "The Empress Dowager has arrived!"
"Puff—" She spat a mouthful of apricot flesh onto the moon-white silk handkerchief, rubbing the sour liquid from the corner of her mouth with her fingertips and grinning: "Chun Tao! Quickly pour all the sour plums I hid in the dresser drawer into the lotus pond! If the Empress Dowager sees me chewing green apricots, she will definitely scold me for three days!"
Chun Tao frantically overturned the fruit plate, sending apricots tumbling to the floor. The old butler came running in, leaning on a jujube wood cane, his snow-white beard trembling. "My dear Miss! His Highness the Seventh Prince is still serving the Emperor in the palace. You must behave yourself when you see the Queen Mother later!"
"What are you holding back for?" Chen Weiwan wiped her mouth and stood up, her moon-white skirt brushing against the apricot kernels on the green bricks. "The Empress Dowager just sent ten kilograms of Lingnan green plums yesterday, with a note saying 'sour for boys, spicy for girls, no harm in eating more'!"
Before she had finished her words, the bright yellow imperial carriage had already stopped outside the hanging flower gate. The gilded phoenixes on either side of the sedan chair shone brilliantly in the sunlight. The empress dowager parted the nine embroidered gold curtains, revealing the red gold and kingfisher hairpins slanting diagonally at her temples. Seeing Shen Weiwan standing with her hands on her hips in the corridor, she smiled brightly. "My dear Wan'er! I heard you've been suffering from severe morning sickness lately. I've brought you a 'boredom-relieving treasure'!"
A dozen palace maids filed in, carrying gilded chests that creaked against the blue bricks. Shen Weiwan leaned in for a closer look. When the lid opened, a flash of gold shone—not jewels, but a treasure trove overflowing with baby items. Inside the carved rosewood cradle lay a palm-sized brocade bag, embroidered with the tiny words "Mini Itch Powder." Dried chili seedlings were stuffed into tiger-head shoes, and a silver bell in the shape of a miniature chili pepper was pinned to the toe. Most remarkable of all, the lavender swaddling clothes had the crooked characters "Pit All Over the World" embroidered in gold thread on the edges, complete with a playful pit pattern at the end.
"Empress Dowager, what are you doing..." Shen Weiwan pointed at the embroidered words on the swaddling clothes, her eyelashes trembling with laughter.
The Queen Mother pinched her cheek, which was tinged with sourness, and smiled like a child hiding a candy bar. "I love your cleverness! If I had a child like you, he would definitely pluck out his grandfather's goatee and weave it into grasshoppers!"
The old eunuch beside him coughed violently, the whisk in his sleeve shaking like fallen leaves in the autumn wind. Chun Tao quickly handed him warm ginseng tea. Chen Weiwan touched her slightly swollen belly and whispered to her, "Did you hear that, kid? Your grandma asked you to be a 'deceptive ambassador.' In the future, you'll have to play your royal grandfather's beard like a harp string!"
The Queen Mother clapped her hands on the golden nanmu armrests, beaming. "That's exactly what you said! I even had the Shanggong Bureau whip out a 'baby trick set'—" She personally lifted the red lacquered wooden box from the bottom shelf. Inside lay a moon-white bellyband embroidered with a five-clawed golden dragon. Inside, there was a secret pocket. "Look at this design! When the baby bows, sesame candy will drizzle down from the slit in the pocket. It's both endearing and sure to keep those stubborn old men in a state of panic!"
Shen Weiwan laughed so hard that she collapsed backwards, and suddenly she covered her mouth and started to retch. The Queen Mother quickly asked the maid to help her sit down, and her eyes swept over the empty main seat: "Where is Yu'er? Why did they leave you alone at home?"
"Replying to the Queen Mother," Chun Tao rushed to reply, "His Highness heard that you wanted to see the South Sea pearls, so he went to the palace early this morning to get them."
The Queen Mother raised an eyebrow and stroked her beard: "Oh? When did I ever say I wanted to see the pearls?"
Chen Weiwan wiped the corner of her mouth with a wicked smile, her almond eyes curved into cunning crescents: "I told His Highness yesterday that the Queen Mother saw that I was suffering from morning sickness and wanted to use glowing beads to cheer me up. Who knew he really believed it!"
"You're so good, Wan'er!" The Queen Mother laughed so hard that she clapped her hands on the armrests, and her jade armor made the rosewood clang. "You even dared to cheat Yu'er!" She suddenly leaned close to Shen Weiwan and lowered her voice, "I'll tell you a secret - ever since you tangled the Prime Minister's court beads on the beams of the Hall of Supreme Harmony, I've been hoping you'd give birth to a little cheater! The sight of that old thing searching the court for beads made me laugh for three whole days back at the Cining Palace!"
The old housekeeper shook his head as he listened, poked Chuntao's shoe with his cane, and muttered softly: "The Empress Dowager is trying to train the young master to be a 'second-generation swindler'..."
As he was speaking, Xiao Yu rushed into the yard carrying a pearl box inlaid with mother-of-pearl. Seeing the empress dowager, he shouted at the top of his voice: "Mother! The South China Sea pearls you wanted..." Before he could finish his words, he caught a glimpse of the baby bellyband shaking in the empress dowager's hand, and his black jade pupils suddenly shrank into needle points.
The Queen Mother pointed at his nose and laughed so hard she collapsed backwards. "You're such a good fellow, Yu'er! You're so foolishly happy even when Wan'er has tricked you!" She picked up the small bellyband and measured it against Xiao Yu's waist. "Look at the size. If the little one wears it someday, it'll definitely fill your imperial boots with sand. You'll have a taste of what it was like for the Prime Minister to find his imperial beads!"
Xiao Yu took the pearl box with a helpless look, but Chen Weiwan grabbed the bellyband first and took out the sewing kit she carried with her: "Empress Dowager, I think this secret bag can be improved -" She quickly threaded the needle and sewed, "Sew a chili bag next to the sesame candy bag, and when some blind scumbag kisses the baby..."
"Brilliant!" the Queen Mother applauded, the tassels on her hairpin jingling. "Wan'er is so thoughtful! This way, it's both sweet and spicy, just like your temperament!"
Xiao Yu watched the mother and daughter huddled together to research how to "improve" baby products, rubbing his brows helplessly: "Mother, Weiwei, what kind of people are you trying to raise your children to be..."
"Wouldn't it be better to teach him to be as clever as Wan'er?" The Queen Mother glared at him. "Think back when your father was tricked by the Prime Minister into drinking coptis chinensis water for three months? If he had Wan'er's brains, he would have replaced that old man's account books with kimchi!"
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