The ambergris vapor rising from the gilded bronze crane incense burner in the Golden Throne Hall was suddenly dispelled by a strange odor—the spicy aroma of croton mixed with the fishy odor of scorpion fluids, creating a ludicrous aroma within the towering palace. Aguda glared at the scorpion, belly up in the air, in its wooden cage. Its beard stood up like a hedgehog, trembling under the candlelight like withered sedge in the autumn wind. The Western Region black-tailed scorpion, once so ferocious, now had its stinger drooping limply, a pool of dark green fluid spreading beneath its body. Its eight long legs still twitched slightly, but its ferocity had vanished.
"You...you are cheating!" Aguda turned around suddenly, and his belt inlaid with wolf teeth hit the copper pillar with a dull sound, and his fingers almost poked Shen Weiwan's nose. "How can you feed laxatives to poisonous insects?!" His voice was rough, which was unique to grassland men, but now it was out of tune because of shock, like a male wolf whose tail was stepped on.
Chen Weiwan, holding Kenkeng, dodged sideways, her dark skirt making a rustling sound as it brushed against the gold bricks. She pulled an oval croton bean from Kenkeng's sleeve pocket and twirled it lightly between her fingertips, the lines on the bean shell visible in the candlelight. "Your Excellency, your words are quite unskillful," she said, raising an eyebrow and smiling calmly. Her phoenix eyes curved slightly as the corners of her eyes swept across Aguda's sullen face. "This croton may look like an ordinary laxative, but it's actually the most poisonous in the world—not in its intensity, but in its ability to counteract the most ruthless things. Think about it, this scorpion's belly already harbors hundreds of poisons, and yet it greedily swallowed the croton bean, tormenting its stomach and intestines. The venom and the laxative would clash, and wouldn't it be 'poisoned to death'?"
Kenkeng immediately clung to Shen Weiwan's shoulders and moved forward, his chubby hands gesturing his round belly in the air: "My mother said! To deal with a powerful creature, you have to feed it the bad stuff it likes to eat! Just like last time I used osmanthus sugar cake to trick the big yellow dog into taking medicine, and it squatted in the doghouse and pooped all night!" He spoke with great joy, and his saliva almost dripped on Shen Weiwan's shawl.
The entire court, civil and military officials, could no longer contain their anger; suppressed coughs and laughter surged like a tide. The white-haired Prime Minister suddenly lowered his head, the jade belt hook at his waist scraping against the table, his shoulders shaking like sieves. The Imperial Censor pretended to adjust his chest patch, but his fingers pinched his thigh in his sleeve, his mouth stretched to his ears. The Emperor on the Dragon Throne laughed so hard that the memorials on the jade table fell off, startling the night herons perched under the eaves.
"Excellent! What a shrewd 'fighting fire with fire'!" The emperor clapped the armrests of his dragon throne, tears streaming down his face as his knuckles tapped the carved armrests, making a thumping sound. "Issue an order! Reward the General Guardian of the Nation with his mansion..." He paused, a mischievous glint in his eyes as he glanced at the ministers who were stifling their laughter. "Reward him with ten cartloads of croton seeds! Let them store them in the mansion and play with them slowly, specifically to deal with those fools!"
"Thank you, Your Majesty!" Shen Weiwan bowed gracefully, the red gold hairpins at her temples trembling with her movements. However, Kenken frowned and tilted his head back, protesting in a childish voice, "Your Majesty, can we have candied haws instead? Croton seeds are too bitter. I tried one yesterday, and it was so bitter I had to drink three bowls of honey water!"
The innocent child's words caused the entire hall to burst into laughter, and even the golden-armored guards standing in the corners couldn't help but purse their lips. Aguda's face turned from blue to purple, and from purple to liver color—he had brought the poisonous scorpion all the way from Northern Di, intending to assert his authority in the Dasheng court. Who knew that a baby's use of a laxative had turned it into a joke, causing diarrhea and death. If word of this spread back to the grasslands, Aguda would likely die of laughter by his tribe on the banks of the Onon River, too embarrassed to even face his ancestors in his afterlife.
"We Beidi still have warriors!" Aguda suddenly raised his voice, put his hand on the scimitar at his waist, trying to save face, "Is there anyone in your country who dares to fight a black bear with bare hands?" He swept his eyes over the civil and military officials at the stairs, trying to find an opponent who could help him turn the tables.
Before Shen Weiwan could speak, Wawa, who was hiding behind her, suddenly poked his head out, clutching half a sesame cake in his hand, and shouted in a baby voice: "Grandpa Messenger, I dare!"
Aguda looked down in astonishment at the baby with twin buns: "What dare you, little baby?"
"I dared to feed croton seeds to a big black bear!" Wa Wa proudly raised his little face, with candy crumbs on the tip of his nose, "It will eat it and poop so hard that it will squat in the snow and cry!"
"Puff—" The laughter from the throne room finally broke through the solemnity of the court. The emperor laughed so hard that he slapped his thigh, not even bothering to cough. Xiao Yu shook his head helplessly, but when he looked at Shen Weiwan, his eyes were filled with unwavering doting. Even the usually stern Taifu couldn't help but shield his face with his tablet, his shoulders shaking violently. Aguda felt dizzy. His many provocative plans, such as the warrior wrestling match and the archery competition, instantly became a joke in the face of this mother and son's "croton tactics."
"Marriage... I will discuss the matter of marriage with Your Majesty tomorrow." Aguda squeezed out a few words with difficulty, turned around and wanted to escape from this hall that made him feel ashamed. He had just taken two steps when he heard a clear and melodious child's voice behind him:
"Grandpa Messenger!"
Aguda froze and slowly turned around. He saw Kenkeng holding up an oil-paper bag with a few bright yellow croton seeds rolling out of it. "This is a gift for you!"
"No need!" Aguda practically roared as he rushed out of the hall. The tassel of the curved sword at his waist caught on the threshold, nearly causing him to fall flat on his face. Shen Weiwan watched his fleeing figure and finally couldn't help laughing so hard that she collapsed. The pit in her arms also giggled. Only Wa Wa was still holding the sugar cake, looking bewildered.
"Mom, why doesn't he want a gift?" He tilted his head, his chubby hands grabbing Shen Weiwan's collar.
"Because he's afraid." Shen Weiwan pinched her son's chubby cheeks, her eyes curved with a smile, "He's afraid that you'll secretly stuff croton seeds into his milk tea and make him lose his mind."
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