From the gilded bronze crane incense burner on the east side of the Forbidden City's Imperial Garden, curls of ambergris smoke swirl, yet they can't overwhelm the smoky aroma of croton powder, the sweet fragrance of candied cakes, and the laughter of playful children in front of the warm room. A gilded plaque, its edges still stained with cinnabar fingerprints, hangs askew beneath the veranda. Four large, flamboyant characters—"Dasheng Cheating Academy"—are written with a carefree, unruly air, like a prank played by a prince using his imperial brush as a broom.
At this moment, a circle of students in bizarre attire gathered beneath the plaque: a purple-robed Hanlin scholar had tilted his black gauze hat to resemble a melon-shaped cap, its brim still stained with porridge from this morning; a young girl with twin buns, a candied haws fruit in her mouth, was drawing a turtle wearing an official hat with charcoal pencil on the margins of her account book; most eye-catching were three Northern Di merchants wearing felt hats, their mink coats matted with the dust of the capital. They muttered in stilted official language, their eyes bulging like bells beneath the brims of their felt hats: "Shouldn't the Dasheng Emperor be reviewing memorials in the Golden Throne Hall? Why is he here talking nonsense?"
Seated high on a rosewood throne, the Great Sheng Emperor was cracking a pair of glossy walnuts, making them crackle. The belt of his bright yellow formal attire was two buckles undone, revealing a lilac-colored undershirt embroidered with mandarin ducks playing in the water—embroidered by the Empress herself, but now worn as an apron. The front was still stained with the crumbs of osmanthus cake from the imperial kitchen that morning. His dragon boots rested casually on the carved desk, rattling the pages of the open lesson plan for "Thirty-Six Strategies to Trick People," and occasionally a few shriveled croton seeds fell between the pages.
"Everyone, listen carefully!" The emperor flung a walnut shell to the ground, and the broken pieces rolled to the feet of the dozing Hanlin. He shuddered and his black gauze hat fell to the ground. "Today, I will teach you the first lesson - 'How to Default Gracefully'! This is a lifelong skill I have learned from the cracks of the dragon throne. I wouldn't teach you ten carts of croton seeds!"
The chubby kid in open-crotch pants raised his tiny hands, cake crumbs all over them, and asked, saliva dripping from the corners of his mouth: "Your Majesty, isn't defaulting on a debt just owing money and not paying it back? My father says that's what scoundrels do."
"Superficial!" The emperor swung the sleeve of his dragon robe violently, sending croton powder flying from the desk, choking the Northern Di merchants in the front row and causing them to sneeze three times in succession, their felt hats tilted askew. "Ordinary defaulting on a debt is called playing rogue, but what I do is called 'intelligent defaulting'! Watch out—"
He suddenly grabbed the wrist of the young eunuch next to him, squeezing him so hard that he grimaced. The emperor, however, was filled with grief and indignation: "Little Li, I bought the sweet-scented osmanthus cake from you last month, but I forgot to bring the money."
The young eunuch immediately hunched his back, made a mournful face, and cooperated, his voice shaking like a leaf in the autumn wind: "Your Majesty, my family of five is still waiting for this money to buy rice... If there is no more money, my children will go out to beg on the streets..."
"Ouch!" The emperor slapped his thigh, causing the throne to creak and a small piece of gold paint to fall off the carved armrests. "The treasury has been plagued by problems lately, and even my dragon robe is about to be pawned! How about this—" He suddenly pointed at the towering Hall of Supreme Harmony in the distance, and the cuff of his dragon robe swept across the lectern, shaking the croton seeds contained in "Thirty-Six Strategies of Deceiving People" to fall. "I'll give you half of my kingdom to pay for these three strings of candy. How about it?"
The whole place was silent for three seconds, then erupted in a torrent of laughter. In the corner, a man named Kengkeng squatted on the stone pavement, scribbling with a stick: "Trading a kingdom for candied cakes = pulling a fast one." Nearby, Wawawa leaped high, holding a half-eaten candied haws, her pigtail brushing against Kengkeng's back. "Grandpa! Trading the throne for candied fruit is even better! It could buy a carriage!"
"Your Majesty, what a brilliant plan!" the purple-robed Hanlin applauded, laughing so hard his black gauze hat rolled completely to the edge of the Northern Di merchant's felt boots. "This is called 'using the false to counter the true'. Brilliant! Truly brilliant! Even more brilliant than Zhuge Liang's straw boat borrowing of arrows!"
Amidst the laughter and chatter, the tinkling of pendant bells echoed from outside the moonlit gate. Shen Weiwan, holding Xiao Yu's hand, hurried through the blossoming chrysanthemums. Seeing the emperor wearing his dragon robe as an apron, revealing only a sliver of his mandarin duck-shaped undergarment, she grasped her forehead. Yesterday, she'd heard Chuntao say the emperor would be giving the lecture himself. She hadn't expected the old man to actually take such a blatant "default" approach, even bringing the throne to the imperial garden.
"Father, isn't your class a bit..." Shen Weiwan was interrupted by the emperor's powerful voice before she could finish her words.
"Weiwan, you've arrived just in time!" The emperor's eyes lit up, and he waved as if he had seen a savior, his dragon robe sleeves almost sweeping over the croton jar on the desk. "Quick, tell everyone about your 'clean hands with five grains'! It's much more interesting than my taciturnity. I guarantee they'll laugh their heads off!"
Chen Weiwan approached, not knowing whether to laugh or cry, looking at the croton powder, sugar cake crumbs, and the grease-stained "Thirty-Six Strategies to Trick People" on the desk: "Father, there are occasions for tricking people. If you teach everyone to default on their debts, won't the censors in the Imperial Censorate pile up memorials?"
"Nonsense!" The emperor slammed the case loudly, startling the sparrows perched on the corridor. "Back then, I used the 'debt-breaking method' to get your mother!"
The students immediately gathered closer, like sharks smelling blood. Even the dozing Beidi merchant pulled out parchment covered in scribbled symbols. Xiao Yu also raised an eyebrow in curiosity and moved closer to Shen Weiwan, wanting to hear about his father-in-law's "feat" back then.
"Thinking back to those days..." The emperor narrowed his eyes, the throne rocking back and forth with his movements, groaning under the weight. "When I was still the crown prince, I ran into your mother feeding red carp in the imperial garden. That figure, that pretty face..." He suddenly sat up straight, the hem of his dragon robe sweeping across the lectern, sending croton powder scattering onto his raised dragon boots. "In a fit of rage, I invited her to the imperial kitchen for some lychee paste. Only after we finished eating did I realize—damn it! I didn't bring any money!"
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