The bronze bells on the eaves of the Hall of Supreme Harmony tinkled in the morning breeze. Wisps of ambergris from the gilded bronze crane incense burner drifted toward the hall beams, only to be scattered by the murderous aura emanating from the emperor. A bright yellow cushion was kicked under the steps and rolled to Shen Weiwan's knees. She knelt on the cool gold bricks, the hem of her court dress still stained with powder from when she'd made croton cakes for Wawa this morning, like a handful of scattered gold.
"Chen Weiwan!" The emperor's voice shook the golden pillars in the palace, and the cuffs of his dragon robe were deeply wrinkled by his grip. "What else can I say about you stuffing a toad into my dragon robe?"
Chen Weiwan raised her face, tears still hanging from the corners of her eyes, and the croton powder on her eyelashes fell off when she blinked: "Father, that is the auspicious sign that your wife has carefully selected! It will shout 'Long live your father'. It shouted it three times in a row under the dragon throne yesterday!"
"Still mentioning that beast?" The emperor slammed his desk, sending memorials he had just marked with cinnabar flying. The red ink splashed on the report on the "empty treasury" like drops of blood. "The whole court is laughing at me, dancing more nimbly than a monkey in a circus. Tell me, how can this be called an auspicious sign?"
Xiao Yu took half a step forward, his black python robe sweeping across the top of Shen Weiwan's head. The golden dragon on the corner of the robe seemed to come alive with his movements: "Father, please calm down." As he bowed, a small ingot made of croton powder slipped out of his sleeve. It was the "amulet" that Kenken had given him this morning.
"Calm down?" The emperor's dragon beard trembled, pointing at the tip of Chen Weiwan's nose, "Your wife has stuffed auspicious signs into my dragon robe, and you still want me to calm down?"
"Your Majesty, you misunderstood," Xiao Yu cleared his throat, suppressing a smile as he glanced at the powder stain on Shen Weiwan's skirt. "Weiwan saw you sitting for long periods of time reviewing memorials, so she specially found this 'living fitness machine'. The few 'carp jumps' you did on the dragon throne yesterday were a model of 'dragon leaping to the sky'. I, watching you, want to learn a few moves."
Chen Weiwan immediately clapped her hands in agreement, the croton flowers embroidered on her court robes trembling with her movements: "Right, right, right! Your Majesty's leap was more spirited than the somersaults of a martial artist on the stage! I wanted to give you a perfect score, but I deducted one point because I was afraid you might be too proud!"
"Where did you deduct that one point?" the emperor asked angrily, his fingers unconsciously stroking the jade belt around his waist, where there were still wet marks from the toad crawling there.
"Focus on your landing posture, Father!" Chen Weiwan smiled, her eyes curved into crescents, the croton flower hairpin in her hair dazzling. "Next time you land in a pose that looks like 'auspicious arrival,' I'll have you paint a 'Dragon Riding a Toad' painting and hang it in the Pitfall Academy as a treasure!"
The emperor was choked and glared at Xiao Yu: "You are just protecting your wife like this?"
"Father," Xiao Yu stepped forward to support the emperor's swaying arm, his tone dripping with sincerity, "Weiwan has simple intentions. She's just worried that you might be harmed by sitting too long. Look, she stayed up until three in the morning last night to raise funds for the academy, and even turned two hairs gray from worry."
"Who's worried about whitening?" Chen Weiwan immediately retorted, raising her hand to touch her head, her fingertips stained with a piece of croton powder that she had used when combing Wawa's hair this morning, "This is pure natural croton whitening powder. I applied it specially to pray for your old man!"
The emperor looked at the pair of funny men in front of him and stood up in anger. His bright yellow dragon robe swept across the imperial desk, knocking over half of the ink in the inkstone. "Forget it! I don't care about you anymore! Little Li, pass on the order!"
Little Li trembled as he pulled out the imperial edict from his sleeve pocket. The silk was still stained with the crumbs of Croton Cake he had secretly eaten last night: "Your Majesty has decreed..."
Shen Weiwan immediately pricked up her ears, moved her knees forward half an inch, and winked at Xiao Yu. He calmly hooked the tip of his boot on the hem of her skirt to prevent her from kneeling too far forward and losing etiquette.
"...scamming the college's funding..." the emperor drawled, deliberately staring at the falling croton petals outside the palace. "Allow another 300,000 taels!"
"Thank you, Father!" Shen Weiwan kowtowed too hard, and the croton flower hairpin in her hair fell onto the gold brick with a "click" and rolled to the emperor's feet.
"But!" The emperor turned around suddenly, the twelve-chapter pattern on the collar of his dragon robe making people dizzy. "Chen Weiwan, if you dare to stuff a living thing into my dragon robe again, I will throw you and Xiao Yu into the Croton field together and let you keep your aunt company!"
"Your Majesty, I obey your command!" Shen Weiwan knocked her head loudly, but she was thinking in her heart that she should give the parrot who could only recite "Mencius" next time.
Xiao Yu helped the emperor sit back on the dragon throne and handed him a cup of hot tea steeped in croton flowers. "Father, you see, Weiwan is also doing this for the court. Once the academy develops the 'Corrupt Official Killer Pill,' we can force them to hand over the stolen money. You'll have less to worry about, right?"
"Relieve me?" The emperor blew away the tea foam, looking at the croton flowers floating in the cup. "Now, whenever I see crotons, I instinctively want to run to the toilet!"
Before he could finish his words, the palace door slammed open, and Kenkeng and Wawa came tumbling in. Wawa's tiger-toe shoes were still stained with croton seedlings from the imperial garden. Kenkeng held up an oilcloth bag, the toad inside croaking. Half of the newly written "Long Live the Emperor Father" in gold powder had fallen off its back, revealing its green skin beneath.
"Grandpa!" Kengkeng held the toad in front of the emperor. "It can sing 'Ode to the Wise Ruler' now!"
The toad seemed to understand and croaked twice, shaking the emperor's white hair. Shen Weiwan took the opportunity to clap her hands: "Listen, how clear! It's singing 'The emperor is wise and the country will last long'!"
The emperor looked at the crooked "Long Live" on the toad's back, then at Shen Weiwan's expectant eyes, and suddenly felt that the smell of croton powder in his dragon robe was not so pungent. He sighed helplessly: "Okay, okay, Xiao Lizi, take them to the silver vault to get the money, and bring two plates of freshly made croton cakes from the imperial kitchen. Don't let the children go hungry."
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