The bronze bells on the eaves of the Hall of Supreme Harmony swayed gently in the morning breeze. The ambergris rising from the gilded bronze crane incense burner hadn't yet diffused through the carved beams when the hem of Xiao Yu's dragon robe was already being embraced by two small, fleshy creatures. Henkeng tilted his round face upward, his nose stained with the crumbs of this morning's croton cake, like a handful of white sesame seeds. "Dad! We want to go with you to the palace to see Grandpa!"
Wah wah tugged at the jade belt around Xiao Yu's waist, the croton flower rope tied to his pigtail brushing against the golden dragon pattern on his python robe: "I want to touch the gold nub on Grandpa's hat!"
Shen Weiwan leaned against the vermilion palace pillar. The croton branches embroidered on the hem of her moon-white court dress trembled with her movements. Her cuffs were still stained with powder from combing Wawa's hair. "Your Highness, the children said they wanted to pay their respects to their father and...inspect the growth of the croton seedlings in the imperial garden."
Xiao Yu bent down and lifted Kangkang onto his shoulder. He wiped the cake crumbs off his son's nose with his fingertips and straightened Wawa's crooked hair accessory. "Are you trying to steal the croton roots from the Imperial Garden again? Last month, we replaced all the croton seedlings by Taiye Lake with your 'improved varieties,' and the Emperor hasn't come to terms with you yet."
"We're not stealing!" Kengkeng lay on top of Xiao Yu's head, his chubby hands clutching his seven-beam Jinxian crown. The pearl tassels on the jade crown dazzled people. "We want to inlay croton powder gems on Grandpa's golden hat, the kind that sparkles!"
In the imperial study, the emperor was reviewing memorials with his red brush when he heard the commotion outside. Without even looking up, he said to Little Li, "Those two debt collectors must be here. Hide all the croton cakes in the east wing in my private vault. Don't let them get a whiff of them."
Before he could finish his words, Henkeng had already slid down from Xiao Yu's shoulder like a little monkey, clattering onto the golden brick floor. He pointed at the twelve-chapter crown on the emperor's head and exclaimed in surprise, his voice as crisp as a shattered glass lamp: "Ah! Grandpa's hat looks like the gold rim on my chamber pot!"
The eunuchs and maids in the hall were instantly petrified. The hands holding whisks froze in mid-air. The young eunuch carrying the tea tray couldn't hold back, and the cup clattered to the ground, splattering the scalding croton flower tea on the emperor's bright yellow dragon robe. The emperor's hand gripping the red brush suddenly paused, and the ink dripped onto the report of "100,000 taels of silver for disaster relief," forming a hideous black pimple.
Xiao Yu had just crossed the threshold when he stumbled upon hearing this. The Jinxian crown on his head slid askew to the corner of his forehead, revealing his smooth forehead. Shen Weiwan hurriedly covered her mouth, but her shoulders shook like croton leaves in the autumn wind, and a "puff" of laughter escaped through her fingers.
Wawa followed in on his short legs, looking up and adding, his hands still stained with unwashed croton powder: "Dad's headdress looks like a spittoon in the toilet! Last time I saw Eunuch Zhang pouring out night incense, the spittoon was the same shape as Dad's hat!"
"What's shape?" Kengkeng tilted his head and made a circle with his chubby hands.
"It's...it's round and concave in the middle!" Wa Wa stamped his feet in anxiety, and croton powder fell from his sleeve pocket.
The emperor slowly lowered his brush, his gaze shifting from the pits to Xiao Yu's crown. His eyes were cold enough to freeze croton powder. He pointed at the twelve strings of tassels dangling from his crown, which dangled like broken tassels. "My son, your child...isn't it time to hire a tutor to teach etiquette?"
Xiao Yu held the crooked crown and bowed with a look of confusion: "Father, please calm down. Children's words are innocent..."
"Children's words are innocent!" the emperor slammed his hand on the table, sending ink splattering from the inkstone. "This crown with twelve emblems was handed down from the founding ceremony. Your son says it looks like a chamber pot?"
Shen Weiwan finally couldn't help laughing out loud, stepped forward and pinched the pitted little chubby face, rubbing the croton powder on his cheek with her fingertips: "Silly child, grandpa wears a crown, and dad wears a tiara. They are both made of pure gold, unlike chamber pots."
"How are they different?" Kengkeng put his hands on his hips in disbelief. "Grandpa's hat has gold nuggets on the edge, and so do the edges of my chamber pot! And Dad's crown has that dent in the middle, it's exactly like the opening of a spittoon!"
The emperor was so angry that his dragon beard was shaking. Little Leo was trying to hold back his laughter until his face turned red. Suddenly, he burped loudly, which made the eunuchs and palace maids in the hall who were also trying to hold back their laughter unable to hold it back any longer. They all lowered their heads, but their shoulders kept shaking.
"Your Highness," Shen Weiwan suppressed her laughter and poked the curve of Xiao Yu's crown with her fingertips. "Don't say it, the children mentioned it that way. The curve of this crown is really a bit similar..."
"Enough!" Xiao Yu glared at his wife, but the corners of his mouth couldn't help but rise. "Father, the children are young and ignorant. I will discipline them strictly when I return."
"Discipline?" The emperor suddenly laughed out loud, took off his heavy crown and placed it on the table, revealing his shiny head. "In my opinion, no matter what your wife is, she's both full of crooked ideas." He waved towards the pit. "Come here, dear grandson, explain to me in detail. How does this hat look like a chamber pot?"
Kengkeng bravely stepped forward, and Xiaopang pointed at the gold edge of the crown: "Here, and here! The gold edge of the chamber pot in my room is also curved like this, but it's not as bright as grandpa's!"
Wa Wa also came to the table and pointed at Xiao Yu's crown with his little hand: "And Dad's crown, the concave part in the middle is as big as a spittoon in a toilet!"
Xiao Yu held his forehead, suddenly feeling that the Seven-Beam Jinxian Crown had never felt so heavy before. Chen Weiwan picked up the emperor's crown and looked at it from left to right, her fingertips tracing the cool gold pattern. "It's true that the craftsmanship is very similar to the chamber pot handed down from the butcher Wang family in West Street, especially the twined branches on the edge..."
"You joined in the fun!" Xiao Yu shook his head helplessly, but saw a cunning light in Shen Weiwan's eyes.
The emperor suddenly slammed his hands on the table and laughed so hard that the crumbs of croton cake on the table fell to the ground. "Excellent! A great chamber pot crown! Little Li, pass the order down and have the Shanggong Bureau make a new crown for the Seventh Prince. Otherwise, it should look like a spittoon!"
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