The warm room of the Prince's mansion was filled with the aroma of roasted chestnuts. The silvery charcoal in the copper stove burned brightly, flake-offing the icicles from the window frames. Shen Weiwan knelt on a scarlet felt, unpacking a package from the West Street toy shop. As her fingertips parted the oilcloth, Hekeng was already clinging to her lap, the wrinkles on his chubby face curling in anticipation. From the package rolled a gilded chamber pot, its spout carved into the head of a rearing Xiezhi beast. A spinning glass bead dangled from its tentacles. A gentle touch sent a spray of water, as fine as cow hair, from the beast's mouth.
"This is called the 'Dragon Spitting Water' chamber pot," Chen Weiwan proudly shook it, the lotus pattern on the pot gleaming golden in the candlelight. "Yesterday I went to West Street and saw the shopkeeper demonstrate it and scared Wang Ermaizi so much he peed his pants. If you get up in the middle of the night and press it in the dark, it's guaranteed to scare the remnants of the Liu family out of their wits!"
Kenkeng couldn't contain himself any longer. He snatched the chamber pot and flicked the trigger towards Xiao Yu, who had just stepped through the curtains. A fine mist of water sprayed down his face, and Xiao Yu instinctively turned sideways, soaking half the sleeves of his dark brocade robe. He wiped the water droplets from his face and raised an eyebrow at the mother and son squatting on the ground, grinning. "Are you buying Kenkeng these outrageous things again? You haven't even paid for the fake falling cup the other day, and now you've added a spraying chamber pot?"
"This is called enlightenment education!" Chen Weiwan wiped the gold paint on the chamber pot with a handkerchief, and her fingertips passed over Xiezhi's eyes. "Thinking back to when I was fifteen, Liu tricked me into handing over the storeroom key. Even at the age of three, I've learned 'psychological tactics'." She glanced up at the water droplets on Xiao Yu's hair, and her tone softened. "Besides, the shopkeeper on West Street said that this chamber pot can prevent thieves..."
Xiao Yu sat on the carved pearwood couch, watching Shen Weiwan patiently explain to Kangkeng how to adjust the water spray angle, but his heart felt like it was being scratched by a cat's claws. Ever since the little guy was born, Shen Weiwan's thoughts had been completely fixed on Kangkeng. Forget giving him a decent gift, even the usual banter had become less frequent. He sighed deliberately, tapping his knee with his folding fan. "Alas, everyone says the Seventh Prince's wife loves her child dearly, but they don't know that her husband can't even get a fake cup. Poor me, a seven-foot-tall man, but I'm no match for a three-year-old."
"You're already a grown man, why would you pretend to throw a cup?" Chen Weiwan dismantled the mechanism at the base of the chamber pot without looking up. "Are you trying to blackmail your father-in-law for his pension?"
"I'm your child too!" Xiao Yu leaned over, resting his chin lightly on the top of her head. The scent of cedar mixed with the scent of osmanthus oil on her temples. "Thinking back when I was starving in the cold palace, I needed a fake cup-smashing solace even more than Kenken did..."
"Go away," Shen Weiwan pushed him away, the ruby hairpin in her hair emitting a fickle red light. "You asked for this place in the cold palace. Who told you to act so cool and aloof?" She winked at Kengkeng, "Son, show your father the true power of 'Dragon Spit Water'!"
Henkeng, receiving the order, chased Xiao Yu around the warm room, chamber pot in hand. The mist from the Xiezhi's mouth created a rainbow in the sunlight. Xiao Yu dodged left and right, soaking the hem of his brocade robe. Finally, he was forced to the antique display case and raised his hands in surrender: "Little ancestor, spare me! If you spray me again, I'll replace all your mother's rose rouge with pot ash!"
"You dare!" Shen Weiwan picked up the soft pillow on the couch and threw it at him, but was caught by Xiao Yu's long arms and hugged into his arms. As the two laughed and joked, Henkeng suddenly stuffed the chamber pot into Xiao Yu's hands and shouted in a baby voice: "Daddy, play!"
Xiao Yu looked at his son's sparkling almond eyes, which were exactly the same as Shen Weiwan's when she was playing tricks, and the sourness in his heart immediately melted away. He pinched his chubby cheeks and deliberately put on a stern face: "Don't learn these crooked ways from your mother in the future, do you hear me?"
"Oh..." He lowered his head and picked at the gemstones on the chamber pot, then suddenly raised his little face, "Then Daddy should buy me an 'itching pink pillow'! Sister Chuntao said that using it can make bad guys' faces itch for three days!"
Shen Weiwan laughed so hard that she slapped her thigh: "Did you hear that, Your Highness? Your son has surpassed you in his methods and is more methodical than you were when you were cheating people."
Just as they were arguing, the Empress Dowager's voice rang out, accompanied by a knock on the door: "I heard the Emperor's grandson has a new toy?" She entered, leaning on a dragon-headed cane, her pearl necklace rustling with her steps. Behind her, a palace maid held a red silk package. "I had two pounds of pure gold melted down and made a 'Long Live the Emperor' chamber pot. It's better than your junk!"
The red silk was peeled back, revealing a golden chamber pot as big as a child's head. The body was intricately carved with cloud patterns, and the spout was inlaid with a pigeon-blood ruby, casting an eerie glow in the candlelight. Henken cried out "Wow!" and rushed over to hug her, but he nearly fell over with a cry of "Ouch!" "Grandma, it's heavy!"
Xiao Yu held his forehead and sighed: "Mom, are you going to let Kengkeng develop the habit of showing off his wealth since he was a child?"
"How dare you talk like that!" The Queen Mother glared at him, her pearl and jade headdress rustling. "My grandson deserves the best! Unlike some people, who even fight with the baby for a chamber pot."
Shen Weiwan quickly tried to smooth things over, took the golden chamber pot and weighed it: "Mother, look at this craftsmanship, it's much better than the shopkeeper on West Street. This 'Long Live the Emperor' is carved as if it were alive..." Before she finished speaking, Henkeng had already hugged the golden chamber pot and rubbed it against Xiao Yu: "Daddy, hold me!"
Xiao Yu snorted, but held on steadily as Kenken stumbled. His fingertips brushed the cloud patterns on the golden pot, helpless yet doting. Chuntao smiled beside him and whispered to the little maid, "Did you see that? His Highness was secretly jealous just now, but now he's more nervous about the young master than anyone else."
As he was speaking, the old housekeeper hurried in on crutches, the letter in his hand still stained with ink. "Madam, the toy shop on West Street has delivered the 'fart cushion' you ordered. They say it's an improved version. It makes three sounds when you press it, and it also has the scent of osmanthus."
Shen Weiwan's eyes lit up, and she took the letter and unfolded it: "Great! This is a good opportunity to trick his uncle. Last time, he said my son was unruly. If he sits on this cushion, I'm sure he'll be embarrassed in public."
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